So here’s the thing: I’ve been reading your stories ever since I discovered fanfiction last May. I haven’t reviewed any of your chapters so I’ll start in the very beginning. :)

All throughout the story, every Marauder has stayed incredibly well-tuned and in-character. Their responses and their reactions – all of it was so much like them. Your OC’s – you gave them such a strong foundation that it seemed like you’ve imagined what their whole life was like. Regulus – I just really wish that I could have read more about him. Even if he was the culprit in the murder, there wasn’t so much that I knew about him. Grace – for me, she was such a complex character that I just have to congratulate you that you’ve written her excellently (I even checked out if she was a canon character; silly me). Tate Donovan – he was like a pawn in the story, but come to think of it, every character was a pawn. Cassie – my first impression was that I frowned because of the name. It was very muggle-ish, and a bit modern, too, but I grew used to it as you incorporate the memories from that fateful day in Diagon Alley. You used your OCs so effectively that I could see it was downright necessary for them to be in the story; their roles had such great importance that I could not imagine a better way to progress the fic.

James and Lily’s dynamic – I have to admit, his courting days to her was so much fun to read. It was very entertaining and very much like James to make a fool of himself in front of Lily. His haiku is still stuck in my head after all these months. . . Anyway, how you brought them together in I think, Chapter 13, was such a typical teenager way. Not that I’m insulting or criticizing that, only that I think the normalcy of the situation was a great air to the scene. I was waiting for the point that James would just give up, because let’s face it, he would give up at some point, and Lily’s reaction to it was just marvelous! Again, they were both so much in-character that the thought of you actually having a James/Lily-like-romance crossed my mind. Sirius’s banter with Lily was entertaining to read, too. His whining and jealous attitude when James finally got Lily reminded me of a child – a baby girl, in fact. I’m just a bit sad (again) that there wasn’t much romance for him. Sure there was Marley, but that barely counts since Marley didn’t take him seriously. Though now that I think about it, did you think that it would be hard to insert a Sirius/OC romance? Or did you think you would just end up writing a cliché?

The memories – Godric, I love the memories. It may seem like I’m the only one who enjoyed those, lol. It’s very obvious that you’ve put many a fantastic detail and emotion to it. How you wrote it, it makes me think that I was seeing James’s memory right at that second. The description of fear, anxiousness, and debris everywhere was so vivid and so felt. I really admire your writing skill and style – but that, too, was obvious, wasn’t it? Jill – just like Regulus, I was sad that I didn’t know what her life was like, but I got a clear idea who she was and how she acted through Lily’s and Marley’s, and the Marauders’ eyes. It’s sad to see that she was the victim of the murder, but then again, I’m very much thankful it wasn’t Lily, else the whole point of James/Lily was useless :P The name, ‘Jill’, was really adorable, and I thought, if James and Lily had lived and gave birth to a daughter, they would have named her after Jill.

There’s a pattern that I could see in your Lily; her determination is what James had fallen in love with. I can justify that because I’ve read every single one of your fics. Her determination to find out who Jill’s murderer is and her determination to kiss James in the 13th chapter gave so much depth to Lily more than you know. It made her wise; to think about the future and the benefits and consequences of her actions in the present. Remus – again, I wish he had a romance, too, but knowing you, Maggie, you dislike non-canon pairings so therefore, Remus must only be with Tonks, right? Peter – I really do hate Peter. He may have retracted his steps after 17 years, but I still hate him. In this story, you gave him the foundations of his betrayal – insecurity, feelings of inadequateness, and jealousy. Excellent, excellent job.

The plot – you really had me going. At the back of my mind, Regulus must have been the one, but then I thought why it would be him when he wasn’t used much in the story as a whole. So during the first steps, I strongly suspected it was Tate and Grace. Heck, I even considered Peter! Then you got all mysterious and evasive that I lost my trail of suspicions, and now that it revealed that Regulus was the one, well, let’s just say that I was partiallysurprised. You must know that I love every chapter of this story, and that I think everything was so much in order and so necessary and important that it was almost perfect. The only scene I was disappointed in was the confrontation with Voldemort. The chapter before that – the one where Lily was imperiused, which I think was brilliant and at the same time, creepy and highly disgusting (a good thing, don’t worry) and very evil, by the way – was signaling a big, legendary chapter to come next. You had Voldemort underestimate them, and thereby, losing the grip of his wand (which was pretty embarrassing, if you ask me).

Now, I have to tell you my ultimate favourite: The Epilogue. I was expecting a Lily/James scene, but goodness, it was oh so different. That’s why I love it so much. Instead of the usual Lily and James having a normal day then suddenly realize they’re going to die, you wrote the other characters’ ending after how many years. With all my heart, I love that scene so, so, so much. I love how Harry met Cassie, and how Cassie came to tell him that he was family and the excellent detail – the one pertaining to her childhood (i.e. “I don’t have the kind of family that people usually took advantage of”) – really touched me. It was what Harry felt all throughout the years, and it was just a touching scene that I thought I was going to cry. Grace’s talk with Peter about Regulus gave all the more solidness to your OC. For her to be asking what happened to him, why he died, it just said so much that was unsaid. They were really in love, and it ended as a disaster, too.

All in all, your story had a very bright beginning, and you progressed with it darkly, including grief and sorrow in all the characters’ part. I love how your Epilogue gave a brilliant spark of hope and an ending for others. I love how you gave each character in which they would both shine positively and negatively. I love how every chapter gave so much meaning and underlying truth to it. I love how you never seem to fail your readers and you always give them the best of chapters and responses. You’ve written such an incredible, fantastic, excellent, and very-detailed story, and it saddens me that it has ended. You have a great and covetable talent for writing that I really do wish that you don’t waste it. Share with us, with the rest of the world. Continue writing stories, fanfiction or perhaps in the near future, original fiction, and you will make us very happy and giddy with delight. I hope, with all my heart, that you will get better and better as you write, and that you never stop writing stories.

I love this story, everything about it was plain exceptional and outstanding. Please don’t leave mnff :(

Author's Response: Oh, my -- this might be the best and most detailed review I have ever received! I'm so happy you've enjoyed all of my stories, including this one. When I started this story, I really wanted it to focus on having everyone in character -- I wanted a Lily who wasn't too much like Hermione, a Peter who had a backbone, a James who was silly and immature and not always confident. I'm glad you liked the characters and came to feel the OCs necessary. OCs are always a risk, and it's such a relief to know you think these worked, and you liked Grace. Oh, and Jill -- I'm glad you liked Jill! I tried to show as much of her character in the memories as I could, but I didn't want to overdo it. As for James and Lily's dynamics -- getting that "right" so to speak was another big goal of mine in writing this story; I have read a hundred long, epic Lily/James seventh-year-fics, and I think a lot of them simply have James miraculously grown up and Lily finding herself falling head-over-heels for no reason, and I wanted to show actual growth to their relationship while still showing that they are, in fact, just kids! I'm glad you liked how their relationship was portrayed.

I'm also so happy you liked the memories! I was afraid people would find them boring and be more interested in what was happening in the present plotline, so it's a relief to know they were appreciated and that you can really find yourself in the moment alongside James. As for the murder mystery -- this was my first attempt at writing something like that. Before I started writing, all I knew was who I wanted the murderer to be, and I can still remembering sitting myself down and attempting to write out the main turning points in the murder using the seven steps to writing a good mystery that my ninth grade English teacher told me years and years ago! I'm glad you think it all worked out and, despite how small a role Regulus had throughout, you still weren't entirely surprised that he was the killer.

I spent ages rewriting the epilogue again and again in an attempt to do justice the story and finish off well, so I'm so happy that you enjoyed it so much! It was easy for me to write the fluffy scene between James and Lily, but I had a lot more trouble with Peter and Grace. Peter is such a hard character to write, imo. As for ending it on a happy note -- I couldn't help but give Harry that kind of family :) There's also the fact that I just can't bring myself to write the last day of James and Lily's life. I can't go near their deaths with a ten foot pole -- I'm far too attached to imaginary characters, it seems.

I certainly won't be leaving mugglenet anytime soon! But it may be a while (if ever) before I start in on another epic Lily/James story. (Although, knowing myself, I probably won't be able to resist. *sigh*) Oh, I almost forgot -- as for giving romances to Remus and to Sirius: I do think Remus would have had romances before Tonks, but nothing epic, you're right, because I'm too much of a canon Tonks/Remus sucker. And as for Sirius -- way too often his romances are Mary Sues, and they never much seem to enhance the plot in any way, so I simply wasn't interested in attempting that in this story. Also, there's the sad fact that JKR told us Sirius never has a serious romance. Well, anyway, thanks for such a FABULOUS review!

I almost cried, really. It was heart-breakingly beautiful.

It’s not a small, tiny drop that has hit your eye. It’s a big drop, the size that makes you wonder how all of the water can stay together. Your eye stings but it is welcome. It takes your mind off of everything, just for a second. After that second is up, all of the other pain comes back to you.

I’m sure you know how I love details; this is such a sweet part. Everything, absolutely everything was detailed exceptionally.

“Because someone above us is crying for us. They’re trying to make things better for us. The least we can do is appreciate what they give everyone.” Lily finished, and you stayed there, in the rain.

It might just be me, but it seemed like that Lily’s response is – er, childish. It’s a child’s answer. Would this have been when they were in their early years in Hogwarts?

Remus asks himself a lot of questions, and I can’t imagine this fic without it. There’s just something that causes us, don’t you think, to ask questions we can’t answer but try all the same? To me, those questions shake him up. It hurts because he knows he’ll never know. It reminds me of Dr. Carl Sagan’s quote, ‘We make our world significant by the courage of our questions and by the depth of our answers.’ Simple questions that needed deep answers are very lovely details you’ve added her. :)

“At least it’s not you, Remus. You could be dead right now.”

I expected Remus to explode here, but instead you wrote him as he truly is: just Remus. The empty answer, and the pain of that realisation that they were dead; the reactions are all Remus with the added bitterness of mourning. Beautiful, beautiful.

I love the ending. It gave me goose bumps! The scene was captured so vividly, it was like I was watching a movie in my head. The last line was so moving. An incredible way to end the story! The second person added to the feeling of being surrounded by the story. I felt Remus’s pain. I felt his grief and sorrow; I felt his emptiness. I don’t get touched easily, but this – it reminded me that I don’t cry for myself, but I cry for those who had a pain that was too much a heart could hold. You encompassed the reader so well into the story that it was hard to ignore Remus’s emotions. I try, most of the time, to stay neutral and stay above stories that make me react violently, but I guess this was written so elegantly and passionately that I can’t escape the scene. I love how you didn’t waste words to plain description. You wrote intricate details that made the whole piece fit perfectly!

Thank you for writing this. Thanks so much for sharing this story. There may not be many that reviewed this and you may think that none had enjoyed this, but this story will always stick to me. I can tell – even till now, there are stories, much like this, that I’ve remembered through out this years. This fic will not go unrecognised. Thank you for writing it. I enjoyed it immensly :)

An amazing, moving story, Alyssa! Repeat that in your mind a few hundred times, then you'll know how great it was. Personally, I was expecting a sequel. I wonder how it turned out with that little girl. The quote, "they take it for advantage" (something like that, right?) really stucked with me. The concluded sentence, that's what I call it.

"The spark in his eyes were gone."

Ah, I just love that part, too, especially when the girl finds out that the spark came back because of a GIRL. Even I'm getting mad. Wizards just don't understand what kind of great blessing has come in their way! And they all take it for granted. There's really nothing else to say except that this fic you've written is brilliant, don't ever doubt that you're a good writer, and there's nothing to critcise about this fic! It's absolutely amazing. End of.

Author's Response: I thought I responded to this already! This thing about the girl made me mad too! They really don't understand. At all. We Muggles would make better wizards. Thank you so much for the compliments. =)

That was a lovely, short read, Sarah. I enjoyed it very much. It was like reading from one of JKR’s lost papers (lol here).

The thing that struck me the most is the flow of the story. It was really well written. The scenes flowed with each other, complimenting and taking the importance of the whole vibrancy of it. The detailed description of the first scene was very lovely. Harry’s mood was clear just by describing what formation he was in.

His hands were clutching his sore shins that still bore the throbbing, angry red marks that Aunt Marge’s walking stick had left.

That bit impressed me. I loved that bit; the incorporation of someone else’s involvement, especially from a canon character, was a wonderful flair.

The whole atmosphere was like a memory to me – like I’ve read this somewhere before. Aunt Petunia was too much in IC, especially when she remembered something about her childhood with Lily. Her reactions were powerful enough to influence the thoughts going through her mind, enacting her to say those cruel words. It was an excellent character study for Petunia Dursely.

Harry – he was incredibly well written. Every detail concerning his enviousness of Dudley, his innocence over Petunia’s burst of anger, and his wandering thoughts about his parents and ‘what if’s’ was, in my opinion, phenomenal. His childishness and the trait that made him ‘Harry’ was present, and ever more enhanced into much detail. I absolutely love it. The taunting of Dudley and his friends was a mere spot on the story, but it made the scenes more real. The party on the whole was never ignored, and that was very attentive of you to keep control on the characters on the scene.

The playing of the flowers was adorable, too. You didn’t forget about the whole point of Harry Potter – he’s a wizard. One with the unique abilities to perform magic, and this scene was an exceptional detail contributing to that. The story didn’t lose its ‘magical-ness’; the mood was just perfectly normal, suiting the plot.

Overall, the quality of the story was uniform all throughout. The style of the writing was superb – you kept it neat and clean, surpassing the border between ‘boredom’ and ‘creativity’. Everything was creative, original, and extremely in-tune with JKR’s own writing. You have a superb talent for writing, Sarah. Use it well. Remember, with great power comes with great responsibility. :D (I hated Spiderman 2). I hope you get to update your chaptered stories! :-)

Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much for the amazing review, Dinny! What a lovely thing to see in the morning when you're still feeling a little ill. Sarah x

I can't believe mu luck that I found this story just after 3 days that I finished 'Our little Secret'!
I absolutely love your story and I am absolutely anticipating this sequel. I hope it won't take you long to write the rest of the story! By the way, would you feel somewhat angry if I make a story of Scorpius and Rose too? Because there's just not enough of that genre. And you've inspired me to make a fanfic :)

Author's Response:

I'm glad you found the story too!

I'd be thrilled if you wrote a Scorpius and Rose story. The world will never have enough stories, and the NextGen category only has 43 total right now, so if you add to it, you'll make lots of readers happy.

Thank you for saying I inspired you. You've inspired me to smile from ear to ear! 

Nice to see some changes around the castle! Paid house-elves, next they'll be asking a raise or more rags to cover their filthy feet (I'm just being a merciless pure-blood here). I have read a fic that portrays Al as a someone who fears heights. Honestly, I quite like that idea. It gives him his own personality, and all that. I also like the part where Al conceives the idea that Neville as a clutz would be so ludicrous. It just gives more emphasis in the change that Neville went through. From a scared little boy to a brave, true Gryffindor.

I just want to say that I love every single detail I see in your fic. Truly the mark of a real HP fan-author. Striving to be as good as JKR. Whoops, another scene just pooped out of the sky and into my head! Must draw the scene now! Glad you've updated fast! More to come please? :)

Author's Response:

Aw, thank you, love. :)

I will say that, from the minute I read the Epilogue, no matter how I felt about the actual piece in general, I had a clear picture in my head as to what Albus would be. One of the biggest stereotypes is that all of Harry's kids play Quidditch, but it just seems like too many Weasleys and Potters and not enough anyone else. Someone has to be the bookish one, and someone's got to be the self-absorbed one. To me, writing them like this makes them feel more real, and I'm glad you agree. 

I do strive to be the best I can be. Sure, I can't say that I am or will ever be as good as JRK, but that doesn't mean that I won't try.

Thanks for the review after a long day at work. It makes me feel happy before I head off to bed. Take care, and happy writing. 

~Jess

Hello again!

The Sorting Hat song is a great piece of work. You should be proud of it! I know I couldn't do it half as good as you did. I love the part where Scorpius's sorting took up a lot of time, it just showed that he had to lot to offer in each house (that's how I took it anyway). And also, I love the part where Rose dumps him in the lake. I've always expected her as to someone very opinionated, and fiery. She is Ron's daughter, after all. I was surprise at the sudden change of character Scorpius showed. From digesting Muggle medicine to calling muggleborns as mudbloods. It's interesting how you're cooking him up.

As always, I adore your Albus. You're talented... great... blah blah. Is it nice to rub it in? LOL.

Lastly, I want to thank you for the support, and inspiration you've given me in my last review here. It has fueled me to write three chapters of my first ever fic. I'll soon be posting the first one, and I want you to know that I'm dedicating that first chapter to you. So that you'll know how much you've helped me. It made me feel... worth the trouble to paid attention to. Something like that :)

I felt like I waited for months for your update. Faster, please? :D

-Dinny.

Author's Response:

I knew that I wasn't going to get away with not having a Sorting song of my own, so I just studied past Sorting songs, and that's what came out. :)

Scorpius's Sorting and his confusing switching of character are most definitely linked together. If you can't tell, he will ultimately be a large part of this story. And it goes without saying that Rose, also, is an intrugal part of Albus's life, as she has been Al's best friend for years, so she's going to have a lot of face time. But ultimately, this story really is about Albus and how he develops as a human being. when this story is finished, you will be amazed how far he came in that time, but hopefully I can continue to build his character up to that point.

And I am more than happy to give you friendly nudges to get you writing. I actually went through your review page, and to my surprise, you had also read/reviewed Our Little Secret by Kerichi (Paige). Ironically enough, she was the one that I mentioned who encouraged me. I didn't think I could remotely come close to writing anything worth reading, but she taught me that I would never know until I tried. I'm glad to see that you're trying, and I look forward to seeing you in the queue soon. My next advice is for you to know where you want your story to go before you submit your first chapter. You have no idea how much pressure there is to update with quality material when you don't even know how you want your fic to end. Updating in general is quite a task, which is why I normally write a ton of chapters before I even think about submitting it. You, of course, don't have to do this, but you just might find that, once you get further on, something from earlier chapters might need changed or tweaked a little. I know I changed a ton of stuff in The Vindication of James Potter once I got post Chapter 12, mostly to make sure that my story lined up with itself.

Anyway, sorry about the rambling. I just woke up and can hardly see the screen, so I feel entitled, lol. Take care and happy writing. I really appreciate you reading my story and finding it worthy to be inspiration to write one of your own.

~Jess

P.S. - About how often this story will be updated, this one, I'm sorry to say, is a secondary project of mine, to be worked on in the off times when I'm not writing for challenges. Plus, I have to wait four or so days for my beta to send it back to me (the person who reads/double-checks my grammar and stuff) so I can submit. Henceforth, realistically, the quickest I'll probably update is two weeks or so. Once my work schedule becomes more cemented, I'll probably be able to crank out a few chapters in succession on a couple of my days off, but I really can't promise anything. I truly am sorry about that. Oh, and months? It's been precisely one week, lol.

I got who the pairings were when he said, "Then, we became friends." The summary drew me in. Nicely done! :) Do I hear any coming multi-chaptered fics from you in the near future? Hope so. Your style is...(what's a synonym for great? 'cause I always use 'great') very nice. (hah, that's lame of me).

oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY [Jess]! :D

-Dinny.

Author's Response: Hello Dinny!



Haha! Actually, I knew the pairing was going to be obvious. ;) I wanted it to be obvious. And really glad you liked my summary, because my summaries don't usually work. :(



Yes, a chaptered Mystery is coming up, but it's not Rose/Scorpius. It's an adventure featuring Scorpius' seriously cool aunt, Daphne. :D



Thanks for the review!



~Natalie.

You’ve written the Marauders as the immature children they are, that’s great! :D

The opening of the chapter was fantastic; the description of the scene was very vivid that I could imagine the scene exactly in my mind. The line, ”Birds chirped happily as they flew by outside the window, and the occasional butterfly appeared beside the glass pane” gives the scene a somehow utopian air, and the perfection of it gives off a signal to a fluffy scene so I was surprised when it wasn’t.

The banter between Sirius and James about the owl quill was great, it made me laugh. I didn’t expect Sirius to be the type to waste money in something so trivial, but I guess being part of a wealthy pureblood family was a factor to it. That was awesome :)

The list of plans to woo Lily is rather a cliché thing to do, I’m sorry to say. It’s just that there have been many James/Lily fics that concern lists. :( It is fun to do in some parts of the story, but to start with it isn’t really a good idea… but don’t be discouraged! It’s only the first chapter, and I’m sure you’d come up with more ways to produce scenes that doesn’t involve lists.

“You two are scary,” Peter commented. “You practically share a brain; that can’t be normal.”

Haha, that was really funny XD And the sentence where James wonders why Peter always go out instead of staying in the compartment to change was a good way to portray his insecurity. That’s so much like Peter to me, good job! James and Sirius were really IC throughout the whole chapter, however, I didn’t expect Remus to be that harsh when he was telling James to grow up. It’s rather a Lily thing to say. He also ripped the paper which is particularly harsh considering Remus was kind of like a softie when it comes to his dear friends. Peter agreeing with him, “Took you long enough,” when James declared he was a prat isn’t a Peter thing to say, too. Peter idolizes James, so I wouldn’t think he would think badly of his idol.

I’m done with my not-so-negative remarks, and I hope you don’t get discouraged! I’ll continue now with my favourite parts of the story.

“Care to close that?” Peter inquired. “The Slytherins followed us up here one year, and we’d rather not relive that.”

Fantastic move there, Becca! Of course, we couldn’t forget that those four boys are against the whole Slytherin House and vice-versa. Very nice detail! :)
I must say, Remus having a female enemy in the same house? Wow. That’s a first, and that’s what I call original. I wonder if they would end up together… XD When James said that he was going to stop asking Lily out already, and Lily replying that she doesn’t believe him, I felt the sting of her words. Poor James, Lily really doesn’t know when to stop hurting you, does she? So James stopped the courting now, what’s going to happen next? Your OC, Jackie, is funny, too. I wonder if she had an ulterior motive when she was convincing Lily to consider James’ proposal (No, not the marriage proposal), or did she just felt bad for James?

Continue writing, and I hope to see a fast update soon! :)

Author's Response: So I get home from getting two teeth pulled out (not nearly as bad as I anticipated, haha) and find this review, and it totally made my day better. Dinny, you are fabulous! I think we discussed a bit of this on AIM yesterday, but I'll just readdress it all because it made my day so much better. I'm stoked that you liked that bit of description; I had a discussion with my mother about how I'm not a very visual writer, and she said that to give a fantastic vision of a scene you don't need to use fancy adjectives, just write what you see in your mind, which is what I did for this :) I'm pleased that you thought it gave it a utopian air; I think that, to some students, Hogwarts WAS in fact a utopia, that it was home. And what can I say about the Sirius-James bantering? XD I find intelligent sniping rather amusing, and it's so fun to write! As for the list... I definitely do believe it was a cliche. I've got it turned into a bit of a recurring joke in later chapters, something to fuel the sarcastic dialogue between James and Sirius, so I don't really want to edit it out at this point. As for Remus's reaction to the list, and Peter's comment, in my mind I thought they were a bit justified. I see Remus as being the closest to Lily out of all of them, and being exasperated that James is still so immature that he thinks something like a list will win Lily's heart. As for Peter, I saw him as being a bit distracted throughout that scene, poring over schoolbooks, not really aware of what he was saying. If I got rid of that description while editing, that's my fault and I fail XD Well of course we can't forget the Slytherin rivalry! Thank you very much for the compliment on that line, though, I didn't feel like it particularly stood out when I wrote it :) As for Remus and Angela's animosity... Ah, we'll find out a bit later if there's more than academic reasons to that one, won't we? ;) Jackie is a dear to write, she's fabulous. Thank you so very much for this fantabulous review! I'll definitely try to update soon! Becca:D

My first impression after reading this chapter was how magical you wrote it! I was worried that I would end up reading a fic that resembles almost nothing of the Wizarding world, but then I am obviously impressed by how much detail concerning magic you’ve put into this! The Owl’s Chronicle was a good name for a Wizarding newspaper, but you really got me wondering what Wizarding prison Australia has. Describing Azkaban as ‘much, much worse’ than the local prison also made me think if Dementors were widely used in prisons or not. Hm.. do you have magical beasts guarding the Australian prison instead? Hope you get more into those points as you continue your story :)

It’s curious to know why you put Lia’s father as an editor/writer in the newspaper, because that would mean that he might get influenced by the Ministry of Magic (in Australia, obviously), which might get infiltrated by the Dark Lord’s followers; Lia’s family would get affected. . . and possibly, her personal life. Again, really interesting. I’ll definitely be checking this fic out for updates.

I love how Lia acts so real. She’s quite shy to admit it to her friends that she has a thing for Tristan, but I’m pretty sure that she’s easily subjected to jealousy, if ever. You’ve really got your main OC fleshed out :) About the other characters, I’m again curious to know their true colors – their ‘innate’ personality. To be honest, OC’s appear more real once I see what they truly are during moments of pressure and adrenalin rush, and fighting one’s friends, etc. You know, hard times.

They served everything from Muggle food like chicken and chips to exotic, magical meals like crumbed Hippogriff with potatoes. I’ve always had issues with the idea of eating something we learned about in Care of Magical creatures, but apparently I’m the only one.

Excellent detail! :D Lia’s thoughts of ‘what if’s’ were really a fantastic way to both shaping her character, and the story’s solidness. I can see that you’ve done a lot of hard work into this. The little things should never be ignored, and I’m happy that you did what a good Harry Potter fan fiction author would do.

“It’s not a shed,” I said, annoyed. “It’s an...unfurnished granny flat.”

I just wanted you to know that I laughed out loud with that. Let’s not forget the humour, shall we?

Alas, the ending! A sweet and not typically-fluffy way to put their budding romance into action! I enjoyed reading this and I hope you update soon. :)

Author's Response: Um...yeah. So I like, love you, just so you know. Seriously, I'm freaking out as I type :) Ah! I love reviews! Also, I am so glad that you thought the chap was 'magical' enough, 'cause that's what one of my biggest worries was writing it :) Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!