Author's Note: This is the conversation that I want to see, between Lupin and Snape, after reading Order of the Phoenix

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The Essential Qualifications

Lupin woke with a start. He'd dozed off in the chair in Dumbledore's office. How late was it? He looked at the clock. Late, very late, it'd be dawn in a few hours. This was taking too long.

He stretched, stood up, and looked around the room for the hundredth time, but everything was still. The figures in the portraits were all asleep. Fawke's perch was empty, he was with his master tonight - pity, Lupin would have liked the company.

And then he saw it - the flicker in the center of the room, that must be what had awakened him. A tiny light, blinking, expanding, and then a black figure materialized in the room, doubled over, clutching a rusty old teapot - the Portkey. Lupin jumped forward. Snape's knees were buckling, and Lupin was only just able to catch him in time to keep him from crashing to the floor.

Snape's face was inches from his, it was pale, drawn, lined with dirt. "What are you doing here?" Snape spat. "Where's Dumbledore?" He tried to push Lupin away, but started to fall again. Lupin caught him.

"Dumbledore had to take care of something that came up suddenly. He sent me here to wait for you. He'll get here when he can." Lupin spoke quietly, keeping his voice gentle, as he pulled Snape's arm over his shoulders, and half-carried him toward what appeared to be a blank wall, until a doorway shimmered into existence.

Through it was a small room, just large enough for a cot, a table beyond it, and a stone fireplace where a log burst into flames as they entered. Snape lunged across the room to the table, which held a shallow stone bowl. His hands gripped its sides, then he feverishly put his wand to his temple, drawing out long, silvery strands of memory, and dumping them in the bowl, which began to smoke and boil. Lupin forced himself to stand back, so that he couldn't see, much as he wanted to.

Then Snape's hand fell limply to his side, the wand clattering to the floor, and he began to collapse again, but Lupin caught him, and got him onto the cot, shoulders first, then his legs, and then straightening his robes around him.

"Dumbledore made a potion for you," Lupin said, as he ladled liquid into a mug from a cauldron that hung over the fire. Snape reached out a hand to take the mug, but was shaking too much to hold it, so Lupin supported his shoulders and held the mug to his lips while he swallowed. He could feel the anger in Snape's body. He resents me fiercely, Lupin thought, but he's too weak to fight me. Snape pushed the mug away with his hand, and Lupin laid him back on the cot. Snape's breathing was fast and shallow.

Dumbledore had told him that Snape would be hurt, that he'd been forced to disappoint Voldemort, and that meant torture. What did he do to you? thought Lupin, as he looked at Snape's drawn face, his lank hair plastered against his skull with sweat, looking like an old man, instead of the comparatively young man he was. The Cruciatus Curse, at least, and that would be bad enough.

Snape's breathing began to slow to normal, and he closed his eyes. "You can go now," he said.

"Dumbledore told me to watch over you until he gets back," Lupin said as he put the mug back on the mantle. "There's more potion here, if you need it."

"Always keen to watch me suffer, aren't you," Snape murmured. His breathing was normal now.

"Never, Severus," Lupin said, settling himself down onto the floor by the cot, and leaning against the wall, near Snape's head.

"No, I suppose not," Snape said. "You just turned away in disgust and never said anything."

"Which I truly regret, Severus," Lupin said.

Snape did not answer. He lay still, breathing in and out, slowly and deeply, face tight.

"The floor is cold," he said, "You can wait in the other room."

"The floor is fine, I've been on worse," Lupin said. "Go to sleep."

Snape's mouth twitched. "Not for some time yet."

"I'm sorry. Will more of the potion help?"

"No."

"Let me know, then, if there's anything you need," Lupin said. But he won't tell me, he thought, he can't stand me seeing him like this.

He looked at the long form on the cot, robes filthy - were they outdoors when it happened? Snape’s face was grimed with dirt. I can do something about that, Lupin thought.

He stood up, and went to the table, where a pitcher of water stood next to the Pensieve, along with a pile of clean cloths. He poured a little water onto one of the cloths, then went back and knelt beside the cot. He gently drew Snape's hair aside, and rubbed the damp cloth along his forehead. Snape's face contorted, and Lupin braced himself for a sharp remark, but nothing came. Lupin worked the cloth from Snape's forehead down to his cheeks, but the lines there did not come off, and a dark red stain appeared on the cloth. Blood?

"Severus, are you wounded?" Lupin asked.

"No, there won't be any wounds." Snape’s brow furrowed. "I remember clawing at my face, that's all. There should be nothing else." He raised his hand, fingers extended, and Lupin could see the same dark red under his fingernails. At least he could spare Snape a full body examination, which neither of them would enjoy.

"Hang on." Lupin stood up and brought down a pot from the mantle, and began to rub salve into the scratches on Snape's face.

"A pity Black couldn't see me like this," Snape said, his voice stronger. "How he would have enjoyed it."

Where did that come from? thought Lupin. The potion must be affecting him. "No, he wouldn't, Severus," he said, continuing along Snape's face.

"Oh, yes, he would," Snape said, gesturing weakly with one arm, "I can see his face now, hear his voice . . ." He trailed off. "But he is not here, he is dead." Snape's hand fell back to the cot. "So I have you here, instead, pity dripping from every word that comes out of your mouth." Snape closed his eyes. "Pity is the most I can ever hope for."

Lupin put the top back on the pot, and placed it on the mantle. "I feel more than pity for you, Severus. I am in awe."

"Oh, yes, I am indeed awe-inspiring." Snape pointed at the Pensieve. "Take a look in there, look at me groveling on my belly, screaming, that'll cure you of any awe. Black would have been delighted with it."

"No, Severus, he would not. Any more than I would."

Snape did not answer.

Lupin settled himself back against the wall. "It's that childhood dream, isn't it? You know, 'When they find out, they'll all be sorry.' Well, I've found out, and I am sorry, Severus. We were all wrong. I'm sorry that James and Sirius weren't able to live so that they could tell you so themselves.

"Black made his thoughts very plain."

"Sirius was in Azkaban for twelve years. It affected him deeply, it was not something he was going to shrug off in a year or two. But, given time, I know he would have seen things differently." Lupin’s voice trembled, and he closed his eyes for a moment, thinking of Sirius.

Snape was silent.

"And how long have you been imprisoned, Severus, and how many years before you are free?" Lupin wished he hadn't said those words as soon as they were out of his mouth. I'm more tired than I thought.

Snape didn't react, his face stayed blank. Maybe he won't answer. He doesn't have to answer.

And then Snape said, "As many years as it takes. Until He is dead, or I am." Was there satisfaction there, in his voice?

I shouldn't do this, thought Lupin, but he went on anyway, "You hate him, don't you. Does he know?"

Snape nodded, slowly. "Oh yes, he knows I hate him. And he despises me." Snape smiled, it was an ugly smile. "But it doesn't matter to him, as long as he thinks I hate all of you more, and want to use him against you. He understands that, a weakling, clinging to strength. And he understands hatred." He sighed. "So I am his dog, or so he thinks. Often, I am a very stupid dog, and fail to give him vital information, and stupid dogs must be punished."

Lupin stifled the impulse to glance at the Pensieve - oh, what I would give to see what's in there now, to see Voldemort, as you see him. Instead, he looked at Snape's prone form on the cot.

Snape turned his head and looked into his eyes. "And is that pity I see? As I said, pity is the most I can hope for."

"You can hope for far more than that from me, Severus."

"Can I? Are you going to be my friend, Lupin, are we going to 'hang out' as the students say, are we going to meet for tea and discuss the Quiddich matches? Do not pretend you like me, Lupin. I have your respect, I know, which is more than I had before. But you do not like me. None of the team likes me. I can hear the sighs of relief when I decline to stay for meals."

Lupin looked down at his shoes. He's right. We are relieved.

"And I do not blame you," Snape said, "I am a dark wizard, you deal with me because you are forced to, but you are right to want me gone."

"You are not a dark wizard. You have chosen the light, you are fighting the dark."

"You speak of actions and choices. I am speaking of my own nature." Snape closed his eyes. "I am not a good person, Lupin. I wish I were. I would give anything to belong among all you bright, shining people. But I do not."

"You're wrong, Severus -"

"Are you going to tell me I can be anything I wish to be, if I just try hard enough?" Snape’s mouth twisted into a sneer. "Don't be stupid."

"Severus - "

"Do you know why so many of us hate the Muggles and the Muggle-born, Lupin?" Snape’s sneer turned hard.

Lupin stared, his mouth open. Where did that come from? He's trying to disgust me, to make me leave him, he thought. I won't. And he asked, "Do you? Do you hate them?"

"Yes," Snape said, his voice a soft hiss.

Lupin waited.

"It's not because of that nonsense about purebloods being superior - oh, I suppose idiots like Malfoy think that, but that's not really what it is." Snape leaned back into the pillow, and looked up at the ceiling. "Our world is changing, Lupin. The wizards may think their world is separate from the Muggle world, but it isn't, not any more, and the Muggle ways are taking over. The Muggles have caught up with us, with their technology; power that has nothing to do with the spirit or strength of will. Everywhere we look, Muggle influence has crept in. Look at you, you're not even wearing proper robes anymore."

Lupin looked down at his trousers. "I'm out on the Muggle streets these days. If I were back at Hogwarts, I'd be in robes."

"I wouldn't know how to walk down a Muggle street and blend in. I don't even recognize so much of the wizard world these days." Snape looked at Lupin. "So you see, it's cowardice and ignorance that's at the heart of the Dark Lord's following. Those of us who cannot adapt, who try to hang onto the old ways."

"You're an intelligent man, Severus, and you are no coward," Lupin said, "You can learn. There are people who can teach you, if you'll let them."

Snape looked away. "This new world is a better one, I know. The half-bloods are stronger - you can tell the purebloods just by looking at us, how ugly we are, too much inbreeding." He gave his ugly smile again. "A better world, yes. But I do not see myself in it."

"What about Hogwarts? You can stay there."

Snape curled his lip. "Oh, yes, Hogwarts. Teaching potions to students who hate me." He said the word 'potions' as if it were something distasteful. "I am at Hogwarts so that the Dark Lord will think I am spying on Dumbledore. Otherwise, it would be me dancing attendance on Him, instead of your old friend Pettigrew."

"It won't be so bad at Hogwarts, when this is all over, and you don't have to play this part anymore - "

"You think this is an act?" Snape paused. "A little, perhaps - I certainly owe poor Longbottom an apology. But this is my own nature, Lupin, you know that."

Time to change the subject, Lupin thought, this is a level of depression and self-loathing that I can't deal with in one night. He took a deep breath, and said, gently, "Don't you have some dream, some hope, that keeps you going, something to look forward to when it's all over?" If we survive, he thought.

The ugly smile flickered on Snape's face. "You want to know what keeps me going?" Uh oh, thought Lupin, bad question.

Snape's eyes were open, and something glinted in their black depths. "When I first realized what He was, and what a hopeless situation I was in, I decided to kill myself." He stretched back into the cot. "There is a mountain, near my home, and I thought I would Apparate into the heart of it - I thought, it would be quick and painless, no one would ever know, and there'd be nothing left for anyone to find.

Snape paused, and for a moment, he seemed almost peaceful. "I was there, I was about go through with it, and then I thought, no, I have things I need to do first. I can keep going, just a little longer. So I went to Dumbledore, to tell him everything, thinking that afterwards, I'd be free, to go through with it. But Dumbledore convinced me to turn informer, and so there was more that I needed to do." He closed his eyes. "There are still times, when I think, I cannot bear this anymore, I will do it, and then I think, no, there are still things that only I can do, and I can keep going, just a little longer."

Lupin stared at him. I can't think of anything to say.

Snape smiled at him, the ugly smile. "Oh, don't worry, Lupin, I couldn't possibly leave now, I want to see how it all turns out."

"When this is over, Severus, you will be free and there will be a place for you."

"Will there?" Snape said, "Don't tell me you'll miss me, Lupin."

"I'll miss the man I'm talking with now." Lupin leaned over the cot, his face only inches away from Snape's. "Who I am 'hanging out' with now, by the way. Shall we discuss the Quiddich matches? I don't have any tea, but I can make some, I could use a cup." He stood up. "Do you want some, or will that interfere with your potion?"

Snape stared at him as if he'd gone mad. Perhaps I have, thought Lupin. "Water would be better, I think," Snape said.

Lupin took a kettle from the mantle and poured water into it from the pitcher on the table. He added tea leaves from another box, then tapped the kettle with his wand until steam came from the spout. He poured a cup of tea, and then a glass of water from the pitcher, and brought both over to the cot. Snape was able to hold the glass himself now, rising up on one elbow on the cot to drink.

Lupin sat by the cot and blew on the tea to cool it. "I haven't actually been paying attention to the Quiddich matches, with everything else going on. But I suspect Quiddich isn't your favorite topic, anyway."

"No, I never cared for it much. And wasn't good at it."

"Me, either. I'd always start daydreaming, and then I'd miss the quaffle, or a bludger would get me. I was a great disappointment to - " He stopped himself.

"Go on and say it," Snape said, coolly, "to Potter."

Lupin looked into his teacup, marshalling his thoughts. "I won't try to tell you that you were wrong about James, I know you never saw the side of him that I knew."

Snape stared at him, and Lupin went on. "James was wrong. I loved him as if he were my own brother, but he was wrong, what he did to you. I knew it, back then, but I couldn't bring myself to stop him, to stop both of them."

Snape was still staring at him. Then he lay back onto the cot, and looked away. "No, Lupin, he was not wrong. He was absolutely right to hate me. I turned to the Dark Lord of my own free will. I was not one of the ones who was coerced or controlled, and James knew it was in me to do so."

"Only for a time. And you were young, weren't you."

A pause. And then Snape said, "I met him when I was still at Hogwarts – in the summer, when I was sixteen. The Dark Lord recruited older students in Slytherin first, and they brought us younger ones to Him."

Lupin sat absolutely still. He could hear his own heart beating over the crackling of the fire in the grate.

"He was the first person I'd ever met," Snape went on, "who ever made me feel as if I were worth while. Who found me pleasing." Snape’s eyes closed, and something trembled, for just a moment, across his face.

Then he went still. "That's what he meant, to all of us, the ones who became his true followers. Power was part of it, and he did promise me power, so that no one could ever hurt me again." Snape took a deep breath. "And there were some for whom power was enough."

"Like Lucius," Lupin said.

Snape shook his head. "No. I saw sides of Lucius that you never did. I know about all of them, the broken, miserable children of Slytherin House. I know why they turned to the Dark Lord, whether they knew what he was or not - and most of us did not know at first what he really was. There are some of them who still love him, as much as they are capable of love. He can torture them, revile them, and they'll never turn away from him. And he feels nothing for them but contempt."

"But you did turn away, when you were still young. I know you did, because I know you were sending Dumbledore information while we were still in our teens. I didn't know it was you then, but I do now."

"The Dark Lord's plans sickened me, when I realized what they really were - many of us were sickened by them, but he convinced most that this was their own weakness. But the signs had been there, all along. And there was enough darkness, enough hatred in me, for me to embrace it."

"So you see," Snape said, turning away and facing the wall, "James was right about me. He saw the darkness inside me. Yes, I did long for the light, but he knew it wasn't in me. I am a dark wizard, I am driven by hatred. I have no love in me. I have only purpose. I am every bit the contemptible worm he considered me to be."

"Dumbledore wouldn't have you here, if this were true. And I know you love Dumbledore, so don't tell me you are incapable of love."

"Dumbledore is a saint. If the Dark Lord himself came to him, in repentance, Dumbledore would give him a second chance."

"If the Dark Lord truly repented, Dumbledore would be right to do so."

"You're as bad as he is."

Lupin squatted by the cot so he could see Snape's face. "Dumbledore always says it is our choices that make us what we are. You made a mistake, and I think I, and James, and Sirius, have to bear some of the responsibility for that mistake, because you wanted what we had, and we drove you away. And in the end, you have made the right choice. If James had lived, if he were here today, I know he'd say the same thing. And so would Sirius, if he hadn't been in Azkaban all those years. If they'd each had a chance to grow up, the way you and I have."

"I think Harry speaks for James very well, and you know what Harry thinks of me."

"Harry was furious with Sirius and me about that memory he saw in the Pensieve. He defended you."

"Ah, so he was sorry for me, was he? I don't think he's sorry anymore."

"Harry is fifteen! And you've gone out of your way to make him hate you. Harry isn't his father, Severus. I know he's the image of James, but inside, he's very different, he's more like Lily. Look at his eyes, sometime. I know you avoid his eyes."

"Lily thought I was a worm, too. She just wasn't cruel to worms."

"I don't think she'd agree with you, if she were here, now."

"She is not here now. None of them are here, now."

"Only you and I, Severus. All my old friends are gone." Lupin caught his breath as he said that, and felt a deep pain well inside him, for a moment.

Snape turned onto his shoulder and looked at him. "Life has not been kind to you, either, Lupin. And yet, you have survived, in spirit."

"I've had many good things in my life. Many good people."

"And many not so good. I have been as quick to persecute you as any."

"Because I am a werewolf. I can't blame you. Most werewolves are very bad." Lupin took a deep breath, and then managed a twisted grin. "I actually tried running with a pack once - one of the more decent ones, who don't kill. There's something about running with a pack that calms the madness. We still have to become wolves during the full moon, and we still have to hunt, but we can keep more of our minds, and we can be satisfied with hunting animals, we don't have to kill people. I hoped that I could find a place there." He looked down at the floor, then back up again. "But it didn't work out. The constant battles for dominance - I tried to stay out of them, but you aren't allowed to. And I hate hunting - just the thought of those hunts makes me want to turn vegetarian."

"Sounds like a typical gathering of dark wizards."

Lupin looked at him. "Was that a joke I just heard?"

"Dark wizards don't joke, Lupin, we don't have a sense of humor. We have to make do with sarcasm."

"Sounds like two jokes in a row, to me." Lupin smiled, "We're quite a pair, you know. I make a very bad werewolf, and you make a very bad dark wizard." He leaned up against the cot and looked down at Snape's face. "We lack too many of the essential qualifications, and we are both too soft hearted."

"Soft headed, perhaps, in your case," Snape said, looking back up at him with narrowed eyes.

"So," Lupin stretched back against the wall, "See how much we have in common."

"Practically brothers," Snape said. "You are talking like an idiot."

"I'm tired. I've been up most of the night, waiting for an injured friend to get here."

Snape didn't answer. Lupin tried to look over at his face, but he had turned away. Then Snape said, "I think we should both try to sleep, Remus. I think I can, now."

And they were both silent after that. Lupin listened; Snape's breathing became slower, and softer. Either he's faking it - and if anyone can, he can - or he's really asleep, Lupin thought.

He sat beside the cot, listening to Snape's quiet breathing. Soon, dawn light began to creep across the floor in the next room. It had gone a quarter of the way when there was a quiet rustling, and Dumbledore stepped through the doorway. "How is he?" he asked.

Lupin stretched, and stood up stiffly. "I don't know. If he were a normal person, I'd say he was in a bad way." He looked at Dumbledore. "He is in a bad way, isn't he?"

Dumbledore looked down at Snape's still form on the cot. "I don't know how he has managed to endure, all these years."

"And look what it has done to him. He's done enough, hasn't he? Can't he stop? Go into hiding?"

"No, no hiding, I learned that mistake with Sirius. Besides, he wouldn't allow it. And we do need him, only he can do this. He takes great pride in that, you know."

"He said, all he has is purpose. That's not enough."

Dumbledore smiled sadly. "Perhaps we can help him find more, then. Did you talk at all tonight?"

Lupin nodded. "That's what you wanted, wasn't it, leaving me here, feeding him that potion. Yes, we talked. I have never seen anyone who works so hard at driving people away from him."

"He has been hurt by people, all his life."

"I know that. I've been one of them."

"Remus, I must ask you. Tonight was one thing, but if you continue with him as you did tonight, you must be prepared to stay with him. He has been hurt so much, and he has such a terrible burden to carry."

Lupin took a deep breath. "I will do my best not to hurt him, anymore. And I can handle his snarling, he won't drive me away." Lupin smiled. "We were close tonight. How he'll feel in the morning about it, I can't say. I expect he's not going to be happy, he exposed quite a bit of himself to me. And whether we'll ever talk again the way we did tonight," he shrugged, "unless I'm around him again when he's been tortured and drugged."

Dumbledore nodded, "I am sorry to say, that could very well happen. We'll just have to see." He smiled. "Now, you also need rest. I've reversed the spell on the green disk you brought, it'll take you back home."

"Oh, the Frisbee, thanks." Lupin smiled, and as he turned to leave the room, he said, "Let me know how he is, when he wakes."

Dumbledore nodded. "I will. Now go on, don't worry, I'll stay with him."

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It would be full moon tonight, and it was almost sunset. Lupin already felt the sickness on him, as he sat in the kitchen, in Sirius's old house, the cup of tea beside him on the table already gone cold. There was a room upstairs that they'd prepared for him, lined with metal bars, with a door that human fingers could open, but wolf paws could not. He didn't have much time left. Another half hour, he thought, and I'll go up.

The doorbell rang. Out of habit, he winced, but no, Dumbledore removed the old lady's portrait last week, the house was silent. Just the sound of the door opening, and Minerva McGonigall's voice calling out, "Remus, where are you?"

"In the kitchen, Minerva," he called back. He heard her walk down the hall, and then she came through the door into the kitchen, where she dropped a large bag onto the table. She wore Muggle clothes; there was nothing wrong with them, but he could never get used to seeing her in them. Snape was right, he thought, Muggle ways are creeping in everywhere.

"Good," she said, taking off her coat, "I caught you in time. Dumbledore's called an emergency meeting tonight, you'll need to be here."

"Minerva," he said, quietly, "I won't be--"

"Yes, you will," she said, reaching into the bag, "Courtesy of Severus," and she handed him a large, sealed jar. "You'll be in wolf form, of course, but you can still listen."

He stared at the jar in his hands, then looked back at her. She nodded, "He told me to tell you he still thinks you're soft-headed. Is there some significance to that?"

He smiled. "Yes, there is. I'll have to thank him." She looked at him, and he grinned, "It's all right, Minerva, it's a joke between us." She still looked doubtful, but turned back to her bag.

Lupin looked again at the jar in his hands. I may be soft-headed, my friend, he thought, but you're more soft-hearted than you know.

Acknowledgements: Special thanks to Michelle, who heard the genesis of this and laughed in the right places, and Patti, who was my beta reader, and pointed out some things that didn't work.

Author's Note: Essential Qualifications was supposed to be a one shot, but, thanks to the response, this one sprang into my head. It took some strange turns on me. I thought it was going to be light and funny - and it does get too cute in the middle - but these two guys tend to take over and go their own way.

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Moonrise

Snape sealed the lid on the small cauldron he’d been fussing over for the last few hours. Steam rose around the edges. He glanced at the clock - less than an hour before sunset, but moonrise was later on tonight, so there was still plenty of time.

He carried the cauldron by its handle over to the fireplace. He took a pinch of powder from a jar on the mantle and threw it into the grate. It exploded into colored flames. He spoke a few words and leaned his head into the fire. A mist of dancing colors, and then he saw Lupin, standing in front of him.

"I’ve got it ready," Snape said, "I’ll bring it over now."

Lupin smiled. "Yes, please do."

Snape gripped the cauldron handle, stepped forward, and found himself in a small living room. Lupin was covering the sofa in what looked like an old sheet. He tucked in the last corner, then stood up. "Thank you, Severus," he said, taking the cauldron.

Snape nodded, and looked around the room. "This was your parents’ house?" he said.

"Yes," Lupin said, "I was born in this house."

What furniture there was in the room looked old, but carefully taken care of. There were no ornaments or bric-a-brac of any kind; either Lupin’s family had been unusually spartan, or, more likely, Snape thought, anything that was not necessary, and had any worth, had been sold.

"I’ll just take this into the kitchen," Lupin said, carrying the cauldron through a doorway. Snape followed. The kitchen was like the living room, clean and bare.

Lupin set the cauldron on a table, took down a mug from a cupboard, a ladle from a drawer, and carefully filled the mug from the cauldron, placing the lid back firmly when the mug was full. Then he took a deep breath, and downed the entire mug in one gulp. He shook his head, face twisted up. "Could use a butterbeer, now," he gasped, "Hang on, I’ll get two, they’re in the basement."

He opened a door, said "Lumos" and walked through. Snape followed him down a flight of stairs, which led to a small room, smaller than it ought to be, given the size of the house. But no, there was a door in one wall, slightly ajar. Lupin went to a large cold storage preserver in the corner, and as Snape followed him, he glanced through the door.

The bare room contained only a metal cage, large enough for a man to stand in, or to lie on the floor. The bars were very thick, and close together, and the whole structure was riveted to a metal plate on the floor. It looked strong enough to hold a small dragon. There were brown stains on the walls around the room, layer upon layer of them.

"That’s why I’ll never sell this house," he heard Lupin’s soft voice behind him. "I’ll always have a place I can go, during the full moon." He smiled. "Your potion is such a blessing, Severus."

He handed Snape a bottle of butterbeer, and walked up the stairs. Snape looked at the room again, at the cage, then carefully closed the door, and followed him back into the bright kitchen.

They sat at the table, popped the top off the bottles, and drank, Lupin swilling the liquid around in his mouth to wash the taste of the potion away. Snape watched him. Every year, Lupin looked thinner, and his face seemed to gain another line, and there were more grey hairs among the brown. How was he living? Snape felt a pang of guilt there, Lupin had had a good place at Hogwarts, probably for the first time in years, possibly the only time in his adult life. Snape grimaced, and took a deep breath.

"I owe you an apology, Lupin," he said, speaking stiffly; the words were hard to say.

"What for?" Lupin said, swallowing his beer.

"For getting you fired," Snape said, "from Hogwarts."

"No," Lupin shook his head, "I’d already resigned. You were right, it was too dangerous for me to be there." He gave a wry smile. "Besides, you thought I was a follower of Vo- of You Know Who." Lupin took another swig of beer. "And I thought you were. How wrong we both were."

Lupin swallowed the last of his butterbeer, and looked at the bottle regretfully. He wants another, thought Snape, but is there any more downstairs? He’s probably carefully nursing his supply, and here I am, drinking one of them. Snape finished his own bottle quickly.

"If you wished to return to Hogwarts," Snape said, "I would support you. Dumbledore would accept you back, so would all the other teachers. You are no danger, as long as you take the Wolfsbane potion."

Lupin shook his head. "It didn’t work last time. And yes--" he said, as Snape moved to speak, "that was quite a distraction, that day, but distractions like that seem to come up all the time now. I won’t risk it."

He looked down. "That’s my greatest nightmare, that I’ll lose control one night, or break out of the cage, or not make it inside in time, and I’ll kill someone. Even to pass this curse on to someone else would be too terrible to bear." He looked at Snape. "You know, the poor sod who got me, he’d only been bitten himself a few weeks before. He was a Muggle, so he didn’t know it was a werewolf bite, he’d been getting treatments for rabies." Lupin looked down again. "Mum got him with a shotgun full of silver pellets. Mum was a Muggle, but she was no pushover." Lupin looked wistful.

And then he looked out the kitchen window. "Sunset," he said. "Moonrise soon to follow."

"I’d better be getting back," Snape said, rising from the chair. They both returned to the living room.

"Thanks for coming by," Lupin said, as Snape carefully took as small an amount of the floo powder as he could.

"Thank you for the butterbeer," Snape said, then dropped the powder into the fireplace, and said, "Hogwarts, dungeon level--"

He was interrupted by a small explosion, and a banner appeared in front of him that said, "Floo Network temporarily out of service. Estimated repair time unknown. We apologize for any inconvenience."

Lupin looked chagrined. "Sorry about that. The service has been going out here a lot lately, they’ve been doing work on it. But you can just Apparate to Hogsmeade and walk from there."

"No," Snape said, stepping out of the fireplace, "the school gates close at sunset during the summer. I’ll be locked out. I am stuck here until the network is up again, or the gates open in the morning."

Lupin looked pained. "It could be all night, Severus. I’m sorry."

Snape stared viciously at the offending banner. "It’s not your fault," he said, grudgingly.

Lupin paused, and then said softly, "I’ll go in the cage."

"What?" Snape said, turning to look at him.

"It’s all right, I’ll go in the cage tonight. You don’t have to worry."

"What in blazes are you talking about?"

Lupin took a deep breath. "I nearly killed you, twenty years ago. You’re extremely lucky you don’t have to fix that potion for yourself. You can’t want to be around the wolf that attacked you, all those years ago." He straightened up. "So I’ll go into the cage. I’ll shut the basement door, you can stay up here and wait for the network to reconnect. You can sleep in the bedroom if you get tired." He took a step towards the kitchen.

"Lupin," Snape said, "Get back here. Don’t be an idiot."

Lupin turned. "You’re sure?"

"You’re not going to express any latent anger, are you? Chase the postman? Rip up the furniture?"

"No," Lupin said, but his face looked troubled.

"Then there is no problem," Snape said, "Is there?"

Lupin looked down at the floor. "It’s just--" Lupin said, "It’s just that, well, I--"

"What?" said Snape.

"I get very doggy," Lupin said. "I keep my own mind, of course, but the body does take over, somewhat."

"Doggy?"

"I might, you know, try to lick your hand, or something like that."

"I think that is a situation I can handle, should it arise."

Lupin nodded. "All right then." He thought for a moment. "I don’t really have much in the way for you to eat, the pantry is pretty bare. But there’s a directory on the mantle, you can order something if you’re hungry. There’s some money in the jar next to it."

"What about you?"

"Don’t bother about getting something for me. In wolf form, I can eat just about anything. . ."

Snape stared at him. "Please don’t tell me you pour out a bowl of kibble."

Lupin flushed. "It’s almost moonrise, I’ve got a few things left to do." Like pour out your dinner, Snape thought, feeling ill.

"I don’t know how long the network will be down," Lupin went on, "but if it’s all night, you can sleep in the bedroom. I sleep out on the sofa when I’m in wolf form." Snape looked at him questioningly, and Lupin added, shrugging, "I get hair all over the bed, otherwise. I just put a sheet on the sofa, it’s easier." He looked out the window. "It’s about ten minutes, before the change happens, if you want to see."

"I don’t have to see it," Snape said, "not if you don’t want me to."

"It’s all right," Lupin said, "I actually feel better, knowing someone’s there. I usually do it here, in the living room, since I sleep here."

Lupin went down a hallway at the other end of the living room. Snape got the directory from the mantle and flipped through it. A Chinese place looked likely; the paper around the ad was more worn than the rest, at least. He pressed his finger at the top of the ad, then tapped out an order, a big one. A little banner appeared, thanking him for the order, listing the total, and saying it would be ready within half an hour.

He went into the kitchen and opened a window for the owl that would be bringing the delivery. He had to look around before he found the bowl of kibble, along with a bowl of water. They were pushed back in a corner, and the pantry door pulled open to hide them.

He walked back into the living room. Lupin was coming back down the hallway, probably from the bathroom, he was pulling off his shirt. Snape sucked in his breath. Lupin’s body was covered with scars. Werewolves heal very quickly, Snape remembered from his lore. Old scars would be gone by now, otherwise, Lupin’s body would be one great mass of scar tissue. These must be from the last few months. Snape thought of the cage in the basement, the brown stains on the walls.

Lupin smiled ruefully. "I wish I could magic my clothes into my transformation the way an Animagus can." He looked out the window. "It’s time now." And with an odd look - of shame? Snape thought - he pulled off the rest of his clothes, folding them carefully and placing them on the floor in the corner. Then he stood naked, his back to him.

Then Lupin crouched down on the floor. His muscles writhed like snakes under his skin, and his body began to change - torso growing longer and leaner, legs and arms changing, face growing longer, and then grey hair sprouting all over. Lupin made animal whimpering noises that grew deeper and deeper. How long did it take - was it seconds, or minutes? And then the form was still, and what crouched on the floor was no longer a man, but an enormous, grey wolf. Merlin, thought Snape, he’s as big as a pony.

The wolf stared down at the floor, eyes half shut, as if the change had exhausted him. Then the big head came up, and looked at Snape with Lupin’s brown eyes. Snape started, involuntarily, and the wolf’s eyes looked down quickly. I’ve made him feel ashamed, Snape thought. "I’ll be in the kitchen," he said, and retreated.

A pair of owls sat on the kitchen table, next to a pile of paper cartons - ah, dinner was here. He paid the owls out of his own purse - as if I’d touch your money, Lupin - and closed the window behind them after they flew away. He opened the cartons one by one. A few moments for the scent to waft into the next room, and he’ll be up and in here, Snape thought. Kibble indeed.

And sure enough, Snape was opening the last carton when a huge, grey head peeked around the doorway. Doggy, are we? thought Snape. Now we’ll see which is stronger, the man’s pride, or the wolf’s hunger?

He picked up an eggroll - and yes, didn’t our eyes get wide for that. Evil dark wizard tortures innocent wolf with Chinese eggroll. He tossed it into the air towards Lupin. He could see the debate in those brown eyes - catch it, let it fall, catch it, let it fall, and then the great jaws snapped, chewed and swallowed. The wolf’s face looked sheepish, but the eyes pleaded, "More?"

"I don’t suppose you can eat at the table," Snape said. The wolf’s head gave a small shake, No.

Probably can’t manage the chairs, Snape thought, and I’m not going to make him eat on the floor. He got two plates, a glass, and, after a moment’s thought, a bowl from the cupboard. He filled glass and bowl with water from the sink, and carried them out to the living room, putting them on a table in easy reach of the sofa. He went back to the kitchen, loaded the plates with food, and carried them out as well. He sat on the sofa, holding a plate in one hand, and placed the second plate beside him on the sheet. "Will that do?" he asked Lupin.

Lupin gave a happy bark, and climbed up onto the sofa, careful not to knock over the plate of food, and began to eat, daintily. He’s hungry, Snape thought, as he took a bite himself, he wants to gobble it down, but he’s forcing himself to be civilized. Have you been starving yourself in human form, waiting to fill up on cheap dogfood as a wolf?

As slowly and carefully as Lupin ate, including delicately licking the plate clean, he still finished first. He watched Snape as he continued with his meal, staring intently at every morsel Snape put in his mouth. Snape frowned. Oh well, he thought, I’m about full anyway, and he picked up a chunk of pork and tossed it at Lupin. Lupin snapped his head, expertly, and it was gone. All right, then, thought Snape, and he picked up another piece, we’ll make this a little harder, and he flicked it high in the air. Lupin reared up on his hind legs and caught it. His tail wagged, and his wolf mouth smiled.

Bit by bit, Snape emptied his plate, and Lupin chased after every piece, joyously leaping up in the air, or bounding across the room, as Snape threw the pieces farther, and to different spots. Lupin’s wolf reflexes were lightning quick, and nothing hit the floor. He’s enjoying this, Snape thought. I think I am, also.

After the last morsel had vanished into the enormous jaws, Snape carried the dirty dishes to the kitchen, set them washing themselves in the sink, and threw the empty cartons in the trash. Everything in order, he returned to the sofa in the living room.

Lupin was not there, but Snape heard the padding of feet coming back from the hall, and Lupin appeared in the room. He had a very sheepish, almost pleading expression on his face, and he gave a hesitant wag of his tail. What now? wondered Snape. Lupin approached him slowly, and then he dropped a red, rubber ball in Snape’s lap, and looked at him with his big brown eyes.

"You have got to be joking," Snape said. Lupin’s eyes grew even bigger, and he butted his nose under Snape’s hand. Snape closed his eyes. "All right," he said. "I presume this is to be done outside?"

Lupin barked joyfully, tail wagging, and he ran through the kitchen to the back door. Snape followed, rolling his eyes. He opened the back door, and Lupin bounded outside, and rolled on the grass. "Lumos," Snape commanded, and the yard became dimly lit. The backyard was just a patch of not very well kept grass surrounded by a high wooden fence, but the air was cool, the sky was bright with stars, and the full moon glowed in the sky.

Lupin barked, jumping up and down. He probably hasn’t had anyone throw a ball for him in years, Snape thought. He threw the ball, and Lupin caught it in mid air, and trotted back to Snape with the ball in his jaws. Snape held out his hand, and Lupin looked coyly at him, still holding the ball. "Oh no," Snape said, in his sternest, schoolmaster tone, "I am not going to chase you for it. Give it here."

Lupin gave a contrite whine and dropped the ball in Snape’s hand, then darted back to the middle of the yard. Snape threw it again, harder this time, and Lupin shot after the ball, chasing it down into a corner of the yard. He makes a very handsome wolf, Snape thought. It was a pretty sight, watching him leap and run, and then come back, head and tail carried elegantly high. Lupin dropped the ball in his hand again.

I think my arm is going to give out before he does, Snape thought.

-
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-

The annoying banner still hung in the fireplace, but it wasn’t that late yet. Snape sat on one end of the sofa, reading a book he’d found. Lupin lay on the rest of the sofa, curled up, eyes half open, but the lids were drooping shut, and eventually his breathing became slow and deep. Snape continued with his book, occasionally glancing at the fireplace to see if the message had changed. He started as he felt something against his thigh, and looked down.

Lupin, still asleep, had stretched out onto his back, all four paws in the air, belly exposed, and nose practically in Snape’s lap. Merlin, Snape thought, rolling his eyes as he turned back to his book.

-
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-

Snape woke softly. Time to get up, time to wash, and dress, and go down to breakfast, and prepare for classes. No, wait, he thought, it’s summer, no classes now. He felt odd, something wasn’t right, it didn’t feel like his bed, and the blankets were heavy on his chest. And he was sleeping half sitting up.

Then he remembered where he was, and opened his eyes. He was still on Lupin’s sofa, his head pressed against the side. He tried to stretch, but something heavy was holding him down. With a feeling of foreboding, he looked down at his chest, and there was the massive, grey wolf’s head, just under his chin, and as much of the rest of the wolf as would fit in his lap. Snape’s own arms were wrapped around the warm wolf neck and shoulders, fingers deep in the soft fur. He pulled his arms quickly away, and then tried to wriggle out from under, but he was firmly pinned down. Lupin whimpered, and snuggled closer to Snape’s chest.

Snape rolled his eyes up to the ceiling, then back down again. "You are going to be extremely embarrassed when you wake up," he told the sleeping Lupin, but Lupin showed no sign of waking. If I fall asleep again, Snape thought, I’ll probably wake up and find myself rubbing his belly. And another voice in his head said, it’s all right, he’s just a big dog now, and his fur is very soft. Snape pulled his arms to his sides, and slid his hands behind him. I’ll just have to stay awake, he thought.

And dawn did come, finally. Snape felt a tremor run through the wolf’s body against his chest, and he watched as wolf turned to man. It was a much easier change than man to wolf. Is it because he rejects the wolf so much? Snape wondered. Just a gentle shimmering of his outline, and the grey wolf melted into the brown-haired man.

Of course, now I have a naked man in my lap, Snape thought. Can I slide out now, without him knowing? But Lupin began to stir. Better pretend to be asleep, Snape thought, and sank his head back into the sofa, closing his eyes almost all the way.

Lupin stretched a little, opened his eyes, and froze, eyes wincing shut. Snape carefully kept his own breathing slow and shallow. I’m asleep, he thought, I’m asleep, I’m completely unaware of anything that happened here. Won’t remember a thing.

Lupin carefully took his weight off of Snape’s body, pulling back onto his legs, and then he stepped very deliberately off the sofa. He picked up underwear, then trousers from the floor and slid them on, quietly. "It’s all right, Severus, you don’t have to pretend. I know you’re awake," he said. Something shook in his voice.

Snape was still for a moment, then he opened his eyes, and shifted uncomfortably to an upright position in the sofa. I should have Apparated out from under him, why didn’t I think of that?

Lupin squatted on the floor and reached for his shirt, then let his hand fall. For a moment, he sat motionless. And then he said, hoarsely, "I am so tired of being ‘poor Lupin.’"

Snape stared at Lupin’s face, but Lupin did not meet his eyes.

Lupin went on, "Everyone is so damned understanding. Poor Lupin, we all feel so sorry for him, the poor bastard. We really need to do something about him, but no one knows what. I don’t know what." He looked at Snape. "Even you feel sorry for me, Professor Snape. I must be truly pathetic." Lupin bowed his head against his chest, and whispered, "I hate living like this."

I need to say something, Snape thought, but I’m too tired, and I don’t know what to say. Lupin is the one who knows what to say in times like this.

Lupin sighed. "I’m sorry, I don’t mean to take this out on you, it’s not your fault, and here you are, trying to be kind." He raised his head. "I will be fine. I have my moments of despair, but this will pass, and I will be good old Lupin, again." He smiled crookedly.

Snape rubbed his eyes, sighed, and leaned against the side of the sofa. "Remus, I cannot remember, ever, in my adult life, a time when I have been invited into a normal home, shared a meal, and felt truly welcome. I could have done without sleeping on the sofa. Next time, I’ll take the bed, if there is a next time."

Lupin smiled a little, "This is hardly a normal home, Severus." And then he said, "It was the easiest night I have ever had, as a wolf, since I was a boy." He looked pained. "I’ll get rid of the ball, I’m sorry about that, I’d forgotten I still had that." Then he winced, "And what happened there," he nodded at the sofa. "When I’m in wolf form, I . . . A wolf is a social animal, and werewolf packs often curl up together. My wolf sees you as one of my pack."

"I am honored," Snape said. "And please keep the ball."

"Dad used to throw that ball for me, when I was small - I wasn’t a danger then, I wasn’t aggressive until I was older."

Wonderful, I remind him of his Dad, thought Snape. Could be worse, could have been his Mum.

But you did remind him of his Mum, he realized, that was here, on the sofa. He could picture it, a woman, holding her son in her lap, while he turned from human child, to wolf cub, to human child again. His pack, in early childhood.

And later, he had his pack at school. "Potter and Black," Snape said, "they were your pack alphas, weren’t they?" Because you aren’t an alpha, Lupin, Snape thought. Neither am I, to my everlasting frustration.

Lupin nodded. "That’s why they could keep me under control, when they ran with me during the full moon. I accepted their dominance and my beta position to them, although I didn’t understand that at the time. It made it nearly impossible for me to go against them, even when I should have." He looked straight at Snape’s face. "It’s not an excuse, I know."

"They were extremely alpha," Snape said, and then his eyes narrowed. "I hate alphas."

"I’ll never regret our friendship," Lupin said, "They showed me I could do things I never knew I could. They did so much for me, and I will miss them for the rest of my life. But teen-aged children can be very much like wolves, can’t they?"

Lupin took a deep breath, "Fortunately, most of them do grow up," he said as he stood up and pulled his shirt over his head. "Thank you, Severus. This has been quite an imposition on you, I know."

"Next time, we should stick to playing fetch."

"I’d like that."

"I could raid the Hogwarts kitchen, before I come. Which means the Ministry will ultimately pay for it. But that seems appropriate, don’t you think, given the amount of unpaid work you’ve been doing for them."

Lupin smiled. "You know how to raid the kitchens?"

"Every student at Hogwarts knows how to do that." A ghost of a smile crossed Snape’s face.

Lupin smiled and shook his head. "You do amaze me, Severus."

"I should hope so." Another hint of a smile, and then Snape stood up, and said, "I’ll be getting back now. You’ll be all right?"

"Yes," Lupin said, "Yes, I will. Thank you again."

Snape nodded, then stood very straight, and vanished, with no pop or bang, just a slight whisper of air.

-
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-


Snape appeared just outside the Hogwarts gates. I’m tired, he thought. I’m stiff, I slept all night on a sofa, in my clothes, and I’m covered in wolf hair. He looked down at the thatch of silver shining against his black robes. Annoyance blossomed and grew to anger in him. There, he thought, with satisfaction, I feel more like myself. He strode across the school grounds. Merlin help the early rising summer student he ran into, who’d give him an excuse to vent his anger.

"Ah, Severus," said a voice behind him, "You’re out and about early this morning."

Snape drew up with a start. He carefully collected himself before turning and replying, stiffly, "Headmaster." What on earth was he doing out here this time of the morning?

Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled. "And how is Lupin?"

What? How did he - oh, he sees the hair on my robes, Snape thought. And on my arms, too, he realized. He gave a pained sigh.

"He is fine, for now," he said, and then, quietly, "Something has got to be done for him."

Dumbledore nodded. "I’ve been discussing him with Arthur Weasley, to see if there’s any way to get him a job with the Ministry, since he’s been doing so much for the Order. Unfortunately, it has been difficult enough, with the Ministry forced to acknowledge Voldemort’s existence." Snape winced at the name. "Putting werewolves on the Ministry payroll isn’t going to happen anytime soon. And the Order, as you know, is voluntary, and has no funds."

"Can’t the Order arrange a salary anyway, and lie about where it came from?" I’d donate part of mine, Snape thought, I have food and shelter here.

"I had thought of that," Dumbledore said, "But Lupin is no fool, I think he’d discover it very quickly. And he has made it very plain that he will not accept charity."

Snape was quiet for a moment. "We place such value on the wrong things. What he gives, of himself, is more precious than gold, and yet anyone can take it freely."

Dumbledore nodded. "Fortunately, the heart is not like a pile of gold, to be spent until it’s gone."

Snape shook his head. "Mine was spent a long time ago. And it was not a large pile to begin with."

"I disagree, Severus," Dumbledore smiled, and he looked pointedly at the hair on Snape’s robes. Snape grimaced.

"And now," said Dumbledore, "Shall we walk back? You’ll probably want to wash and change before breakfast. I, myself, enjoy the idea of giving the other teachers and students something to speculate about, but I suspect you do not feel that way."

And together, they walked back to the school.

Author's Note: I'm going on the "Three Nights of Full Moon" schedule here, not just one night. Somehow, I picked up that that's the way the book might do it, but it may also come from all those old werewolf movies, where the poor guy had to suffer through multiple nights. My theory is that it's the amount of moonlight, and the nights just before and after give enough light to cause the change; and that's also why Lupin didn't change until the moon came out from behind the cloud.


-
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-

Minions

A great, round moon shone down on the lonely strip of beach, where black, glassy waves foamed up against pale sand. The sky was as black as the water, and white stars glittered like ice. A tall, menacing, black-robed figure stood at one end of the strand, casting a long, black shadow behind.

Further up the beach, dancing along the rim of the swirling waves, was an enormous, silver dog, or what looked like a dog. It raced up along the water line, sometimes jumping up in the air and snapping at a spray of sea foam, sometimes leaping into the water and bounding among the waves. It reached the end of the beach, then turned and streaked back, its long-legged shadow racing beside it on the sand. It pulled up just short of the dark figure, where it began to bark, and jump up and down.

The dark figure pulled something small and red from the recesses of its robes. The dog growled and shook its head. The dark figure froze, radiating annoyance.

"Lupin, you know I can't throw that Frisbee thing."

Lupin barked, then jumped on his front legs. Snape was still, but even from a distance, he gave the distinct impression of rolling his eyes up to the black sky. The hand returned to the robes, and hesitantly brought out a green disk. Lupin barked and jumped up in the air. Snape sighed, and then hurled the Frisbee. Which rose a miserable ten feet in the air, and would have come down almost at his feet if Lupin hadn't darted forward and caught it.

Lupin brought it over, wagging his tail and looking up encouragingly. Snape glared at him, but took the Frisbee. Lupin barked and danced back along the sand. Snape tried again. This time, the disk sailed a much more respectable distance, and Lupin chased after it, barking, leaping up in the air to catch it as it arced back to earth. He raced back to Snape, pulling up short at his feet. Over and over, Snape threw the Frisbee, and, while sometimes it went only a few feet, or even drove into the ground, more and more often, it soared gracefully further and further along the beach. Lupin raced after it each time, darting along the sands, an ethereal ghost creature in the moonlight. Snape was caught more than once by the beauty of the sight, silver wolf dashing along the white sand, his velvet black shadow running alongside him.

Eventually, Snape said, "This is the last time, my arm's giving out," as he took the Frisbee from Lupin. He threw it again, and Lupin shot after it, leaping up and catching it easily. Lupin stopped when he landed in the sand, and turned, Frisbee in his mouth, and looked at Snape, as if considering. Then a grin spread on his wolf face, and he dashed back towards Snape. It wasn't until the last minute that Snape realized Lupin wasn't going to stop. He stepped back, but it was too late, and at least sixteen stone of damp wolf struck him square in the chest, sending him over backwards in the sand.

He lay there, and looked up into Lupin's face. Lupin stood over him, still grinning, paws planted on either side of Snape's chest.

"I could just leave you here, you know," Snape growled. Lupin couldn't Apparate in wolf form; he couldn't work any magic in wolf form. Lupin whined contritely, and his eyes went big and sad, but he was still smiling. Then he stepped to one side, and flopped down into the sand next to Snape.

Together, they looked up at the stars overhead and listened to the waves as they swept onto the beach. The moon arced higher and higher in the sky. Snape glanced over at Lupin. Does he still fear the sight of the moon? he wondered. He could see no sign of fear in Lupin's eyes, and the wolf's side rose and fell in easy, contented breathing. Lupin moved closer against him, so that he could feel the warmth of the great wolf body through his robes. Strange, Snape thought, when he's human, we won't get within five feet of each other. But as a wolf, Lupin craved that physical closeness, and with Lupin as a wolf, Snape found he did not feel those taboos.

They lay there a long time, until the cold of sand and wind crept through the many layers of Snape's clothing, and he shivered. He sat up, sand cascading off his robes. "Time to get back," he said. Lupin stood up, on all fours, and shook himself vigorously, managing to spray Snape liberally with more sand. Snape glared at him, and Lupin looked chagrined, but his eyes were laughing. Snape put an arm around the big, shaggy neck, and, with a whisper of air, they vanished from the beach, and reappeared in the back yard of Lupin's home. Snape ran his wand over each of them, getting the worst of the sand off, and then he touched Lupin's neck again, and they Apparated into the living room.

Lupin pulled away from Snape's arm. His ears flicked for a moment, then he gave a bound and dashed down the hall. Snape started after him, "Wait, you can't take the shower first, you get hair all over it!" Which I will have to clean up, anyway, since Lupin can't work any magic until morning, he thought. The bathroom door slammed, and he heard water begin to run - Lupin wasn't as good with his paws as with his hands, but he could still work the taps.

Snape glared at the shut door, sighed, and turned back down the hall. He decided to wait outside, in the backyard; he'd removed most of the sand, but not all of it, and didn't want to track any more in the house. And he wouldn't feel right until he took a shower. He sat on the stoop, looking over the plain yard, full of patchy, dry grass and not much else. But the sky was as clear here as it had been at the beach, the stars glittered just as brightly, and the moon was as huge and full.

Eventually, he heard Lupin's bark from inside, and he Apparated directly into the hall by the bathroom door, which was open. Steamy, warm air blew from inside. Lupin was standing further down the hall, with an old towel in his mouth. "Don't even think about shaking yourself off next to me," Snape said to him. Then he entered the bathroom and shut the door behind him.

Later, the two were on the living room sofa. Snape wore a nightshirt and dressing gown; his clothes were going through the antiquated cleaning devices in Lupin's basement. Snape had learned to wear only his oldest robes when visiting Lupin during a full moon. He was lucky if hair were the only thing to get on them.

Lupin was curled up, eyes already drooping. Snape would glance over, every so often, from the book he was reading. When Lupin's eyes were closed, and his breathing slow and regular, Snape put a marker in the book, softly commanded the one light to extinguish itself, then walked quietly back to the bedroom.

-
-
-

Snape was awakened by the sound of barking. Lupin! he thought, eyes flying open. No, it wasn't Lupin, the noise came from outside. Some stray dog? No, this was no dog.

The room was dark, it was still night, but it wasn't the pitch black it had been earlier, it would be dawn soon. Snape got out of the bed carefully, felt for his wand, then walked quietly out to the hallway, to the living room.

There was just enough light coming through the window to make out the form of Lupin, standing on all fours in the middle of the room, muscles tense. His wolf ears were pricked forward, and he stared intently out the window, into the front yard. Snape carefully stayed to one side of the room, he didn't want whatever was out there to see him. It was lighter outside than in the house - Good, then we can see out, but they can't see in. He squatted on the floor, and looked out the window.

Walking toward the house across the small patch of grass in front was an enormous grey wolf, flanked by a dozen wolves on either side. The lead wolf looked nearly twice as big as Lupin, more in bulk than in height, and he was the one barking, a great, deep, bell tone, that grew louder as he approached the house. The other wolves were also all larger than Lupin, thought none were as large as their leader. Snape had thought Lupin was enormous when he'd first seen him, but compared to these, he seemed almost small and delicate. But then, Lupin was slender man, of medium height. There was only one wolf, on the far end, who was smaller than Lupin - no, not smaller, Snape realized, looking closer, he was at least as large as Lupin. But the way he stood, hunched over, made him look smaller than he really was, and there was something frightened, even hunted, in his expression.

The huge grey wolf belled again. Snape looked over at Lupin and cocked his head, as if to say, "Well?" Lupin gave a small shake to his head, and sat on the floor. He was going to wait. Until dawn, thought Snape, when he would be human again, and able to use his magic.

Snape looked at the other wolves outside. The grey leader sat down in the grass, as Lupin had, and the others followed suit. They would all wait until dawn.

And dawn came. The moment the disk of the sun first edged over the horizon, all the wolves in front of the house, and Lupin, there in the room, began to shimmer. Lupin changed to man first, easily - Snape had noticed before how much easier the change was for him, from wolf to man, than the reverse. The other wolves seemed to have more trouble; the grey leader in particular seemed to fight as wolf form shrank back into human.

Lupin stood up, keeping his eyes on the now human forms outside the house.

"Friends of yours?" asked Snape.

"From my old pack, the one I told you about. The one I ran with, for a while." Lupin quickly pulled on his clothes, which had been folded neatly in a corner of the room. "And no, we were not friends."

He held out his hand, and said, very softly, "Accio wand" and his wand was suddenly there in his fingers. Being clothed would give him a psychological advantage over his visitors, Snape thought, who were human again, and naked. Although it did not seem to bother many of them, from what he could see.

They were all male. Very male, in the case of the one who'd been the grey leader. He was as large, as a man, as he'd been as a wolf, most of it bulk, but not out of proportion. His hair was as black as Snape's, and he squatted on the lawn with as much confidence as he'd had as a wolf. The others, while not so big as he was, were still big men, and had the look of thugs. Except for the smaller man at the end, who seemed ashamed.

"Remus!" the big man shouted.

"That's Baron," Lupin said. "He was - is a high ranking wolf in the pack. He tried to make me one of his subordinates. As a human, I could always defeat him with magic, but I am no match for him in wolf form, and it's wolf rank that counts in the pack."

"I can see why you left," Snape said.

Lupin nodded. "I saw men and women who were professors, business leaders, high ranking government officials, people of talent and ability, who were taking orders from people who were little better than criminals. Matthew, the pack leader, managed to keep things from getting too far out of hand, and was able to prevent abuses that I heard were going on in other packs, but it was still more than I could take." He frowned. "They pride themselves on the fact that they don't murder, but I saw things that were nearly as bad." He nodded toward the window. "That poor fellow on the end, that's Alex. He's a wizard. Baron's managed to beat him down, turn him into his tame creature."

And he wants to do the same to you, Snape thought. Turn you into another cringing beast of his, a wizard, at his command. And I know, better than you, what that means.

"Remus!" Baron shouted again, "Come out here, Remus, you have to talk to me sometime!"

"So what are you going to do?" Snape asked.

Lupin shrugged. "Go out and talk to him, I guess." He went to the door.

"I will be watching," Snape said. Lupin smiled at him, but the smile faded quickly as he turned to the door. Snape positioned himself back in the room, so that he could see both through the door and the window, but couldn't be seen by the intruders. Lupin opened the door, and stepped through.

"I'm here, Baron," he said, "What do you want?" He stood quietly, neither aggressive, nor submissive. Typically Lupin, Snape thought. You can't get away with that here.

Baron stood up from the ground easily, completely unashamed of his nakedness. He stood at least a head taller than Lupin, and seemed twice as broad. Not an ounce of fat, just muscle. He looked Lupin up and down, and smiled, the smile of a predator.

"I've come to take you back to the pack, Remus," Baron said. His voice was deep and musical.

"I left the pack years ago," Lupin said.

"No one leaves the pack," Baron said.

"Matthew granted me permission."

"Matthew is dead." Baron smiled again, "I am pack leader now." His face gleamed with satisfaction. Baron killed Matthew, Snape thought.

"I am not going back," Lupin said, quietly. "I will fight you now, if I must."

Lupin, Snape thought, you must show more authority, more aggression.

"Fight you now, magician, face your magic?" Baron said, "No, I don't think so. We will fight tonight, during the full moon. If you defeat me, you are free to go. If you lose, you either rejoin the pack, or I will kill you. If you rejoin the pack, and then try to leave when you're in human form, I will come back during the next full moon, and I will kill you then."

Tell him you'll kill him now, Snape thought, that's the only thing you can do to drive him off. But Lupin just stood quietly. He can't do it, Snape thought, even if he made the threat, they'd know he wouldn't mean it. Lupin is not a killer.

Snape stood up. This is going nowhere, he thought. He Apparated instantly down to the basement, grabbed his now clean outer robes, and Apparated back to the living room. He pulled the robes on and ran his fingers through his hair; not his best, but it was better than going out in a nightshirt. He moved to the door.

"I will not fight you as a wolf," Lupin said, "But I will not rejoin the pack."

"Then you will die," Baron said. "Perhaps not tonight, or next month. But we know where your home is, Remus, and your little wooden door, and plaster walls will not stop me. And your magic wards will not work during the full moon."

"You will not touch him," Snape said, stepping out through the door, to stand beside Lupin. He put on his best menacing face, guaranteed to strike fear in the hearts of students everywhere who hadn't prepared for class. "Harm him in any way, and I will track you down and kill you."

Baron paused. He was still smiling, but he looked thoughtful, now.

"You claim this dog as yours, wizard?" he asked.

There's some special meaning to those words, Snape thought, but I don't care. "I claim this man as mine," he said.

Lupin turned to look at him, his face uneasy.

"Or do you care to fight me for him?" Snape raised his wand. "I will meet you now, or during the full moon, whichever you prefer."

"No, wizard, I will not fight you," Baron nodded his head, "I cannot defeat magic. If you claim this dog as yours, then I withdraw my own claim. Unless you would consider selling him to me?" He grinned.

Snape aimed his wand straight at Baron. "Get out of here, now, or I'll strike you anyway!"

Baron nodded his head, smiled, and gestured to the other wolves. They drew together in a circle around him, and then vanished, with a loud bang. Their tame wizard, Alex, must have Apparated them away.

Snape lowered his wand, still angry. Lupin was staring at him. "Do you know what you just did?" Lupin asked.

"I've just made sure you're free of them," Snape said.

"You've just claimed me as your subordinate, you've named yourself my alpha."

"To them. Do you care what they think?"

Lupin was quiet. "I'm not sure."

Snape sighed. "Lupin, you know I do not consider myself your alpha, or think of you in any way as my subordinate." He paused. "Believe me, I wouldn't be throwing that fool disk for you if I did."

Lupin hissed a quick laugh. "I suppose I'm being silly, when I should be thanking you." He looked back out on the lawn. "I told you before, I make a very bad werewolf. I have no instinct for dominance in me, and they know it."

"I think that's one of your best qualities," Snape said. "Will they leave you alone after this?"

Lupin nodded. "Oh yes, they won't want to get involved with a real wizard. Werewolves don't like wizards." He looked at Snape. "Thank you, Severus."

Snape nodded. "You're welcome."

Lupin started back through the door, into the house. "I just wish," he said, as they stepped into the living room, "I wish I could protect myself."

Snape stopped, very still, and said, "I do understand exactly what you mean."

Lupin carefully kept his eyes from glancing at Snape's left arm, where he knew the Dark Mark was, under the sleeves of Snape's robes. "I guess you do," he said.

"I am a minion of the Dark Lord," Snape said, very softly, "There is nothing more subordinate than that." He looked away. "And I wish, very much, that I could protect myself."

Lupin looked directly at Snape, but Snape was not facing him. "I wish you could, too," Lupin said, "Or that someone could step forward for you, the way you just did for me." But you've never been able to protect yourself, all your life, thought Lupin.

Snape paused. "There are other kinds of protection," he said, "And other ways of stepping forward for someone." He looked around the bare living room, at the old sofa, the plain fireplace. "Being able to come here has been . . . very helpful, for me." He frowned.

"You've been very helpful for me, too, Severus," Lupin said, "And not just because of the potion." He smiled. "Last night was wonderful, I'd like to do that again. And not have Baron show up to spoil it."

"Last night was very nice," Snape said quietly.

"There's another full moon tonight," Lupin said. "You could practice some more with the Frisbee."

Snape grimaced. Lupin looked at him, making his eyes big and sad. Snape glared at him. "Very well." He scowled. "I am definitely not your alpha."

Lupin grinned, "Thank you, Severus." And then, with a nod, "And I think we've both done far too much this morning on an empty stomach." He headed toward the kitchen. "I'll get some coffee brewing, and then we can get out last night's leftovers and see about some breakfast."

And Snape followed him into the kitchen.

Status Quo

Lupin glanced over at Snape, on the other end of the sofa. In the mirror set up across from them, the little figures on the stage were blocked as the audience began to stand, their clapping drowning out the music. Snape's eyes were glazed, and his face had an unfocused, amazed look. In short, pure rapture.

"Good music," Lupin said as he waved a hand in front of the mirror, severing its connection to one of London's West End Muggle theaters.

"Oh, yes, very good." Snape blinked. "Very good music."

"It's one of the disadvantages of the wizard community," Lupin said, as he sat back on the sofa. "We're too small to give much support to the arts. The Muggles have a bigger population base to draw on, for both talent and wealth, so they can come up with something like this."

"I had no idea," Snape said, eyes still glazed. He blinked again, and his eyes focused a little. "The heroine was extremely stupid."

"Many of them are, unfortunately. Quite an attractive lady playing her, though," Lupin smiled, dreamily. "And what a voice."

Snape took another swallow of butterbeer - between them, they'd gone through a number of bottles that night, and, while a single bottle wasn't very strong, Lupin was beginning to feel the cumulative effect. And neither of them were people who drank much normally; each, for different reasons, had a horror of losing control.

"The music was . . . amazing," Snape said. "There are more of these?"

"Hundreds," Lupin said, "Live performances, and movies - er, recorded performances." I could be creating a monster here. "Covent Garden is supposed to be doing Wagner next month. You are definitely a Wagner man."

"If you say so."

"Trust me." Lupin took a swallow from his own bottle. "I'll arrange to get a connection for one of the nights it's playing. If you're interested."

"Yes, please." Snape closed his eyes - he's trying to remember the music, Lupin thought. Without his usual scowl, he looks quite human.

Lupin stood up and stretched, then he picked up the dinner dishes on the table by the sofa, stacking them up in his arms, and carrying them into the kitchen. As he set them washing themselves in the sink, he looked up to see Snape, arms full of the empty butterbeer bottles that had been accumulating on the floor.

Lupin gave a laugh, and shook his head. Snape cocked his head in question, and Lupin said, "Just thinking, how terribly boring we are. Sitting around on a weekend, watching musicals and drinking butterbeer like a pair of old maids." He grinned wryly, "Of course, I suppose we ARE a pair of old maids. Old bachelors. Middle-aged bachelors, anyway."

"I've had far too much excitement in my life. Boring is better." Snape looked around the kitchen, but it all seemed in order. "I'm even beginning to like Potions. Sometimes."

"Funny thing," Lupin said, as they went back to the living room sofa, "I never thought it would be Potions, for you. I mean, you were always top student in Potions, but I never thought you had a passion for it. Not the way you felt about . . . other subjects."

"Defense Against the Dark Arts," Snape said. "No, I never loved Potions, I am simply very good at them."

"So, if it wasn't Potions, and I know it was never teaching, at least, not at grade school level, what was it?" Lupin said. "I thought once that you might want to be an Auror."

Snape nodded. "Yes, at one time."

"So what happened? You certainly have the brains, and the ability."

"I blew the practical for the Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L.s."

Lupin started to ask, then realization hit. "Oh, Merlin, no, that afternoon, after . . ."

"I did very well on the written part, that morning. And I actually didn't do too badly, performing the tasks," Snape said. "But I was still . . . upset, after what happened. I was judged to be mentally unstable. Unfit, I believe one comment said."

Lupin leaned back into the sofa, and looked up at the ceiling. "We did ruin your life, didn't we."

"I did a pretty good job of ruining it on my own. Perhaps they would have made the same determination, even if . . . that . . . hadn't happened. I remember all the talk about my unhealthy fascination with the Dark Arts."

Lupin grimaced. "The sad thing is, we were all fascinated by the Dark Arts. You just didn't have the social awareness to hide it."

"I certainly went from one extreme to the other very quickly, from wanting to be an Auror, to a Death Eater. In just a matter of months."

Lupin considered. "But, you know, in a way, an Auror is what you've become. When this is all over, if you wanted it, I’d bet they'd make you an official Auror."

"No." Snape looked at the wall. "I am a spy and a traitor. No one ever trusts a traitor, even if he's working for their side. And spies are always despised." He shook his head. "I will never be seen as anything but a Death Eater."

"Dumbledore would speak for you. When this is all over--"

"When this is all over," Snape said, "if I'm still alive . . . I think I will have had enough of the Dark Arts to last me the rest of my life. Dealing with Him has removed any glamour and fascination they ever held for me." He sighed. "I shall stay with Potions. I won't teach them, my unfortunate students and I will be free of each other. But there are other things I can do."

"Pity you don't like teaching. The students do learn a lot about Potions from you, even now, when you terrify them. You have so much knowledge. And you can be patient, at least with potions--"

"I can control potions," Snape said, "I cannot control people. I have no patience with people."

"You certainly make sure that they won't have any patience with you. You do your best to keep them at a distance."

Snape froze and flicked his head so that his greasy, black hair fell in a curtain across his face. Hiding. I've made him feel defensive, Lupin thought.

And something mischievous inside him made him say, "You know, Poppy Pomfrey could fix you up in ten minutes. I bet she's been itching to."

Snape stared at him, from behind his curtain of hair.

Lupin went on. "Your teeth. And your hair."

Snape narrowed his eyes. But I've come this far, Lupin thought, and I want to know.

"I thought it might be part of the whole Dark Wizard look," Lupin said. "But Lucius Malfoy doesn't make himself look deliberately ugly. So, I wonder, is it more about keeping people away from you?"

Snape was quiet.

Lupin was about to say, "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked," when Snape said, softly, "It's both." He shrugged. "It's not as if I'd turn into a raving beauty if I had anything fixed." He turned back to Lupin, and spread his lips wide in a sick grin, showing his snag, yellow teeth. "And I've been this way for so long, it would cause questions if I changed suddenly. It might make people suspicious."

Lupin nodded. Of course, you looked like this as a boy, too, and you didn't have anything fixed then. Did you have reasons then to keep people at a distance from you? From your mouth, Severus? But I wouldn't dare ask that. And who knows, he was always so deep in his studies, he could have been completely oblivious to the world outside, and how he was perceived. He was oblivious about so much else.

"So, something else to see about, when this is all over," Lupin said lightly.

"When this is all over," Snape said, coldly, "I expect to be dead, or a very old man. I don't live for 'when this is all over.'"

"Then what do you live for? You-Know-Who's end? That can't be enough to sustain you."

Snape was silent. He leaned his head back onto the sofa. "Perhaps I will live for . . . Wagner, you said?"

"Wagner, yes."

"Wagner, then. And moonlit beaches. And that damned red ball."

Well, he's dodged that question. Or maybe he hasn't, Lupin thought, maybe he means it. "What, not the Frisbee?" he said."Oh, the cursed Frisbee, how could I forget?"

"You're getting better with it."

Snape turned and glared at him. "I am completely ridiculous."

Lupin shrugged. "You throw it well enough for me to catch." Then he smiled, "Although I do admit, Frisbees and red balls don't exactly go with long, black robes. Have you thought about wearing some different clothes?" Especially on the beach.

"No."

Okay, won't go there, thought Lupin. Granted, the thought of Snape in beachwear was a bit much. "You've never learned how to be laughed at, Severus," Lupin said, "It would make life a lot easier for you if you could."

"I told you before, Lupin, I'm a Dark Wizard. We don't have a sense of humor. That's why laughter is second in power only to love when fighting evil. We cannot bear being laughed at."

"You're not a Dark Wizard."

"Oh, Merlin, Lupin, it's in my genes. I was born looking like all the villains in the children's fairy tales. I don't dare grow a moustache, or I'd be constantly twisting the ends of it. Probably muttering about my fiendish, evil plots."

"See, you do have a sense of humor."

Snape stared at him, and gave his evil smile. "You think I was joking? I'll try to find a picture of my father to show you. If there's one that wasn't torn to shreds. Or better yet--" He pulled his hair back in his hand, so that it lay slicked tightly against his skull. He looked Lupin full in the face, and smiled so that his ugly teeth showed. "Now, imagine a thin goatee."

Lupin stared. "You look just like Ming the Merciless. Or Drogo the Destroyer from the old 'Martin Miggs, the Mad Muggle' comics."

Snape let his hair out and shook it, so that it fell around his face again. "Lovely thing to have staring at you out of the mirror while growing up, I can assure you." He frowned. "When I don't shave, it grows in an exact goatee shape, too."

I can't laugh, Lupin thought, but it is funny. Poor fellow.

"So you see, I am hopeless," Snape said, leaning back on the sofa.

"Oh, I don't know." Lupin stretched and smiled. "In just a few months, I've got you going to the beach and throwing a Frisbee. Who knows what you'll be doing after a few years." He smiled thoughtfully. "Could have you in a Hawaiian shirt and blue jeans."

"In what?"

"All right, the Hawaiian shirt is a bit of a stretch. But not the blue jeans."

"You mean, like those . . . trousers you're wearing now?"

"Yes," Lupin grinned.

"I'd feel completely exposed."

"They're warmer than robes. Robes get awfully drafty in the winter."

"No."

"You wouldn't look like Ming the Merciless, anymore. Believe me."

"I could achieve the same effect by wearing a polka dot clown suit, and I am not going to do that, either."

Lupin laughed. Snape glared at him.

"There now," Lupin said, still grinning, "you see. That was a definite sense of humor. And at your own expense, too."

"I am delighted you are so amused."

"And this gives me another goal in life." Lupin's grin was reaching his ears now. "Number one, the downfall of You-Know-Who. Number two, get Severus into a pair of jeans. Jeans, trainers and a t-shirt. A t-shirt that isn't black."

"How nice to see you are able to keep your priorities straight."

Lupin laughed again. But then he took a deep breath, and sighed. "All right, I'll stop. I know you can't change now, and I understand why. I shouldn't make fun of something that could mean life and death for you." He sighed again. "So this is the status quo for now." He looked at Snape. "But when this is all over . . ."

"When this is all over," Snape echoed. "You say that as if you're certain we will win."

"I have to be certain. Either we win, or I expect to be dead."

"Or it could be a repeat of fifteen years ago. Where one side or the other has a victory, but not a decisive one, and we are forced into hiding, or waiting, again."

"That's not what the Prophecy says."

"The Prophecy isn't clear. It says that one or the other will die. That is not a guarantee of victory."

"What will you do, if You-Know-Who wins?"

Snape looked away. After a moment, he said, "I don't know. If He says that I must take my place openly with the Death Eaters, then . . ." He paused. "If there's a known resistance that I can pretend to be spying on, then perhaps I can keep on."

"There will be a resistance."

"Because otherwise, He will expect me to join in their actions. I could not do that." He looked pale. "You have no idea, what He plans, for the Muggles, for the half bloods . . ."

"That's why we must win," Lupin said, quietly.

"Oh, of course we'll win," Snape said, sardonically. "We have the great Harry Potter, who will save us all. The gods forbid we inferior mortals would ever be able to save ourselves."

"Harry's not happy with the idea, either."

"Oh, isn't he? I'd take it on in a heartbeat." Snape folded his arms around him. "But heroic acts and prophecies are not for the likes of me. Not foul, vile Severus Snape."

"Whatever Harry has to do, that only he can do," Lupin said quietly, "he won't be able to do alone. We are all needed. You, probably more than anyone."

"Oh, Harry would be very happy to dispense with me altogether."

"Harry is still very young. And a lot has happened to him, he doesn't understand."

"Oh, he understands. He blames me completely for Black's death. You should see the looks he gives me in class, these days."

"I'm sure you don't give him cause to do anything else."

Snape gave his ugly smile. "Harry will survive one nasty teacher."

Lupin took a deep breath. "No, Severus, I don't think he will."

Snape turned to look at him.

Lupin kept his voice quiet. "Everything that went wrong, last year, all came down to the rift between you and Harry. If you had been able to continue the Occlumency lessons - oh, I know why you couldn't," Lupin added quickly, as Snape moved to speak, "and they may not have helped in time, anyway. I know Harry wasn't working at them the way he should have. But if Harry had gone to you, that last day, to see about Sirius."

"No, Harry did not even think of going to me. He came up with that fool scheme of going through that vile woman's fireplace instead, and botched everything."

"If he didn't instinctively see you as an enemy, he would have thought to go you. Or he would have trusted you to handle the situation after he did tell you about it."

Snape looked at him fiercely.

Lupin sighed. "What's done is done. I'm not trying to place the blame on you, Severus, there's plenty to go around. Myself, included. I should have stepped in much earlier. And Merlin knows, Sirius drove the wedge between the two of you so much deeper than it already was, and I did not stop him."

Lupin looked down. "For a while there, it looked like you and Harry might actually talk to each other. Especially after he saw . . . in the Pensieve." Lupin shook his head. "If only he had been older." He sighed. "We have got to do something about you and Harry. Or this will happen again."

Snape looked at him, then looked away. Lupin watched him. He's thinking, what's he thinking about?

"No," Snape said, quietly, without looking up. "We can't."

"Why not?" Lupin asked.

Snape still looked down. "I need Harry's hatred. And I need my hatred of him."

Lupin waited. Snape went on, "As long as the Dark Lord sees my own hatred for Harry, and as long as He knows that Harry hates me, He will trust me."

Lupin felt a chill inside.

"I am not trusted, entirely," Snape said. "The Dark Lord knows that I have worked against him, in the past. That I tried to stop Quirrell from getting the Philosopher's Stone. That I did not help Pettigrew, when he revealed himself to be alive, and one of the Dark Lord's followers. Or try to help you and Black when I had every reason to believe the two of you were His followers. The Dark Lord thinks this is because I am a coward, that I sided with Dumbledore because at the time I felt he was the stronger, and that the Dark Lord would never return. He thinks that I side with Him now because I think that now He is the stronger. And because he knows I hate Potter more than my own life, and thinks I will do anything to see him dead."

"One by one," Snape said, "I have lost my enemies. James. I thought I lost Black years ago. You," he looked thoughtful, "I'm not sure I ever hated you, except as an extension of them." He looked directly at Lupin, "I certainly do not hate you now. All I have left is Harry, and my hatred of him is all I have to feed to Him. Memories of dead men are not enough."

Lupin watched him. Snape's face was blank, and cold, there was nothing in his eyes.

"And it is so easy to hate him," Snape said. "Every time I look at him, the young hero, the shining prince, I am shown just how great the gulf is between us, how far in the pit I exist, how foul a creature I am. And that no matter how hard I try, how much higher I climb from where I am now, I will always be in the pit." He closed his eyes. "I learned, a long time ago, that no matter how hard I try to climb out, someone out in the sunlight will push me right back in."

He gave his ugly smile. "That's how He got me, in the end, long ago. He said, those people are considered the Good ones, the ones who attack you and spit on you. They are not Good. There is no Good, or Evil, only Power. For a while, I believed that, for I saw no Good anywhere. And He was the only one who ever tried to help me, or cared about me, or so I thought." He smiled. "Of course, in the end, I wound up more powerless than ever."

Lupin stared at Snape. "I'm so sorry, Severus."

"You say, 'I'm sorry' far too often."

"Sometimes, that's all I know to say."

Snape looked down again. "You said, a while back, that you were tired of being called 'poor Lupin.' And yet, I think I would give anything, if some of the others would look at me and say, 'poor Severus.' It wouldn't be enough, but it would be something." He looked at Lupin, "And don't you say it, because it wouldn't count, from you."

"All right, I won't then. And you wouldn't like it anyway."

"Wouldn't I? I told you, pity is the most I can hope for. And I get precious little of that."

"You certainly do everything possible to discourage it," Lupin said. "But no, pity is not what you want." He considered.

Lupin stood up. "I'm going to do something I have never done before," he said. "I've always known it was possible. And now, because of you, I think I can." He nodded over to the window. "It's only a half moon now."

Lupin pulled his shirt over his head. Snape stared. Lupin's skin was smooth and clear, all trace of the scars that had been there a few months earlier were gone now. Lupin stood still for a moment, then pulled off the rest of his clothes. For a heartbeat, he stood, a naked man in the middle of the room. Then he fell into a crouch on the floor, and the outline of his body shimmered, and within only a few seconds, he had changed from man to wolf. It was nothing like the changes Snape had seen before, this was easy, no resisting on Lupin's part.

The big wolf head rose from the ground, and looked at Snape with Lupin's eyes. The wolf mouth smiled, and the great tail thumped against the floor. Lupin stood up, tall enough on all fours so that his head was as high as Snape's. He walked over to where Snape sat, on the sofa, looking into his eyes the whole time, and then, very gently, laid his head on Snape's knee. Snape looked down at him, almost in wonder. He lifted one hand, and, hesitantly, laid it against Lupin's shaggy neck, just behind his ears. Lupin closed his eyes, and moved his head up against Snape's chest, leaning a little into it.

Snape breathed in the warm, animal smell, digging his fingers deep into the soft fur. I'm holding a werewolf's head, he thought, the monster is a monster no more. And then, with fierce satisfaction, I did this for him. THEY couldn't do it, only I could give him this. And another thought, but they could run with him, and you can't, you have to stand back, you cannot join him, you can only watch. But that's not what he wanted, he thought again, they would have helped him embrace his monster, but he wanted only to escape from it.

Just a few moments, then Snape pulled his hand away. He is not a dog, he's a man, it's easy to forget. Lupin opened his eyes, and smiled up at him. Then Lupin stepped back into the middle of the room. His form shimmered again, and Lupin the man stood where the wolf had been. He pulled on his clothes, quickly and easily, and sat back on the sofa.

"I don't feel like a monster, anymore," Lupin said. "I don't hate being a wolf, anymore. You don't make me feel ashamed of it, and I don't feel afraid of it." He looked down. "I know this doesn't help you, and I can't do anything about what you have to face, and how you have to live, every day." He shook his head, "I'm not saying this well." He thought for a moment, and said, "I guess, well, maybe you have worked a small miracle of your own."

Snape did not answer, but there was a softness in the way he sat on the sofa, a lessening of that fierce, constant tension that was always in him.

"Neither of us wants to be what we are," Lupin said, "And yet, we have no choice. For me, there is the Wolfsbane potion. For you--" Lupin shook his head, "only the hope that there may be a time when you no longer have to live like this." He looked at Snape, and he smiled. "In the meantime, we can help each other be human at the full moon." He smiled a little wider. "Or any other time you wouldn't mind throwing a Frisbee for me. Or listening to Wagner."

Snape's face twitched at the mention of the word "Frisbee," but it was gone in a moment, and his face looked softer. He picked up a butterbeer bottle, opened the top, raised it, and said, "To the full moon, then."

"To the full moon." Lupin raised a bottle of his own, and they both drank.

"And to Wagner," Lupin said.

"To Wagner." Snape raised his own bottle again. "Assuming Wagner lives up to your recommendation."

They drank.

"And to the Frisbee," Lupin said.

"To the red ball," Snape said.

And they drank again.

Lupin studied his bottle. "I still have a bit more," he said.

"So do I."

"Well then, to the Order."

"To Dumbledore."

"To Hogwarts."

"To comrades dead and gone."

"To comrades alive and well. And comrades we have yet to meet."

They drank each time. Lupin hesitated, smiled a crooked smile, and said, "To Harry Potter."

Snape froze. Then frowned. Then looked Lupin straight in the eye, lifted his bottle, nodded, and drank. Lupin smiled and drank also.

"And to when this is all over," Snape said, only a hint of a sneer in his voice.

"To when this is all over," Lupin grinned back.

And each drained the last from his bottle.