I hate you


I hate the way that you are. The way that you act. I know it is just a part of you and who you are, but I still hate you for it. Everyone else sees you the same way and like you. Know who you are, what you have to do. Of course, there are those who don’t like you. Those who hate you.


But not like me. Not how I do.


I hate how you look. I hate your hair. Jet black, coal, raven, I don’t care how it is described. I still hate it. I hate your eyes, that perfect green. The green that is beautiful when you are happy, and so dull when you are miserable. I hate the scar, the scar that marks you as who you are. The scar that leaves a permanent reminder of what happened on that night, and what has to happen.


I hate how you have to be the One. The One that defeats Him. The only one with the power, except for Dumbledore. I hate it how so many bad things have happened to you, yet you keep fighting. I hate the determination, the willpower. The strength, bravery.


I hate how you treat your friends. You are always putting their safety first and not thinking about how capable they are of looking after themselves. I hate what a wonderful person that makes you, always trying to get Ron and Hermione to admit to their feelings for each other, but so oblivious to your own relationships.


I hated seeing how you dealt with Cho. She was your first girlfriend but you really put you foot in it. Another thing I hate you for, your shyness around the girls you like.


I hate watching you play Quiddich. Hate how much you obviously love it. How free you are when you get up on that broom and have nothing to worry about. How focused you are, how swift, how eager. I hate how you always get hurt, how you fall so far. They all scream. But they should know better by now. You have shown everyone that you are practically invincible.


I hate it.


I hate it when you get into a mood. When you won’t talk to anyone for days and eventually someone has to do something drastic to get you to talk. Which usually provokes you to yell. I hate that too. I hate how badly you lose your temper and lash out. That’s what’s going to lead you into trouble and if you go too far, you could lose more of the people you love. Lucky for you, you have supportive friends.


I hate how you lost so many of the people you loved, the people you cared about. Your parents. Sirius. Dumbledore.


I hate how noble you are, how trustworthy. Sticking by Dumbledore through everything and keeping his secrets, right until the end … but I can’t talk about that yet. It’s too soon. I hate how you are so good to everyone around you, helping them all. The first year girl that dropped her cauldron and broke it. How you fixed it. She loved you for that.


Unlike me.



I hate how you respect what other people have to say. You weren’t going to come back this year, until Hermione showed you that you needed to know more magic. You needed to know how to close your mind against Voldemort. And you listened to her. I hated it.


I hate it how I have to see you every day. Watch you go about your life like nothing has happened. You may be able to forget it easily but I can’t. I hate you for that. I hate seeing you so happy and carefree. How you went out over Christmas and had that massive snowball fight. I don’t think you even noticed that I wasn’t there. But that’s predictable of you.


I hate you.


I hate it how you don’t even know that.


I hate you for how you get along with them all. Even when your friends have to leave you alone for Head duties, you still have someone to talk to. Usually you try to find me. Usually I hide.


That’s why I’m hidden here now, at the back of the library. Since you tried to find me. Just to talk. Again. You always come to me when you need to talk to someone.


I hate you for that.


I hate you for how you treat me. For how you are always around, when I don’t want to see you. I guess you might have gotten the picture now and gone away to find someone else to talk to. I hate how I can’t tell anyone about this. I also blame you for that. I hate how you treat me like your best friend and don’t remember what happened. I hate the look in your eyes when I brush you off, when I ignore you. The look of surprise, then realization. Then finally, defeat. The same every time.


I hate how you can stand up for yourself with everything else and be a hero, yet you can’t do it here. You won’t admit to it, you won’t even give it a chance. There are so many things you could do, yet you don’t bother. If it’s because you don’t want to, then I hate you. If it’s because you do, I still hate you.


I hate how I confuse you. In truth, I hate how I confuse myself about you. I hate it how you don’t get it. I hate it how you think that I actually want you out of my life. I hate it how you give up on me, just leave me here. I hate how you won’t talk to me face to face but get Hermione to do it casually.


I hate it how you don’t understand it. I hate it how you don’t understand me. But, most of all, I hate how I’ve tried, tried to kid myself. Tried to pretend. But I can’t hide it anymore.


I hate you because I can’t.



A/N: Please review!

A/N(2): My friend music_is_magic just got her first story published! It's called "Lacrymosa" and it's a Hermione/Other Characther story. I highly reccomend it!