“I'm over this
I'm tired of living in the dark
Can anyone see me down here
The feeling's gone
There's nothing left to lift me up
Back into the world I've known”
Lyrics to “Away From the Sun” by 3 Doors Down
Disclaimer: I own none of this world. It belongs to J.K. R. Thank you for letting my mind wander...
Chapter Two: Darkness
Harry listened closely to the words that were stabbing him like a knife. He was now aware of himself shaking and how hurt he was, how disturbed he was. He was sure that he had never felt pain like this before. He listened as she spoke.
“Sir? I am afraid that we weren’t able to save Ginny. She- she just wasn’t strong enough. She endured horrible torture and survived longer than most would have, but it was just too much. She was conscious for only a few moments. In those few moments she said ‘Tell Harry that I love him and not to lose faith in life. Tell him to live life to the fullest and never give up hope. Tell him goodbye.’ She never woke up again. I’m so sorry.”
The world was fading away around him. He felt his knees give away and fell to the floor. He heard a scream from somewhere that seemed like miles away. There was no hope. There was nothing left for him. Everyone that he had ever loved had now been ripped from him. He had fulfilled his destiny by killing Voldemort and saving the wizarding world, and this is what he had earned? Harry now felt excruciating pain in his head and an empty space that was filled just hours before. Before another thought could enter his mind, all the lights went out. There was nothing left.
* * *
The room was bright. He could feel the people watching him. Harry opened his eyes. Someone handed him his glasses. He looked around. Hermione was on his right, and Ron was on his left. Then, to his horror, he saw Aunt Petunia and Dudley sitting next to them. His mouth was half open in shock. The memories of what had happened came flooding back to him as if a switch had been flipped. He wasn’t sure how long he had been in the hospital or why he was in a bed, however.
“Harry, are you okay?” Hermione asked him and Harry could tell that there was hurt in her voice. He did not know what to say.
“I’m not okay, but I’ll survive,” he growled, and he noticed the same hurt in his own voice, although he did not want to show it. Not now, anyway. To his surprise, it was Aunt Petunia who spoke next. She even sounded sympathetic.
“Harry, I’m so sorry. If I had known, if I had bothered to pay attention, if I had even asked”” She couldn’t talk anymore because she was overwhelmed with tears. Harry didn’t understand it. It took her eighteen years to care. Eighteen years to give a damn about him. He could tell now, though, that she wasn’t proud of it. The truth was, though, she didn’t hate him like he though she did. It was her husband, Vernon, who made her treat him badly. It wasn’t her that Harry despised, it was his uncle. He still couldn’t forgive her fully for what she put him through, though. He looked at his aunt and frowned.
“If you had known, it would have been different? You did know. You heard me when I had nightmares about Sirius and Cedric! You knew when Dumbledore died and you still chose to ignore me! YOU NEVER EVEN THOUGHT TWICE ABOUT IT!” He started to cough and breathe heavily again. He gasped for air.
“Calm down, calm down, Harry. Don’t get yourself worked up like that! It’s dangerous!” Dudley croaked. Harry just looked at his cousin in disbelief. Clearly, if Dudley cared about him, the world had stopped spinning. There was a simple explanation for all of this. It was a dream, an alternate universe of some sort. He would wake up tomorrow morning and everything would be alright. None of this would have happened. How very wrong he was.
“How long has it been? Since”since, you know.” Harry stammered out quickly before anything else odd could happen. Ron answered him.
“It’s been three days. You have been out for three days, mate. I don’t blame you, I would have liked to been out myself. I don’t know how you’ve dealt with it Harry. It just won’t leave me alone.” Ron was somber. They all were. Harry knew exactly what he was talking about, but did not know the answer. All he knew was that this time was different. He would not be able to just deal with the pain this time. It was already eating him up inside. Harry turned away. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to leave, to be anywhere but here. He tried to sit up, but found that there was no point.
“What do you want me to say? It was not easy to let go. It was not easy to realize that everyone who I loved that had died was not coming back. I do not think that I will be able to let go this time. Not now, not ever.” Before he realized what he was saying, the words were already out. Everyone just looked at him and he felt the stares that they were giving him. Why wouldn’t they just leave him alone? He closed his eyes.
All night or day, he wasn’t quite sure, Harry drifted in and out of sleep. When he was finally wide awake, or as awake as he could have been, he noticed that everyone had gotten the hint. They had left. He was alone at last. The pain in his body had dissolved somewhat while he was sleeping. Harry sat up.
His robes were folded neatly on a chair next to a table. His wand lay on top of them. Harry had had his invisibility cloak with him that night, so he assumed that it was there, too. He stood up. It was painful to stand, but he walked over to his robes and quietly changed. He had a feeling that he could leave now without being stopped. Harry picked up his wand and the invisibility cloak that was also on the chair. He put the cloak on and headed toward the door. He would have Disapparated, but he was sure that they put anti-Apparation charms on the building for their safety.
The coast was clear, which Harry thought was very odd. Apparently, they weren’t expecting anyone to leave or enter his room. He walked down the hall slowly, so he wouldn’t make any noise. Just then, he heard someone. It was Dudley. He was walking toward Harry’s room. Harry was surprised that they had stayed this long, but walked faster toward the door. Dudley would soon find out that he was missing and tell someone. They would lock the doors and most definitely find him.
Harry reached the door and pulled it open. It took a lot of his strength, but he succeeded. He was free. He could Apparate now. He wasn’t sure where to go, however. He was not sure where he intended on going. Then he remembered some place that they had learned about in History of Magic class. It was in the United States. He would go there. No one would think to look for him there. Maybe he could hide from the inevitable darkness.