I leaned against the cool, stone wall of my office in the dungeons. This room was not homely, perhaps, but I prefer not to become too attached to anywhere, since the hurt it causes when one is severed... But I knew I had failed, as I silently farewelled the castle that had become my home.

You are a tool, I realised bitterly, a tool to be used as efficiently as possible, with no one ever considering that perhaps you do have feelings. It has always been this way and so it will always be.

But even as I had the thought, I knew it was untrue. Albus had always cared for me, even when I didn’t care for myself. He had done so much for me, giving me a job, protection and even a home at Hogwarts. Which was what made this, this thing I had to do all the more unbearable.

Dumbledore was gone, and Potter on a wild goose-chase. Nobody else knew of the plan, the task I alone could accomplish. Malfoy- he would serve his purpose, after all. And Narcissa... Narcissa’s Unbreakable Vow I had undertaken would be fulfilled- though she would never had imagined it turning out like this. And then I would join the Dark Lord.

I could not help a frisson of fear running down my spine- yet I despised myself for the weakness it betrayed anyway.

Fool. Fearing Him, when the Dark Lord trusts you so? Coward. What is there to fear, for you? You will not be the one giving everything. He will welcome you with open arms... once you have done what you must do.

So, so I must do it. So be it. My row with Dumbledore; he had had to remind me of my duties! I vowed he would never do so again. Never again.

Footsteps. I stood straight, and heard shouts as someone ran through my door.

“Death Eaters! Death Eaters, in the castle, Severus! You must come back with me and help- oh, in the very castle! Severus-”

Thump. Flitwick lay on the floor. Slowly I lowered my wand, controlled my breathing. I blocked from my mind what I had just done, and burst out the door, prepared to run along the familiar corridors one last time-

And stopped. Of course, they were there. He had said they would be. I suppressed a bitter smile. They may never know the truth of this night, they might never know what he had gone through...

“Granger? Miss Lovegood? Normally I would ask exactly what you were doing outside the office, but as it is...” I gestured into the shadows of my office and wondered at how my voice could remain so distant, without a tremor even now... “You may have surmised that we have a... crisis in the castle. I am afraid that Professor Flitwick has collapsed under the strain, poor man. I must assist in fighting the... Death Eaters, but you would be best served caring for him, and staying out of harm’s way. Now, if you would excuse me.” I swept past them without a further word.

As I passed the tapestries, the paintings, the statues, the suits of armour, I ran over the plan in my mind. It was all set- doubtless Rosmerta would have informed Dumbledore of the Dark Mark, and Harry Potter and the old man were now speeding towards the castle. Dumbledore knew, and the boy had his suspicions... But only I, alone in all the castle, knew how very wrong they were.

Almost before I was aware of it, my feet hit the steps of the Astronomy tower. Ahead of me I heard yells, and knew that pandemonium reigned as witches and wizards exchanged curses, jets of light soaring faster than my feet flew up the stairs. Coming around the corner, I saw it, more vivid than I had even imagined. A battlefield. On the rough steps lay bodies- Longbottom? The werewolf Lupin? I couldn’t be sure. I was fixed on a single goal- reaching the top of the tower.

And finishing Dumbledore.

I leapt through the barrier as if it wasn’t there, the Mark on my arm twinging as I passed. Again, I cursed myself for starting this whole mess. But when had it started? When my parents had fought in front of their child, making me immune to cruelty? When I had first begun serving He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named? When I betrayed the man who had saved my life? Turning “spy” for Albus? It had been a long and painful journey to this ultimate action that I faced today. But then, when had life ever shown kindness to me?

I burst out into the cool night air. On the ramparts, beneath the green glow of His Mark, I saw a panorama of fools. The pathetic old man, Dumbledore, beaten and almost broken against the stonework, the three idiots who called themselves His servants, the filthy werewolf Greyback and the stupid, whining boy Draco. So, he had failed again. Albus had said he would.

The old man recognised me. His part was about to be played, and he knew it. I surveyed the simpleton with unconcealed disgust. And resentment. This thing was unworthy of the sacrifice I would make. And perhaps now he realised exactly what his part was, for his eyes grew round and, against his will, I think: he begged.

“Severus...” As if in a trance, I stepped forwards, knocking the boy from my path. The Unbreakable Vow, Draco, I hadn’t forgotten what your witless mother forced on me, oh no...

And I gathered myself, clearing my mind as was habit after all these years.

“Severus... please...”

Raising my wand, I channelled all my hate, my self-loathing and my fear of what I was about to become and uttered those Unforgivable words.

“Avada Kedavra!”

That sickly beam of emerald light spewed forth out of my wand; it connected with that grovelling, pathetic figure Dumbledore in front of me and he was thrown up in the air and over the side of the tower.

I am a murderer.

No time for that now; deal with the horrors in my mind later. Resisting the temptation to search for the boy, I turned to the Death Eaters and calmly, controllingly, took control. To them, I was as unruffled and uncaring as always. Inside, I was falling apart, Albus’s last words to me my only comfort.

“Out of here, quickly!”

I strode forward, lifting the snivelling boy by his collar and pushing him through the doors from the top of the lightning-struck tower. Without waiting to see if the others followed, I fled on feet leaden yet given wings by my fear, my all-consuming horror- the terror at what I had done, what I had become- there was no excuse and I would never be able to flee fast enough to escape my actions, my burning fright- I had killed a man, I had killed him, I had killed Dumbledore- just as he had told me to, just as I had been told by-

And then I was among the fighting again. How could the barbarians possibly enjoy it, do they not feel the same burden of guilt that lies so heavily on my chest?

“It’s over! Time to go!” I yelled, and I realised it was. It was over and Hogwarts would never be home again, never I be counselled in these safe halls, for I had killed him and there was no turning back...

I was unchallenged, of course, as I plunged through the midst of the chaos. Of course I was, how could they possibly know my true allegiance? How could they, when sometimes I didn’t know myself...

Through the Entrance Hall, again into the cool night air. But now it was bitter, bitter with my shame as I flew, flew away from my crime and towards it, as I dissolved into a familiar darkness... But I must pull myself together, for behind me there were thick yelps and I knew that Potter was picking off my ‘allies’. It would only be a matter of time before he shot at-

I ducked, and the red spell shot past my head.

“Run, Draco!” I faced Potter, saw the hate in his eyes and felt my mouth curve into the familiar mocking sneer that I suddenly loathed, loathe as I loathe every part of what I have become, what I always was.

“Cruc-”

I saw it coming, of course. And along with it, I caught again a glimpse of his burning fury, directed at me. If only he knew what I had gone through! I blocked the curse. Behind me, the night air was torn by screams, howls, manic laughter, burning, crackling noises from a worst nightmare.

“Cruc-” And again, I blocked it.

“No Unforgivable Curses from you Potter! You haven’t got the nerve or the ability!” I knew this to be untrue, but he needed to believe, he must believe that I truly was-

“Incarc-” Another deflection. Oh, how I itched to show him, let him see into my mind as I was so clearly viewing his, he would know-

“Fight back! Fight back, you cowardly-”

“Coward, did you call me Potter? Your father would never attack me unless it was four on one, what would you call him, I wonder?” and what was left of my heart screamed, for who was I to talk of his father like that, when mine was what he was... When I was running away just like a coward...

“Stupe-”

“Blocked again, and again, and again until you learn to keep your mouth shut and your mind closed, Potter!” And with great effort, I tore my vision away from the pitiful figure of rage in front of me and addressed the oaf who was on “my side”. “Now come! It is time to be gone, before the Ministry turns up!”

Trying to take advantage of my shift of attention, Potter started to cast another hex and to my horror, a Death Eater performed the Cruciatus Curse on the boy! I had to stop him, Albus had said, my master had said, I was not to harm Potter!

“NO! Have you forgotten our orders? Potter belongs to the Dark Lord- we are to leave him! Go! Go!”

It seemed that the half-wit understood simple commands. He stumbled towards the gates, and I turned once more to Potter. Behind him I could see the castle, for maybe the last time. And I burned as Hagrid’s hut was burning, with regret and a terrible anger at the one whose fault this was, the one who had torn everyone’s lives apart, and I vowed to make him pay. Potter raised his wand again, firing off another curse.

“Sectum-” I shuddered, thinking of the vindictive, twisted mind that had invented that spell, and blocked my own creation. It was not the only one Potter knew, as I saw in his weak mind- Levi-

“No, Potter!” Perhaps too forcefully, I Disarmed the boy, sending him tumbling away from me, into the fitfully illuminated darkness.

“You dare use my own spells against me, Potter? It was I who invented them- I, the Half-Blood Prince! And you’d turn my own inventions on me, like your filthy father, would you? I don’t think so... no!”

He scrabbled for his wand. With no more than a simple hex I sent it spinning away, and once more the boy was powerless to stop me from doing what I must.

“Kill me, then,” he spat defiantly, “kill me like you killed him, you coward!”

I screamed, as the guilt shot through me, how could he even imagine what I had gone through! Coward! The pain that I was facing- didn’t he know the courage it had taken to- to- I was not, how could he ever-

“DON’T CALL ME COWARD!”

In my blind fury I acted as I always had, I forgot all my orders, His orders and Albus’s orders, I let the rage well up and I jerked up my wand and struck and prepared to strike again and again and-

Pain seared across my arm; it was the hippogriff Buckbeak, launching to the defence of the boy, and I felt the shame, the guilt, as it returned triplefold. I turned, stumbling blindly towards the gate, and Apparated away, away from the beast, away from my last safety.

And I knew. I knew that they would find a body at the bottom of the Astronomy Tower. Dumbledore’s body. Albus had arranged it all; he knew Draco would have the cabinet ready that night, knew that there would be witnesses to see Dumbledore killed, and had left the school. And he had left orders, orders that would haunt me forever, orders to kill Dumbledore.

For the body at the bottom of the Astronomy Tower was indeed Dumbledore’s. It was the body of Aberforth Dumbledore, Albus’s twin brother.


AN: much of the dialogue and events is straight out of the Half-Blood Prince, especially the chapter named Flight of the Prince. I would also like to thank my wonderful beta Anna (Hermione_Rocks) for her patience and input with this fic!