“I'm getting on, what's the use
You know how I get
I can't decide which is the truth
At least not yet
I got the feeling, it's you
What can be said, alone in this room
No...”
Lyrics to “Goodbye Again” by Vertical Horizon
Chapter Twelve- Dancing
Disclaimer: I own none of this. It all belongs to J.K. R. Thank you for letting my mind wander…
Harry awoke the next morning with a terrible headache. The weather outside seemed to imitate how he felt. Ominous clouds floated over the Burrow and the ground looked as though it had rained fairly recently. Harry stood up groggily and held his head. He got dressed and then brushed his teeth. Feeling the pounding pain behind his eyes, he wished that he had stayed in bed a little longer. He swayed as he made to leave the room. Reluctantly, he headed downstairs for breakfast, vaguely remembering the events from the night before…
Harry went inside to find Hermione and Ron still sitting at the kitchen table. Then, he decided to check on Sarah, so he went up the stairs to where she was staying. Harry saw that her door was half open so he politely knocked on the door frame.
“Harry, please. I don’t feel like talking right now. Just go away!” he heard Sarah say. Harry leaned against the wall debating about whether to just do ask she asked. Deciding against her wishes, he knocked again.
“Sarah,” he hesitated, not sure whether he should persist, but he started to speak again, “I’m coming in. I need to see if you’re alright.”
Harry headed for the door and spotted Sarah sitting in a chair facing the window as he stood in the doorway. Suddenly, he heard a loud bang and felt a sharp pain in his face. Harry stumbled backwards into the opposite wall. Sarah had caused the door to slam on him because she was angry. This was the first time that he had witnessed her temper. Harry headed to his room after finding out the hard way that Sarah obviously was not in the mood for talking.
Harry’s head still ached from the night before as he walked into the kitchen. Hermione and Mr. Weasley were sitting around the table and Mrs. Weasley was at the sink washing some dishes. Harry grabbed a piece of toast and then went outside. He didn’t care if it was raining or not. No one questioned him as he left.
It was cool outside and by the looks of the clouds, rain was on its way. Harry found the tree that he had used the night before and sat against it. Although the ground was wet, he was relatively comfortable as he ate his piece of toast. He hoped that the food and the fresh air would clear his headache.
* * *
Sarah suddenly opened her eyes and quickly sat upright. She had been having the same nightmare that she had been getting for years. She would witness a car crash and then discover that her brother was behind the wheel. In the background, she always noticed that an evil looking man was laughing and enjoying himself. Next, she saw herself struggling to pull her brother out of the fiery mess as the man’s horrendous cackling grew louder.
Sarah would then find herself in a cloud of silvery mist. When she spotted Chris a good distance away, she always attempted to reach out to him. Whenever she got close, however, Chris would always be pulled further away or Sarah would wake up. She hated that dream.
Sarah looked at the clock. It was around nine thirty. On the previous night, she had gone through most of the articles that Ron had brought home. Sarah learned that her parents were good people. They were always willing to help if they were needed. Most of the articles were about how her parents contributed to the wizard community. They had saved numerous families from Death Eater attacks. Death Eaters, Sarah had learned, were Voldemort’s followers. As she read through more of the articles, she found herself longing to see her parents again.
Sarah stood up and then got dressed, but didn’t go downstairs. She walked over to the window and sat down in front of it again. The window overlooked the backyard. She could see the gardens and the trees. Then, she caught sight of Harry, sitting against the tree that she had used last night.
Harry looked tired and hurt. Sarah remembered slamming the door on him last night and she felt ashamed. All she wanted was to be alone, but she probably could have let Harry have five minutes to say what he needed to say to her. Harry held his head carefully and was looking down. He looked like he had a headache and Sarah felt that she knew the reason. She turned her gaze away from Harry and looked at the trees.
Sarah couldn’t help but think that something was out of place or intruding in the backyard. Although it looked the same as it had the previous night, she felt as though something was wrong. She scanned the yard over and over again but couldn’t put her finger on the problem. Maybe it was just because things were just too weird for her at the moment. Maybe she wasn’t thinking straight. She decided to tell Hermione about it later.
Sarah looked towards the cloud covered sky and wondered if Harry was thinking about the same things as she was. She wondered what would happen next and how her life would change. She had a very promising life at home. She had a wonderful family and was studying biology school. Sarah dreamed of becoming a marine biologist and traveling the world someday. Would her dreams change? She wasn’t sure of much anymore. Sarah was confused about her feelings. On one hand, Sarah was angry and sad for being denied the truth for her whole life. But yet, she was happy that her parents were good people and to be with such great company. She noticed that it had started to rain outside.
Sarah returned her gaze to Harry, who seemed not to be affected by the weather. Sarah quickly stood up, went downstairs, and grabbed an umbrella. She made her way outside. Harry never looked up as she strode towards him with her umbrella opened and held over her head.
Sarah took a seat next to Harry and shared her umbrella with him. He finally looked up at her with a quizzical expression on his face. She smiled softly and took his hand gently. Harry gave her a weak smile and looked into her eyes in an attempt to learn of her motives. He knew, however, that this was completely pointless because Sarah never wore her feelings on her sleeve. She wasn’t an open book that anyone could just read at any given time. Harry knew better than that, but yet he still tried. Then, Sarah opened her mouth to speak.
“Hi,” she whispered. That was all she said.
“Hi,” Harry responded and then another horrible silenced followed. The rain pitter-pattered against the umbrella. Sarah felt Harry’s eyes on her, waiting for an explanation, but he was being patient. She searched his eyes and found years of pain and hardships within them. She also saw whispers of love and happiness hidden within his eyes. For this, she was grateful because Harry deserved this. She knew that Harry had gone through the same things that she is now experiencing and if anyone were to understand, he would be that person. Tears started to swell in her eyes and she was very surprised. She turned away, too ashamed to look at Harry; Sarah hadn’t cried in years. She wiped away the tears with her sleeve and looked back at Harry.
“Oh! Harry, I’m so sorry! I’m just really confused. I’m not mad at you, I swear! Can you forgive me?” Sarah pleaded. Harry smiled. He gently brushed away one of her tears with his hand and nodded eagerly. Sarah grinned, then dropped the umbrella and threw her arms around him. Unexpectedly, the rain stopped and as Harry and Sarah looked up, they saw the sun through the thinning clouds.
Sarah released Harry and ran towards the house laughing. Harry followed, mysteriously cured of his headache, but now soaking wet. Sarah led him to the kitchen, although Harry knew that Mrs. Weasley would scold them for coming in soaked. When he finally caught up with Sarah, he found her standing in the doorway of the kitchen, staring at something. He followed her gaze and quickly understood. His smile quickly vanished as he discovered the source of Sarah’s confusion.
“You,” Harry spat. He was staring at someone who had brought misery into his life for years. What else was he supposed to say to his Aunt Petunia? Harry glared at this woman. Sarah, sensing his anger, quickly grabbed his arm, hoping that he’d calm down. Aunt Petunia stood up from the chair that she had been occupying and walked toward him. Harry made an attempt to leave, but Sarah firmly held him in his spot. He looked down into her eyes, pleading her to just let him go and that no good could come from this reunion, but she shook her head. Harry sighed. He held his hand up to Aunt Petunia, signaling her to stop, and to his surprise, she did.
“Harry…it’s been so long”,” Aunt Petunia began, but was interrupted by Harry.
“Save it. It doesn’t exactly take a genius to know that you don’t care anyway. It was that way for seventeen years, so why change now? When I disappeared, you, Dudley, and Uncle Vernon probably threw a party celebrating the departure of the freak. My invitation must have been lost in the mail. After all, I was just a burden that brought misery and shame into your life. Is there something that you wanted, other than to give me a headache?” Harry bellowed.
Sarah still held onto Harry, fearing that he might do something rash. His eyes were dark and his cheeks were red. Sarah could not recall ever seeing Harry this angry before. Sarah thought that whoever this woman was, she must have done something to hurt Harry. Then Sarah realized that by witnessing his tempter now, that she’d never want to be on the receiving side. She looked at the tall, skinny, pale woman who stood before her and almost felt a pang of pity toward her. Then she caught herself and the feeling faded quickly. She gripped Harry tighter. Aunt Petunia looked like she was on the verge of breaking into tears.
“Harry, dear, now I don’t think that it’s very nice to talk to her like that. Yes, she has been a little cruel in the past, but I swear that she’s not like that anymore. She’s actually turned into a very pleasant person once Vernon was out of her life. I mean, well, that doesn’t forgive her, but please just give Petunia a moment to explain,” Mrs. Weasley insisted. Harry was now very confused and turned to face Mrs. Weasley, who backed up a step. Harry could be very frightening when he was angry.
“You have something to do with this, don’t you?” Harry accused. Mrs. Weasley was just about to respond when Aunt Petunia finally mustered the strength to speak.
“Listen to me, Harry. I realize that you have a perfectly good reason to be upset and you are well within your rights to never even so much as look at me again. I would completely understand if you threw me out right now and I would never bother you again, but listen to what I must say first. To start with, I have not come her unannounced. Arthur and Molly have me over every couple of months for the day and I like to talk to them about things. Obviously, you had not known this because if you had, you wouldn’t be taken off guard like you are now. I had not been informed about your return, so I, too, am quite surprised. I have reflected on the seventeen years that you were under my watch, and I am embarrassed to say the least. I realize now that I have brought unneeded disturbances into your life, which was already difficult enough. I know that I can do nothing to change the way that I have acted and that I have made a grave mistake.
“You were a boy, not a slave put on this earth to serve the Dursley family. You have experienced true horrors that I cannot even begin to imagine and it was not right for me to add to them. I hope that someday, as far away as it may be, that you can find it in yourself to forgive me. I will, however, understand if you cannot, as I know that I probably don’t deserve it,” sobbed Aunt Petunia.
Harry was completely dumbfounded and he backed up against the wall for support. Then he shook Sarah off of him and started toward Aunt Petunia. A startled Aunt Petunia carefully backed away as if she had just seen a bear. Harry rolled his eyes.
“So, you expect me to believe that you suddenly like me? You expect me to believe that the only reason why you’re here is to speak with Mr. and Mrs. Weasley? You really think that I’d be fooled by that story? And then you have the nerve to ask me to forgive you for all the crap that you’ve given me? I’m not buying into any of this. You really must think that I’m stupid,” Harry shouted.
He had successfully backed Aunt Petunia into the corner now. To Harry, her eyes looked tired, old, and full of fear. Unknown to everyone else, Ron had actually intended to enter the room and eat his breakfast when he heard Harry’s shouting outside of the room. Ron had quickly decided that another hour’s sleep wouldn’t hurt him and he disappeared up the stairs again. Sarah was beside herself on what she should do and decided that it would be best if she did not interfere; she didn’t need Harry to be mad at her, too. Hermione, who was still at the table, looked about as disgusted as Harry, and if not for Mr. Weasley sitting right next to her, she would probably be next to Harry dishing out accusations of her own in Harry’s defense. Aunt Petunia again found the strength to talk.
“I know Harry, believe me, I know! When I saw you, lying there on that hospital bed last year, I felt very sick. At that moment, when the Healer told us that it was questionable that you would survive, I felt years of regret flowing through me. I thought that I’d never get the chance to apologize, not just to you, but for how I treated your mother and father. I was fiercely jealous of Lily. She always got the attention. Oh, my parents would notice me while she was away at school, but during the summers, they would always say how Lily was the model child and how successful Lily would be. I became mad at Lily and not my parents, who I should have been angry with. And then you showed up and I became angry at you for being Lily’s child. I know that it was wrong, and I know that I have been very selfish, but I intend to do anything to right it!
“Well, when I started feeling all of this, I knew that Vernon would never understand in a million years, so I left him and to my surprise, Dudley has never spoken to his father since then. Harry, you must believe me! I love you, Harry! I understand now, that I always have,” begged Aunt Petunia.
Harry, who had gradually been walking toward her, stopped. He shrugged his shoulders and stepped back. Then he turned to leave the room, but before he left he took another look at his terrified aunt. She looked different to him, but he couldn’t understand why. Then he stopped again and faced her completely.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. Aunt Petunia’s mouth fell open in shock.
“What are you talking about?” Aunt Petunia asked.
“I don’t feel the same way,” Harry replied quietly and then turned to leave for a second time. No one stopped him or followed him. He heard Aunt Petunia cry out and then he heard the noise of chairs moving. Then, came Hermione’s voice over everything else, and Harry knew that she was angry, also. He didn’t know what to think and felt that he should just not think about what just happened at all. He decided that things would be better that way. He headed upstairs to Ron’s room. It was about time that he got up, but Harry knew that he had just not wanted to get involved. He opened the door to Ron’s room and found him sitting up on his bed reading a piece of parchment.
“It’s alright, the fight’s over, you can stop hiding now,” Harry announced as he entered the room.
“Really? Uh…I mean, what fight? I don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t left my room all morning. I’m not very hungry,” Ron said.
“You can quit pretending, I know that I was probably heard throughout England . It’s usually that way, right?” Harry laughed.
“You bet you were loud. Harry, you have to believe me that I had no idea that she was coming; I would have warned you, I swear. Mum and Dad never told me about her,” Ron insisted.
“I believe you, and by the look on Hermione’s face, she didn’t know either. I suppose that it’s safe to go down and eat now if you’d like,” Harry responded.
“Really? It better be, because I’m starving!” Ron blurted out, “but, you know if you want to talk about anything, I guess I’ll have to wait…”
“No, it’s alright, you go down and eat, and then come back here and tell me if the coast is clear,” Harry urged.
“I’ll do that! See you in a while, Harry!”
* * *
Harry waited in Ron’s room for a while. He was looking at the old Quidditch posters on his walls when he heard a soft knock on the door. Figuring that Ron wouldn’t knock on the door to his own room, Harry was skeptical. He didn’t say anything, but waited for whoever it was to speak first.
“Harry…I know you’re in there, Ron told me that you were. Now are you going to let me in come in?” It was Hermione. Harry let out a sigh of relief and immediately went to the door. He let Hermione in, and closed the door again to keep out any unwanted visitors.
“Sorry, Hermione, I didn’t know who it was,” Harry explained.
“That’s alright, Harry, I understand. I wanted to talk to you about what just happened downstairs. I don’t think that you handled it quite right,” she said. Harry gave her an incredulous look, but then she quickly added, “Wait, Harry, before you get mad. I wanted to tell you that I don’t think I handled it well either.”
This confused Harry. He didn’t know what she had done, but yet, he hadn’t seen what happened after he left. He had heard Hermione yell, but he wasn’t able to understand what she said. He glanced at Hermione. She was obviously upset, although her face showed no emotion.
“What did you do?” Harry inquired.
“Well, you see, I didn’t know that she had been coming to visit because it seems that every time she did, Mrs. Weasley would make an excuse for Ron and me to leave the house. I am so mad that she’s been coming, especially when you’re here. I sort of lost my temper and well…” Hermione hesitated.
“Hermione…what have you done?” Harry urged.
“When you left, she tried to follow, but Sarah blocked her. She started to push Sarah out of the way, but Sarah wouldn’t budge. So then she tried harder and Sarah lost her grip. That woman started to leave but I”I jinxed her. I didn’t want to…but I didn’t want her to go after you either. I’m sorry,” Hermione explained. She looked at Harry’s astonished face and almost laughed at his surprise.
“Well, I’m glad somebody gave her what she deserves. Is she alright?” Harry mumbled.
“She’ll be fine, but Mrs. Weasley took her back to her apartment, I guess. She didn’t look happy,” said Hermione. They were both quiet for a few minutes and then Harry looked at Hermione, wondering what she was thinking. He turned to look out the window and didn’t see anything interesting. Then he looked back at Hermione again.
“I really didn’t want to see her again, Hermione. She brought back so many memories that I thought that I had finally moved past. It isn’t fair,” Harry sighed.
“I know, Harry. Believe me, I know.”
Hermione moved across the room swiftly and hugged Harry in a sisterly way. Harry patted her on the back awkwardly. Then the door opened and Ron and Sarah stepped inside. Hermione let go of Harry and ran to greet Ron. Ron laughed.
“You know, Harry, that’s my fiancé that you were just hugging. It’s a good thing I trust you,” Ron chuckled. Hermione hit Ron’s arm playfully and he acted like it had hurt.
“Well, this has been an exciting day, and it’s not even noon yet. How about we just forget that Harry’s aunt showed up and let’s enjoy the rest of the day. We don’t need to let one dark cloud spoil our sunny day,” announced Sarah. Harry smiled at her enthusiasm and was glad that she was able to be so lighthearted at times like this. He got a wonderful urge to hug her and he did just that. When they broke apart, Sarah looked bemused.
“What did I do to deserve that?” she asked.
“You just amaze me sometimes. Did you know that?”
“I had a feeling,” Sarah replied. Then she laughed and took Harry’s hand. She led all of them outside where they sat underneath a tree and talked for a while.
“How are you doing, Harry?” Sarah finally asked.
“I’ve never been better,” replied Harry, a smile playing on his lips. Sarah beamed and took Harry’s hand once again. Then, she stood up and Harry imitated her. After that, they danced without any music. They danced like no one was watching. They laughed like it was going out of style. And for just that moment, nothing else mattered.
When It Seems Like All Is Lost by KateH
Chapter Notes: Sorry it took so long! Thank you to my amazing beta AurorGirl101! Hope you all enjoy!