I could say that I hated my sister. I really could. But I would be lying. I didn’t really hate her. I hated the fact that she was always first.

Even when we were children, she was better than me at almost everything. She was prettier and more popular than I was. Whenever anyone came to our door, they wanted to know if Lily could come out and play. If she could, they played with her and I stayed inside. If she couldn’t, they’d settle for playing with me.

Lily played with me, though. She always made sure I was included. My sister wasn’t mean or selfish or spoiled. I will give her that. But she was better than me.

I was older than her, but that didn’t matter. She always got everything. My parents gave us both what we wanted, but if Lily asked me for something, I would give it to her. I never took what she wanted.

That’s how it was even before she went to that school.

I said I wasn’t jealous, that I didn’t want to go, that my sister and that boy were freaks who needed to be kept away from us. I lied. I was jealous. My parents had spent a lot of money on everything Lily needed to go to Hogwarts. I was going to a good secondary school closer to home, one that wasn’t so expensive. But I did want to go to Hogwarts. I didn’t really understand why Lily got to go to a special school and learn things that would be so much more interesting than what I was learning.

But it was a bit of a relief. Since Lily was going to her special school, I didn’t have to compete with her at anything. No one at my school ever knew her and wouldn’t put her first. I did pretty well in all my classes—well enough, anyway. I admit I wasn’t very inclined to academics, but I got through.

My parents didn’t notice. They were too proud of Lily. Lily had gotten the top grade in some magical class called “Charms.� Lily had the best grades of anyone in her year at Hogwarts. Lily was popular and would any of her friends like to come and stay? Of course they did. That Snape boy hung around as much as my parents could stand him, which was a lot more than I could. At least, he did for a little while. After Lily’s fifth year, when she got the top grade in almost all her exams and was named a Prefect, he suddenly stopped showing up. I didn’t care. My parents asked her what had happened and all she said was that she and Severus had had a falling out.

But it was still perfect Lily. Lily became Head Girl at her school. I was just another generic blond girl at mine. Even if I didn’t have magical powers, wasn’t I as good as Lily? Didn’t I deserve to be put first just once?

She drove me crazy when we were both home. She never had to do any work. If she was told to do a chore, she could just wave her wand and it would be done. If I had to do something, I did it meticulously and made sure it was perfect. A clean household was the only stability I could manage.

Lily graduated top of her class. I graduated somewhere in the middle of mine. My parents didn’t pay much attention when I finished school. They were busy praising Lily for her perfection in being a witch.

And then she came home from that school with a new boy in tow, a boy called Potter who seemed to think he owned the entire world. I will admit Potter wasn’t mean to me. He was obviously spoiled as a child and was a bit selfish, but I know he did care for my sister. And my parents loved him. I was even charmed, but I had sworn not to associate with freaks any more than I had to.

Lily and her boyfriend were plotting all sorts of nonsense that I wanted no part in. So when the two of them were planning some big celebration of being finished with school, I helpfully suggested that they hold it the night that my girl friends from school were planning to go out dancing all night. They agreed that that plan was the best. I didn’t have to meet any more of their freaky friends.

And I had a smashing good time, too. We met a number of boys at the clubs who were only too happy to dance with us all night. One of them paid particular attention to me. He was a large, dark haired man named Vernon Dursley who was several years older than me and had a fabulous job at a drill company. I thought he was exactly what I wanted—normal, uppercut, and serious. The type of man who would give me a perfectly calm existence. The type of man who would put me first.

He asked me to see him again and I accepted. We were soon seeing each other every day. I took him home to meet my family and my parents were just as taken with Vernon as they were with the Potter boy. Lily didn’t seem to like Vernon very much, and he wasn’t taken with her like everyone else I knew. I didn’t care. I was glad he liked me more than my sister.

Just when things started settling down, though, my father died in a car crash. Both Lily and I were upset, of course, exceedingly so, but it wasn’t enough to make me like her any more. I was tired of it, to tell the truth, tired of everyone paying attention to her, everyone praising her and ignoring me. I turned to my boyfriend for comfort, shutting Lily out.

We did agree to appear to get along for our mother’s sake. So when Lily announced that she was going to marry Potter, Vernon and I appeared at the wedding and pretended not to be shocked. When Vernon asked me to marry him, Lily and her husband came and pretended to enjoy it. And when our mother was at her last breath in the hospital, Lily and I both sat with her, not speaking to each other, but pretending it was because we couldn’t talk.

Once our mother died though, Lily and I were on a purely Christmas-card relationship. Other than that, Vernon and I were happy to settle down to a perfectly normal, non-magical suburban life. We had a son, Dudley, and I said he would be the only son. I didn’t want a child that would grow up with a sibling that always came first. Finally, Lily was out of the picture and I came first. We pretended that there was no Lily Potter, that I was an only child.

Lily did write to say that she had also had a son, who she named Harry. I sent a card and then pretended the baby didn’t exist either. It didn’t matter. I had the life I wanted, perfectly sanitized, upper-middle class, with a normal husband who worked hard so that I could have anything I wanted, and a normal baby who was the center of my universe. Dudley would never be denied anything he wanted, either. My life was normal.

Until I opened the door and found a baby on my doorstep.

There was a letter. Lily and her husband had been killed and we needed to raise the baby, treat him as our own, protect him. I didn’t really understand anything except one fact.

Lily had come first again. Even in death, she was more important. And I couldn’t deny her anything, really. But I couldn’t bring myself to treat her son like my own. I couldn’t put Dudley through what I had gone through.

So I put her son through it a thousand times worse.

Part of it was Vernon. He despised magic and resented that we had to look after a boy who would be obviously magical. Vernon believed the magic could be forced to go away.

Part of it was revenge. I had always dreamed of having power over Lily, being able to make her see what it was like to be ignored.

I regret it sometimes. But Harry has never been stellar at everything like Lily was, so it was easier to make him miserable. Dudley was never brilliant, either, but that was all right. I knew he had talents that Harry didn’t, just like Harry had talents Dudley didn’t. But Harry’s talents weren’t the type I wanted in my life.

Now Harry’s gone, grown-up and living in his own world. Dudley’s grown, too, and has moved out to make his own way. Yes, I cried when my son left. I’m not ashamed of it.

I am ashamed of how I spoiled him, ashamed of how I treated Harry. I’m ashamed of how I think of my sister.

But I have my normal life with a normal man. I’m first now, and we have everything we want.

But sometimes, when Vernon’s away on business, I take a train to an out-of-the-way village. I pass an ugly war memorial and go through the cemetery. I go to a grave and look at it. I don’t cry. I didn’t cry when she died. I don’t speak. I don’t lay flowers there. I just look.

Because Lily always comes first.