DISCLAIMER: I do not own any characters or settings that are familiar to you, as they all belong to JKR.

A mug? wondered Lily, staring at the colourful object in her hands. Four years as best friends and this is all our friendship amounts to? A mug? Probably even a cheap one, judging by the clay.

Lily Evans and Marlene McKinnon had been friends since first year. Both Gryffindors, both bookish, and both lonely, they had immediately hit it off. But somehow, throughout their career at Hogwarts, something had changed. Someone had changed. While Lily had remained the same rather shy and studious young woman, Marlene had evolved: by third year, boys were starting to notice her, and she to notice them; she began postponing her relationship with someone as unpopular as Lily to make sure she could hang out with her new friends. The letters during the summers had lessened considerably as the years went by, and now, by their seventh year, Lily and Marlene had practically nothing in common anymore. Marlene had her popular friends, Lily had her books.

But still, Christmas was Christmas. Despite the issues that had undoubtedly arisen between them, the thought of not getting anything for Marlene for the holidays had never crossed Lily’s mind. Now, as she looked at the cheap mug in her hands, she couldn’t help feeling more and more stupid.

She felt stupid for all the time and thought she’d wasted on her gift for Marlene. She felt stupid for her inward naïveté: how could she have thought that their friendship could have survived boyfriends, friends, and school? How could she have thought that she still meant something to Marlene? She didn’t even want to know what she’d gotten her ‘new friends’. She was alone, and that’s what mattered.

Because that’s all it came to: being alone. She’d been friendless before coming to Hogwarts, and she was friendless now that she was in Hogwarts.

Making friends had always been a bit difficult for Lily. Number one, because she was proud. Proud, and very ambitious. She wasn’t a nerd, no, but she was nonetheless good at school. And she wanted to be good at it. Number two, because she was shy: despite the loud and sometimes arrogant demeanour that she reserved for Potter, Lily was always quiet around people, especially if she didn’t know them very well.

She had often thought about trying to change: maybe if she looked prettier, she would feel less self-conscious, and if she felt less self-conscious, then maybe other people would be more attracted to her, and look past the bookish Head Girl that everyone saw in Lily… and maybe… maybe they would see who she really was.

This was something that saddened her considerably: knowing that no one really understood her – nor that anyone had ever even tried, of course. She was exactly the kind of girl who had thousand of acquaintances, but very few friends.

None, she reminded herself. Maybe the time had really come for her to change. Change how she looked, how she talked, the whole thing.

But was this right, though? Her father had always told her never to change for other people. If the guys in her class didn’t like her, big deal. It was their problem, not hers. And if girls like Marlene preferred preppy friends and boyfriends to her, then so be it. None of her business.

This, at least, was what the ambitious and proud part of Lily Evans always repeated. But there was also a tiny part of Lily – which was often shunned by the bigger ambitious one – that was shy and self conscious, and that was insinuating worrying thoughts in her head.

If people don’t like you, and you’ve got no friends, no boyfriends, and in seventeen years you’ve never even kissed a guy, while they all do, then it is your problem. Is this how you really want to live your life? Alone?

No, she’d answer herself. But no matter how much lipstick and eye shadow she wore, she only felt worse. And all the more alone.

Looking just about as depressed as she felt, Lily decided to make her way down to the common room. Maybe the evening wouldn’t be a total waste of time, if she could just finish that stupid Potions essay for Wednesday. As she slowly walked down the stairs, someone bumped into her. Her sad green eyes turned into a roaring fire as soon as she saw who the cause of the hold-up was.

“Hey, Evans,� greeted a tall, messy-haired boy with a cocky demeanour.

Lily’s voice was pure venom. “You watch were you’re sticking those huge feet of yours, Potter.�

“Ooh,� he said, mocking her, “is someone in a bad mood? Well, aren’t you glad to see me? I think I have just the thing to get your spirits up!�

The redhead glared at him. “If this is another one of your stupid tricks, I’ll make sure you won’t get away with—�

“Whoa, slow down, Evans! I haven’t even said anything yet!� said the young wizard, raising his hands in defeat. He was holding a small parcel, which he promptly tossed at the girl. “Here, I found this on the stairs to your dormitory. It’s even got your name on it, you might wanna take a look at it.�

Lily took hold of the little box, and tilted it slightly to the right. She looked at it apprehensively. “This had better not be your doing, Pot-head. Because if it is another little prank of yours, I’ll—�

“Curse me within an inch of my life. I know, I know,� said James, shrugging. He sighed. “Well, I really must leave you now, my lady. My amazing presence is unfortunately requested elsewhere. Big projects for tonight,� he added, winking at her.

She rolled her eyes and went back to her dormitory, the small parcel still gripped tightly in her hands.

As she closed the door behind her, she looked down at the package. She was practically sure that this was another one of Potter’s ideas of a joke, but she still felt so sad that she decided to risk it and open it anyway, swearing to herself that she would indeed kill the idiotic nark if the bundle contained something embarrassing, offending or humiliating.

She slowly removed the red gift paper, revealing a tiny golden box and… a note. She went for the letter first.


Hey Flower!

Now, now, before you burn this letter into smithereens, let me clear a few things up first. Yes, it is I, your estimated Co-Head, James Potter, who is writing to you. I didn’t tell you this before because I feared that apart from destroying this note – as you undoubtedly will – you were also going to curse me on the spot for addressing to you in public. And, you know, even if I’m sure you’re not going to let me get away with this, I wanted to spend my last minutes on this earth privately. This way, I’m also giving you more time to consider the most suitable way to end my existence.

But now, let me address the issues that got me to write this letter in the first place. First of all, I’d like to wish you a very happy Christmas. I noticed you aren’t looking very cheerful lately, and I think you deserve all the joy that is humanly possible. I know I will regret what I am about to say when I will have your wand down my throat, but there are some things I have to tell you. You are an amazing person, Lily. You are smart and gentle (not with me, but I see how you behave with other people), and compassionate and kind. You are a wonderful woman, Lily, just the way you are.

Perhaps you haven’t noticed, but throughout this year, I have tried to change. For you, Lily. I wanted to show you I could be the man you wanted me to be. I swear I’ve tried, Lily, trust me… But somewhere along the way, I realised this wasn’t right. I couldn’t change who I am to make you fall in love with me because if I did… even if I succeeded in sweeping you off your feet, you were still going to love someone I’m not and never will be. This is not what I want.

Now, before you start celebrating, don’t take this the wrong way. This does not mean I stopped liking you and, therefore, will ultimately stop ‘badgering you’, as you put it. Because, Lily, whether you like it or not – and, alas, I fear you don’t – I have already fallen for you. And badly, too. So what I’m going to do from now on is keep on trying to make you fall in love with me, but without pretending to be something different from what I am just to make you like me.

Okay… Now that I’ve gotten this over with, I’ll be waiting for you in the common room. I am fairly certain that you are done with pondering my ultimate destruction. The only favour I ask is to possibly make it as quick as possible, and not to be excessively violent – it is Christmas, after all. Moreover, if we could just get this over with in private, maybe? See, I do have a certain reputation to keep up. And Peter gets nightmares rather easily, so if it has to get too bloody, I ask you to at least remove me from his sight.

I love you,

James

---

Meanwhile in the common room, James knew that his hour had come. He had already left a small will in his dormitory, where he had divided all his most prised possessions between Sirius, Remus, Peter, his parents, and even Lily, if she liked (he had specifically written that his distribution was subject to Lily’s will, if she were interested in any item he had already addressed to someone else).

He gulped as he noticed Lily descending the stairs to the girls’ dormitory gracefully. She was smiling. Probably savouring the sweet taste of revenge, he thought glumly. She made her way towards him, staring straight ahead. James looked around, seeking his friends’ comfort: Sirius was sprawled on the couch, chuckling slightly at the sight, but with a hand firmly on his wand, just in case things got out of hand. Remus, on the other hand, was looking at James, trying to reassure him with what he hoped was an encouraging smile, but which appeared instead like a forced grimace… which of course didn’t soothe him at all. Lastly, Peter was gazing raptly from Lily to James, then to Lily again, as if following a very interesting tennis match.

Lily got closer and closer to James. Everyone in the room turned to stare at the two, clearly expecting the worse. James just hoped she was going to make it quick. He noticed the redhead was wearing the necklace he’d enclosed with the letter, and hoped this was a good sign. Finally, Lily stopped just in front of him, looked at him straight in the eye, and raised her hand. James was practically green with fear by this time.

The whole common room waited with bated breath as the scene unfolded before its eyes. Still not taking her eyes away from him, she put her hand on his cheek and kissed him. A full kiss on the lips.

James vaguely noticed a faint thud on his left, caused by Sirius, who was lying on the floor, out cold. He wasn’t even aware of the scandalised looks on his classmates’ faces, mainly because he realised that he was the one looking the most dazed and shocked of all.

Without another word, Lily turned on her heel and raced back to her dormitory. James continued to stare after her for a few more minutes, still too stunned to react. Finally, he put his hands in his pocket, where he noticed a foreign piece of parchment. Noting that everyone was busy trying to make Sirius regain consciousness, James opened it quickly and read it. It was from Lily, who had probably slipped it in his pocket while she kissed him.

Dear James,

Thank you so much for your present… and your letter, which is probably the one I appreciated most.

You made me feel special, just the way I am. Before reading it, I was thinking along the very same lines as you were before you wrote it. But you’re right. We’re fine just the way we are. We are perfect – yes, James, I am referring to you as ‘perfect’ – as we are. We don’t have to change who we are for other people and we mustn’t change who we are for other people. We can’t pretend to be someone else and we shouldn’t do it even if we could. I’m really glad you helped me realise that.

I loved your gift and I really hoped you liked mine as well. I know I did.

Good night and merry Christmas,

Lily