“Be wary, how scary: fourteenth February!� Nearly Headless Nick said in a baleful voice as he drifted out of a wall in the dungeons.

Severus grimaced. The ghost had a point. He thought of the present he’d just slipped into Lily Evans’s schoolbag and was immediately having remorse, wondering how best to sneak it back before she noticed it.

It was just after a long Potions class on Valentine’s Day. Professor Slughorn had asked the class to brew up something romantic, and as usual Severus and Lily had been the top performers of the class. Her Draught of Delirium was said to echo the sentiment of being in love, something to which Severus couldn’t relate, not really. He had submitted an Enchantment Elixir, one that caused the drinker to see sparkles and hear violin music. That was how Lily made him feel.

His fellow Slytherins had scowled when Lily had won the day’s prize: a positive avalanche of Valentine-themed candies from Honeydukes. They hated her because she was a jumped up Mudblood, so fortunately for Severus they were so carried away by this sentiment that they didn’t notice how drawn to her he was and had been for some time.

For the last four years, Severus had been attracted to the pretty redhead, and was continually amazed that she didn’t jinx him to a jelly for looking at her. It was because of her compassion—or at least her lack of outright disgust—that he began the tradition of sliding sweets and gifts into her possession each Valentine’s Day. The gesture hadn’t earned him a date with her, or even an admission of friendship—not in public anyway. But he didn’t care. The sinking sensation that he felt when he was close to her was enough of a motivation to do things for her even when he didn’t receive anything in return.

He walked up the stairs toward the entrance hall and out to the courtyard where most of the school—save most of the Slytherins who were above such unity and fellowship—was huddled for break. It was chilly and misty, a reminder that February weather did not bow to a Hallmark holiday. Severus took up a post on the edge of the yard, a book up to his face that concealed his sweeping eyes. After a moment’s scan he found Lily with a small group of seventh year Gryffindor girls, all of whom seemed positively overcome by the romantic holiday. Lily, however, seemed to be holding it together.

One of the girls asked to borrow Lily’s mirror so that she could check her makeup (it was rumored that this girl had her eyes on Sirius Black, a handsome youth that would probably be showing off in this very courtyard in a few minutes’ time).

Severus felt his heart contract. Lily reached her graceful arm into her schoolbag and blinked. He knew she had found his gift. She passed the mirror over to the simpering girl without looking at her. Instead, her attention was focused on a badly wrapped parcel. When opened, it revealed a few decadent squares of Bohemian chocolate, a favorite of hers. Also in the mix was a bracelet made of goblin-wrought silver. Little emeralds peaked out of the woven metal and glinted even in the dim mist of the mid-morning.

Severus watched as Lily’s brow furrowed and then relaxed, a smile pulling at the corner of her mouth. He dropped his eyes to his book the moment he knew she was looking around for the sender, an obvious gesture now that he thought about it.

At precisely the wrong moment, Sirius Black and James Potter came stomping into the yard, looking casual and unaffected by the world at large. Sirius muttered something to James and they both smiled, sidling up to the Gryffindor girls confidently.

Despite Severus’s loathing for these two boys, he couldn’t help but be a bit in awe of them. He watched as Sirius gave the simpering girl a wink and then produce a half-dozen roses out of thin air and hand them to her. She fell to pieces. James handed Lily a small box with a beautiful diamond pendant and her cheeks flushed.

“What, the bracelet wasn’t enough?� she asked, donning the pendant and looking down to see it sparkle on her chest.

“Bracelet?� James asked, looking suddenly irritated when he saw the silver and emeralds glinting on Lily’s narrow wrist. “How many admirers do you have exactly?�

Lily looked shocked. “I thought it was from you. It’s the same wrapping and everything from last year.�

“I didn’t get you anything last year,� James said sharply, his eyebrows low and his face coloring slightly.

Lily blinked. She suddenly seemed to be working things out. Her eyes cut across the courtyard again and held Severus’s for a brief moment. He hadn’t had time to look away this time, but still he dropped his gaze to his book feigning innocence when he was really boiling in shame.

All this time, he’d thought that Lily had known about his gifts. She’d certainly been kind to him, in the way that popular people are piteously kind to those below their station that do nice things for them. Severus felt irritated. And then he felt something completely different. She had been kind to him even without knowing those expensive gifts had come from him. This made him care for her all the more, and feel even less worthy of her lack of cruelty.

He had little time to ponder this, however. James was upon him in a second, covering the damp courtyard with long, loping strides. His hazel eyes were popping behind his glasses, and a vein twitched menacingly at his temple.

The rest was a blur. Sirius laughed uncontrollably from the other end of the yard as blows and jinxes were exchanged. Severus hit the ground with a loud thud, wincing as the cold stone connected with his back. James stood over him and conjured a cloud of red and pink confetti to rain down over Severus’s beaten form.

Sirius was doubled over with laughter, and James joined in smugly, not noticing Severus raise his wand and Stun them both. Lily squealed as the two boys fell at her feet. The rest of the crowd backed up a few paces, their eyes darting between the pretty girl and the awkward boy who was clambering to his feet.

Lily glared at Severus, her green eyes glowing like the emeralds on her wrists with an emotion that he couldn’t translate. She glanced around the courtyard, deflating a bit at all the attention and then looked back at her secret admirer.

“It was you, all this time?� she said in a very soft whisper, barely moving her thin pink lips. It was as if she wanted this conversation to be only between them.

Severus wasn’t bothered by her discretion. He understood its meaning and only focused on the elating thought that she was speaking to him, looking at him, stepping ever nearer to him. He nodded in response to her question, offering her nothing more that was she requested, a craft that he would perfect for later, darker years.

“Why?� she asked. She was close enough to him now that she was also getting snowed on by the foul confetti.

“You don’t know?� he asked, spinning the question back in a manner that preserved a bit of dignity. He breathed in the chilly air as her cheeks reddened by just a fraction.

She pursed her lips slightly, not in an unpleasant way, but in a way that summed up the situation. She was blinking quickly, looking everywhere but at him, and then her eyes flicked back up to his at last. She put a white hand on the sleeve of his black robe and he felt his skin smolder from under her touch. Fighting to remain conscious, he gave her a curt nod when she said quietly: “Thank you.�

The bell rang and everyone jumped. Severus swept from the courtyard, his robes billowing behind him. Lily knelt in front of James and whispered “Renervate!� Sirius was revived by the simpering girl, and the lot of them trooped off to their next class.

It could have ended there, Severus thought, as he reflected back on it. If he hadn’t tried to find her again and speak to her in private, all of that could’ve been filed into a modestly pleasant memory. But in his greed, he sought her out, planning his route to intercept her outside of Transfiguration, her last class of the day.

He caught sight of her, red hair dancing, smiling widely. She was followed out of the classroom by Remus Lupin, who was looking peaky but was laughing quietly.

“What did you say to him?� Remus asked, grinning.

“I just said thank you,� Lily said, her cheeks pink with embarrassment. “I always thought it was James, trying to impress me with those presents, and being all noble when I asked him about them later. But Severus? It’s just so weird!�

“Creepy if you ask me,� Remus said. “He’s been stalking you for all these years?�

Severus ducked into the nearest passageway to allow them to pass without being seen. He felt sick. Whether Lily was playing up her drama to a sympathetic Remus, or whether this was her true feeling on the subject, it didn’t matter. His image of her was shattered.

For the rest of her painfully short life, whenever Lily caught Severus’s eye, he looked quickly away, not offering her a bit of what he had once given freely: his admiration. The sparkles and violin music were forever replaced with dismal Valentine confetti and the harsh hum of a funeral dirge.

**


“Why not ask Professor Snape to show you how to whip up a Love Potion!� Gilderoy Lockhart was saying gaily to the sea of students in the Great Hall.

Severus swallowed a lump of bile and cast a wary eye out at the children as though daring them to ask. He caught Harry Potter’s glance for the briefest of seconds and saw the reflection of the first girl he’d ever loved glinting for a moment in his eyes. But the balance of the boy was the image of his father James, the man Severus hated above all others.

A winged dwarf brushed past Severus on the way past the staff table to deliver a Valentine to Lockhart. Severus snarled at it and crunched his bacon morosely. This was going to be a very long day.