a/n: Ok, I know it's been, like stupidly long and I have this kinda of weird reason that I'd appreciate you read before you bash this chapter.
Anywho, Basically my problem with this chapter was the romance. I've never been good with writing romance and always feel like it's lacking in my words. Most of the time I can brush it off and cover up my lack of talent with flowery words, but for some reason it wasn't working with this story. So I wrote and rewrote and deleted a lot and came up with this. Bottom line: I'm still not happy with this chapter completely, but I feel like you guys have waited more than enough time.
Another point: I got so into this chapter that I was considering making it two different chapters, but decided to just make it really long and then give you guys an epilogue, so be on the lookout for that. Also, the end of this chapter is quite odd to me, I couldn't seem to make it work how I wanted.
Bottom, bottom line: Be on the lookout for a rewrite of this chapter.
Chapter 20 “ I Am Aware Now
“You’ve already won me over in spite of me
Don’t be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don’t be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn’t help it, it’s all your fault.”
“Head Over Feet” by Alanis Morisette
----
With the gaze that Ron was boring into him, Harry felt like he’d just being snogging Hermione in the Hogwarts dorms. Ron’s eyes held a boiling fury in them that only seemed to be quenched by the amount of confusion also present.
Harry stood, keeping one hand on Hermione’s chair, his eyes flickering towards Ginny, Draco and Remus before going back to Ron.
Fueled by the silence, Ron held up a small bit of parchment in his hands, looking accusatory at Hermione and Harry.
“Go on then,” he said in a slightly bitter voice. “Do continue. I’m sure we’re all dying to hear what the rest of this conversation entailed.” He raised an eyebrow to Harry. “You’re track record’s not looking so great this week, is it, Harry?”
A rise of anger swelled up in Harry, but he only let it show through his eyes. As soon as Ron found out the truth about what had been going on this past week, Harry was going to curse him for all he was worth.
Hermione must have seen the flicker of anger because she quickly stood up, attempting to place herself between the two men.
“Ron, stop it!” she scolded, glaring at her husband. “Honestly, we’re not children anymore.”
“Then how do you explain this?” Ron demanded, waving the parchment towards her.
Harry risked a glance back at Ginny and distinctly saw one eye slid shut and then open…and a flash of inspiration hit him.
Twirling towards Ron, Harry made himself look confused. “Ron, what on earth are you talking about?”
There was a sharp cough behind him proceeded by a loud thump, probably Draco holding back a laugh only to be silenced by Ginny. Hermione graciously remained neutral though she obviously didn’t know what he was doing.
Ron, on the other hand, got more suspicious. “Oh, I think you know.”
“Do I?” Harry said smoothly, taking a bold leap and walking towards Ron, acting very interested in the note. “Oh blast!” he cursed as he got near the note. “I completely forgot!”
“Obviously,” Ron said through clenched teeth. No one else in the room was making a sound.
Harry continued as if he hadn’t heard Ron. “Mate, you know I meant to give it to you yesterday, but you seemed hell bent on avoiding me-“
“Excuse me?” Ron said, obviously shocked and confused even more.
“But Ron, really, anyone can make a mistake,” Harry reasoned, finally stopping to look at him, trying hard not to smile at how confused Ron looked.
“T-then this note is for me?” Ron tried, obviously lost.
Harry pretended to be confused as well. “What?”
“This note!” Ron brandished it, getting a bit impatient.
Harry raised an eyebrow. “Well who’d you think it was for?”
Ron seemed to get a little frog in his throat. “Err…well, I don’t-“
“Yes, Ron!” Hermione finally joined in, getting the idea faster than Ron it would seem. She looked at him with something akin to hurt in her eyes. “Do tell who you thought it was for. A note from me,” she emphasized.
“B-but,” Ron wasn’t reacting well to the conversation switching on him. “But this note was sent to Harry’s house.”
Harry continued to look confused and shocked. “And how many times have you slept on my couch after a fight with Hermione? She obviously knows where you’re going, Ron.”
Harry chanced a glance back at Hermione and saw her playing her part well. She looked almost close to tears, though that still could be contributed to the fact that she was very tired and very weak.
Running with the momentum, Harry turned back to Ron with wide eyes. “You don’t…” he looked back to Hermione and then to Ron. “You thought it was for me? Blimey, Ron…” He shook his head with dejection and went to sit down on the sofa, leaving Ron still confused and slightly suspicious.
“It’s true, Ron,” Ginny piped in, all eyes turning to her. “I delivered it myself.”
Ron’s eyes bugged out a bit. “You?”
Ginny shrugged nonchalantly. “You went to Harry’s house that night and Hermione…came to mine. Since I was planning on meeting up with Harry for a concert that night, I told her I’d be sure that it would find its way to you, through Harry I mean.” Harry could see she was rambling a bit, having to make it up as she went along, but Ron didn’t seem to notice. “But I didn’t end up meeting Harry that night. We actually didn’t really see each other till the Quidditch game yesterday, where I was, finally, able to give it to him and he promised to owl it to you as soon as possible. But the fact of the matter is, Harry still hasn’t given me a reason for why he didn’t show up that night, a fact which has been on both of our minds and has easily driven the note out of the front of our thoughts.”
She took a deep steadying breath and all eyes were on her, though she seemed to be glaring quite a bit more at Harry than anywhere else in the room.
Ginny’s explanation, while sound in principle, seemed to just deepen the furrowed lines on Ron’s forehead.
“You gave it to Ginny the night we fought?” he said to Hermione, who nodded. His eyes turned to Ginny. “And you gave it to Harry yesterday?” At Ginny’s quick nod, his eyes fell back on Harry. “And you just decided to owl it off to me this morning, with no explanation?”
“Merlin, Ron, you sound like I did something horrible! I know the note was late and that you and Hermione had already reconciled, but I thought it might be a nice reminder that even on that night she still needed you.” Harry gave Ron a gentle smile. “Just like you needed her.”
Ron’s face finally broke out into a smile and he looked at Hermione. “It’s really for me?”
Hermione managed a smile too as she timidly nodded. Without another word Ron swept forward and held onto her tightly. Most of the rest of the crowd averted their eyes as the couple reconciled again. Harry, feeling mostly relieved that they had made it through, looked over, hoping to catch Ginny’s eye.
“Even when you were so mad at me,” Ron was whispering to her. “Even when I’d dome something so horrible to you…” Then he kissed her sweetly and everyone finally let out the breath they had been holding. Ginny looked towards Harry, but didn’t keep eye contact very long before blushing and turning away.
“I don’t even care anymore,” Ron said with a sigh, pulling back from Hermione but keeping a hold on her hand. “That blasted Lenon woman can shove that letter up her arse.”
Harry finally let out a chuckle and Hermione giggled. “Ron, but that’s the brilliant thing, it won’t matter anymore because, well, because look!” She pointed to Harry who had reached into his pocket and pulled out the letter he had gotten from Emily.
Ron let out a small noise of surprise and his eyes widened as he took two steps to Harry, snatching up the letter and looking over it with desperation. “Dear Merlin, Harry…” Ron sighed, looking over at his best friend. “That’s what you were doing, wasn’t it? Spending time with that woman to try and get my letter?”
Harry gave an embarrassed shrug of the shoulders. “Like you said…we had a past to work with.”
The two men stared at each other for a moment, an unseen understanding flickering between two best friends. Finally Ron reached his hand out towards Harry. Harry cautiously went to shake it and ended up getting pulled into a large bear hug by Ron. When they pulled back, Ron said a simple, “Thanks, mate” to Harry before clasping him once on the shoulder and then going back over to his wife.
It was a tribute to how much the two of them had grown. A tribute to how close the three of them were. A tribute to how much the four of them needed each other.
----
Ginny had silently slipped away as Hermione, Harry and Ron had begun discussing the events of the last week with each other, the Golden trio well on the road to recovery from a long week that had been hard on all of them, even her. Remus had apparated home as soon as it looked like people weren’t going to kill each other and Draco had stayed in the room to stare curiously at the two day old Gracie who laid in a bassinet on the floor.
She slipped into Hermione’s library room, trying to ignore the talk from next door, only relieved that it had all ended right for Ron and Hermione. Sitting on a squishy armchair in one corner, she hugged her knees to her chest and closed her eyes, enjoying the silence.
Footsteps followed her tracks into the library and the door slid open revealing a smirking blond Slytherin who ambled over to her.
Not exactly the right person she was hoping would follow her into the library.
Draco plopped on a chair next to her, gazing around the room for a bit before finally looking at her and raising an eyebrow in question.
Ginny rolled her eyes, refusing to bite, and turned away.
“You know,” Draco drawled, leaning back and stretching his legs, “Potter always has me listen to his incessant problems when he visits and I’ve gotten quite good at it.” Though Ginny was slightly interested by this statement, she did not look as he looked over at her again. “You in the mood?”
This time Ginny did look over, her eyes wide with something akin to horror as she tried to comprehend exactly what he had meant by that statement.
Draco chuckled at her reaction. “Relax, Weaslette. That’s just what Harry says when he wants me to sit and solve his problems.”
“Harry?”
“Huh?”
“You called him Harry,” Ginny pointed out. “Not Potter.”
“Incase you’re the last one to notice, Ginny, we’re not exactly trying to kill each other anymore.”
“I did notice,” Ginny confessed timidly. The subject had never really been breached by Harry’s friends. Whenever Draco was around they treated him civilly, though no one quite treated him as well as Harry did, like a friend.
“So,” Draco put his hands behind his head. “Are you in the mood?”
She pursed her lips, examining him for a moment then cocked her head to the side. “Something tells me you already know exactly what I’m going to say anyway.”
Draco gave her a sneaky smile. “Funny thing is, I know what both of you say and frankly,” he stood up abruptly and brushed off the imaginary dust from his trousers, “the show is becoming a bit repetitive.”
Ginny felt a bit angry at his words, but didn’t speak as he left the room, shutting the door behind him. She huffed a bit as she leaned back down in her chair, her mood only becoming darker after Malfoy’s visit.
Her mind replayed their conversation over and over again, trying to figure out what he had been coming in the library for in the first place. It obviously hadn’t been to consol her or make her feel better. The only conclusion that seemed remotely possible was that he really was sick of seeing she and Harry dance around each other and was trying, in his own sneaky way, to get them to dance together.
Blowing a hair out of her face, she tilted her head back and closed her eyes; musing about how many more years it would take to get even that far.
----
Harry saw Draco go in and out of the library.
Excusing himself from Ron and Hermione, who probably just wanted to be alone with their daughter anyway, he moved towards Draco who was headed for the door.
“Malfoy!” he said quickly, stopping him. Draco turned back and merely rolled his eyes, a very uncharacteristically Draco thing to do.
Ignoring the eyes roll, he motioned towards the library. “Is she in there?”
Again, Draco didn’t say anything, just cocked his head sideways a bit and raised his eyebrows.
Harry smirked at Draco, shoving him back towards the door before disappearing into the library.
----
Another creak of the door opening wasn’t cause enough for Ginny to open her eyes again. She merely rolled over a bit, snuggling into the chair and resolutely trying to ignore Draco’s reentrance.
This line of thought caused her to jump around frantically as she heard someone softly say her name.
A slightly confused, slightly amused Harry Potter stood about three feet away, his hands jammed in his pockets and his hair looking more mussed than usual.
His sudden appearance threw off her brain for a moment and she knew she must have looked like a codfish just staring at him with her mouth open.
Thankfully, Harry managed a small smile towards her and fell into the chair across from her, exhaust evident on his handsome face.
By this time Ginny had managed to close her mouth and she was looking at him curiously. Neither seemed willing to speak first so she let the silence reign until her conscience got the better of her.
“I’m sorry.”
He seemed a bit surprised by her declaration, his forehead furrowed as he leaned forward a bit.
“About what I said,” she added hastily, tripping on her words a bit, “at the Quidditch game.” She paused a looked down. “I hadn’t the right.”
He snorted at her words, causing her to look at him while he chuckled a bit. “Gin,” he said, trying to put on a straight face, “if anyone had the right, it was you.”
“Was?” She couldn’t help by ask.
He ran a shaky hand through his hair. “Still is, I guess.” His slightly lopsided smile made her stomach do a little flip, but that was nothing to the way her heart sped up at his words.
She glanced down, hiding her blushing face from him as she pondered his words.
“I owe you an apology, too,” he admitted aloud, making her look at him again. His lip twitched as he unsteadily tried to hold her gaze. “Probably several of them.”
She didn’t quite know how to reply, but knew that she couldn’t keep looking at him like this and continue to have a rational conversation. Standing quickly she walked around behind her chair and stupidly tried to act as if she was looking at the bookshelves. Praying he wouldn’t follow her, she grabbed a random book and flipped through it with shaky hands.
“So…”
She gasped as his hand suddenly fell on her shoulder and she reflexively turned to see him standing in right there, a different sort of smile on his face.
“I can’t even apologize to you now?”
She couldn’t read his face very well, though that might have had more to do with her own senses becoming a bit foggy being this close to him again. Memories of their kiss a few days ago flashed into her head and she tried to blink them away but couldn’t seem to break the intense stare his eyes held on hers.
“W-what are you apologizing for?” She cursed her shaky voice as his hand on her shoulder started to feel very warm. She closed the book over one of her fingers and gripped it tightly with one hand. This was one of the moments where Ginny knew she could never truly be with anyone else. No one else made her feel this vulnerable. No one else could simply touch her like this and cause temporary relapses in her memory.
“For this,” he said softly, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. Her eyes fluttered shut without her consent and she found herself craving his touch. His lips burned as they lingered momentarily on her forehead and she still felt the warmth when he pulled back. The book slipped a few centimeters, but her grip quickly tightened.
“And this.” He was moving achingly slow, but for some reason too fast for Ginny to react more. His lips landed right above her left eye and she felt her eyelashes flutter on his face. Her grip on the book she was holding loosened a bit but by Merlin she was not going to let it drop!
Before she could attempt to think clearly again, he had pulled back and drawn her eyes to his once more. His voice dropped low and he spoke so quietly she wasn’t sure if she was supposed to hear it or not.
“But not for this…”
The book did not even stand a chance.
It cluttered to the floor without warning but without heed from either. Harry’s lips pressed against her softly and sweetly, as innocent as any first kiss could be, but Ginny felt her knees go weak at the very touch. Harry’s other arm had somehow gotten around her waist as the other caressed her shoulder and played with her hair. As he deepened the kiss, Ginny was forced to grip his shoulders, afraid her legs might really give out.
There always was something special about kissing Harry that Ginny never could put into words. Perhaps it was the way he handled her so carefully, or the way his arms fit perfectly around her waist…or the way she lost all intelligent thought in her mind.
Whatever it was, she had missed it for too long and could not stop the tears in her eyes as they finally pulled apart.
----
He hadn’t expected her to apologize. Of course, Harry hadn’t gone in their really expecting anything, so he remained as neutral as he could while she fumbled a bit on her words, trying to hide her blush. He did his best to reassure her, cursing his inability to deal with women, but was still startled when she wondered aloud if she still was the one in his life.
Harry knew she was. Ginny knew she was. But the whole room seemed to relax ever so slightly when he said it aloud.
After a failed attempt at clearing his throat, he attempted his own apology. Though she once again startled him with her reaction and turned her back to him, failing to look convincing as she looked at the bookshelf.
Making up his mind once and for all, and deciding that ten years was quite long enough for anyone, Harry stood up and went over to her.
Laying a hand on her startled shoulder he did his best to smile. “So I can’t even apologize to you now?”
He was sad to see her look almost worried when she turned to him. He desperately tried to hold her gaze, wishing that, for just a brief moment, they could both forget the rest of the world existed.
Just for a moment.
“W-what are you apologizing for?” Her voice was unsteady and soft, a side of her Harry had not seen for too many years.
There were too many. Too many sorry’s to be said, too many actions he wanted to undo. The recent fiasco with Emily was only a pinprick in his mind compared to the last ten years of nothing. The last ten years of that awful word “friendship”. The last ten years of hating himself every day and not even knowing why.
It had to be now, or he knew she’d never give him another chance.
As he left the first kiss on her forehead, he shuddered at her heightened breathe. The second kiss on her eyelid made his own heart pound loudly, remembering that the last time he had kissed her there, he had been seventeen years old.
He had no idea how she was going to react. On any given day, Ginny was different with him. Truth be told, the only time he remembered her being steady was during their few months of “real” dating back at Hogwarts. But he had to decide that he didn’t care anymore. He had to decide that she was important enough to take that risk.
He had to decide that she was more important than anything.
So he kissed her. He didn’t press very far or very hard. His hand came to her waist, but he didn’t tug her towards him. His fingers toyed with her hair, but he didn’t press her forward.
To say there were fireworks would have been an exaggeration. To say there wasn’t love would have been a downright lie.
The small taste of her lips he had felt the few nights before was nothing compared to the chaste, simple kiss they shared. At that moment, Harry knew that Voldemort could resurrect himself a full seven times over and he wouldn’t care in the slightest. Nothing else existed in that moment. Nothing but him and Ginny.
As a tear splashed onto his face, he made himself pull back and look at her with sorrow filled eyes. Her brown orbs were rapidly filling with tears as they looked at one another, their faces no more than an inch apart. Harry’s hand came up from her shoulder and softly wiped some of the streaks off her cheeks. Her body shuddered with something akin to relief as she leaned her forehead on his neck and cried.
He finally let himself hold her, both of his hands now pulling her towards him and her small frame quivering as her tears poured onto his shirt.
“Please forgive me,” he pleaded in a faint of a whisper, his mouth right above her ear. “I love you.”
She pulled back slightly, hesitatingly, to look up at him. He poured his love for her into his expression and once again whispered, “I can’t live with my mistakes anymore.”
“Why did you make them in the first place?” she asked, her breath hitching in her throat as she tried to calm her tears.
“Everyone I truly cared about went away,” he paused, closing his eyes in a bit of shame. “How was I to know you wouldn’t be the next?”
She shook her head slightly, confused. “But with Voldemort gone-“
“No,” he stopped her, shaking his own head, “I couldn’t stand to take chances.”
“But Ron and Hermione-“
“Had each other,” Harry cut her off again. “They fought and ignored it, but I knew…” he looked at her reminiscently, “I knew.”
----
Ginny blushed slightly at the comment as she knew he was referring to not only Ron and Hermione’s relationship, but theirs as well.
As she gazed up into his eyes, she knew she should fight more. She knew that she deserved more answers. She knew that he would be willing to give her each and every one…
…and she knew they would all be good answers.
Smirking lightly up at him, she spoke softly, with no accusation in her words like before.
“Well there is one thing…It’s your fault you know.”
He only looked slightly confused at her words. “What is?”
“That I keep falling in love with you.”
She didn’t let his elated grin stay for too long as she pulled him back in for a more proper reunion kiss.
----
Mrs. Nobody was the first to actually see her. Mr. Anyone was the second quickly followed by several others until the whole street was aware of it.
There was a new occupant at Number Three.
Mr. Someone, reputed to be one of the oldest inhabitants of the small village, insisted she looked too much like the first resident of the house to just be coincidence. Still, others who had known the Potters would swear on their lives that the couple living there now was the same one that had been killed all those years ago.
Of course none of these people had really known the Potters anyway.
The diamond ring that sparkled on the new occupants hand was enough to convince the neighbors that Mr. Harry Potter had indeed smuggled something out of the Amazon in his wild years.
After their marriage (everyone on the street had been sent an announcement, but no information about where it was taking place had been shared), the Potters settled into a quiet life, accented by their routine arguments and chatty dinner conversations. Curious enough, Mrs. Someone insisted that the closer she got to the house to try and listen to peak inside, the less she could hear and see.
This of course was nothing compared to the new voices that seemed to constantly get in loud fights that escalated over Godric’s Hollow. Mr. Potter and his new Missus were quite adept at starting playful yet serious arguments…and finishing them. Still, no neighbor could dispute the affection exchanged between the husband and wife.
The owls still came and went, but no one quite knew what to make of them anymore. It was said that the new Missus came from a large family and quite a few more redheads were seen on the street near Number Three. Other friends were seen coming and going and despite the normalness they tried to create, the Potters seemed to be eternally cursed with nosey neighbors.
But through it all, they lived their life. Day to day to day they spent together, apart or anything in between. They went to work, he cared for the lawn, she tidied the house…they snuck kisses when they thought no one was looking, and even sometimes when they knew someone was.
The green in his eyes never dulled and the bounce in her step never weakened.
And sometimes, if one listened very carefully, right before they kissed, she would whisper,
“It’s all your fault.”
fin.
Head Over Feet by Liisa
Chapter Notes: Ok, this has been updated for over a week now and for some reason it's not showing that it has been. blah.