*****


The young man in the centre turned slowly, meeting the eyes of each member of the circle. When he spoke, his voice was firm. “All of you know why we are here, and you know why I’m leading.

“We have lost the leader who was with us for a very long time – who opened this group. We will carry on with his plans, with a few alterations.

“The enemy is clever. We must strike in unexpected ways to gain the advantage, and this is one of them. Someday, when this is over, we will stand in the sun and breathe freely. We will not crouch behind trees and hold our breath in fear of who might be behind the next tree. Our homes will be at peace again, and we will not be persecuted.�

Remus thought wistfully of how beautiful that life would be. The boy’s eyes shone as he described the world he painted. For him, young, newly chosen in as a trusted leader, it was easy to picture an ideal world. For Remus, who had watched too many friends die searching for that dream, it was not so easy to believe in. Wrapped in memory, Remus lost the thread of the talk for a moment, coming back to himself with a start.

The boy finished with, “This is the best way to do it. You don’t have to like this task, or me, but these are the orders and this is what will be done.

“Now, are there any questions to start with?�

An older woman raised her hand. “When we find the woman, do we attack her, or wait and attack the child? Do we strike to kill or convert?�

Blaise Zabini regarded her coolly. “If we find her after she gives birth, then we convert the child. Her we kill.�

The fantasy world shattered as Remus bit down hard on his tongue to stop convulsive shivers. In his mind, he saw Tonks, smiling and laughing, rubbing her convex belly. Though he didn’t know who she was, Blaise, the new leader of the werewolves, was talking about killing Tonks and turning her unborn child into a werewolf – Remus’ wife; Remus’ baby.


Remus’ undercover job was now, for obvious reasons, twice as despicable as it had been before. It had started about a month before, when Voldemort had discovered an Order secret.

Sturgis screamed, but wordlessly. They released the curse and looked at each other. They could break him, certainly, but it would take time. They needed results now.

One held the captive still while a second seized his head and forced him to look into his eyes. “Legilimens!�

Only a few seconds, then bolts of red slashed through the clearing as the Order’s shouts rang out. The Death Eaters glanced at each other, then Disapparated. The last thing the former captive saw before they vanished was a sinister smile beneath a black hood.

*

“Remus, Tonks, I have no need to tell you that this is extremely serious. The rest of the Order will be arriving shortly, but I wanted you to hear this first.�

Minerva McGonagall faced the Lupins across her heavy desk, looking more concerned and tired than either of the others had seen her before.

“You know that Sturgis was captured yesterday. He refused to talk, and he was rescued almost immediately, but they used Legilimency on him. And apparently…the Fidelus Charm is not as complete as we hoped it was.�

Tonks gripped Remus’ hand, her face whiter than usual. “What do you mean?�

McGonagall placed her hand over Tonks’ free one, her eyes full of compassion. “They now know that there is going to be a child born to someone in the Order.�

“What!� Two voices rang out simultaneously. The Headmistress sighed.

“The Fidelus Charm covered a lot; he told them nothing. They know that someone in the Order is expecting a child, but they do not know who. They don’t know if it’s a couple expecting or a single woman. But the fact is that things will be much harder for us now.�

Tonks looked down at her slightly protruding stomach. “So what do we do?�

*

As soon as Tonks confirmed her pregnancy, she and Remus had set up a Fidelus Charm that made Tonks the Secret-Keeper for their baby. Remus was not at all happy with the added danger this put her in, but Tonks pointed out that before she could be attacked for information, the Death Eaters would have to know where she was. In effect, it was a closed loop. Remus could not take this on because he would be with the werewolves and at greater risk for letting something slip; so, reluctantly, he agreed. After announcing to the Order that she was expecting, Tonks said nothing more of it. Until now, that arrangement had seemed invulnerable.

Upon hearing of Greyback’s death at the hands of over a dozen Aurors, Remus had gone immediately back to the werewolves after a three-day absence. He was shocked to find that in his short absence, Voldemort had paid a very rare surprise visit and appointed Blaise the new leader.

Former teacher and student had had an awkward first meeting, but they had slid quickly into a mentor-pupil relationship. Remus found that the Slytherin had changed a great deal since Hogwarts.


Now, he waited until the others had gone before he went to sit by Blaise, who had settled down on a rock and was contemplating the ground at his feet.

“Blaise?�

The boy answered without looking up. “Remus.�

“Are you all right?�

Blaise nodded impatiently. “Yes. This is what I’ve been waiting for.�

“A chance to strike at the Order?�

“No. A chance to lead. Do you know, Remus, how I became a werewolf? Greyback decided they needed a pureblood werewolf, so he sneaked onto the estate. He was an idiot. If he had needed a pureblood, there were better ways to have done it. He should have chosen someone less well-connected, for instance. My parents were furious. They’d have killed him if I hadn’t insisted I come here. He was a leader only because he was here first.

“I will lead the right way. I didn’t want to start like this, but since I have to... It’s a pity about the child.�

“You don’t expect it to survive.�

“No. Did you? We have to prove ourselves effective. Until we do, we are insignificant. This will cut right into the heart of the Order. A child always does.�

“You know it will arouse sympathy for the Order from the general populace.�

Blaise’s dark, slanting eyes gave nothing away. “Yes.�

Remus stood, ready to leave, when Blaise spoke abruptly. “You know I don’t completely trust you, but I trust you enough, and you are the most stable member of this group. I need you.�

Remus silently acknowledged the truth of this. He steeled himself to pass through the various hostile others who would be lounging outside, when the young leader’s next words nearly knocked Remus down.

“We have a good idea of where the woman might be.�


Remus Apparated to the location, per Blaise’s orders, stumbling on landing. He was disturbingly close to his home. Worse, he had felt, as Blaise gave him the instructions, a very light, very subtle mental probing. Somewhere along the way, Blaise had picked up Legilimency. Remus hoped that his small training in Occlumency would be enough.

Tonks looked up, startled, as her husband burst through the door. From the flour on her hands, she had evidently been trying to bake something. “Remus! What –�

“Grab your wand! We’ve got to get out of here!�

Tonks seized her wand, leaving a clean spot in exactly its shape on the otherwise floury countertop. “Why? What’s wrong?�

“I’ll explain later. We have to get you to Hogwarts.�

Remus hurriedly flicked a small ball of fire into the small fireplace, tossed in a handful of powder, and took Tonks’ hand to lead her in. Instead of speaking their destination, which would leave more of a magical trail, he traced a pattern in the smoky air with his wand. As he closed the shape, he looked down. Tonks smiled at him, not happily, but with love and trust. Remus felt his stomach unknot very slightly as he wrapped his arms around her and the fireplace began to spin.

They landed in the Headmistress’s office at Hogwarts. Remus sent his Patronus to fetch Minerva while he told Tonks what had happened, finishing with, “So I’m supposed to be about three miles away from the house right now. I need to go back before Blaise realises I’m gone.�

“Be careful.�

Surprised that she would ask, Remus answered, “Of course I will.�

“Don’t make me cry for you again.�

She was referring to a conversation they had had just before their marriage, talking about the time before Remus had allowed himself to openly love her. It was not a time either of them cared to repeat.

They stood there, memory between them, until the door creaked open and Minerva stepped in. “Remus, Tonks, what is it?�

Remus explained quickly and turned back to the fireplace. As he did, he bent down to whisper in Tonks’ ear. “I will be careful. I swear it.�

Tonks grasped his hand and squeezed, hard. Remus freed himself reluctantly and walked to a corner of the room – the one spot in the whole castle from where, if he was careful, he could Apparate.

He arrived back not at his house, but in a small wood a few miles away. Blaise had given him half an hour; he was probably over that limit. He ran back to where Blaise had sent him originally, waited until his breathing slowed, and Apparated again, to the cave where Blaise waited.

“Well?�

Remus shook his head. “I couldn’t be certain. There were a few houses, but I couldn’t get that close to them.�

Blaise nodded. “I didn’t really think you could. I’ll have to send a squad soon. Perhaps they’ll be able to find her.�

Remus repressed a shiver.

*

Over the next four days, Blaise sent three pairs of other searchers to the area. The last came back with news: they had searched the rubbish bins at one house and found that it had been recently vacated. This smothered any uncertainty Blaise may have had. Remus cursed the Death Eater contacts that were giving Blaise his all-too-accurate information. The only good thing about pretending to track down his own wife was that Remus was able to talk to Blaise often. Over time, the boy began to confide in his one-time professor.

“I don’t do this for the love of causing pain, you know.�

Remus raised an eyebrow and Blaise flushed. “I don’t. No more than you do, but I have to lead. This is where I am, so I’ll start here.�

“A true Slytherin?�

“Yes. No. I hate being a werewolf. It’s disgusting and it doesn’t do anything but give you scars. But they needed a real leader – Greyback only happened to be the first one, you know that – and I need people to lead.

“Besides, now that I am a werewolf…some of these people are animals, but some of them are still people. They should have better than living in caves.�

Remus said nothing, but the boy seemed to take that as criticism. “You Gryffindors always think you’re so much better, so much nobler. You know being noble only gets people killed.�

“I was pretty sure of that, actually.�

“Well, I’m not here to be noble. Someday, werewolves will be people again. I’ll be a leader, and if anything…happens…to the Dark Lord, I’ll have them to back me in my claim. And I’ll be able to do something for them.�

“Which desire is stronger, the desire to lead, or the desire to help?�

“Does it matter, if both are going the same direction?�

“What happens if they start going separate ways?�

Blaise shrugged. “I’ll just make sure they don’t.� For a moment, Remus saw in the other’s eyes determination, and sadness, layered with anger and fear and hope and conviction. It was a terrifying combination, and all the more so because Remus knew that the same thoughts rested in his own heart. If Blaise had had friends like James and Sirius and Peter…this might all have turned out differently. If I hadn’t had them, I might have turned out differently.

*

Time stretched and with it, Remus’ nerves. Putting himself in danger with the werewolves had been one thing, but at that time, he had had to hide only the fact that he was working with the Order. Now, he had to conceal this plus an expectant wife from a man who was far more cunning than Greyback had ever been.

Blaise had set his sights on finding the Order woman, and ignored everything else. He took on no more missions, though Remus knew he was under pressure from the Death Eaters, who could have used a little strategically-placed werewolf fear. Blaise refused, saying that it would divert attention from the present mission.

Teams of two or three people flowed in and out of the cave where Blaise stayed, usually only a few hours apart. Remus went out just as often as the others.


A week after Tonks left their home, she moved into a room above the Three Broomsticks. Remus snuck up to see her when he could.

“Tonks, love, I think we should ask someone – maybe Minerva? – to be Secret-Keeper for your location.�

“I’ve thought about it. It won’t work. They’re not looking for ‘Tonks’, so hiding me by name won’t do anything. Hiding me as ‘the Order woman’ won’t either, because they’ll still be able to capture me, whether or not they know who I am. Besides, if I have to move when you’re not there, how would you find me? It’s too risky to write messages the way we used to.�

It was a disagreeable conclusion, but it was also true. Remus had to let it go, something which he felt was fast becoming an unpleasant habit.

Remus Apparated back to the cave to find Blaise waiting outside. “Where’ve you been?�

“Checking the inns. No one reported a pregnant woman.�

“Did you ask about Concealing Charms?�

“Of course, but they still said no. Have you realised that for all we know, she’s not even in Britain?�

“She’s an Order member. They think they can keep her safe.� Blaise glanced sideways at his mentor. “The Order always underestimates their enemy.�

Needless to say, the episode did nothing for Remus’ confidence, especially when he arrived at the Three Broomsticks two days later to find it buzzing with news of an attack by Death Eaters.

He found Tonks at Hogwarts and coaxed her to stay there. If that would not keep Blaise away, nothing would. He tried to ignore memories of the battle the night that Dumbledore had died. He should not have.

Blaise met him that night, his eyes gleaming in the light of a waxing moon. “There you are! You’re late for a meeting.�

There were about a dozen there, which meant that eight or so were out, no doubt searching for Tonks. Blaise caught their attention quickly.

“We have information that the woman is at Hogwarts. It will take time to secure her, of course, but we have at our fingertips a horde of Death Eaters who still hold memories of their favourite school. It won’t be long until we can catch her.� He turned to face Remus. “And we also have those who aren’t Death Eaters, don’t we? Or those who are actually Order members themselves.�

The others leapt to their feet, shouting. Remus stood as calmly as he could. “What proof have you?�

Blaise shot back, “I have your own mind. Don’t be stupid, Remus. You know you’ve been playing this game for far too long. Everyone has ambitions – you made the mistake of thinking that mine blinded me to yours.�

“What are you planning to do about it?�

“I think we have to kill you. It’s unfortunate, but there’s no other way.� One of the men shoved his way forward, but Blaise held him back with a piercing glare. “No! He is a wizard – he will die by the hand of a wizard.� He set his wand and drew a deep breath, ready to begin the deadly incantation.

Remus flung himself to the side, pulled out his own wand, and shot his Patronus towards the cave entrance. In the moment it took Blaise to aim again, the entire group was frozen, caught by a stasis spell cast from the apparently empty cave mouth.

The air rippled, and Kingsley Shacklebolt stood there, holding an invisibility cloak. He strode over to Remus, tapping him with his wand. Remus relaxed. “Thanks, Kingsley.�

“No problem.� Kingsley Shacklebolt regarded the others with cool detachment. “I take it that the one with the wand is Blaise?�

“Yes.�

The rest of the Order poured into the cave, teaming up to wrap the werewolves in individual stasis spells and cart them off, probably to the Ministry. Kingsley pulled the wand from Blaise’s stiff hand and was about to adjust the spell that bound the boy when Remus intervened. “May I have a word with him?�

Kingsley pocketed the wand. “If you like. I’ll wait right here.�

It was hard to have a meaningful conversation with a large, watchful Auror waiting nearby, but Remus managed. Upon being unfrozen, Blaise sagged dangerously, but Remus caught his arm. Their eyes locked.

“Was it a charade just to catch us, or was there a personal element to all this?�

Remus opened his mouth to give the usual answer about good versus evil, but what came out was, “I couldn’t let you hurt them.�

Blaise cocked his head. “Them. The woman? And the baby? Friends of yours from the Order? No –� he was watching his former professor closely – “No. Your – girlfriend? Your wife. And your baby.�

“Yes.�

“I would have done the same for my family. In a way, you could say I have.� He gestured to the empty cave as he rolled up his left sleeve, exposing the by-now-familiar Dark Mark. “They’ll see this anyway – will you tell your Auror friends for me that I have not done any Death Eater activity in the last six months? You know it’s true.�

“Not as a Death Eater, but you can’t pretend you haven’t done Dark things.�

“I won’t. I can’t say I hated it, either. I told you once before – I did what I had to do, as did you. These people needed me; I helped them on my way to what I wanted.�

“It’s a pity we could not have helped those we care for on the same path.� Remus knew that if he was called to testify at Blaise’s trial, he would tell the truth – that Blaise had plotted killings and vicious attacks – but he could not bring himself to hate the boy, even for Tonks’ sake, or their child’s. “I understand. And I too wish it could have gone differently.�

He stood aside as Kingsley escorted the boy out. At the cave’s mouth, Blaise stopped for a moment. “If it helps, I would have chosen another way to get the leadership.�

Remus stood alone for a moment, thinking. What Blaise had said was true: the boy would have taken another way to what he wanted if he could have seen one. But the fact that he was willing do commit such a terrible deed answered the unspoken question. Remus and Blaise were alike, but…something that Harry had said once rang in Remus’ mind. “It is our choices that make us who we are, far more than our abilities.�