I wasn’t ready to watch his face vanish amongst the crowds, into a summer’s rest, into a summer of separation. I wasn’t ready to see him and Sirius vanish into the distance, leaving me, standing alone by a train that I wished would turn around, take me back. I wasn’t ready to join my anticipating family, my sister and her fiancee, my parents and their excitable questions. I wasn’t ready to kiss my friends on the cheek and say goodbye. To get in the car and drive to a Muggle house on a Muggle street, where I was vulnerable, unprotected, and missing James.

I was hardly ready to admit to anyone, sitting there in the back of a Mazda, watching hippies and punks congregating on London street corners in angst and protest, each of them bearing a target, a title, “Muggle.� They didn’t know what I knew. What my friends knew. What my family tried to understand, and frequently forgot. These kids, my age, my peers, hardly my equals, thought their only thing to fear was the government.
I knew better.

*****

I was sitting up reading a book, in my Surrey Secondary sweat pants and a thin v-neck, the ceiling fan in my room spinning so fast each blade was a blur into the next. My owl, Cleopatra for the coloring around her eyes, was watching and fluttering her wings in the summer heat. My sister and parents had gone into London to check out yet another catering company.

The book was a study of genocide, in the form of historical fiction. It was macabre and morbid and perfectly Muggle, perfectly ignorant. The author seemed to think that our world was turning into a utopia of peace and tolerance. Within the first few chapters I was shocked at how little he seemed to know or guess.

A letter from Remus sat by my hip. Peter Pettigrew’s father, a clerk in the Auror office in the Ministry, had gone missing a few weeks after the end of term. I was devastated. This attack was the closest to home yet. A letter to Peter sat beneath the desk light, which seemed to grow brighter as the outside world grew darker. Streetlights started to come on, and the sun became a memory. My eyes grew more and more weary, and soon the book had fallen onto my lap, and my head sank onto my pillow, and I was out, the stifling heat numbing my mind and making it easier to forget the fact that being a Muggleborn made me a possible target. That I was marked for death. And virtually unguarded . . .

“Lily, Lily, Lily,� the voice hissed, low and serpentine.

I sat up in bed, my hair mussed, the desk lamp out, the moon where it would be for two a.m. rather than ten p.m., which is when I recalled dozing off. My book was on the floor. My owl was gone. I was sweaty, my pajama bottoms sticking to my legs, my bangs sticking to my face. A man with a black cloak on sat opposite me, his red eyes staring at me from the other side of his hood, his white skin opaque beneath the mask. The mask had no spot for a nose or nostrils. I knew he had none.

“Your parents are dead, Lily. Your sister is dead, Lily. James is dead, Lily. Die, Lily.�

A flash of green light illuminated my room and the deepness of pupils, and then awoke, my face hotter than it had been in my dream.

The light was on. The sky outside was the pearly gray of a foggy morning. Cleopatra’s head was beneath her wing. And my mouth was open in a scream that I knew I had imagined, but still rang around my childhood space without inclination to cease.

*****

My father was making pancakes, and looked exhausted. I suspected he’d been up late, drowning his disapproval of Tuney’s impending union in a bottle of Grandpa’s last Christmas present. My mother was chatting aimlessly about flower arrangements. Petunia and Vernon were, mercifully, nowhere to be seen. I marched in, my hair pulled back, my shirt wrinkled, the sweatpants gathered around my bare ankles.

“Sleep well, hon?� Mum asked, her voice feminine and strong. I was pulled back to my first day at primary school, to boarding the train at Hogwarts, to the first time I’d come home in rapturous pleasure and excitement, only to lose the only sister I’d ever had, and ever would have, to a prejudiced beast.

“Oh, totally,� I lied, shivering. Voldemort couldn’t reach me here, I tried to believe. Dumbledore wouldn’t let him, I told himself. Dumbledore was wise, I knew.

“Fantastic! I wouldn’t want you sleepy for dress day!� she gushed, and I knew the tentative mother-ness was a thing of the past. Now she was happy happy wedding mum, and I was going to wear whatever monstrosity of a bridesmaid gown she and my sister agreed to put me in.

I groaned audibly and slammed the fridge door, pulling a carton of orange juice to my mouth and guzzling. Hogwarts house elves didn’t know the value of cartons. You can’t guzzle unladylike from a pitcher. “That’s today?� I gasped, wiping my mouth.

“Yes it is! Tuney is at the shop already, getting fit for hers. She wants us there in less than an hour! So hurry!�

I grabbed a blueberry hotcake off the top of the stack, swiped it through a puddle of maple syrup, and hurried back the way I’d come. It took me a half-an hour to pull my hair up more tidily, apply makeup to the dark circles, and dig through my clean laundry to find something that had already made it out of my trunk. My hand swiped the Quidditch shirt I’d stolen from James’ dorm, and my heart shivered, bringing me back to the feelings that had begun mid-April, feelings of vulnerability, and the love those feelings had grown into.

I chose a white blouse and some denim cutoffs, some sandals and a silver headband of a lily that James gave me a Christmas present fourth year. (He still thought I’d buried it under pile of owl droppings behind the Owlery and burned the pile.) Then I climbed into shotgun and prepared myself to despise what my sister chose, deciding to maintain thoughts of James and the safety of Hogwarts when it came time to look in the mirror.

It was, in short, a very long summer. I sat on a window seat in my parents’ home in Surrey and read. I took long walks to nowhere. I sat in on wedding planning meetings just to insert comments to confuse all the old women who glared at me for hours on end. Then of course I Apparated to Diagon Alley once a week, moving prone between the shops, up and down the street, my shoes hitting the cobblestones in synchopated rhythm, my heart yearning to remind me of who I realize who I really was when summer ended. Sometimes I wore heels. Knee-high boots that hugged my Muggle jeans. A leather jacket, a long red braid. Blatantly Muggle, stubbornly witch.

Years later, I’d admit that I was asking for some confrontation, my sluggish boredom leaving me reckless and dumb. I wanted to be found by some opponent, so I could fight and win. Earn some Galleons from the Ministry, earn the title of hero. Prove my worth in the eyes of everyone who doubted me because my parents couldn’t cast a spell. Maybe I'd end up a savior of the Wizarding World, a powerful witch with fans and power and no fear. Then, someday, I'd be out fighting Death Eaters, and James would remember how he used to feel, back when I still hated him. He'd remember what it was like to proclaim undying for Lily Evans so the whole world could hear. He'd race to my side right as the end, after all I'd faced solo, seemed near. We'd beat back the enemy as a duo, and I'd be stronger with him at my side.

I was fantasizing about being powerful and loved when I turned the corner by Flourish and Blotts, and reality came crashing back at me. I was just a nerd, James was just a friend, and we had Dumbledore for the heroism.

Three boys stood in front of me, their faces dark with prejudice, anger, confusion, and a regret they tried desperately to mask. Masks. They weren't wearing their usual ones, and that, at least, comforted me.

What destroyed what little I had healed already was the boy on the right, his hair a grease ball, his face sour and despondent, his clothes secondhand and dirty. I imagined his mouth spitting "Mudblood" at my feet, telling me to butt out. I imagined his face watching mine in rapturous admiration, a raw appreciation that seemed to be forever coexisting with hatred for those he saw as opponents. I imagined telling me I was brilliant, telling me that James loved me, to never talk to James because he'd hurt me.

"Sev," I breathed, unprepared for his sudden appearance.

His "friends" saw me before he did. "It's the Mudblood Gryffindork," they spat. Mulciber. Avery. My heart quivered in fear, and I stepped back, struggling to keep my eyes out of Sev's sad ones.

"Evans," I heard him say, and I shook with grief for what I'd lost.

"Snape," I hissed, and I pictured him recoiling in pain for the mess he'd created. I tried to keep walking, past Severus, beyond the history I'd been so adamant to never return to.

Avery's arm shot out. "We have some friends that'd be very interested in meeting you and chatting with you, Evans. Especially as you seem to be lacking your usual . . . entourage. Potter not with you today, is he? Not MacDonald either, I see."

My eyes darted between their faces, flitting most rapidly from Severus' to Avery's. They couldn't hurt me. They were thick - I was quick-reflexed and the best in my class. They were afraid to act without orders. I was perfectly safe. Or was I?

In the moment I hadn't been watching Mulciber, he'd come around me, his hand landing in the center of my back, coming upwards to rest on my shoulder, firm and directing. I screamed, and jerked my arm, nailing him in the gut with my elbow. I stumbled, tripping in the ridiculous boots, watching the adrenaline rush to Mulciber's head, watching the horror of conflict make Severus twitch so only I could see.

Avery's eyes burned, and he moved forward. We were off a side street, and the people that passed kept their eyes on the ground, afraid to step out and endanger themselves or their families.

I pulled my wand from my back pocket, pointing it at each of them in turn, even Mulciber, who moved closer and closer, strength and hatred burning in his eyes.

"LILY!"

I didn't turn, fearful, in a position where I'd moments before imagined being fearless. I didn't swivel my gaze to whoever wanted to save me or hurt me.

Then I felt two people, one on either side, wands pointed at the same people I'd been facing alone moments before.

I saw Avery's face narrow in worry. He hadn't been betting on this.

"What the hell do you think you were doing?" James spat, while Sirius glanced warily at the expression on my face, his handsome features watching my eyes smolder as they connected with Sev's. My former best friend was angry. At whom, I couldn't tell, but I knew it wasn't me.

"Evans here was just agreeing to join my friends and I for a summer afternoon of entertainment. I can't say you were invited specifically like your girlfriend was, but if you hand over your wand and that blasted streak of arrogant stupidity, I'm sure my wonderful boss wouldn't mind you and Black coming along. I mean, for Black, it'd be a family reunion!" Avery chuckled, his hand gripping his wand, his face barely concealing the fear he'd inevitably experienced when James materialized at my side.

Sirius made as though to spring at the Slytherin, but I swung out my arm to hold him back just in time. "No, Black," I hissed aloud, betraying my urgency as our eyes locked.

Sirius turned back to the silly group in front of us, alive with anger and . . . shame? "Those prejudiced pigs aren't my family," he spat. "My home is with the Potters."

From my peripherals, I saw him exchange a wink with James, who winked back. Then they both grabbed an arm and Apparated, dragging me along for the ride.

*****

My head hit something hard, and the world was still spinning. My side felt like it had caved in. I opened my eyes, and immediately James’ arms were around me.

“Lily! What were you doing in Diagon Alley? Haven’t you been reading the Daily Prophet? People are taken off the street daily . . . Merlin, if we hadn’t shown up . . .� His face was haggard. I’d upset him greatly. My heart was heavy with guilt.

“James, I’m fine, see? My knights in shining armor rode in at the last minute,� I told him, lighthearted, winking at Sirius, whose eyes still twinkled, whose mouth still opened wide to reveal all his teeth when he laughed. Who still made jokes at the expense of powerful, dangerous enemies, unafraid of the consequences. War couldn’t change Sirius Black.

“Don’t wink at him, he takes nothing seriously. Lily, please, tell me you won’t go back!� James begged. Why wasn’t I happier? Wasn’t this what I wanted? James hovering over me, anxious to save my life, to be near me, to keep me safe. Why wasn’t I rejoicing?

Distance made the heart grow fonder. I had forgotten how much James pissed me off when we were together. He was the toddler-minded, the prankster. I was the library prone. Everything I’d been imagining for weeks was just that - the stuff of wistful imagination. But I was still marginally pleased to see him - a Hogwarts face, from a world I clung to the edges of during the summer. The romance I’d been picturing was near impossible when we our noses were so close they could have touched. His arms dropped to his sides as I remained silent in concentration.

“Not go back to Diagon Alley?� I asked him, confused by the question.

“Lily, he only means that you won’t go back for . . . you know . . . Snape,� Sirius muttered, and my eyes narrowed.

“I’m not an idiot, Potter,� I hissed at him, suddenly angry. Back to square one, then - overprotectiveness, competitiveness, all around irritation.

“I know, Lily. I’m just saying this is a bit more serious than a Slytherin confrontation in the hallway. Those thugs were going to drag you off to Voldemort. They aren’t just fellow students that serve as pains in the . . . bum . . . anymore.� I raised my eyebrow at the ommitted word, wondering why he avoided cussing now, when foul language had never been a barrier for him in the past.

“Again, I’m not an idiot,� I spat, and, with a small voice at the end I added his name, “James.�

It was his turn to raise an eyebrow, but I felt his arms around me again. I felt Sirius’ gaze on us, confused, analytical, trying to discern what was happening between us. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and guessed that he’d figure it out before I did.

We all rose, and I finally glanced around me. We were in a field. It was full of shivering grasses, the sun setting in the west, over the plain, ringed by low trees. Some of the trees in the distance were more uniformed, like an orchard. An odd structure, like a lopsided tower, was in the distance. I gave James a look.

“Where are we?� I asked, him, voice low and demanding.

“This is the Weasley house,� he told me. “Arthur’s family. His wife, Molly, has twin brothers, Gideon and Fabian. They’ve been doing some work for Dumbledore, against the Death Eaters. Well, the Death Eaters kinda sorta hate them, so they’ve been lying low here. My parents have also been working with Dumbledore and lying low. So they’ve sent me to talk to the Prewetts in person. Figured it would be less obvious. Our story is that we went to school with Arthur and were coming to hang out with him and his wife.�

I nodded, trying to process everything. I’d gone from being summer-apathetic to being kidnapped by junior Death Eaters to helping Dumbledore’s agents. This was a weird day.

“You’re being awfully quiet, Sirius,� I said, realizing why the moment seemed suddenly weirder.

“I am, aren’t I?� he told me. “Being awfully unobstrusive and polite. Not cussing or anything. Heck, I’ve even finished my summer homework. Odd, right?� He tossed an arm around my shoulders. “It’s like I’m a completely different person. Why is that?�

James snorted and started towards the odd building in the distance. “Shove off, Padfoot.�

Sirius winked at me. Again. “Just doing the lady a favor. Hints never hurt anybody, did they?�

I half-shut my eyes in confusion and glared at him. What was he implying?

Then Sirius mouthed, He’s back to liking you. A lot. Don’t be a prat this time.

My heart beat quicker, but I focused ahead, not even sure I’d deciphered his lip-syncing correctly. This was a mission for Dumbledore, one I’d been unceremoniously drafted into, before my book list for the seventh year had even arrived. This would be a long last two weeks, I could tell.

As we got closer to the house, I realized it was smaller than I’d imagined it from a distance. It looked like it had originally been a one-story, three-room cottage, but had been added to. Two more rooms had been stacked on top, and leaned precariously. With a jolt, I remembered Arthur Weasley. He’d been a redhead, like me, but quite a few years ahead of us in school. He and another girl, a year lower than him, had left school during his seventh year and gotten married. It been a big subject of gossip. He’d been very ostentatious, being a loud advocate of Muggle Studies and Muggle rights, and being famed for coming from a wealthy pureblood family. He had several siblings, but by the time he married Molly Prewett, he’d been rather estranged from them for his quirkyness.

Gideon and Fabian I’d never met, but they were famous for being James’ and Sirius’ predecessors in mischief-making, though not as extreme.

The path up to the door was neat, lined with flowers and pots. The doorstep was swept and had a bright “Welcome� mat.

James knocked, and a smiling, petite, pregnant young woman with long red hair answered the door. She had dimples and freckles, and smiled wide at the sight of us. “The Potter boy! James, right? And who are your friends?�

“Lily Evans,� I told her.

“Sirius,� Sirius told her, glancing sideways at us, his eyes begging us not to divulge the last name.

She nodded, her smile dimming only slightly at Sirius’ introduction, her gaze flashing in recognition as we said our names.

“All at Hogwarts, I remember you,� she greeted us. Her grin had bounced back to full brightness.

“We’re here to see your brothers,� James told her. “Las gamelas. The twins. Les jumeaux.�

She nodded. “That’s right.�

She stepped aside, giving me a friendly wink as I passed her on the way in.

To the right was a kitchen, to the left a living room. A staircase and a wall divided the two. I saw a grandfather clock ticking away in the corner of the living room, and a huge mantel with a picture of Arthur, Molly, and two redheaded boys.

We passed the staircase right as the two boys from the photo came pounding down the stairs, pushing and shoving each other. They looked fairly close in age, but I couldn’t tell if they were twins.

“This is William and Charles,� Molly introduced us. “My boys. Their baby brother Percy was just put down for his nap, and I’ve got yet another little sibling for them in here. We’re hoping it’s a little girl.� She gave us a dimpled grin, and gestured for her sons to join us.

“I’m Bill and I’m seven!� the taller one told us, coming up and grabbing my hand and shaking it vigorously. Then he showed me what seven looked like on his fingers. “I get to go to Hoggerts in four years but Charlie doesn’t get to go for six and Percy doesn’t get to go for almost eleven! That’s ‘cause I’m the oldest and Auntie Moral says that makes me the most responnible!�

I laughed at his soliloquy, then stopped abruptly as Charlie started in. Apparently, Charlie was five, but we didn’t get much else, because he was of a quieter sort than his brother.

Molly chased them out the door after Bill launched into a life story, detailing each day in the past week and what he’d done on each of them. Then she called upstairs again, and this time two much older boys came down, both older than us, identical, and redheaded like their sister.

The introductions took place rapidly, and then Gideon and Fabian Prewett, Sirius, James and I sat down at Molly’s kitchen table. She set about preparing an afternoon snack to go with the tea she’d already given us, then bustled back into the family room, saying she needed to send a Floo to her husband, who was at work.

“What message do your parents have for us, James?� Fabian (at least I think it was Fabian) asked. “And why did you bring it?�

“My parents are being followed, for the same reasons you’re hiding here. It would look mighty suspicious for them to turn up at the Burrow, where your sister lives, there being the connection that could lead the Death Eaters here. So I came,� James explained. “And the message is that Phineas Nott -�

I saw Gideon’s lips curl in a grimace. “Murderer.�

“-has vanished from house arrest.�

Fabian’s face blanched and Gideon’s hand came down on the table. I glanced between them, a thousand questions buzzing in my mind. “Who-�

James shook his head, and stood. “That was the message. I’ll be going now. Luck be with you.�

Fabian, still pale, shook James’ hand and nodded. “Thanks for the information, and the warning. Luck be with you, too, and tell your parents we owe them. Again.�

Sirius trailed me as we left the room and went out the door, onto the lane winding away into the hills. I saw the two little redheaded boys chasing each other into the trees ringing the valley, and then James grabbed my arm and we Apparated, appearing in front of a large manor house shrouded in sunlight and obscured by rose vines and flower bushes.

James’ home. 

I sat up, my hair falling in front of my face, my body uncomfortably hot under thick, musty blankets. I was in the guest bedroom. Of James’ house. Of James’ manor. Of Potter Manor. A mansion. I swung the blankets back and jumped out of bed. I was in a pajama shirt and some pajama pants that Mrs. Potter had lent me.

“Honestly, Lily, it’s all right to stay here for the night. It’s already almost midnight and I doubt you’re in any condition to Apparate,� Mrs. Potter had said. I shut my eyes and shook my head. I’d sent an owl home, and the response came back within the hour, with my mother’s eager consent. They had agreed that I could stay and scheduled some time to get tea and talk about James and I. James looked sheepish. Sirius looked amused. I was scared. The last thing I wanted was for my mother and Mrs. Potter to strike up a friendship. What would a friendship like that lead to? An arranged marriage? Premature wedding plans? Talk of a shared grandchild?

I’d dreamed of Sev. I’d thought of Sev for the first time all summer, laying in the big bed in the guest room at James’ house. I’d dreamed of how he tried to take me to You-Know-Who. I dreamed of James saving me. I dreamed . . . and I cried.When I woke up, and remembered where I was, I felt guilty. My parents were home, unprotected. I was here, safe. They were home, in danger. I got out of the covers and stood by the bed, gazing out the window. Three figures in black hoods paced in front of the house. Death Eaters.

I got dressed quickly, pulling on my pants, and my boots. My jacket was in the hall, but my cardigan was warm enough. I gathered my tangled hair into a side ponytail and raced down the hall, trying to recall which room was James’. I found what had to be the right one and threw open the door, only to see a half-naked Sirius Black snoring on the bed, surrounded by empty bottles of Firewhisky and Muggle magazines.

Once my initial embarrassment was gone, I found a shirt and pants on the floor and tossed them, with all possible force, onto Sirius’ bare back. He jerked awake, blinking and groaning.

“Lily! I take it I’m not supposed to tell James about this?� he called softly, laughing.

“I don’t have time to cover how much of a prat you are, Black. There are three Death Eaters surrounding the Potters’ front door. Get up, get dressed, and get moving,� I hissed. “Which room is James’?�

He raised an eyebrow. “One to the right.�

I slipped out the door, as Sirius rolled over and stood up. James’ door gave easier than Sirius’ did.

James Potter lay across his blankets on the bed, wearing a t-shirt and boxers. His face was up, sweat beads thrown into light by the glow of the moon from the window. His bare feet hung off either side of the bed, and his mouth was slightly open. His hair was messy as ever, and I felt an intense need to stroke it, make it lie flat. I moved closer, watching James asleep, wishing I didn’t have to wake him, when suddenly the door flew open and Sirius came in, buttoning his pants. He was wearing tennis shoes and a jacket, his shaggy hair falling over his eyes.

“PRONGS!� he hissed, jumping on top of James. “Let’s MOVE. We have a PHOENIX SITUATION on our hands and EVANS IS WATCHING YOU SLEEP.�

I hit him in the side, and he stumbled off of James’ back as James moved, twisting as he sat up so he could stare us down. “What in the name of Merlin’s pratty brother are you doing in my room?� He glanced at me. “Especially you . . .�

I fought a giggle and stared desperately at Sirius. “Explain?�

“Death Eaters, mate.�

James jumped from his bed and grabbed the nearest jeans. “Sirius get Millie and wake up my parents. Then contact Headquarters using the basement fireplace. Evans, come with me.�

It was then the face appeared in the window. It wasn’t really a face. How could it be? It was a hood, a hood with a mind that had been robbed by prejudice and bloodlust. The hood had a hand, and the hand had a wand, and the wand had a spell that shattered the window and flew past Sirius’ head.

It was the heat of the moment. James shoved Sirius through his bedroom door into the hallway, then swung his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to the floor as another spell left a crater in the hallway wall. Sirius was waiting around the corner, wand ready, and James pushed me behind him, between the two boys. I pulled my wand out of my pant pocket and tried to breathe regularly. Quietly. James put a hand on my shoulder.

“You’re gonna be fine,� he whispered, and I shuddered, wishing I could have his arm around my shoulder again. This was fear like I’d never felt before. This was a crushing, distracting fear, a fear that made me unable to breathe for the weight on my chest.

Sirius looked over his shoulder at James, over my head. “Do you think they’re in?� he whispered.

James glanced down the hallway behind us. “We’ve got to alert the Order. C’mon.�

Then the hood appeared behind Sirius, and I felt a scream bubble from my lips, finally free. Sirius kicked the hood in the groin, and the masked figure proved to be a woman as she stumbled back, barely distracted by the move that would have incapacitated a man.

“COUSIN!� she screamed, the hand she’d been pushing off of the doorjam falling to her side. Her wand hand came up, and a red curse flew at Sirius. He fell to the ground, twitching and grunting. James yelled.

“STUPEFY!� he screamed, and Sirius stopped twitching, his eyes opened, and I helped him to his feet.

The woman deflected the spell, but Sirius had already pulled me around the next corner, James stumbling after us as a spell shattered the glass of one of the many family photographs.

Sirius leaned back, panting. “Bellatrix.�

James nodded.

More footsteps came into the corridor we’d just left, and I heard murmuring, and an out-of-place cackle. Sirius recovered, and I followed James at a jog down the stairs, towards his parents’ wing.

Two Death Eaters were coming in the front doors. We sank so we were crouched on the landing, counting on the darkness and the stillness of our bodies to keep us undiscovered.

“Did you see something?� the taller one said.

“Yah, the ghost of a real Potter. Come to help us . . . fix . . . his blood traitor descendants,� the shorter chuckled. “Come on.� They proceeded down the hall, underneath us, towards the kitchen and the back door.

We scurried down the remaining steps and across the foyer to the door to Mr. and Mrs. Potter’s rooms. I went first, then Sirius came behind me and James shut it behind us, locking it with a quick charm.

“I’ll get Mum and Dad,� James told us. “Sirius, get the signal. Lily, follow.�

We moved down the hallway, James pushing past us to show the way. Sirius went in one of the first doors, and James led me to the double doors at the end.

The Potters were sleeping peacefully in each other’s arms. I held back, while James raced forward and nudged his mother awake. They spoke quickly, then she pushed her husband awake and they got up. James led me back into the hallway.

“Lils . . .�

“James.�

“I’ve got to get you home. You aren’t prepared for this sort of thing, and I don’t want -�

“Please, James, the last thing I want is for you to protect -�

Sirius appeared then. “Called ‘em.�

James nodded, then took me by my shoulders. “Lily, can you Apparate home, please?�

I felt weak. I felt victimized. I felt like my entire body was a weight, that I needed to crumple into a ball and move into a corner or under a table. “Yah, sure.�

I spun, but all the spinning did was make me fall. James caught me, and helped me stand up. “To the fireplace, then,� he whispered, while Sirius patted me on the back. He didn’t see me shake my head. I wanted to stay, I couldn’t leave James here, to die, when I needed him or . . . how could I be this selfish? I grabbed his hand, and felt six years of forced hate fall forgotten behind us. He stared at the contact, not speaking, just staring. What was this between us? This was hardly the time to be thinking of such things. I shook my head.

Using James as a support, we ran back the way we came, and we waited by the main door for Potters’ parents to appear by our side. “Lily, are you alright?� Mrs. Potter asked, brushing my stray hairs to the side of my face.

James shook his head. “She’s having a hard time . . . we need to get her out of here.�

I glared at him and tried to stand up again, only to fall against the wall, my hand in a fist. “No. No. I don’t want to leave . . . until the Order gets here, you need me. I’ll be fine, James.� So much for chemistry. The frustration bubbled back up. As fearful as I might have been, in dueling, I was surely his equal. In wit I was his match. I didn’t need him for anything but bravery, and the only way to get bravery was to stand my ground. “Please, James, let me help.�

He opened his mouth to protest, but his father put his hand on his shoulder. He shut his mouth then, and Mr. Potter nodded to me. “Stick with James, Lily, and don’t let your guard down. They’re here to ‘correct’ our blood traitor ways. Your blood status is no secret. The last thing I want is to see you hurt, but if you insist on staying, I can’t change your mind.�

I nodded, taking a deep, shuddering breath, feeling strength return to my body in one breath of James’ musk at my side. “Let’s go then.� I slid my hand back into James’, pulling my wand out of my pocket and positioning myself next to the door into the foyer.

Mrs. Potter swung the door open, and one-by-one we crept along the wall to the living room, trying not to hit our heads on the portraits hanging in the hall.

“My masters! My masters! What have you been doing to Millie’s masters?� I heard a small voice scream. “They is good people! They is doing nothing bad to Millie! Why is you hurting Millie?�

“Listen, elf, where do your masters hide in this big place? Where do they hide their friends?� a deeper voice hissed. “I’ve can’t say I’ve ever tasted elf before, but I bet it’s stringy. Like frog legs.�

James’ grip on my fingers tightened. His wand hand shook. Mrs. Potter covered her mouth with her hand, and I saw her eyes were wet.

“Sirs, sirs, Millie is not knowing where her masters have gone, but please, Millie is doing nothing wrong, Millie is doing nothing to deserve punishments!� This declaration was followed by a growl, a squeal, and a crunch, then the whimpering vanished. James’ shoulders fell, and Sirius shook his head angrily.

“Some help that maggot was,� a familiar woman sneered. Bellatrix. “Can you smell them, Greyback?�

Mr. Potter started pushing us all back, fear making his face wild. That name was unfamiliar to me, but the other four looked haggard.

“I smell four blood traitors . . . and something nasty . . . like a Mudblood,� he hissed, and I imagined bloody fangs curling over thin lips in a sneer of disgust and bloodlust. I abandoned any pretense of coolness and buried myself in James’ chest. His arm tightened around my body, and I wished I could feel safety. Here, of all places, the spot I’d imagined coming to all summer as a refuge.

It was then the front doors blew open with a BANG, and un-hooded wizards poured in, led by Minerva McGonagall, the Scottish heroine and my favorite role model.

Death Eaters scrambled to their feet in the living room, and the Potters raced to join their allies before Death Eaters overtook us. Sirius made it to the group first, then Mrs. Potter. I came out of the narrow hall and into the foyer, only to stumble over James’ foot and fall flat on my face, just as one of the hoods caught up with me. I smelled blood, and the sour, feral musk of a wild animal, as a huge hand caught the back of my shirt. I couldn’t help myself. I screamed, and James turned, only to have more wands come up on either side of me and my attacker.

The voice Mr. Potter called “Greyback� came from the hood holding me. “Well, if it isn’t the Mudblood.� He pressed his nose to the back of my neck, and I almost screamed again. “Silencio, filth,� he hissed.

“LILY!� James yelled, and the Order had their wands on the Death Eaters.

“Everyone, calm, or your pet here gets it,� Bellatrix sang. She pulled back her hood, and I saw wild curls dancing over a thin, drawn, face, with black eyes alight with insanity. “Avery mentioned seeing a Mudblood fitting your description today, pretty. Guess you didn’t get away after all.�

I shivered again as Greyback chuckled. “Normally I wouldn’t want blood like this in my body, but the lovely young ones are always such a treat.�

I watched James, fear making my emotions run wild and my imagination run even wilder. I wanted him to save me. He was so brave - why couldn’t he save me?

His wand was ready, his cheeks running with tears, his restraint waning. Sirius had a hand on his shoulder.

“Let us have Ms. Evans back, Madam Lestrange, and when Dumbledore gets here, your end of this deal won’t be so rotten,� McGonagall called. Her Scottish timbre was music to my ears.

“Albus Dumbledore? Here? This is a house raid. It’s hardly important enough to bring the big man himself upon us,� one of the hoods, a male, protesting.

Greyback growled again, and his grip on both my arms tightened. “Everyone drop your wands or I get my first taste!� He then pushed his hand against my throat, thrusting my head back onto his shoulder, running his tongue along my jawbone. I tried to scream. I tried to escape. But I was going to die.

Then the crack. A man in the middle of the room, a swish and a flash, majestic robes spinning as the tall form landed in the centre of the foyer, his long beard shining in the evening glow, his half-moon glasses reflecting the faces of everyone standing around him. His wizards’ hat was askew, and his boots were dirty, but he was Dumbledore, and I was no longer going to die.

“Bella, darling, kindly have your dog release the girl,� he said softly, wand at Bellatrix’s heart.

Greyback’s head swung away from my mine, to stare greedily at Bellatrix, who stood studdering. If even her master was afraid of this man, then she knew she stood no chance.

“Fenrir-�

He spat at her, the hot saliva grazing my ear as it struck Bellatrix’s foot. Then he tossed me over his shoulder and went tearing back into the living room, out the living room window . . . the air was fast past my ears, but he was human, and James could catch up.

As we crossed the Potters’ back field, I knew living was impossible. It had to be. I was alone with a monster, and I didn’t have my wand anymore.

Greyback dropped me at the treeline, and I tried to run, but he pinned me.

“Why did the Potters have you? What a sad betrayal. Surely they knew we’d be after them! For saving that Muggle family with the Mudblood daughter in Surrey . . .�

Mum. Dad. Petunia! The wedding . . . I was going to die . . . and James’ family . . . had saved mine? I was the only Muggleborn I knew of in my area. The Death Eaters had gone after my family!

A shape flew overhead, and I remember praying it was James on his broom, just before my fear became too much, and I passed out.

Lights. Lights. Were they heaven? One light, on the edge of my consciousness . . . no, my eyes were opening. There was only light, and flashes of dark as shapes moved across my vision.

I opened my eyes and blinked, and saw I was in a room at St. Mungo’s, with an elderly Healer putting a green potion into a cup at my side. James was in a chair next to me, sleeping, a long bandage on his arm. I heard the murmur of my parents’ voices from somewhere, probably the hallway, and breathed slowly, thankful I was alive, and James was alive, and my parents were fine.

“Ah, Ms. Evans,� the Healer greeted me, placing his hand on my shoulder. “Had a rough night, there?�

I nodded, unable to find my voice.

“You got off lucky, from what your fellow here told me, you could have gotten much worse. All I had to fix was a few broken bones, and a sprain. There are some questions I have to ask, though, once you’re more awake. We need to make sure you’re not showing signs of brain trauma. Your head has a sizable bump that’s worrying me,� the man sighed, sounding like my grandpa.

“All right,� I croaked, and James’ eyes shot open.

“Lily?� he nearly shouted, sitting up. His gaze fell on me.
“You’re awake!�

He stood and hugged me, and I shut my eyes and breathed him in - my hero. Just like I’d always known he would be. James. Then I shook my head. Where had our old rivalry gone? What was happening to me? Did I really fancy James?

“Yes, yes, she’s awake. And recovering,� the Healer chuckled, pushing James off me. “No tackling for now.�

I smiled at that, and James’ face lit up at the sight. “I thought I was going to lose you,� he told me. “Greyback . . .� His eyes grew dark and he rubbed the bandage on his arm.

“What happened to you?� I asked, lifting my arm to touch his.

“I tried to Stun him before he could bite you or anything. He turned and got my arm with his nails before I got him. I got you back inside and left him there. When the Aurors arrived, he was gone.�

“Is everyone all right?� I asked, and he nodded.

“We had Dumbledore. Most fled when Greyback did.�

I watched the Healer a moment, and saw a sadness on his face as he turned to leave. “Young couples in love. Uplifting to see in a war the likes of this one. You two be good to each other and leave the stupid out of it.� He winked at James. “Ms. Evans, drink that potion within the hour, and your bones should be completely healed.�

I thanked him, my face red to my ears, James’ hands drifted to his pockets. The Healer went into the hall, and my parents came in, joyous. James murmured goodbye, and left. As much as his closeness made my heart race, I was relieved to see him go.

We’d be back at school soon. I could fall in love then.

*****

I discovered home was a much pleasanter place with Petunia off in the Alps on her honeymoon. There was less name-calling and more grace for my spell-casting. Mum let me clean the wizarding way and help with dinner with my wand. Chores got easier, my parents had more free time, and I think Mum and Dad felt safer. I didn’t. It didn’t take a week for nightmares to start, nightmares of running from Greyback, of Bellatrix killing James, of Dumbledore never coming, never saving James’ family.

A week before term started, my letter came. Head Girl. My parents were ridiculously pleased, and I was proud of my badge. I sent Cleopatra to my friends, and the day after I received my letter, I timidly Flooed to Diagon Alley, waiting at the Leaky Cauldron for my mates to arrive.

There was first Mary MacDonald, the Scottish girl with the Asian face and the obsession with clothes. Her mother was a Chinese witch working with the Ministry of Magic, her father a Muggle from Edinburgh. The result was a unique, quirky lass with an accent directly from her father. She was the one girl in school who had the bravery to date Sirius Black more than once .

The next was Marlene McKinnon, the tall, intimidating Quidditch player. She rarely did schoolwork, but was beyond excellent at hexes and jinxes. She liked people to believe she was simply a Quidditch player with well-developed sarcasm. She was more brilliant than I was, I was pretty sure . . . but if I were to say that, I’d get one of her “looks�. For reasons beyond the rest of us, she’d been in love with Remus Lupin since March of our fifth year. He was lucky - she was gorgeous, with brown curls and blue eyes and a big white smile.

Then there was Alice Vincent, a young-looking, pinch-faced girl with a blonde bob and a quiet demeanor. She’d been dating Frank Longbottom since the beginning of the summer, and I suspected I wouldn’t see much of her this year. She liked to spend her time in the library, and, though she was timid, played Quidditch as a very talented Keeper.

Last there was Darcy Brown, Mary’s rival in fashion obsession. She had manageable black hair that was always twisted in some complicated bun or braid, constantly perfect makeup, and a raging popularity between all the houses. She was beyond sweet - she was an angel. She had a perfect memory for names and stories, and constantly checked in with people she knew were having a hard time. She tutored three second years, rarely dated, and all-around kept us, her four closest friends, in constant jealousy. She only showed her mean side to us, but I’d discovered by third year that she had a hidden temper, and a bad one.

The four of them met me in the Leaky Cauldron, all smiles and hugs and ignorance about my most recent events. The invasion of Potter Manor had been in the Daily Prophet, but it hadn’t mentioned my name once, at James’ request on my behalf. It only said Greyback had been apprehended after nearly killing someone.

“LILY! You look so tired! What have you been up to?� Mary gasped, poking at the dark circles underneath my eyes. I batted her away before Darcy could whip out one of her face creams.

I’ve just been busy. Petunia’s out of the house, now, so Mum needs more help with errands and chores and such, and Dad’s in another election for the county board, and I just haven’t had a lot of spare moments,� I told them honestly.

Marlene smiled at me. “You can’t have been worried for James, though, this past week?� Her expression went serious. “I’m so glad no one was harmed!�

I feigned worry. “Yes, I have been concerned, but it said in the Prophet he was fine and that his family is safe.�

Mary nodded. “Sirius wrote me yesterday with details -�

“You and Sirius are talking again?� Darcy interrupted, her expression wild with eagerness to hear every detail. Unexpectedly, a warmth spread through my chest. I wasn’t myself without these girls, being themselves, quirks and all.

Mary blushed and turned, to go out to the alley. Marlene winked at me and followed her, then Darcy, a bounce in her step at the prospect of new gossip. Alice came last, and she linked arms with me as she passed. “Lils, how’s your summer been? How was the wedding?�

“It was fine, it’s been fine,� I lied. The wedding had been boring - a bunch of neck-lacking Dursley relatives strolling around, disapproving of my entire family, my entire family in tears over Petunia’s happy day.

We proceeded into Diagon Alley, smiling and laughing and joking, and my friends didn’t discover how my summer had truly been.

*****

It was the night before I was supposed to leave on a train for my seventh year. The window was open, like my first night home. I was in athletic shorts and my hair was braided on my shoulder. My trunk was already packed. I had a Brontë novel on my chest, open to the first page, my entire being lacking conviction to actually get into the plot.

I would see James tomorrow, for the first time since the Healer had told him to be good to me.

James would be ready to confront our feelings, as he had been since second year.

James would know this time was different.

I would be Head Girl.

James would want the truth.

The truth would make us a couple.

Was I ready for us to be a couple?

I flipped a page, hoping to see words of excitement, words that could draw me in. I tossed the book aside after not finding any, and turned off my light, hoping to stop thinking and be able to sleep. This was my seventh year. Sleep wouldn’t be easy.

James would love me and I’d love him.

This was our seventh year. If nothing went wrong, would we end up married?

James. Marriage. Who else had I had in mind, when I pictured marriage?

James. It had always been James.

I rolled over, breathing slowly. What would the next day bring?

****

Somehow, sometime, I fell asleep. I awoke shaking, my nightmares ever-present. I stood and straightened my shirt, rubbed my face, and tried to get my blood moving to my legs. Walking was a loose term. I stumbled to my door, pulled it open, and made my way slowly to the bathroom.

Judging by the light, it was six in the morning. I had five hours until I would be facing James again, facing the Wizarding world again. How long before word got out I’d been at the raid on James’ house, that Greyback had almost killed me, that James saved my life? How long before one of my friends saw I was in love with him? How long before he confronted me with the intention of becoming an item?

I twisted the shower on, and collapsed back on to the toilet seat while the water got hot. If James started dating me, the Potter family’s reputation as blood traitors would only get worse. The Death Eaters would go after Petunia, and my parents, and they’d only revamp their attempts to silence James’ parents. As soon as I was no longer at Hogwarts, I’d have a target on my back.

Maybe I had a target on my back right now.

What if there were Death Eaters waiting at King’s Cross?

If I had a target on my back, they would have been on my doorstep a very long time ago.

I climbed into the shower and got clean and fresh, then climbed out and waved my wand for a Drying Spell. Then I rubbed Sleakeazy’s into my crimson curls, charming the crazy locks into perfect ringlets.

I put a tiny bit of makeup on, enough to compete with my gorgeous friends, and brushed my teeth. Then I packed all of my bathroom essentials into my trunk, put a book and my wallet into a shoulder bag, and pulled it all downstairs.

In the kitchen, I made myself a plate of eggs and poured a glass of orange juice.

My parents didn’t come down until nine-ish, and my mother had me spin. I’d put on a pink sundress, a brown leather jacket, and brown leather boots that went up to my knee. She said I looked beautiful and grown up and that she loved me. My father brought me into a tight hug and said I was only allowed to date boys that deserved me. At ten thirty, I kissed them both one last time, promising to return for the holidays, and Apparated to King’s Cross.

My earlier fears still present, I moved quickly into the station, moving with crowds and trying to look unimportant. Cleo’s presence wasn’t helping. Not many solo teenage girls would be pulling an owl along on her trolley.

I got to the platform after ten minutes of walking, breathed in a sigh of relief, and stepped through the barrier, smiling in spite of myself to be safe and surrounded by wizards. Not many were arrived yet, the majority of those present being over-eager first years surrounded by extended family, giving one another hugs and presents and warnings about behavior.

I waited for one of my friends to show up, so I could stow my things in their compartment and get to the prefects’ carriage. Who would the Head Boy be, I wondered? I hoped it would be Remus. I wasn’t well- acquainted with many of the other prefects in our year.

Marlene showed up first, followed by her older brother, come to see her off.

“Donald!� she cried, purposefully dropping her trunk on his foot. “How in the name of Merlin are you supposed to find a girlfriend if you don’t listen to my advice, you wretched numbskull?�

“I don’t know, beloved sister, but I’m sure getting my arse kicked by my baby sister in public really isn’t helping my bacheloring,� he sighed, lifting the trunk. Donald was nerdy, skinny, and bookish. He had glasses and a thin nose that the glasses liked to slide down. He was five years older than us, and worked at Flourish and Blott’s. He’d had a fiancée for two years, but she became pregnant with Donald’s son. After the baby was born, she left it with Donald, and fled the country. That was two years before, and Donald was still single.

“You’re no bachelor, you’re a nanny, who spends half his life at his parents’ home.�

“I have a career, Mar-�

“You don’t have a career, you have a day job. Quit it! You have a passion for writing, bro, get a job at the Prophet or a magazine or get your savings in order and try your hand at books. Look, there’s Lily. I love you. See you at Christmas. Get off this platform and make something of yourself!�

He almost bowed, then stumbled out of the barrier. Marlene made her way over to me, smirking triumphantly.

“What was that about?� I asked fearfully, seeing her victorious grin.

She pulled ten Galleons out of her pocket. “Mum was getting quite tired of his moping. She paid me to give him what he deserved - a kick in the right direction. Little Ralph needs a mummy, not his grandparents and his aunt and uncle and a pathetic father.�

Marlene and Donald had a little brother, too, in his third year at Hogwarts. Paolo was shy and his two best friends were girls. I’d never heard him say two words together.

“Can we find a compartment so I can go be brilliant?� I asked impatiently, watching her fume about Donald’s situation.

Ah, Head Girl?� she sighed. “Who do you think is Head Boy?�

“I’d very much like to find out,� I sighed, waiting for her to start walking again.

She giggled. “What if it’s Remus?� she whispered in my ear. “I bet he looks fantastic with that badge on his che-�

I shoved her off my shoulder, images flashing in my head that I didn’t necessarily want in my head. “Compartment?� I said again, and she straightened her face, fixed her trolley, and resumed walking.

Then behind us came a shout. A shout I’m sure all the first years and their families, all the early seventh years, gossip already brewing in them, everyone on the platform, heard quite clearly.

“EVANS. TWO WEEKS AND NOT A WORD FROM YOU? DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT WAS WISE FOR MY NERVES? HONESTLY.�

“PRONGS, WE’RE EMBARRASSING HER . . . EVANS, SHOULD PRONGS STOP YELLING HIS UNCONTROLLABLE FEELINGS FOR YOU ACROSS THE PLATFORM?�

“SHUT UP, PADFOOT.�

“YOU SHUT UP!�

“BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!�

“SHUT UP, MOONY!�

“YAH, MOONY!�

“PRONGS, WE TRIED THIS FIFTH YEAR, YOUR NOSE WAS PURPLE FOR A WEEK.�

“OH RIGHT. BUT THINGS ARE DIFFERENT NOW, AREN’T THEY, EVANS?�

Marlene turned to me, mouth open wide in a huge grin. “Kiss him. Right now. Please.�

“Which one?� I hissed, eyeing the trio on the other side of the platform.

“The one that just shouted he was madly in love with you. The one you apparently saw two weeks ago. When were you going to tell me-�

“Marlene I can’t! There’s too much to take into consideration! His family is being hunted by-�

“EVANS, I DON’T HAVE ALL DAY!�

“HE REALLY DOESN’T!�

“I DON’T REALLY NEED ANY MORE HELP, PADFOOT!�

“I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR WINGMAN OF CHOICE!�

“YOUR JOB IS FINISHED!�

I glanced back at James. I loved him.

He protected me. He was funny. He loved me. He was attractive. I loved him.

“POTTER, STOP YELLING ACROSS THE PLATFORM AND GET OVER HERE AND LOOK ME IN THE FACE LIKE A REAL MAN!� I screamed, and Marlene jumped back.

He sprinted to my side, leaving Sirius and Remus to drag his trolley along. He was grinning ear-to-ear. “You look so gorgeous.�

“Being flushed with embarrassment is different than being gorgeous.�

“I haven’t seen you since the hospital bed.�

“About that, James -�

Marlene cut in there. “Hospital bed?� James and I turned simultaneously to stare her down. She nodded and crept away.

I turned to him then, all seriousness. “If you already have a reputation for being a blood traitor, how is dating a Muggleborn . . . a Mudblo-�

He put his finger on my lips. “Don’t say that word.�

“Why not? Everyone does. It’s not an insult - it’s a title,� I sighed. “It’s truth.�

He shook his head. “Lily, you’re the best witch at Hogwarts. Please don’t be ridiculous. Now do you want to date me?�

For six years, my answer had been no. For six years, James had been annoying. Terribly annoying. His pranks were like nails on a chalkboard. His pleas of love were airhorns in the morning. His face was disgusting and his friends were awful. Then everything changed. The war started and people hated me and he was there. He was always there. I’d been fighting the inevitable. It was time to stop that.

“Fine. On the condition that the next time we see Death Eaters, it will be me saving you. I don’t prefer being-�

He pulled me into a hug then, swinging me around. The platform burst into applause. What a fantastic way to start the year - in the centre of attention.

I smiled as he put me down, and took my hand. All the tension was gone. All the unanswered questions were answered. All the worries were buried, to resurface at an unhappier time. Marlene had tears in her eyes. Sirius and Remus had their arms around each other, watching James like proud parents.

“Aw look, our little man got the girl of his dreams,� Sirius pretended to sob.

“Padfoot, it’s so touching,� Remus sighed.

“I know Moony.� They proceeded to hug one another, patting each other on the back. It was then that all the emotion became too much for my friend. Eyeing James and I, she strode to the hugging boys, wrenched them apart, took Remus by the collar, and kissed him full on the mouth. He went limp with shock, and when she finally released him, they both stumbled backwards. Sirius whistled, and James went still. I couldn’t stop laughing.

“Marlene . . . ?� Remus whispered.

“Well?� she spat, wiping her mouth. “Was I good?�

Remus couldn’t speak. “Um . . .�

Marlene turned to Sirius. He nodded. She winked at him, then kissed Remus again. James spun me to face him.

“Can we try that?� he asked.

I nodded, and soon I was having my first kiss with James.

applause on the platform doubled.

As we released, my feet touched back down on the floor, and where moments before I couldn’t imagine being more happy, I suddenly was. I put my hand on James’ chest, then drew back at the feel of a metal lump in his jacket’s chest pocket. “I thought Marlene was Quidditch captain?� I asked, considering the other possibility, my head spinning.

He winked and drew out the badge. I thrust my hand into the pocket of my dress, and at the same time, we presented our matching set.

HB.

HG.

“You’re Head Boy?� I gasped.

He nodded, and helped me onto the train, leaving our friends to follow later.

The common room was quiet.

Don’t get me wrong, I like stillness. I love stillness. The fire crackling, the rain on the window, the emptiness of my favorite place on the planet. I’d replaced my uniform with a baggy sweater and the same old sweatpants. My hair was up, my makeup was off, but James’ eyes weren’t leaving my face.

“Aren’t you Lily Evans?� he said softly, his murmur blending with the other low conversations. He kept scooting closer on the couch. I raised my eyes from the parchment I was marking, curling up tighter in my armchair. He inched back to the middle, spreading his arms out.

“What kind of question is that?� I answered, fighting a smile. “Are you James Potter, or the other bloke (that looks hot in glasses) that I’m snogging?�

“I just mean, it’s our second day of classes, and you haven’t finished the week’s homework yet,� he said smartly, running his hand through his hair. It did nothing to help the disheveled look that he was already achieving from wearing plaid pajamas in a public place. He didn’t look like he’d just gotten off his broom, like I knew he wanted to. He looked like he’d just gotten into a wrestling match against Sirius. In a dumpster.

“Have you ever tried a hairbrush?� I asked, setting the quill back in its inkwell.

“Have you ever gotten a bad mark?� he quipped, and I was tempted to throw the parchment at him, but I didn’t want to make a mess of the wet ink.

“I will if you continue bothering me, you egotistical prat,� I snapped, adjusting the lap table I’d acquired to do my homework in a more comfortable position.

“We could do something fun, you know, Evans. It’s a warm night, I’ve got means to get into Hogsmeade, Sirius is asleep . . .�

I raised my gaze slowly, fixing him with an intense, scolding glare. “You’re one hell of a Head Boy. How do you explain if you get caught by a prefect?�

James ignored my hidden reprimand with a wink. “So you’re open to the idea, Head Girl?�

I tuned him out, and tried to finish my thought. What were the other names for aconite? I hated writing Potions essays. They always made me think of Severus. We used to meet in a back corner of the library and look up new potions and ingredients for fun. He fancied the idea of shortcuts and better methods than the books taught us. He’d know what aconite was. I glanced up at James, as he watched me excitedly, and wondered how mad he’d be if he knew what was on my mind.

“I’ve got this Potions essay, James,� I said softly, sad all of a sudden. Why did people with good hearts go bad? I thought of his eyes, black and cold, watching me from behind Avery that day in Diagon Alley. I thought of what he was thinking, now that I was dating James. It had been a long time since the two were engaged in a jinxing war, but that was mainly due to the new severity of their situations. Snape was obviously now a Death Eater, or at least becoming one, as much as I hated to admit it. And James was a junior member of the Order of the Phoenix, much to my anxiety. To duel now would be to fight a war.

James sat up, and adjusted his glasses. “Lils, are you all right?�

“Yes, Potter, I’m fine,� I snapped, and he drew back, nodding.

“I’m gonna go kick Padfoot,� he told me, and he went up the boys’ stairs. I shook my head, hoping the nostalgia would fall out one ear and the sleepiness would fall out the other. I thought of Slughorn shaking his head at me for having a late Potions assignment, and the class staring at me, the star Potions pupil, having late work . . . and Severus, watching me, as though he knew what kept me from finishing it. That, in itself, was all I needed to scribble out a few more paragraphs in roughly a half an hour.

I gathered my things and prepared to head up the stairs, turning to glance back at the staircase to James’ room. It had been a half an hour since he went to wake Sirius to go to Hogsmeade. I thought of the cool September evening, and the moon over the castle, and a night out laughing and running. I glanced at the stairs to my room, and sighed. There was going to bed, and letting another school day start as many more would as the year went on.

I dashed up to my dorm and pushed my homework under my bed, and went back into the hallway and down the staircase to the common room. When no one was looking, I dashed up to James’ room, and opened the door.

Sirius and James were sitting on the floor in boxers and tshirts, murmuring to each other quietly. I heard my name and “summer� and “Greyback.� Ugh.

“James?� I whispered, seeing Remus and Peter snoring in their beds. “Sirius? I think I’ll have that adventure now.�

Sirius looked confused, and shot a look at James, who grinned from ear to ear. “Knew you’d come around, Madam Ginger.�

I stuck my tongue out at him and waved frantically for them to follow me out. James hopped to his feet, grabbed sweats off his bed, and pulled them on. Sirius dove into his messy covers and secured a pair of jeans and his wand. The three of us, barefoot, went into the hallway, stole down to the common room, and jogged to the portrait hole.

The sixth years were the only ones still awake, and they glanced up at us warily. James and Sirius ignored them, so I did, too, holding tightly to James’ hand and climbing into the corridor. The Fat Lady was asleep, so we opened and closed the door carefully.

“Didn’t know you’d be one for a midnight visit to Madam Rosmerta,� Sirius teased quietly. “Don’t know how my leading lady will react, having a girl with us.�

“Sorry, what’d you call her? Your leading lady? I’d think her daughter is closer to our age than she is,� I shot back, jaw open. What went through that boy’s head? Rosmerta was at least fifty. Plenty young-looking, none of it natural. But at least fifty.

Sirius smiled. “Rosmerta the Second. Nineteen. I could manage with either, to be honest,� he informed me, strutting ahead. James shook his head as I opened my mouth to protest. The idea of Sirius flirting with a girl that wasn’t Mary MacDonald set my teeth on edge.

Things with Sirius and Mary had been tense on the train. With everyone coupled up, and an awkward observation made by Peter pertaining to their past relationship, hormones had raged all the way to Hogwarts. When we got off the train, the pair had scurried to separate carriages, and sat as far from each other as possible at dinner. Since then, they’d worked to go to meals at completely separate times, and sit as far from each other as possible in class. This meant, much to mine and James’ annoyance, that we had to choose between each other and our friends, constantly. More often than not, over the past forty-eight hours, Marlene and I became surrogate Marauders, with our band of merry women actively avoiding our boyfriends and their friends entirely.

“It’s just nonsense, is all,� I whisper-hissed to James.

Sirius turned to me. “Something the matter, Lily-my-darlin’?�

I waved for him to keep walking, and followed closely, leading James by the hand. My boyfriend was trailing behind, as though deliberately maintaining a pace where he could still hold some part of me and yet be separate from the inevitably awkward conversation about to ensue.

“Please don’t tell me you’ve been oblivious to how Mary’s been feeling, Black,� I started carefully.

He came to a stop in front of a statue of a witch, then muttered something to it. The statue slowly slid aside, and Sirius stepped to go in. Before he began to make his way into the tunnel, though, he turned to me and said, rather sternly, “Don’t want to talk about it, Evans.�

I became indignant, then. I dropped James’ hand and crossed my arms. I could feel James’ anxiety elevating. He straightened his glasses and pulled his hands through his hair, his trademark nervous twitches. His eyes became super-concentrated on the marble tiles of the corridor floors. I ignored him, though, fueled by the image of Mary MacDonald at Sirius’ side. He’d saved her life, before. When he was hurt and scared, she was the first person he wrote to. They had the same brash sense of humor, the kind that could piss off anyone else in the room, but drive the other to near tears. She was his kind of girl - shockingly pretty, knowledgable of Quidditch, not afraid to cuss, not afraid to get sauce on her robes, didn’t fuss about having a hair out of place. She could break a nail and laugh about it, unlike Darcy or Alice. They were tailor made for one another, except for the stubbornness part.

“You and Mary are perfect for each other, Sirius . . . whateveryourmiddlenameis Black,� I growled. “And if you want me to shut up about it, then . . . well, I will. For tonight. But mark my words, you womanizing arse, she’d make you happier than Rosmerta the Second ever could.�
Sirius stood silently, half his body in the shadow of the tunnel, glaring at me. James cleared his throat. “What Lily meant to say is that she’s very tired and would like some fine oak-matured mead from the Three Broomsticks. And she apologizes. Can we keep going, mate?�

Sirius nodded, still silent, and turned, marching ahead.

I moved to start after him, but James caught my arm. “Lils, you can’t do that, all right?�

“Can’t do what?� I snapped, feeling victorious, but impeded by my boyfriend’s cowardice.

“Can’t mention his middle name. He’s named after his dad, and he hates that guy.�

Confused, and full of questions, I turned away from James, suddenly very eager to get drunk on Madam Rosmerta’s fine oak-matured mead.