Chapter 12: Of Broom Cupboards, Fights and Apple Pies
A slight drizzle was falling by the time the carriage reached the flight of steps leading up to the giant oak doors of Hogwarts castle. Sirius, Remus and Peter trotted miserably out of the carriage and up the stairs, hurrying in order to keep up with the group of girls they had travelled with. The stone steps were wet from the dull and lazy rain, and in his haste to get into the castle, Sirius slipped on the sharp edge of a step and painfully fell on his hands and knees.
“Come on, Sirius, hurry up or we’ll be late!” called Remus from the doors.
Sirius groaned as he laboriously scrambled to his feet and wiped his dirty hands on the back of his robes; his knee was badly bruised and made it difficult for him to climb the stairs, let alone run up them. He managed to limp into the Entrance Hall as fast as he could. Remus and Peter were waiting for him by the open door of the Great Hall, looking rather eager to get in.
But instead of running ” or at least, trying to run ” towards them, Sirius slowed down. A knot had suddenly tightened inside his chest when he had caught a glimpse of the Slytherin table through the wide open doors. The Slytherins were seated close to the doors of the Great Hall, whereas the Gryffindors were completely on the other side of the room. He would have to pass by the Slytherin table, late, limping, wet, and his clothes rumpled from his uncomfortable journey in the carriage, and then he would have to walk across the whole room, in full view of the Slytherins.
He didn’t like the idea at all. As much as he had taken pride in being the black sheep of the Black family ” all puns apart ” at the beginning of his first year, the weeks he had just spent at 12, Grimmauld Place had greatly damaged his confidence on the matter. He had guessed, from what he had had to suffer over the summer, that his Slytherin relatives had finally taken upon themselves to make him pay dearly for being a traitor to his house and family. They would probably encourage the entire Slytherin house to point and laugh at him when he would come in ” and he wasn’t sure he could bear the humiliation.
“Sirius, what’s the matter?” asked Remus impatiently.
The young werewolf was shifting his weight from one leg to the other, as if he was just barely restraining himself from running into the Great Hall as fast as possible. If he hadn’t been so nervous at the idea of showing up late at the start-of-term feast, he would have probably been concerned at Sirius’ odd shyness; but right now, the expression of uncertainty on Sirius’ face only succeeded in making him want to grab his friend by the collar of his robes and forcibly drag him to the Gryffindor table ” an idea that was nothing short of ludicrous, considering how much taller and stronger Sirius was.
Only the Black boy seemed to have left his usual confidence in the carriage.
“Well,” Sirius began as he halted at a few feet from the door. “Well, you see, err… Actually… I’d ” I’d rather not””
“Sirius, if you don’t hurry up, I swear I’ll””
“Hey, Remus! Sirius! Peter!” called out a voice from above them. “Wait, wait for me!”
Never had James’ quite shrill voice sounded so beautiful to Sirius’ ears. Jumping on the occasion to break eye contact with Remus, he wheeled around and grinned at a perfectly healthy-looking James, who was standing at the top of the marble staircase. James raised an eyebrow at the visible relief on Sirius’ face and uncertainly grinned back, before grabbing the banister with the obvious intention of walking down the stairs to meet them.
“Don’t move!” called Sirius instantly. “Wait, I’m coming up.”
“But”” spluttered Remus, just as James let out a groan of annoyance.
“I can come down, I’m not made of glass,” he said impatiently as Sirius climbed the stairs two steps at once to meet him, all pain in his knee apparently forgotten. “I already had a hard time getting rid of Pomfrey, I don’t need you fretting about me as well””
“Shut up,” hissed Sirius, barely loudly enough for James to hear him. They were only separated by half a dozen steps now, as James, ignoring Sirius’ injunction, had begun going down the stairs.
Taken aback by Sirius’ change of voice, James looked down at him questioningly and noticed, for the first time, the tense expression on his features. He slowed down and finally halted two steps above Sirius, who had stopped too in order to catch his breath, a hand on the stitch in his left side.
“Something wrong?” he asked cautiously, eyeing Sirius’ face.
“Can we just avoid getting in there for the feast?” Sirius muttered through clenched teeth with a wave in the direction of the Great Hall. His eyes were obstinately fixed on the second button of James’ shirt.
“What are you doing?” Remus cried out from the foot of the stairs. “We’re late! C’mon, hurry up!”
Sirius finally raised his head to meet James’ eye.
“Please?” he breathed.
James gulped down, startled and more than a little concerned at the literally imploring look on Sirius’ face. He had never seen him in such a state before. Though he was completely mystified as to why Sirius would be so keen on missing the feast, he knew there was no point in asking for explanations now ” but he was certain the reason was important. He nodded briefly at Sirius and slowly walked around him to face his two other friends.
“You, err, you’re sure you want to attend the feast?” he asked in a falsely light tone.
Remus’ eyes widened, half in surprise and half in indignation, and he remained speechless for a few seconds.
“Why on earth are you asking me that?” he finally blurted out, his voice higher than usual. “We’re late, James! If we don’t get in before the Sorting starts, McGonagall will be furious and she might tell Dumbledore about it and””
“That’s my point!” James hastily interrupted. “Why do you care about the Sorting? Or about Dumbledore’s speech? Chances are it’ll be the same as last year.”
“But McGonagall””
“Do you really think she’ll even notice we’re not there?” James argued hotly.
Even when putting aside his wish to help Sirius, he was beginning to like this idea of missing the feast; the castle was theirs for at least three hours, with no teachers, prefects or caretaker in their way…
“Think about what we could do while they’re all in there,” James insisted. “We can explore the castle! Find secret passageways and rooms! Or even ” try to go up the towers! No one’s going to stop us!”
“But ” but””
“But I’m hungry,” Peter helpfully completed, earning himself a grateful look from Remus.
“Well, why don’t we start with looking for the kitchens then?” Sirius promptly suggested. “I’m curious as to how the house-elves work in there…”
“House-elves?” Remus repeated, distracted by this bit of information. “How do you know there are house-elves here? I’ve never even seen one.”
Sirius raised an eyebrow at him.
“Who d’you think cook our meals and clean our dorms?” he asked with a hint of condescension in his voice. “Filch?”
Peter giggled while Remus grimaced at the image of Argus Filch making their beds in their dormitory, his cat trailing behind him.
“You must be right,” he grudgingly admitted. “But ” but what if the kitchens are out of bounds?”
“So what?” asked James with a short laugh. “No one will ever find out!”
“Actually that sounds like a great idea to me,” Peter piped up.
“Perfect,” said Sirius and James at the same time.
“But ” but you don’t even know where they are!” Remus said in a last desperate effort.
“That should be easy enough to find,” James replied nonchalantly while he and Sirius walked down the stairs to meet the other two. “They’re either on the ground floor, or in the basement ” probably directly below the Great Hall. That’s how most old wizarding houses are organised.”
“Look, I’m not sure””
“You want to go inside that Hall, Remus?” Sirius abruptly shot at him.
“What do you think I’ve been saying for the past””
“Well, fine by me. Go in there.”
Silence suddenly fell upon the four boys. James and Sirius were on the bottom step of the staircase, Peter beside them, while Remus still stood rather close to the Great Hall doors. All uncertainty had vanished from Sirius’ face as he glared at Remus, his jaw set and his bottom lip curled in disdain. A cold shiver ran up James’ spine as he was irresistibly reminded of Mrs. Black; and he simultaneously made the vow to never tell Sirius just how much he looked like his mother at times.
Remus also seemed to have noticed, for the first time, the uncharacteristically grim expression on Sirius’ face; and he had gone quite pale all of sudden.
“A-alone?” he finally stammered.
“Well, yes,” Sirius coldly answered. “Or without me, at least.”
Remus swallowed hard. Sirius’ tone suggested that the other two would side with him if Remus chose to get inside the Great Hall, and Remus had no doubt he was right; James would go with Sirius, and Peter would follow James anywhere.
Loneliness had never scared Remus so much since he had first become friends with James, Sirius and Peter. But at the same time, a part of him refused to give in to Sirius, or to be impressed by his disdainful look and cold tone.
“Fine,” he answered in a low voice, dropping his eyes as he finally made up his mind. “Have fun. I’ll see you later.”
He turned around and took two steps towards the doors ” only to stop dead in his tracks, his heart beating wildly, as he heard footsteps approaching quickly from the inside of the Hall; and then Professor McGonagall’s voice reached his ears, awfully close.
“Argus, I really don’t have time for this, and nor does Professor Dumbledore. You’ll have to sort this by yourself. I’m off to fetch the first-years, Hagrid should be here any minute now.”
James was the first to snap out of the horrified trance McGonagall’s voice had plunged them into.
“Quick!” he hissed, giving Sirius a not-so-gentle push between the shoulder blades. “Get into that broom cupboard!”
Springing into action, Sirius grabbed Peter by the arm and hastily dragged him into the semi-darkness of the corridor stretching on the right side of the marble staircase. James, in one leap, was at the foot of the stairs; in two strides he reached Remus, who seemed frozen on the spot, and seized his shoulder to force him to spin around.
“If she catches us”,” he began, but Remus didn’t give him the time to finish. Blindly grabbing James by the wrist, he sprang forward and rushed head-first into the cupboard while Sirius was holding the door open.
“Ouch ” watch where you’re going, it’s not a bloody race””
“SHH!”
Remus mechanically rubbed his shoulder, which was sore where it had painfully collided with Sirius, and allowed himself to lean against the wall; his heart was beating so hard that he half-expected to see it burst out of his ribcage. The wave of panic that had rushed over him at the thought of getting caught in the Entrance Hall by Professor McGonagall was slowly withdrawing, leaving him still sweaty and shaking, but at least able to think straight. He could now vaguely make out James’ silhouette in the dark ” he seemed to have his cheek pressed against the door. Sirius was two steps behind him, and Peter was lost somewhere in the darkness.
Their ragged breathings was the only sound breaking the tense silence in the dark cupboard as James listened intently to the noises coming from the Entrance Hall. McGonagall’s quick footsteps echoed loudly in the high-ceilinged Hall as her heels hit the stone floor, making it hard to tell whether she was getting closer or edging further from them. He was almost sure she was walking towards the great oak doors ” almost ” but his grip on the handle tightened as a part of him still expected the door to fling open and McGonagall’s tall silhouette to stand there, blocking their way out”
Bang, bang, bang!
All four boys jumped in surprise, Peter letting out a squeak that was quickly stifled by Sirius’ hand.
“That’s just Hagrid,” James breathed, sighing in relief as he heard McGonagall’s crisp voice answering Hagrid’s booming one.
“Merlin,” said Sirius’ voice weakly, somewhere behind him. “Does he need to knock on the door as if he was trying to break it down?”
A nervous chuckle ” probably from Remus, since Peter still had Sirius’ hand over his mouth ” came from James’ left at those words. James distractedly noted how utterly panicked Remus looked at the thought of being caught off bounds; indeed, his condition as a werewolf aside, that was the one thing that seemed able to make him completely lose his composure. Remus could really be annoying at times…
The sound of dozens of feet walking behind McGonagall, accompanied with the rustling of cloaks and robes, finally caught his attention. His heart started beating faster when he realised they were coming closer to their hiding place; but then again, what was he expecting? The small room in which the first-years were gathered before the Sorting wasn’t very far from there…
After several minutes of waiting in the dark, the sounds faded away and died completely. James released a breath he wasn’t aware he had been holding. Behind him, Sirius sighed noisily in relief.
“Lumos.”
A ray of light erupted from Sirius’ wand and James blinked as the beam of white light caught him in the eyes, dazzling him for a few seconds.
“Can you lower that wand?” he asked, a little more curtly than he intended. “And ” and I think you can release Peter now…”
“Oh… right…”
Freed from Sirius’ grip, Peter shot at James a grateful glance before cautiously stepping away, in the obvious attempt to put a respectable distance between him and Sirius. The latter slid to the floor in a sitting position among the mops and buckets that were the usual occupants of the cupboard.
“Well, it seems to me that we don’t have a choice anymore, have we?” Sirius stated, not bothering to hide his glee. He wasn’t looking at Remus. “We can’t get in the Great Hall now, not when the Sorting is about to start…”
Remus hung his head, a defeated expression on his features.
“Fine,” he said feebly. “Let’s go find those kitchens then…”
“Ooh, but the kitchens may be out of bounds!” Sirius teased with a note of uncharacteristic cruelty in his voice. “Don’t you want to stay in here until the end of the feast? But oh, wait, this cupboard is out of bounds too””
“The path is clear!” James interrupted loudly. “Let’s get out of here, I’m not too fond of this place.”
“Yeah, a bit smelly for my taste,” Peter cheerfully added as he walked around Sirius to join James at the door. “And I’m still hungry.”
For one second, Sirius looked as if he was about to retort; but then he closed his mouth and wordlessly got to his feet.
“Nox,” he muttered before putting his wand back inside his pocket.
James gripped the handle of the door again and, taking a deep breath, he opened it just wide enough for him to peer outside.
The corridor was empty.
James sneaked out of the cupboard, closely followed by Peter, Remus, and finally Sirius. The doors of the Great Hall were closed and no noise was filtering from them. They were probably in the middle of the Sorting.
“C’mon, before Peeves finds us,” whispered Sirius.
“Where should we go now?” Peter asked in a low voice, his eyes round and wide in excitement.
“As James said before. In the basement, below the Great Hall.”
“There are dungeons, in the basement,” Peter pointed out.
“Of course there are,” Remus answered dryly. “If you go through the door on the left side of the staircase. But we never went through the door on the right… I think the Hufflepuff common room is that way…”
“I can just picture those Hufflepuffs living near the kitchens,” said Sirius with a derisive laugh, and James chuckled in echo.
Remus seemed to have a snappy reply on the tip of his tongue but he never answered. Retreating in a mournful silence, he followed James, Sirius and Peter as they closed in a few strides the space separating the cupboard from the door he had been referring to.
His sombre mood didn’t lighten up when, after several minutes of walking down a long flight of stone steps, they finally found themselves in a brightly lit corridor on the walls of which hung many colourful pictures of bowls of fruits, still-life, feasts, and huge plates brimming over with fish, meat or vegetables.
“We are obviously getting close,” James mumbled as he looked around, wide-eyed, at the generous display of painted food.
“Apple pie,” Peter said with an expression close to longing.
Sirius, who had been massaging his rumbling stomach for some time now, heaved an exasperated sigh.
“Do you really need to describe all the pictures on the wall?” he snapped at Peter. “We have eyes, thank you. And I’m hungry enough without you reciting””
“It’s not a picture,” Peter pointed out, looking oddly at Sirius. “It’s the smell…”
James halted at those words and sniffed the air, frowning in concentration.
“I think I can smell it too,” he said doubtfully. “I’m not sure, though, it could be just my imagination…”
“Your imagination?” Peter repeated, visibly surprised. “I can smell it just as clearly as if the pie was right under my nose…”
James turned to face Peter, his eyebrows raised. The odour was so faint he had had trouble picking it up; yet Peter sounded absolutely certain, and that fact happened rarely enough for him to consider it seriously. Peter was still sniffing the air with a comically delighted expression, and he mechanically took a step forward with his nose in the air, just as if he was following a track.
“Perfect,” said James aloud as he experienced a brilliant surge of inspiration.
“What’s perfect?” asked Sirius irritably. “That Peter is starting to have hallucinations?”
“Peter, you go first,” James went on, choosing to ignore Sirius. “We’re following you.”
Peter’s small eyes widened to their fullest extent and he stared at James as if he was convinced his friend had been struck by a sudden fit of madness.
“I… What?” he stammered.
“Go first,” James insisted. “The smell must be coming from the kitchens. Try to follow it!”
Peter went very red in the face and he shot at Sirius a hesitant glance, probably expecting a sarcastic remark, but Sirius was now busy smelling the air himself and didn’t spare Peter a word. After a last look at James’ eager face, Peter smiled timidly and turned away from them, holding his nose high in the air and sniffing loudly.
“It’s ahead of us… I think,” he finally said.
And so they went. Peter was first, his eyes half-closed as he tried not to lose the smell, then came James, then Sirius; and finally Remus lagged behind, still refusing to let a smile graze his lips.
Several times Peter abruptly stopped and he would have them turn around and go back, all the while muttering about “losing the smell”. The comical side of their situation would not have failed to strike them if only they had not been so dreadfully hungry. After a few long minutes of pacing up and down the corridor without ever seeing a door, or even a niche, that would have broken the monotony of the pictures of food adorning the wall, they had to stop again. They were about halfway down the corridor ” and still no sign of a kitchen whatsoever.
“Damn,” Sirius grumbled. “We should’ve known the kitchens would be hidden. Do you think they’re somewhere behind one of those paintings?”
“Most likely,” James replied. They were in Hogwarts, after all; finding rooms or staircases dissimulated behind portraits was an everyday occurrence. “The smell is definitely the strongest here. Let’s try to find the entrance.”
They tried everything. They coaxed, asked, demanded and yelled; they ran their hands over the brightly coloured pictures, they poked the paintings with their fingers and their wands, they hit them, they even kicked the ones that were low enough on the walls, but nothing budged.
“Great idea,” said Remus acidly at last; he had not taken any part in the search, merely observing the other three while he leant against the stone wall. “Looking for the kitchens. I’m having the time of my life.”
“Nobody’s preventing you from running back to McGonagall,” Sirius snapped, rolling his eyes in annoyance. “What a baby.”
“Baby?” Remus was flushing now, and his voice went half an octave higher. “Who is the baby here? Who didn’t want to go inside the Great Hall? Who ran to his best friend for support? Who is a poor rich little boy?”
“Shut up!” Sirius screamed, instantly abandoning the picture he had been prodding and turning to face Remus completely. He had gone very pale and if looks could kill, Remus would probably have been reduced to a smoking pile of ashes.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about! You’re always in your mummy’s skirts anyway, and at school you’re following McGonagall around like a puppy. You don’t have a clue””
“Oh, I’m the one who doesn’t know about the hard life of poor Sirius Black? Since when do you have anything to complain about?”
“Oh that’s right, I forgot you’re convinced you’re a victim! Just because you transform once a month into””
“Both of you, pipe down!” James called out as loudly as he dared to. “Do you really want Peeves to hear you and get down here to see what’s going on?”
The argument seemed convincing enough to Sirius, who bit back the rest of his sentence and turned away from Remus; his face was still very pale and his features were twisted in fury. As for Remus, from red, he had gone pale as well, and he was staring at Sirius’ back as if he was seeing him for the first time.
“What?” he asked in a strangled voice.
James suddenly feared he might burst into tears and spoke up again.
“Look, neither of you knew what you were talking about,” he tentatively said in what he hoped was a soothing tone. “This is a stupid fight, can’t you settle the matter later on? Right now, I’m so hungry I’ll soon try to eat some of those paintings, so I’d rather we concentrate on finding the kitchens…”
“Done!” came Peter’s cheerful voice from behind him.
James whirled around, inwardly thanking Peter for pulling him out of such an embarrassing situation ” he wasn’t exactly the sort who liked being a mediator; he’d rather be one of the fighters. However, the fight between Remus and Sirius flew right out of his head when his eyes fell upon Peter, standing in front of a painting with a wide smile on his round face. James thought he had personally poked and yelled at that particular painting over a hundred times and he wondered for a second what difference”
The pear. There used to be a pear in the middle of the silver bowl of fruits, he was sure of it. Now, precisely where the round fruit had been, was a pale green door handle.
“How did you do that?” he blurted out.
“I tickled the pear,” Peter answered, his round face literally glowing with pride. “Well I ” I didn’t exactly do it on purpose, it was more like ” like rubbing my sleeve on it, then there was a dirty mark on the painting and I tried to dust it off””
“Whatever,” said Sirius brusquely.
He walked past Peter, seized the handle and resolutely pushed the door open. James caught a glimpse of his sullen face just before he disappeared inside of the large room beyond the painting, and thought that Sirius, just like himself, was probably a bit vexed at being beaten by little Peter…
James half-shrugged and, deciding it was time to listen to the loud complaint of his empty stomach rather than wondering further about the swings of mood of his friends, followed in Sirius’ footsteps.
***
They remained in the kitchens for a good hour and a half, if not more. The gigantic room was buzzing with small house-elves clad in cloths wrapped around their thin and lithe bodies like togas; the air was filled with the sound of their high-pitched voices and their small feet tapping against the stone floor as they hurried on their skinny short legs, carrying huge plates loaded with food from every corner of the room, pushing them on the five tables that were the exact replicas of the tables of the Great Hall, one floor above them, yelling indications and orders to others, and occasionally whirling about and hastily curtseying if one of the four visitors happened to be in the vicinity.
James was deeply impressed to see that, no matter how incredibly busy they were, the house-elves still found the time and energy to bring them some food and ask them if they needed anything, all the while sporting wide, toothy smiles. The elves’ good mood was contagious and he found himself grinning widely, in spite of Sirius and Remus’ persistent sulking ” something that usually never failed to spoil his pleasure.
Right now they could sulk all they wanted. He was currently filling his stomach with delicious food he got to choose himself, he was spared Dumbledore’s start-of-term speech and he had discovered a new and totally out-of-bounds place, from which he could steal food any time he wanted. What else could he possibly ask for?
“You’re going to be sick,” said Remus dryly when James enthusiastically stuffed a third éclair in his mouth.
“Yes Mum,” sniggered Sirius, who was sitting on the other side of James.
“I wasn’t talking to you.”
“Whatever.”
James swallowed with some effort his mouthful of éclair and, mimicking Sirius, turned to Remus:
“Yes Mum,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Honestly, can’t you just sit and enjoy the situation? Had you really rather be sitting up there”” He vaguely waved towards the ceiling of the kitchens to illustrate his words, “”than eating whatever you want here?”
Remus opened his mouth, seemed to change his mind and settled for a non-committal shrug; Sirius snorted before rising and walking away from them, all the while muttering audibly about killjoys. James gladly went back to his éclair.
“You heard him…”
James looked up in surprise. Remus wasn’t directly gazing at him; actually he seemed fascinated by the contents of his half-filled plate. But then he spoke again in a low murmur, and James had to lean sideways to catch his words.
“You heard Sirius, earlier,” Remus whispered. “He thinks I see myself as a victim, he ” he has no clue what it’s like…”
James sighed in resignation and regretfully put his éclair down.
“He probably doesn’t,” he reluctantly agreed. “On the other hand, you don’t know anything about his family life and””
“What? What’s wrong with his family?”
Remus sounded slightly annoyed but James didn’t fail to notice the curiosity in his voice.
“I know his mother’s a little demanding, but””
“You have no idea how she is,” James asserted firmly. “She’s horrible. His parents aren’t like mine or yours, they’re… well, they are special…”
“What do they do?”
James shook his head.
“Can’t tell,” he said. “I promised Sirius I wouldn’t.”
“Of course,” Remus mumbled dully.
He retired again in a thoughtful silence, abandoning his plate and resting his chin on the palm of his hand. James contemplated for a few seconds asking what was bothering him so much, but decided against it. He was under the impression that Sirius and Remus were ruining their first great expedition on purpose and he was a bit tired of their weird behaviour. Well, Remus had not behaved oddly ” that was the problem, he had been much too Remus-ish ” but Sirius, on the other hand, had been frankly odious to everyone except James himself…
That’s probably because he trusts me, James thought with a grin of satisfaction; but his smile soon faded as he recalled Sirius’ imploring expression, when he had asked him not to go inside the Great Hall. I don’t know what the hell happened at his place, but it must be pretty serious if he can’t even face the others in the Great Hall…
James sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. Why did he have to be the only normal one?
“James, we should go.”
James’ head snapped up as Remus’ voice roughly pulled him out of his musings.
“Uh, sorry, you were saying?” he asked.
“We should go,” Remus repeated patiently. “The elves are collecting the remains of the pudding and apple pie. The feast’s over, we should get out of here and hide in a bathroom or something while they all go to the common rooms… Someone might come to the kitchens and find us here if we stay…”
“Good point,” James agreed.
He put two other éclairs in his pocket and got to his feet. He felt heavy and he experienced a slight pang of guilt; he had eaten way too much. He shook his head to get rid of the importunate thought and, standing up on tiptoes and squinting in his attempt to find them in the crowd of house-elves bustling about, he called Sirius and Peter’s names.
They arrived about a minute later. Remus, surprisingly enough, had not expressed the slightest impatience as he waited by the open door of the kitchen. James was grateful for that; he had the distinct feeling that, in spite of the content grin on his lips, Sirius was still as tense as a bow.
They hurried along the corridor, up the stairs and past the door of the cupboard that had saved their lives a few hours earlier. They were almost at the top of the marble staircase when they heard, coming from the closed doors of the Great Hall, the scraping of benches announcing the end of Dumbledore’s speech. They just had the time to rush inside of a bathroom before the flow of students started to pour out of the Great Hall.
“That was close,” Sirius sighed as he leant against the door of the bathroom. From the sound of it, the first students were already at the top of the marble stairs, in full view of the bathroom.
“Yeah,” James muttered in answer.
His body was protesting against the run he had imposed on it right after the feast they had had in the kitchens. He distractedly massaged his aching stomach, grimacing as a bitter aftertaste lingered in his mouth ” that fourth éclair, most likely. On his left, Peter was sitting on the floor, his face sweaty and slightly green. As for Remus, he was leaning against a sink and looking relatively unaffected by their latest race; he still had the faraway look James had noticed on his face, down in the kitchens.
“Let’s get out now,” Sirius abruptly said. “Or we’ll be stuck out of the common room. We don’t know the password.”
Peter let out a kind of moan when he heard he had to get up again, but the fear of being locked out of the common room was stronger than his desperate need to lie down for the next couple of days; and they all laboriously got to their feet and proceeded to merge into the crowd of chattering students still walking past the door of the bathroom.
Their trip to the common room was eventless. They didn’t linger in the room itself, where there wasn’t any room left for them anyway, and went directly up to their dormitory. Their trunks were waiting at the foot of their beds and the fifth occupant of the dormitory, Anthony Bollurish, was busy fixing a poster to the wall above his bedside table.
“Where have you guys been?” he asked when they entered the room, his mouth gaping in comical bewilderment.
“In the Great Hall, like everybody,” James muttered without looking at him. “Where else?”
He walked to his trunk, opened it and pulled out a pair of pyjamas. He could feel Anthony’s eyes fixed on the back of his neck as he changed; he waited, holding his breath, until he finally heard Anthony say, “Yeah, right…” in a low voice, then, to his intense relief, climb inside his bed without further comment. The others imitated him one after the other, and soon the whole dormitory was dark and silent.
***
Later that night, James was relentlessly turning over and over in his bed, one minute pushing the sheets away from him, the next pulling them back over him and coiling them tightly around his body. He couldn’t seem to find a comfortable position. He finally got out of bed, grabbing his glasses on his way, and went inside the small bathroom ” containing only a sink and a toilet ” that adjoined the dormitory.
Just as he was pouring water from the sink into a small glass, the door opened with a slight creaking noise and a ruffled-looking Sirius in grey pyjamas slipped inside the bathroom.
“You still up?” James croaked.
Sirius mutely nodded in answer. James surveyed him over his glass of water: his best friend was chewing nervously on his lower lip and shifting his weight from one leg to the other, visibly torn between two conflicting feelings, as if he really wanted to say something but didn’t know if he should. James, who thought he knew what all this was about, purposefully let him squirm on the spot for a minute more ” he had been really annoying all evening, after all ” before asking:
“So, why didn’t you want to go inside the Great Hall?”
Sirius sighed and gripped his hair with both hands, in an exasperated gesture he frequently made, before answering with his eyes attached to the tiled floor.
“My Mum, of course. And everything else… It wasn’t only my Mum this summer. Well, it was mainly her, as usual; but the worst part of it was my cousins. Bellatrix, Narcissa and a few others ” all of them in Slytherin, of course, I even had Malfoy as a bonus. They stayed at the house for a few weeks; my parents must’ve called them and asked them to talk to me. Well, they did talk to me. Basically, if I don’t behave like a true Slytherin, and they perfectly know I can’t do that because I’m in bloody Gryffindor””
He paused in the middle of his sentence and licked his lips, staring down at his hands, which were shaking slightly. He clasped them tightly together in an attempt to stop their trembling.
“…Then what?” James tentatively asked.
Sirius licked his lips again, and he couldn’t prevent the slight quivering in his voice as he went on:
“…They’ll make me pay. They’ll hex me in the corridors, in the classrooms, everywhere they can. They will make a fool of me. And they will encourage all their fellow Slytherins to do the same. That’s what they told me. And I didn’t want to give them an opportunity tonight…”
James’ stomach lurched unpleasantly at the memory of Lucius Malfoy smirking at them. Malfoy was in his seventh year, and in a very good position if he wanted to cause problems for them. As the leading Chaser of the Slytherin Quidditch team, it wasn’t impossible he would enjoy a sort of impunity from Horace Slughorn, his Head of house. Sirius had good reasons to be worried…
“We’re not giving them any opportunity to bother us, okay?” he said, more firmly than what he felt. “And if they try to bother us anyway, we’ll fight back. We won’t let them get away with it.”
“How do you want to do that?” Sirius shot at him, something like despair in his voice. “They’re almost all older than we are, and they know much more about magic. Besides, they’re all at Malfoy’s boot, and his family is so influent that he will probably get away with anything.”
“He won’t!” James hotly retorted. “Look, I don’t really know what we’re going to do ” but we’re the most gifted students in our year! I’m sure we can think of something. We’ll slip them weird potions, put ugly living things in their bags, or hex them as we did last year, remember? If they want to mess with us, we’ll have them pay for it.”
A reluctant grin spread on Sirius’ pale and tense face at James’ words, and he seemed to calm down a bit.
“I guess we can do that,” he hesitantly agreed. “Or try, at least… Yeah, I’m definitely getting some ideas.”
“Me too,” James promptly said. “And I have the feeling we’re going to have a lot of fun.”
They exchanged a wide grin over the sink still separating them.
“Thanks,” said Sirius at last in a low voice, and that simple word was so obviously heartfelt that James’ throat constricted painfully.
“You’re welcome,” he awkwardly answered, hating the emotion that was gripping him all of sudden. He forced himself to take a cheerier voice when he added, “Oh, and in the meantime, try to be less of an ass to the rest of us, okay? Peter and Remus are probably still wondering what they’ve done to you.”
Sirius rolled his eyes, although he couldn’t help grinning at the same time.
“Peter is clueless, but I guess I was too much of an ass to him,” he grudgingly admitted. “As for Remus, he was worse than I was! The way he kept whining about us being out of bounds, it made me want to strangle him… And afterwards, when he attacked me about being rich…”
“Well, you did tell him he was always in his mum’s skirts, and that he thought of himself as a victim,” James pointed out, wanting to be fair.
“That’s true,” Sirius retorted; and he lowered his voice before continuing. “Honestly, even if he is ” what he is, he has loving parents, friends, and he can go to school like any other kid! He only has to transform once in a while, and that’s a pretty cool thing if you ask me, even if he bites himself a bit in the process…”
James shuddered slightly as he remembered the abominable night he had spent under the Shrieking Shack, listening to Remus’ howls of fury and pain. He doubted he could ever explain to Sirius how it felt to be there, useless witness of a friend’s atrocious suffering, for an entire night.
He had to try, though. Sirius had to understand it wasn’t a cool thing to transform into a werewolf. He cleared his throat and looked up into Sirius’ face; his best friend had taken the glass from him and was now drinking large gulps of water.
“Sirius…”
Sirius lowered the glass and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
“Yeah?” he asked.
James opened his mouth, and simultaneously felt all his energy abandon him. He couldn’t. He couldn’t go through that night again. Not now…
“I ” I’m going back to bed,” he stammered lamentably. “Night.”
“Night,” said Sirius, instantly returning his attention to his glass of water.
James walked round him and slipped out of the bathroom as quietly as possible, all the while trying to ignore the small voice in his head that kept calling him a coward. He cautiously felt his way to his bed in the dark, and upon reaching it ” though not before hitting his toe on the foot of his bedside table and biting back a curse ” he gladly climbed into the sheets.
The problem was, someone was already there.
“What the””
“Shh! It’s me,” whispered an urgent voice undoubtedly belonging to the intruder.
“Remus? What are you doing on my bed?”
“I need to talk to you.”
James groaned.
“Not you as well!” he complained. “Do I have to listen to everyone’s problems? I’m not your mum””
“I know. But it’s the last time, I promise.”
The final tone in Remus’ voice shut James up. With a resigned sigh, he sat cross-legged on his bundled covers and waited for Remus to say something.
After a short while, during which he was probably trying to find the right words, Remus slowly began:
“I know you thought I was behaving like a baby tonight. The truth is, I ” I don’t want to break the rules. Dumbledore went through all that trouble to make sure I would be safe in his school, and… Well, me breaking the rules, it’s a little as if I was ungrateful””
“Remus””
“Let me finish… I know I shouldn’t have insisted so much about going inside the Great Hall tonight. I actually enjoyed going with you to the kitchens. And if I had known about Sirius’ Slytherin relatives, I would never””
“Wait… How do you know about that?” James abruptly interrupted.
There were a few seconds of uncomfortable silence.
“I, huh, I heard the end of your conversation,” Remus finally admitted, speaking very fast. “I wasn’t eavesdropping, I wanted to come here and talk to you and I heard your voices coming from the bathroom…”
James took off his glasses and tiredly rubbed his eyes. If he was being honest with himself, he had to admit he was relieved that he no longer had to explain Sirius’ situation to Remus. He was getting fed up with trying to reconcile everybody.
“Fine, well, it’s probably better that way,” he said gruffly. “Don’t tell Sirius, though. He wouldn’t be too happy about it.”
“I won’t,” Remus hastily assured him. “So, err… You remember I said I would go alone to the start-of-term feast, right? When Sirius asked me if I wanted to, at the foot of the stairs?”
“Yes,” James hesitantly said, “but””
“It won’t happen again.”
James blinked once or twice, taken aback by Remus’ brusque assertion.
“I wasn’t judging you,” he said slowly at last. “Sirius was being a bit of a git… Maybe I would’ve done the same, just to annoy him.”
Remus leant forward, his eyes glinting in the darkness of the dormitory.
“I’m serious, James,” he said urgently. “It won’t happen again, I swear. I don’t want to be the teachers’ lapdog, I want to be your friend. I won’t go all ‘this is against the rules’ again, I promise.”
James raised an eyebrow.
“Never?” he repeated teasingly. “I doubt you’ll be able to achieve that without rupturing yourself, but you can still try!”
Remus laughed weakly.
“I can still try,” he said, echoing James. “Come to think of it, if you’re doing something really dangerous I’ll probably try to talk you out of it first, but you can be sure I will never run to a teacher. Ever.”
James nodded thoughtfully. He felt as if a great weight had been taken off his chest; for he had feared many times in the evening that Remus and Sirius could no longer remain friends because of Remus’ quasi-veneration of the school rules.
If his stomach would just stop dancing the tango now, he would be absolutely great…
“…Well, that is, if you can convince Sirius that transforming isn’t as fun as he seemed to think,” Remus went on. “Because honestly, I don’t think he really understands.”
“He probably doesn’t,” James agreed as he crossed his arms over his chest and bent double, in an attempt to ease a little his stomach ache. “But I’ll find a way to make him understand, I promise.”
“Thanks,” said Remus, sounding deeply relieved. “Well, that’s all I ” James? You okay?”
“Get out of my way,” James answered in a strangled voice.
Literally throwing himself out of his bed, he ran as fast as he could to the bathroom ” not without bumping into several pieces of furniture on his way ” and rushed inside. He ran past an astounded Sirius Black, almost knocking him off his feet, and reached the toilet just in time.
As he was being violently sick, his aching stomach forcefully rejecting the too abundant dinner he had had in the kitchens, he vaguely heard Remus joining Sirius in the bathroom and standing there behind him. Then, after what felt like a horribly long time, he finally stopped retching and immediately swallowed long and avid gulps of air, his eyes closed and refusing to see the mess he had involuntarily created, the acrid smell of sick and the persistent burn in his throat causing him to grimace. Sweat was running down his forehead and the arms on which he was leaning ” cold and clammy hands gripping the sides of the porcelain pan ” were shaking badly. It was easily the worst he had ever felt.
“If one of you,” he said in a slightly shaky voice, his eyes still closed and his back still turned to the other two, “even thinks of uttering the words I-told-you-so, I’ll have to stick his head down this toilet.”
There was a few seconds’ silence, then Sirius and Remus simultaneously burst out laughing.
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A/N: Much more was supposed to happen in this chapter, but I once again yielded to the temptation of looong character development and interaction. I hope you weren’t bored, because I certainly wasn’t :P.
Being quite busy with my studies, I stole some of my sleep time to type most of this chapter ” actually I stopped at 04:17 and I kind of had classes on the following morning ” and I stole some more tonight in order to format the text. Therefore I hope you’ll understand when I say I can’t update any of my stories on a regular basis right now; it’s a miracle I can update at all, actually.
Please believe I’m the first to be sorry about it, and rest assured the story won’t be abandoned.