Innocence
It was a mild morning and a little girl was playing in the front garden of her house. She was running, jumping, having loads of fun, her light brown hair streaming behind her because of the speed she ran at. When you looked at her face you saw a picture of happiness…
Watching the little girl, Ellen pondered. She wondered at the carefree attitude of the little girl, she tried to remember the last time she herself had had that feeling.
‘Too long’ she said to herself quietly. Too long.
Paige herself was oblivious to the gaze of the woman she called Granny. She just carried on playing, enjoying the freedom of body and mind.
Ellen continued watching her ‘Granddaughter’ even if their relation to each other was far more complicated that Granny and Granddaughter. She sighed to herself, if only it were that simple. To the outside world she was a kindly old lady who had fostered a little girl, but kept the little girl herself ignorant of that fact. In reality she was her great, great niece. Obviously she could not share that tiny fact with the girl or anybody else, she had to follow the wishes of the mother. Oh the mother…
Paige stopped playing and headed to the tree swing. Her Granny had always looked upon the tree fondly and when she had asked why, her Granny had just smiled and answered,
‘It reminds me of someone I used to know, that’s all dear’. She had pondered on who, but as far as she knew, there wasn’t anyone. Her Granny tended to be a solitary woman and wasn’t really very sociable. She sat on the swing, deep in thought.
Ellen saw the little girl sit on the tree swing and she smiled fondly. If only she could tell her about another little girl who had sat on the swing for hours. But she couldn’t. Well, she could but she shouldn’t, not really. I mean the girl had a right to know where she came from, didn’t she? Well, she would find out eventually, I’m sure. Although maybe she wouldn’t be too happy with what she found. Ellen herself didn’t really understand the big deal but she wasn’t like ‘that’. Whatever ‘that’ was.
Swinging on the little swing she went deep into thought, as she often did while swinging. Her Granny said she was a dreamer when she wasn’t a bookworm.
‘A worm!’ she giggled to herself.
Her Granny said many things about her personality, sometimes it felt like she was being watched or analysed. Her Granny had said she was determined and was sly but also had said she was very intelligent. Her Granny said confusing things sometimes…
Glancing again at Paige she saw she was deep in thought, Ellen smiled slightly. She was a dreamer and not like other 8 year olds. She was special and was sometimes so like a daughter to Ellen it was unbelievable, sometimes she even forgot that they weren’t as closely related as she felt. If only she was a mother to this little girl, things would have been so different and life would have been better for her, the little girl and especially…the mother.
Still deep in thought Paige wondered if she should ask her Granny about her mummy again. She had asked many times over the years but had never really got a proper answer. Her Granny either made an excuse not to talk about it or was very vague…
She said things like,
‘Your mummy loves you very much’ or,
‘Mummy would love to look after you… but she can’t’. These answers were very frustrating; she wanted to know the truth!
Looking at Paige’s face, Ellen winced. She knew that look, it was her ‘who’s mummy?’ look. It usually followed with endless questions which she did her best to avoid. It was so hard! She didn’t want to lie, it was so hard to avoid the questions and she knew she disappointed with the answers she gave, they were so vague and noncommittal. It broke her heart to see those deep brown eyes fill with a look of disappointment and her little pale face that had been so lit up, all the light just drifted away. Ellen’s heart wept for her.
The little girl knew that her Granny wanted to answer the questions she asked, you could see by her round face looking uncomfortable and she wandered away looking depressed. She didn’t ask very often, because she was a good girl really and didn’t like to upset her Granny.
What confused Ellen was that Paige was always very interested in what her mother was like, what she looked like etc but never mentioned a word about her father. Ellen thought it was only natural for a girl to be more interested in her mother but never to mention her father? That was slightly unusual, wasn’t it? She supposed it must be a small miracle from God because in all honesty, she didn’t know anything about the father, not even his name! So it was just as well Paige didn’t ask, she would have to be ever more vague than usual, oh life was complicated sometimes!
Paige decided that she would wait a while to ask her Granny again, it seemed only polite to wait. She liked to be polite to her Granny but she was determined to get her information in whatever cunning and sly way possible. She was like that sometimes and sometimes it scared her.
Still thinking about the father of her beautiful angel, Ellen wondered if he was a bad person. Bad seemed such a mild word but that was the essence of her curiosity, was he that horrible that her darling Hermione had hid it from her? Did she herself know this man? He could live down the street! No, now she was living in flights of fancy!
‘Get a grip!’ she scolded herself.
Getting a book out from under the bush next to the tree, Paige began to slip into the fantasy world of her favourite author. All thoughts of her mother disappeared.
Ellen glanced over at Paige, she had stopped thinking whatever thoughts she had been thinking and was devouring her latest book. Ellen sighed to herself,
‘How innocent children are’