Hello there, babies mine. I have been noticing that you stop kicking when I talk to you, so, given how energetic you are at the moment, I thought a conversation couldn’t hurt. It certainly can’t hurt more than bruised ribs, although they aren’t really that painful I suppose. There is so much I want to tell you, both now and later. I know I’m going to have a whole lifetime to talk to you, but I have to start sometime. I haven’t got an awful lot to do, so you can help me pass the time; I am usually confined to the house at the moment and I don’t often have the energy to go anywhere.

I haven’t seen my feet in an awfully long time, you know. Well, I have, but never by accident. I always have to go looking for them now. You have made me feel unreasonably big. I wonder how big you are now; there can’t be a lot of room in there. Maybe I just seem so big because I’m normally so small. By comparison, you really have made me unreasonably big. Navigating the stairs has become rather difficult. I love being back in daddy’s old house, but spiral staircases do have their downsides. Maybe we should have taken that into consideration when we rebuilt it.

I should tell you a bit about my daddy. His name is Xenophilius, but I expect he will want you to call him “Tadcu�. He has grown rather attached to the Welsh language lately. It’s odd, because he always used to speak so much Mermish. My Grandma was Welsh, so I suppose that could have something to do with it - you do tend to become more attached to home and familiar things as you get older. He was relatively old when I was born, much like your daddy, Rolf, will be when you are born, so he has had white hair for most of my life.

He edits The Quibbler, a very informative magazine. Most of the press chooses to ignore the issues Daddy writes about; they can be very narrow-minded. The Quibbler did very well right after the war, but circulation has gone down a bit now. Daddy thinks that it would help if Rolf and I could find a Snorkack, but I don’t have much hope at the moment. Pregnancy doesn’t lend itself to travel, but that’s not your fault. Rolf has a theory that they hibernate in the winter anyway, so my being stuck here probably wouldn’t make too much difference to our success right now.

My stomach isn’t quite the size of a Heliopath yet, but it must be approaching Snorkack size by now. Of course, Rolf would rather talk about whether or not I could fit a Mooncalf inside me yet. It is rather more pleasing to be Snorkack-sized, I think. Rolf thinks I might be so big because of the dirigible plums, but I’m not so sure. Apparently mummy ate them all the time when she had me, and she was a perfectly reasonable size in the photos. I guess that I inherited that craving from her.

I have become a little obsessive about my feet lately. I miss my feet. Not just seeing them regularly, but being able to use them properly. They get awfully swollen sometimes. Then they make me think of the time I thought I saw Aquavirus Maggots in the Ministry of Magic because they swell to much the same shape. Between them and my aching back, I am spending more time in on the sofa than anywhere else. I have been painting a lot, which makes a nice change.

In a about a month’s time I should have my feet back, and I will have you two as well. It will be good to see what you look like, but I don’t know how I am going to cope with sharing you with the rest of the world. I have had you all to myself for the last eight months, and it has been very special, if occasionally painful and nausea-inducing. That’s not your fault exactly. It is more down to human physiology than you two specifically. As much as I love having you all to myself, I will be quite glad to have my body to myself again. I do love my old bedroom -- the paintings bring back good memories -- but I long to travel again too, preferable further than down to the stream for plimpies.

I have been getting an awful lot of visitors lately. I struggle to go to see my friends (apparition is out the window and I get very motion sick when travelling by Floo) so they have all been coming to me. It’s mainly Ginny, Harry, Neville and various Weasleys which, when you think about it, is quite a lot of people really. I didn’t actually see any of them until I was about twenty weeks pregnant. Your father and I were in Australia until that point. I started getting back pain partway through the trip and had to rest more. After that, we decided that we might as well come home, seeing as we couldn’t be so productive. Rolf would insist on worrying about me, even after I explained that some discomfort in pregnancy is perfectly natural.

When I first told people that I was having two of you, they didn’t believe me. Well, Ginny humoured me; she always does. However, Ron and Hermione were not so skilled at hiding their doubt. Hermione could have a truly great mind if she would just open it up to new possibilities more often. I know you two will see that. Then I told them that I was twenty weeks pregnant and they realised I was right pretty quickly. It seems that at that point they had assumed that I was more like thirty weeks pregnant. I do wish that people wouldn’t insist on making assumptions all the time.

Ginny suggested that I talk to her mother about having twins, as she is the only other person we know who has done it. Well, there is Rolf’s Great Aunt Bernice, but she doesn’t really remember who we are any more. She is well over one hundred, so it isn’t entirely surprising. You’ll probably never meet her. I wouldn’t worry about it too much. She isn’t the best of conversationalists, although I probably shouldn’t say that about a family member.

Anyway, Molly Weasley seems surprised at how big I am. She said that when she had Fred and George, she didn’t think she was as big as I am. That was rather a long time ago though -- thirty-four years to be precise, and I mustn’t forget George’s birthday this year -- so I imagine she had just forgotten. She looked rather disapproving when I mentioned travelling with the pair of you. She is a very traditional type when it comes to children I think.

No, once I have recovered from giving birth (which shouldn’t take long with the potion I have devised -- Gernumbli magic is something else I want to tell you about) your father and I shall resume our travels. Ireland first, as Rolf wants to look deeper into the characteristics of merrows. I hope to improve my Mermish, and introduce you two to the language. I would hope to be able to raise you to be bilingual. Daddy will be pleased. You will certainly have to learn how to swim very quickly.

I would also rather like to teach you to speak Gobbledegook someday, as I believe it will be very useful in the next Goblin uprising. People seem to think that it will never happen, but then they are forgetting the Rotfang Conspiracy. They always do. It is rather silly of them, given how long it has been going on for. Surely they should take it seriously by now. I will have to explain all about that to you at a later date.

Ah. Returning to the subject of my feet, they do seem to be getting rather wet. I think that this is what they mean when they talk about your waters breaking. I still don’t understand how water can be broken though. People tend to be rather illogical in their speech when it comes to pregnancy. You’ll discover that it’s very tricky to make people think and speak logically; I still haven’t given up trying though. I think I might go and stand in the bath so I don’t get everything wet. I should send a Patronus to Rolf too. I wonder how much this is going to hurt...





~The Quibbler~ February 29th, 2012. Issue no. 478

Healthy Twins Born to Luna Lovegood‼!

Today, at approximately 5.30am, twins Lorcan and Lysander Lovegood-Scamander were born in St Mungo’s to Luna Lovegood and Rolf Scamander, the famous naturalists. (See page 2 for pictures). Although they were not officially due for another month (see page 4 for details of a possible St Mungo’s conspiracy regarding due dates), the twins arrived at a healthy weight - 5lb 11oz and 5lb 9oz respectively - to the relief of their parents. The Quibbler sends its congratulations to the entire Lovegood-Scamander family.