A “Fan Fiction” Based on the Harry Potter Series By J. K. Rowling
Chapter 26 “ Into The Corners Of The Mind
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Harry got little sleep that night, trying to guess why Ginny was acting so unusual. Thinking of her words to Snape, “…to Harry’s room, I wanted to spend the night…” he had lost count of the number of times he cringed hearing it replayed in his mind. Those sort of words should have a different effect! Her actions seemed almost intentionally provocative. Twice Harry had started to the Gryffindor common room under his invisibility cloak, hoping to find someone who would bring her down to talk. Finally, and in disgust, Harry took a mild sleeping Potion and waited. Somewhere between three and four in the morning he finally fell asleep, but he woke again at six forty-five in a sweat from a bad dream he could not recall. Remembering that Ginny had a seven o’clock appointment with Snape, Harry dressed and sprinted to Snape’s office, but was too late. The office door had just closed. Cursing, Harry returned to his room.
“Ms. Weasley, I spoke with Mr. Potter last night after you left us. We both know him well, and we both know that if he wants to have this procedure we have no right to stop him. Even if we did have a right, he would very likely proceed in spite of our wishes. If Madam Windshine is correct, and I’m certain she is, Potter will ultimately be better off knowing the truth.” Snape stopped for a moment, watching Ginny for a reaction that was not coming. “Yes, I spoke with Madam Windshine late last night and expressed our mutual concern. She informed me of her wish that you perform the probe. I think her suggestion is a wise one. When…Harry…comes out of the probe he has to make a conscious choice to accept these memories or leave them be. I know he will accept; with you there I believe his recovery will be easier.”
“RECOVERY? I thought there wasn’t going to be any injuries.”
“There will be no physical injuries, but knowing…Harry, he will blame himself for what happened. We both know what happens when he does that.”
Ginny abruptly stood up and started for the door, but stopped half way and turned back to Snape. “Professor Snape, stop cringing every time you say ‘Harry,’ like it’s a foul word, we ALL owe him our lives, not just…the…” She could not finish, and did not care; storming out of Snape’s office and slamming the door behind her. Snape knows bloody well what I mean.
Harry and Ginny met at the head table after breakfast. Neither had eaten nor seen the other that morning and he could tell that Ginny was, if anything, madder than she had been the night before. Snape looked at both of them. “Harry, please Apparate with Ms. Weasley to her parent’s house. They are expecting us, I will join you shortly.”
Turning, Ginny walked out of the hall, through the south entrance, and down the lawn to Hogsmeade. As she passed different areas of the lawn, she remembered the battle and those who had fallen at each spot. The idea of Harry having to know what happened was just too much to stomach. Hearing Harry walking silently behind her, Ginny wondered if this was her last week with him. How can I convince him not to do this?
Reaching the gate that separated Hogwarts from Hogsmeade, Ginny stopped and kept her back to Harry. When he arrived a few seconds later he just held out his arm for her to hold.
Appearing outside the back entrance to the Burrow, Ginny pushed Harry’s arm away and went inside without a word. Following a moment later, Harry found Molly and Arthur in the kitchen looking up the stairs Ginny had just climbed.
“Harry, what’s wrong?” Molly and Arthur said together.
“I wish I knew. She’s been acting like since last night, and I though she was going to take my arm off when I Apparated her here.” Harry sat down at the table. He wanted to go after Ginny but realized it was useless until he understood what he had done to infuriate her.
“Well, when we saw her off yesterday she was fine; she couldn’t wait to see you. Did something happen on the train?”
“No, she arrived and seemed fine. We went to Ron and Hermione’s place for dinner and then sat around talking. I told her about a treatment I’m having at St, Mungo’s next weekend; it did upset her and Ron and Hermione, but I didn’t think it was this serious. On the way back to school she got angry when I asked about the final battle and from that point it just got worse.” Harry was sitting with his head between his hands and still trying to make sense of everything.
Molly looked at Arthur, and then excused herself, heading up the stairs. Arthur tried to see if he knew what was happening. “Harry, what’s this about the final battle?”
“Nothing, I had spoken to the Director of St. Mungo’s about my missing memories of the battle. She’s a top-notch Legilimen and offered to help me remember what happened. She also suggested that Ginny do the actual procedure under her supervision. But when I asked her to do it, she, Ron, and Hermione started acting strange, trying to talk me out of it.”
“Ok, son, I know what’s wrong, I think Molly does, too. Harry, was the person you spoke with Olga Windshine? I thought so. We all knew that at some point you might have recollections of what happened, but we hoped that the memory had been erased. Can I assume that Olga told you it was intact, but probably blocked?”
“Yeah, that’s exactly what she said.” Harry saw Arthur’s face fall. “Not you too. What is this, a conspiracy?”
“Yes, Harry, it is, but not like you think. Harry, whatever you chose to do, Molly and I will support you, but I suggest that you forget about Ginny helping.” Arthur looked at Harry and hoped he would accept what he had said. Neither said anything, the house was quiet for a few more minutes until Snape appeared outside the door.
“Arthur? Molly?”
“In the kitchen, Severus, come in.” Then calling up the stairs, “Molly, Severus is here, please come down.”
Entering the kitchen, Snape saw that Harry and Arthur had been talking. When Harry was not paying attention, Arthur caught Snape’s eyes and shook his head “no.”
Molly and Ginny walked down the stairs and joined the others at the table. Harry was relieved that Ginny sat next to him and briefly squeezed his hand under the table.
In a somber voice Snape began. “I’ve been informed that you, Molly and Arthur, are willing to let me attempt a probe into Percy’s mind. Is this correct?” When Ginny’s parents said “yes,” Snape wrote something on a piece of parchment. “Very well. Before I go I need to make a personal request to both of you. This procedure has some risk.”
“Yes, Severus, we know.” Arthur answered.
“If something should happen to me it is my wish that neither of you feel responsible for my actions. I chose to do this knowing the dangers. I’ve left some instructions at the school. Alastor Moody will fill my position until the board can find a permanent replacement. I have also recommended that Remus Lupin be assigned the spot Moody vacates. They were both informed of this a short while ago.”
Harry, who had been following the conversation closely, felt his heart leap at the prospect of working with Remus. After thinking about his elation, though, Harry felt guilty; the only way this would happen is if Snape died.
“Arthur, Molly, I want to…” Snape could not, or would not continue. Harry suspected that the possible result of this action was finally hitting him. “I must go now. I hope to see you after the procedure. Will you be joining me?”
“No, Severus.” Arthur said, solemnly. Molly walked over and took Snape’s hand. “Thank you, Severus. Thank you for everything.”
Nodding, Snape turned then to Harry. “Would you care to join me?”
“Sure, I’ll be right there. Are you doing this in Percy’s room?”
Snape nodded, then left the Burrow.
“Harry dear, would you come by here after it’s over?”
“Sure, mom. Uh, bye Gin.” Harry did not even try to kiss her good bye, but she did take his hand for a second, and then walked back up the stairs.
Everything was ready, just one final perfunctory question before starting. “Are you certain, Severus?”
Harry watched Snape from the other side of the room. Ever since the brief meeting at the Burrow, Harry had a sense of foreboding. In the two minutes Snape was there he had made it perfectly clear that he did not expect to return alive. Watching Percy and Snape, all Harry could wonder was why is he doing this for Percy?
“Yes. I’m starting now.”
Snape’s eyes closed and he sat motionless for a moment. Inside his mind, Severus Snape was tumbling into nothingness and he knew immediately that his life was lost.
Throughout the experience he felt nothing at all; time had no meaning; memories were lost moments that appeared and vanished in an instant; heat and cold were opposite ends of a lost sensation. Life had become a total lack of anything and everything, until they merged in a dark corner of his mind.
“Peter, is that you?”
Silence.
“Peter, are you all right? It’s me, Percy.”
Silence.
“Something must have happened, Peter. Please answer me.”
“Weasley?”
“YES! Peter, thank Merlin you’re all right.”
“I’m not Peter. And I wouldn’t start thanking anyone just yet.”
Silence.
“Snape?”
“Yes, I believe I am, or was.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I was trying to find you.”
“What do you mean?”
Snape was experiencing the same nothingness as Percy, but at least he had an understanding of what had happened. “Percy, do you know where you are and what happened?”
“No idea. Is Peter all right?”
“I don’t know for sure. Percy, you were transferring a memory to Peter when an Auror hit you with a disarming spell. Do you know what that means?”
There was a long pause as Percy absorbed this revelation. “We’re dead, aren’t we?”
“I’m not sure, Percy, my guess is no; however, we are in serious trouble.” Snape explained to Percy why he was there and what he had tried to do. Again, there was a long “silence” as Percy tried to process what Snape had just revealed.
“How long have I been here?”
“Almost four months.”
“What? It seems like it just happened.”
Olga Windshine watched with Harry as Snape entered Percy’s mind. Harry was leaning against the wall; bad memories and good ones were confusing his emotions, but his overall feeling was sadness at the failure of Snape’s attempt.
“Severus knew there were risks, Harry. You need to remember this, what he did was the greatest gift anyone could give another. It was this very special type of love that you have experienced, too, when you were a baby. You may find yourself facing this again some day, be certain you acknowledge the sacrifice AND remember it was that person’s conscious choice.”
Harry just nodded, though he was having trouble equating the type of love his mother had shown him with anything Snap could have done. Looking up, Harry saw the attendants preparing to remove Snape’s body.
“Please, wait. Are you certain he’s dead? We thought Percy and Peter were dead but they aren’t. Please! Olga, ask them to stop.”
“Harry, Severus is dead. I know when the soul has departed from its host.”
Harry shook his head and sighed, feeling far sadder than he thought he would. “Well then, I better go tell the Weasley’s. Thanks for being here, er, I guess I’ll see you Saturday, but I don’t think Ginny will be there. She’s furious at me for doing this.”
“Four months? It seems like it just happened. What should we do?”
“I don’t know, let me think for a bit.” Snape found that if he concentrated he was able to access much of his mind, almost as if he were meditating. He then had an idea.
“Percy, I want to try something. I believe we are both alive in a part of your mind. Everything I’m experiencing is much like a deep mind probe. I want you to concentrate on one thing, and only this one thing. Move your left forefinger, now.”
Both tried to access a finger that was disconnected from their minds. Snape could sense that his own concentration was much greater than Percy’s, but neither had any idea if Snape’s idea worked.
Harry saw something, but thought it was his imagination. “What’s that?” Harry exclaimed, pointing to Percy’s right hand. Olga looked back just in time to see the finger twitch. Walking to Percy she took his hand, but no further movements could be seen or felt. She would have found more success trying to sense Percy’s mind, but her attention was on Harry.
“It may have just been a muscle spasm. Do you care to watch with me a few more minutes, Harry?”
“Sure, I’m not relishing the idea of going back to the Weasley’s.”
“I don’t believe this is the right way to proceed. This is like nothing I’ve experienced, let me think a moment.”
Trying to gather all the random thoughts from his mind, that no longer had his brain to physically organize them, proved difficult. Doing it with another person may be impossible. Frustration and failure seemed like they were closing in on Snape so he tried a different approach. Routing our minds to the part of the brain controlling motor skills might have been too complicated. What if we try for a more basic and instinctive physical response?
Weasley, play tic-tac-toe with me.”
“What? And how will we do that?”
“A three by three grid. The letters ‘A’ through ‘I’ tell me your move. ‘A’ is in the upper left corner, ‘D’ middle left, ‘G’ in the lower left. Now play, you go first.”
“Why?”
“JUST DO IT, NOW!
“All right, um, ‘D,’ no, ‘E.’”
“’A.’”
“’C.’”
“’G.’”
“Um, ‘D.’”
“’F.’”
“’H.’”
“Good, no winner. Play it again. I go first this time.” The game continued for a few more rounds before Snape would let Percy stop. “Good, now we play checkers, a simple game requiring a lot more memory. Red or Black?”
After a while, and a few mistakes by both players, the two prisoners had “gotten the hang of it” and found it easy. Next level.
“Chess, Weasley, now chess. Black or white?”
Percy thought he had an advantage here, having played a great deal with Ron. Being able to picture the board helped and he found that he had to assist Snape occasionally. The games continued. After Chess they played various card games, sometimes one had to teach the other how to play, but both found the games stimulating. Then casino games that required them to use enormous amounts of…memory.
After they had played thousands of games, Snape suggested one more game. “Now, Percy, now we play roulette.”
“We can’t do that, the ball is so random, and the bounces it takes before settling, and the spin of the wheel…”
“Stop the excuses. Everything in the game is predictable if you account for all the variables.”
“There’s millions of them, are you crazy?”
“Perhaps I am. Percy, what have we been doing?”
“Playing games.”
“Yes, yes, but how have we played them?” Not receiving an answer, Snape continued. “With our minds, Weasley, with our minds. You and me, two different minds trapped in a single brain. Unless I’m mistaken, you have not experienced anything like this in the past four months, have you?”
“No, it’s like I just got here when you showed up.”
“Good, now how long have we been playing?”
“I don’t know, at least days, maybe…good god, I recognize time passing now. But I still don’t know how much.”
“No, me either. The human brain is capable of much greater speed than most people realize. What slows the brain down is its interface with our body’s ways of communicating the thoughts; Speech is very slow compared to thought. But let’s continue further and see if some other awareness returns.”
Olga held Percy’s hand for a few minutes but felt nothing. Turning to Harry she shook her head “no” and returned the hand to the bed. “I was hoping for better results, Harry. Severus had a troubled soul; I hope he’s in peace now. Lord how I hate failure, Harry.” Leaning over Percy’s nearly lifeless body, she kissed his forehead like a mother might kiss her son’s good night. On her lips she felt a faint sheen of perspiration.
Wordlessly, Olga walked over to Percy’s Healer who had been quietly present the entire time. The two talked in whispers for a minute, and then consulted Percy’s records. After more conversation with Windshine, the Healer took a number of Percy’s vital signs then showed the results to the Director. When Olga turned to Harry she had a smile on her face.
“Harry, Severus’s probe may not have been completely in vane. When I kissed Percy I noticed his forehead was slightly damp with perspiration. Since the injury Percy’s metabolism has been amazingly slow. His heart rate was just under one beat every two minutes; his respiration was shallow and almost as slow; we haven’t had to shave him once since he arrived. If these things had remained constant tonight, Percy should not be perspiring. But he is! Respiration is about two per minute, heart rate up to four per minute. Something Severus did has triggered something inside Percy. I have no idea what it is, but we will monitor this very closely.”
“But Snape is still gone, isn’t he?”
“I’m afraid so, Harry. Why don’t you go to the Weasley’s and tell them the good and bad news, and thank you for coming today.”
“Yeah, sure.” Harry found it hard to concentrate on the Burrow in his first attempt. More death…
Harry stood in the kitchen of the Burrow an hour later. Molly, Arthur, Fred, and George had just left for St. Mungo’s, leaving Ginny and Harry to go back to Hogwarts and notify Moody of the events that morning. Harry had tried to push Ginny to go with her family, but she stubbornly refused and would not give Harry a reason. When her family had left, she walked to Harry and pulled him to her, hugged him hard, and then started to cry.
“Ginny, you have to tell me what’s going on. Is this all about the last battle?”
Ginny did not say anything, but nodded her head.
“Gin, please give me more than that.”
“Harry,” Ginny pulled away, and with tears running down her face told him her fear. “I’m afraid of losing you. I know how you think and when you learn what happened…I don’t…know if you…will be the same.”
“Ok, Gin.” Pulling Ginny back to him, Harry made a promise. “I will never leave you. I need you in my life and no memory, no matter how awful, is going to change that.”
Oh, Harry, if you only knew what you are saying.
Percy’s Healer greeted the Weasley’s when they arrived. “Molly, Arthur, Percy is still in a deep coma, if you can call it that. But his vital signs continue to strengthen.”
“Should we try talking to him?” Fred asked, trying to find something useful to do.
“Yeah, if he can hear us we could tell him some bad jokes. He might wake up just to punch us.” George suggested, trying to lighten the mood.
“I’ll punch YOU, George Weasley, if you don’t shut up!” Molly looked like she was about to hit George with her handbag.
“No, Fred, George, not yet. We’re much more hopeful now; however, he still has a long way to go before regaining consciousness.”
“Arthur, why don’t you go back home, I’ll stay with him for a while. Fred, George, I’ll contact you if anything happens.”
“All right, dear, are you sure?”
“Yeah, mom, we can stay if you want.” Molly’s look told them all to leave.
The Healer went to Percy and started taking his vital signs again. Making some notes, he updated the chart and returned to his chair for another fifteen minutes.
“That bloody fool.” Mad-Eye Moody looked furious. “Why he did it is beyond me. All right, Harry, that git always gave me the willies anyway. I hope his sacrifice can help Percy in some way; his family has suffered enough. Damn!”
“I’ll Floo over to let Remus know, if you like. Want me to bring him here?”
“Yeah, Harry, thanks. I’ll write the Board and get the word out. After you return I will need a written account of this entire mess. Have one of the secretaries take dictation for you, if it helps; those dicta-quills don’t always work. Go on now.”
Harry returned to his room and found Ginny lying on his sofa, asleep. He placed a spare blanket over her and then Floo’d to Grimmauld Place. When he told Remus and Tonks about Snape both were shocked. Then Harry told Remus about Snape’s recommendation and Remus stood there in amazement; Harry had a grin in his face and Tonks hugged Remus.
“You’ve always wanted that position back, haven’t you?” Harry asked.
“Wow, I can’t believe this. But Snape! He was a pain in the arse, I wish it hadn’t happened this way. Are you going to stay on, Harry?”
“Yes!”
“Fantastic, let’s hope the Board approves this. I’m not too concerned about me, I do have doubts about Moody’s position. Well, let’s hope for the best.”
“Remus, Mad-Eye wants to see you as soon as possible. He’s still in his office.”
“Ok, Harry.” Remus said, and then turning to Tonks, “I guess I should go.” Tonks looked happier that Harry had seen her since James’ birth. She gave Remus a kiss and left the parlor with him to get ready. “Thanks Harry!”
Returning to his room, Harry found Ginny still asleep. He picked her up and set her in his bed, then lay down next to her for a nap. Things are just going to be much busier the next few days.
Tuesday afternoon, in the cold January air, the students of Hogwarts, Ministry officials, and hundreds of other guests had gathered on the North lawn of the school for Severus Snape’s memorial service. Before dismissing the crowd and ending the service, the Minister of Magic made one final announcement. Harry had not expected it, but found that he was happy for Snape in this one, final gesture.
“On behalf of the Ministry of Magic, I would like to present Severus Snape with the Order of Merlin, First Class. The citation reads as follows:”
“For displaying the highest regard for a fellow wizard;
For facing a difficult decision with courage;
And for selflessly giving his life that another might benefit;
The Ministry of Magic Awards to
Severus Snape
The Order of Merlin “ First Class”
After the ceremony, Snape’s ashes were scattered by the cold winter winds from atop the Lonely Hill. Harry watched this final action wondering if Snape would now be able to make peace with his father and Sirius.
A/N: There, you are, you Snape haters! Next chapter covers the final battle.