Vorona,

This story was intriguing, and I found myself trying to figure out the logic puzzle as I was reading (though needless to say I did not get it right). I liked this snippet from Half Blood Prince told from Hermione’s point of view, and I enjoyed the small references to canon events that showed the story was compliant with the novels. It really did feel like a scene from the series; that is, if the series had been told by Hermione’s point of view.

What stood out the most in this story was your characterization of Snape. I was thoroughly impressed by your ability to capture his way of speaking and word choice so accurately. Snape has always been a difficult character for me to write in fan fiction, as it seems to be with many authors. My favorite was the line from the beginning, when Hermione first enters the detention room:

"And why, Miss Granger, did you do that, when I have warned you time and time again to keep your abominably large mouth closed?"

Perhaps it was because this line was one of the first I read from Snape, but it made me smile. His words here reminded me so much of the first class Harry has with him, when Snape says that line about how he hopes the entire class isn’t comprised of ‘dunderheads.’ It’s that sort of shocking statement that is so Snape that I think you captured wonderfully in this piece. Great job on that front, it was mind-blowingly accurate.

I was worried at first that this story was going to be a Snape/Hermione pairing, but you’ve taken a really unique turn with this. I like the idea of Snape teaching Hermione something about her own narrow-mindedness (although one could argue that Snape suffers from the same character flaw). It’s always been one of my favorite Snape moments in Half Blood Prince when he manages to teach Harry something about dueling as he’s fleeing with Draco from the castle. I thought you did a great job of showing his not-so-malevolent intentions in how he (albeit rudely) shows Hermione what she needs to fix to be a better student.

Wonderful job with this story, Vorona! I really enjoyed it.

Xx Ariana

Author's Response: Dear Ariana, Thank you for the wonderful review! The duelling scene in Half Blood Prince is one of my favorite scenes as well, and probably one of the inspirations for this little scene. I'm also glad that you felt the story seemed like a real part of the novels: this is one of the times I've tried to do that. Many other times, I focus on trying to create something different, but this one I wanted to be very realistic. I'm also very flattered that you like my characterisation of Snape. It sometimes feels too easy to write him, like I have my own version of Snape. It's good to know he came across as authentic to you as well. Thanks again!

Hey Mere,

Perhaps what stood out the most for me in your story was the way you were able to pack so many emotions and feelings into each sentence. The emotions of Gwen and even Sirius were palpable, and felt so real. This was a wonderful story, but I felt like this was the driving force that really made this fic wonderful. My favorite line from the story was “Those lips had given her her first kiss. They were soft and warm and full of passion. They held desire and lust. They had promised her his love for her. They had told her he was hers. They had betrayed her” -- these simple lines describe so much in so few words. Brilliant and artfully done!

When starting to read this story, I was a little hesitant to read about Sirius/OC, simply because his OC girlfriends always seem to be Mary-Sues or have cliché qualities about them that seep into the entire relationship. What struck me most about Gwen is that we really don’t know too much about her. The more I read, the more I realized how much I liked this; by creating her generically, your story wasn’t absorbed in her descriptions and back-story. It became more about the feelings and aftermath of a ruined relationship, and I really thought it helped the story progress more instead of drifting its focus towards the character.

While I like Sirius’s excuse for cheating, in terms of how it doesn’t fall into the Love God cliché, it somehow didn’t make sense to me. He was going to tutor the girl, and then humor her by flirting back…but how was his fling with her actually going to hurt her? In the books, I’ve always seen Sirius as one of the most loyal characters, and it seems as though if he ever had a girlfriend he would put her above all else (except his friends). Maybe I’m just too protective of Sirius, because then again, I can see him being rash enough and idiotic enough to not realize that this would hurt Gwen as well.

I really liked this story, Mere! Great job!

xx Ariana

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this lovely review, Ariana! That's one of my favourite lines as well. :) As for Sirius's cheating, well, yeah, I know it doesn't much sense. I was trying so hard to figure out a reason for him to cheat and that's the best I came up with. I kind of liked it the end, though, because I think it conveys a sense of confusion of what happened on Sirius's part and Gwen's and the point really isn't why he cheated, it's that he did cheat. Thanks again! <3Mere

Wow! I was so surprised to see this chapter up so quickly !! :)) I love how you've written James/Sonia...usually authors write his relationships based on him trying to make Lily jealous, but it seems like he genuinely cares about Sonia.
Lily was really a pain in this chapter, but I'm glad she redeemed herself at the end. And Rich is growing evermore mysterious...hmm... :P
Seeing this chapter completely made my day, I'll have you know. This is my favorite Marauder-era fic ever!

Author's Response: Lily is a bit of a pain. She can't be perfect all the time. Glad you're warming to Sonia. She's not too ridiculous, is she? Rich ... a ha ... his time will come! Thank you so much for the reviews.

Great chapter!! I feel so bad for Peter, especially since we know what's inevitably going to happen with him...
The Sirius in this chapter totally made me laugh, I think you capture him PERFECTLY!
You do an amazing job with this story--it's my absolute favorite Marauder-era fic. I really can't wait for the next chapter...hopefully Peter doesn't walk in on James and Sonia and Sirius outflies McLaggan :)) .

Author's Response: Sirius out fly McLaggen! *shock*. Right, I can't say what will happen next, but it will be coming up very, very soon. Thank you so much for reading, reviewing and enjoying. ~Carole~

Yay! I was ridiculously excited when I saw Lions had been updated :).

I apologize in advance for the review, which will be short and fangirly and much less than you deserve, especially after this suspenseful chapter.

Lily is such a sweetheart - although her naivety about Richard is annoying, even though I'm sure I wouldn't be any different in her situation. But I love the way she sticks up for Peter with the Sonia thing…it's little bits of details like this that ring so resonantly with canon that I just love.

And Rich! Even though he wasn't in this chapter physically we learn so much. I'm glad James told Prewett (and his friends) but I have a feeling that the blasé reaction from everyone except James is going to come back to haunt them. We shall see…

That cliffhanger is just. I need an update. I love James. I hope Avery gets jinxed to a puce colored jelly.

Fantastic fantastic fantastic chapter and it makes me wonder how I've survived this long without reading the story. You write the Marauders flawlessly and brilliantly and a bunch of other '-ly' words that my brain is too awed (sorry, I know that's four letters short of the dreaded word) to think of.

xx Ariana

Author's Response: thank youuuuuu. I agree Lily is a bit naive. I'm thinking that as she's 16 and very inexperienced with boyfriends, that she's due a crush - ha ha. Sonia on the other hand is far wiser in the ways of boys. heh heh.

There will be an update fairly soon as I have another chapter finished (hold onto your wig, though, it's jam packed!) Will Avery get jinxed to puce coloured jelly? Hmmmm, wait and see!

Thank you so much for the review. It's really appreciated and has helped clear up my mind a touch. ~Carole~

YAY A LIONS UPDATE! :).

I hate Rich and his 'little white lies'. I hope Lily catches him in one that isn't so little next time.

And Sonia…I hate that I know she and James have to break up eventually, which has never happened before because Lily/James is one of my favorite ships. I"m so glad her and James's relationship is in the open now, though I do feel bad for Peter :(. Poor guy always seems to get the short end of the stick.

Also, I love the idea you've come up with for Sirius to make money - it's totally original firstly, and secondly I love the 'friendship' clue at the end (you should write crosswords).

xx Ariana

Author's Response: I could take this AU ... heh heh. Harry would have a blonde mother. Mind you, then Snape wouldn't have tried to bargain with Voldy and ... very AU. Um, yes, splitting up James and Sonia is probably going to be very hard ... but there is a plan ... of sorts. I do a lot of crosswords, and had some help from Jim, - hee hee. I'm not sure this plan of Sirius' will work, but he has a few more ideas. Thanks for the review ~Carole~

Alyssa,

I don’t think I’ve ever read a story from Goyle’s POV before, but I must say I think you did an absolutely fabulous job with it. The words and thoughts were simplistic, but that didn’t draw away from the powerful emotions Goyle felt. Your prose mirrored Goyle’s personality so well. Usually, I find that when stories are told from first person it leaves extra room for OOC-ness, but I didn’t see that at all with your story. It was clearly Goyle, but what I really liked is that you added some other aspects to him to make him a much more deep character. Details like his hidden feelings for Crabbe really made this an interesting read.

In the books, it is very difficult to differentiate between Crabbe and Goyle, as they are both seen as Malfoy’s sidekicks. That being said, what I loved about this story is you managed to show the disparity between them as well as link them together in their similarities in several instances. I loved this line: That’s how we were different. Torture, yes. Murder, no. I believed that we had to put them in their place, but I wasn’t ready to kill them. I believed in slavery; they could do all of the jobs that we pure-bloods don’t want to do. But Crabbe, he wanted them gone for good.” We really only see Crabbe’s burst of cruelty in the Room of Requirement in book seven, and I like how you were able to show that Goyle didn’t necessarily feel the same way.

I really like your subtle use of the Goyle/Crabbe ship in reference to Goyle’s immense grief. It wasn’t overplayed — Goyle didn’t suddenly turn into a sappy, love-struck mess — but in its own way it was sweet and true and believable, which is saying something considering the thought of Goyle/Crabbe would have made me sick before reading this. I love how you were able to portray the (possibly) one-sided romance through Goyle’s eyes; you showed brilliantly how Goyle would view romance, as opposed to another character in the Potter universe. It was a really interesting take, and it amazed me how you were still able to keep Goyle so in character.

Lastly, I love how you’ve shown Goyle’s progression into his own person. Crabbe’s death really did force him to confront the differences between them, and make him realize that he is not as vicious as his best friend. From his dying respect and friendship with Malfoy to his grudging acceptance that Muggleborns are being accepted by the rest of society, you’ve done a great job showing Goyle’s changes as he grows older while still maintaining his core character.

Very artfully written—and I think it worked well as a shorter piece.

xx Ariana

!!!

Please, please post the next chapter soon!
I'm loving this story by the way :). Izza is an amazing OC.

Author's Response: Thank you :D The new chapter is up, another is on the way :)

Author's Response: Thank you :D The new chapter is up, another is on the way :)

I like the premise of your story--it's very intriguing. You've made Maddy a character that's easy to be empathetic with, because she represents so much of what Muggle teens go through in high school.

Some parts of the story were a bit choppy, like when Maddy suddenly gives us a description of her appearance. Granted, it was nice to know what the main character looked like, but it wasn't incorporated into the story as subtly as it could have been.

It also seemed a little convenient that every other compartment was full. Why didn't Rose sit with her cousins? Surely they didn't all sit in one compartment without her? It was a bit reminiscent of the start of Harry and Ron's friendship--but Ron couldn't sit with his older brothers because they would have deemed it not "cool" (for lack of a better word) to sit with their younger brother. Harry and Ron were *both* needy; their friendship was born from their two-sided loneliness. Rose and Maddy's budding friendship seems a bit one-sided, considering Rose has all her cousins and probably the Ravenclaw friends she's made over the past years, and Maddy has no one (or at least, it's hinted as such with the apparent "fall-out" between her and her friends).

Maddy liking Albus seems a little sudden. We weren't even introduced to him until she sat at the Gryffindor table, where it's implied they are somewhat friendly, but perhaps not best friends. And then out of the blue, Maddy gets jealous that Charlotte is flirting with Albus, who apparently likes Charlotte. From your story summary, it was obvious that a Maddy/Albus was going to appear, but the foundation of their relationship is a mystery to me. There isn't any back-ground information as to how close they are, and this should have been established *before* it became apparent that Maddy has a crush on Albus.

Anyway, your story was a nice read, and I look forward to the upcoming chapters!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! You have given me a lot to consider. I agree with the description; I didn't work it in well and it wasn't subtle enough. However, the missing pieces, the mistakes in Maddy and Albus' relationship are there for a reason, and will be explained at a later chapter. As for the Rose and Maddy scene, I've written her in as a Ravenclaw to highlight the differences between her and her Gryffindor cousins. She feels like she doens't quite fit in with them, and therefore tries to forge her own friendships within Ravenclaw. As she is a shy person, she has trouble making friends and therefore she is somewhat of a loner. After a ten week hiatus, I'm back and ready to write more of this story as well as a few others of mine! Thanks again for the review, and I hope that you keep reading!

I really like the premise for your story. You did a wonderful job exploring the mind of Rufus Scrimgeor and the reasoning behind his behavior towards Harry. I always thought he was better than Fudge--but never really liked him much. I like how you humanized his bad characteristics and portrayed his insecurities. When I first clicked on the story, I wasn't sure I would like the second person POV from Rufus, but you did very well on that!

I wish this story had been a little longer, though. Most of it takes place within the moments before Rufus's death, and while it's very well done, a few scenes from other times in his life would have been a nice addition. This would have been a nice time to show snippets from his life, things that happened that shaped who he is. Length isn't too much of an issue, usually, but your writing is *very* good and it would have made the story even better if we as readers could have seen more of it.

Another tiny issue I had was the lack of dialogue. Again, this is not something that matters *too* much in stories, but especially in a story like this it would have been nice. The fic is mostly separated into large paragraphs, and while this doesn't necessarily bother *me*, it could bother other readers who are daunted by the lack of dialogue/shorter paragraphs. It would have also made the story a little longer, and readers could have seen a little more of the backdrop for the fic.

I love how you tied the title into the story; my favorite line is the one that refers to the title: "Maybe he can do what you could not—pick up the shattered pieces of your universe and carefully weld them back together, weld them into something that is reminiscent of what you used to know."

Great writing with this fic!

xx Ariana

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it so much. Originally this was going to be a drabble, so that's why it's so short. It might have been better longer, but I couldn't really think of anything else to write at the time. Looking back, I think that dialogue could have made it better, but I wasn't very confidant with my dialogue skills at the time. I'm not very confidant with them now either, I suppose. I'm glad you like the title thing-- I try to do that with everything I write. My titles are usually lines from the story or poem, or lines I plan to put in. I'm again, really glad you liked it, and super happy that you left such a nice long reveiw(thank you!). :D
Megan :)