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Man in the Mask by MJ_Padfoot

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Man in the Mask
Chapter Three: Lily's Request



–Lily?” I asked. I had been only traveling for a short distance. I glanced behind me. There was nothing there except an aurora of white. As I stepped closer to her, I reached towards her.

–Don’t, Sev.” Lily said sternly.

I knew that something was wrong. I knew that she was angry with me. I knew that I had taken it too far seventeen years ago. I knew that I had betrayed her without knowing. I knew that it was because of me that she, the only one I’ve ever loved, was murdered.

–I don’t understand.” I said.

Yet, I understood her so well. All of the sleepless nights I had spent blaming no one but myself for her death. All of those years spent trying to protect her son. And for what? Nothing. Nothing at all. He, the Boy-Who-Lived, had only been saved for the right moment. As much as I hated myself for betraying Lily, I knew that it no longer mattered anymore. I was beyond the veil and that was that.

–Let me explain,” she began, –but first, let’s sit-down.”

Looking around, I realized that we were no longer standing on the path. In fact, everything looked different. Immediately, I recognized where we were. We were at the park where I first spied on Lily and Petunia Evans. The familiar red swings, slides, and other equipment looked exactly as I remembered from my childhood.

Following in Lily’s lead, we walked to the swings.

She sat down and began to swing just high enough so her feet would drag across the ground (though, I couldn’t be sure if it was ground or just my imagination). I sat on the swing next to her and slowly rocked back and forth. It was just like times we had enjoyed together when we were younger.

–Do you remember when we would have our swinging competition?” asked Lily.

–How could I forget?” I laughed, –You always seemed to beat me by a fraction of an inch.”

Memories of flying off of the swings with Lily danced around my mind as I complimented on the past. It was nice to be able to recall memories that seemed so long ago.

Lily threw her head back and laughed. –You’re too kind.”

We both laughed for a moment and then everything went quiet. Lily was still swinging back and forth, her feet still dragging across in the dirt. After what had been several minutes, Lily finally spoke.

–Sev?”

–Yeah,”

–Why did you do it?”

I didn’t need to ask her what I had done. I knew perfectly well what she was referring to. She simply wanted to know why I went to the Dark Lord and tell him of the prophecy; why I had ran to Dumbledore; why I had protected Harry for all of these years. I knew the reason why; so did she. But sometimes words speak louder than actions.

–Lily, I . . . I . . .” I stumbled, trying to find words that would adequately describe the truthful reason on why.

She had stopped swinging and was watching me very carefully.

I sighed. I knew that I couldn’t hide it from her. But how could I admit to her something that I had been holding onto for my entire life? How could she ever forgive me? These were among the many questions that entered into my mind. Finally, I made eye contact with her.

–Lily, there is so much that I would like to say so I can answer that adequately. But how can I when the one true reason that I ran to Dumbledore and protected Harry for all these years is looking me straight in the eye? It was because of you that I vowed to protect the boy. It was because of you that I remained at Hogwarts and went undercover for Dumbledore. It was because of you that I betrayed the Dark Lord. It was because I lo--”

I paused. My breathing had become rapid. My hands were sweaty. I looked at the ground, trying to find words at what to say next to her. Without taking my gaze off of the ground, I continued, –The one and only reason that I joined sides with the Dark Lord was because I wanted to make something of myself and look at where it got me. It took me down a path that I would go back and change. It took me to a place so lonely where I found myself begging for death at times.”

I paused and then looked Lily in the eye, –It took me to a place where happiness couldn’t enter into my life because I had been the cause that took all the happiness away.”

I stopped talking for a long time. The years of guilt hindered me as I tried to find the strength to talk. In a whisper I said, –It’s because I love you that I did all of that. I never meant to hurt you or James. I never meant for you to be murdered, Lily. I never meant for any of this. I’m so sorry.”

With tears in her eyes, Lily brushed mine away. –I forgive you, Sev.”

–Thank you,” I whispered.

–But,” she continued, –there is one more thing that I must ask of you.”

–And what is that?”

–I need you to tell Harry the full story.”

My eyes widened. –How can I? I’m . . . I’m . . .Well, aren’t I dead too?”

–Not exactly,” Lily said simply, –you see, here you are at a cross road. You can either cross over and come with me, or go back as a ghost.”

I nodded, still listening intently.

–But the choice is yours, Severus. I will understand if you choose the first of the two. But Harry needs to know the full truth. He needs to know everything about our story.”

–Everything?” I asked.

–Everything,”

I closed my eyes and thought for a moment. Without opening them, I said slowly, –I’ll do it, Lily.”
Chapter Endnotes: Thanks for reading! ~MJ