How could I have been so stupid? Lily thought to herself as she tried to cry herself to sleep. She stared at the gold ceiling, but that only reminded her of his eyes. ‘It’s too hard, Lils, I mean we are completely different people!’ the words James had said to her earlier swirled around in her mind. Hadn’t he ever heard of opposites attract? He knows we are two different people, anyone that takes one look at us could see that. Then why did he chase me for all those years if he was just going to break it off? She turned sideways, looking at her nightstand where she saw a single lily, alone, but still beautiful in all of its solitude. I shouldn’t have listened to Jojo, I should never have given him a chance. Well, then again, maybe it was good that I got it out of my system, now I definitely know that Potter, was everything I knew he was; arrogant, a bully. Wait! No! He was none of those things, he just wanted what he couldn’t have; me. NO! That’s not it either! I think he did love me. There is some reason James doesn’t want us together, and he’s just not telling me. She rolled over again, to stare at her best friend Jojo, who had fallen asleep hours earlier, not a care in the world. Her heart hadn’t been broken; she hadn’t come close to love and then have it snatched out from under her.
Rather than sit in bed and think about her aching heart, Lily decided she might as well go into the Gryffindor common room and get some homework done. She rolled silently out of bed, tiptoed across the dormitory she shared with four other girls, and grabbed her bag. Wow, I’m good at this whole, sneaking out in the middle of the night thing. She crept to the doorway, but stubbed her toe on the edge of the chair, that was positioned by the door.
“Crap,” she said rather loudly.
She instantly slapped her hand over her mouth, pausing by the door. She was afraid to open her eyes to her angry roommates. Guess I’m NOT so good at the whole sneaking out thing. But when she got the courage to open her eyes, she realized she probably hadn’t been that loud, because all of the girls were still fast asleep in their beds. Lily silently swung the door open and slid out, closing it behind her. She sighed in relief, and made her way down the stone staircase that led to the common room.
As soon as she reached it, she noticed someone, sleeping peacefully on the couch. Probably someone trying to pull an all-nighter, I’ve had enough of those to last a life time, she thought as she walked towards the now extinguished fire, and sat down in a large red armchair situated by it. She put her bag on the ground next to her, and pulled out what she thought was her Charms’ book. She glanced at the cover and barely made out what it was. It was a Muggle composition notebook. In large letters on the cover she had written James. Once, she saw this, she could feel the tears welling up inside her. She tried to control herself, but she couldn’t help the tears escaping her eyes, falling freely down her already wet face. She dared herself to open it, but stopped just before she did. Instead she threw it on the ground. Lily had been aiming for the fireplace, but her arm had given up half way through. It made a loud thump as it hit the red carpet. Tears were now coming so hard and fast, Lily didn’t even try to stop them.
“Are you okay?” A voice asked, sounding vaguely familiar.
“Yeah,” Lily said wiping the tears off of her cheeks. “I’m fine.”
Lily stared at the notebook on the floor. She stood up and grabbed the notebook off of the floor, suddenly getting an idea. She grabbed some spare pieces of parchment, a quill, and a bottle of ink, and quickly wrote two notes. She then magically glued one of them to the cover, and the other in the back.
“Hey,” she said to the boy who was now heading up the stairs to the boys dormitories.
“Yeah,” he said spinning around on the second stair.
“Could you slip this under the door of the seventh years’ dorm?” she asked mumbling most of it but he seemed to understand it anyway.
“You do know that the stairs won’t turn into a slide right?”
“Yeah, I just don’t want to go up the stairs, does that sound weird?” Lily said remembering something.
“I had a lot of fun James,” Lily said as she stood at the bottom of the stairs to the boys dormitories.
“Yeah, so did I, Lily,” James said staring at the floor.
“Well, I better go,” Lily said, but she still stood there, staring into James’ hazel eyes.
“Yeah, I have Quidditch practice early tomorrow.”
“Yeah, I know, I’m on the team,” she said half-laughing at the awkwardness of the situation.
Then they just stared at each other, gazing into each others eyes. Lily broke there gaze and turned to go as James climbed up two of the stairs, but then stopped. He grabbed Lily’s arm brought his lips onto hers, pushing her up against the wall of the stairwell…..
“No, but sure, I’ll do it,” the boy said as he took the journal from Lily, snapping her out of her trance.
“Thanks a million, umm… sorry I don’t know your name,” she said.
“It’s okay, because I don’t know yours either,” the boy said half-laughing, as Lily giggled.
The boy then walked up the stairs leaving Lily thankful at the bottom, wondering who it was.…
“It’s for the best, James, you can’t risk her getting hurt because of you,” a boy said silently to himself as he lye awake staring at the ceiling. Why can’t I just be with her? Forget about Voldemort and his Death Eaters, I LOVE her, James thought. He rolled over onto his side and stared at the clock situated on his nightstand, 12:45.
Why can’t I sleep? he thought, eyes wide open.
Because your thinking about her, he answered himself.
Well, stop!
“Man Potter, you better make things right,” Frank, a sixth year, said to himself as he slipped the journal under the door.
James sat up as he heard something stir by the door. He got out of bed silently, crossed the dormitory, and stared at the door. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, and James was about to go back into bed, when the light spilling from the hallway illuminated at a tattered Muggle notebook.
He sank into a chair behind him and stared at the journal. He knew the journal was for him, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to read it. It probably is a notebook filled with stuff like ‘JAMES IS AN ARROGANT TOERAG’. No, maybe she just wrote that a million times over and over again, doing it every spare moment since we broke up this afternoon. She probably hates me again, and I never even gave her the chance to love me, like I love her. James looked down at the book again and noticed a piece of parchment glued to the cover under the word James. He took out his wand, thought Lumos, and a small circle of light bounced off of the notebook.
James,
I know you think I hate you, and the truth is I kind of do. Just read some of the stuff in here and the note at the end. Maybe you’ll find that I feel more than hate towards you.
Lily
James had to read these two sentences over and over again, before he persuaded himself to open the journal. On the first page, his name was written over and over again, in various ways. After staring at it for at least ten seconds, he turned the page.
To James, someone I want to read this someday, when I finally pluck up the courage to let him…
“Guess that day is today, Lils,” James whispered to the journal as he turned the page.
He had then expected to see more pages filled out with his name or James and Lily Forever, written over and over again, but what he saw shocked him. It was a poem. I didn’t know Lily wrote poetry, he thought, staring at the page.
When I see you across the room
Sitting alone, in your world of gloom
I want to be by your side,
But that would mean breaking,
All the rules I’m feeling inside.
For though I think I hate you
I sometimes think that is not true
Though I still feel as though
It is my fault you are this way.
Because of the way I treat you,
Day after day
James stared at the poem, thinking So, you feel guilty for treating me the way you did? You shouldn’t Lils, I deserved it. He then quickly flipped through the journal, and saw that almost every page was filled with a poem. A few pages after the first poem, James stopped and read;
There is something different about you,
Something that makes you the true you.
It’s something I’m feeling
But maybe I’m just dreaming.
Or, maybe that I maybe it is I hate you,
No, that could never be
Or maybe that I love you,
With every part of me.
This time, James felt his jaw drop. No, she didn’t love him, it just rhymed, watch in the next poem it will be I hate you James, yeah that’s it. Again James flipped through the journal and let it fall open to a page at random.
I’ve been waiting,
For you to finally realize
That I’m waiting for you,
To rearrange all my lies
My lies of hatred,
And of denial
Denial of loving you,
Mile after mile
Every mile of my life,
I want you to be there
With us loving each other,
Being the unbreakable pair
James was finally starting to understand something, she DID love him. He still did not want to believe it so he kept reading.
Even though I feel,
As though things between us will never change
I always have to hope,
I will someday be in your range
Your range of love,
Though I’m not sure it will ever be
But that’s all I want,
For you to be in love with me
“One more,” he whispered to himself, wanting to end the pain, but wanting to go on all the same.
Six years wasted?
I think not
It just took me that long,
To remember what I forgot
You probably won’t believe it,
You might not think it’s true
But during our first year,
I think I fell for you
Over the next five years,
I forgot all those feelings
Yelling and refusing,
I even tried to deny your being
And then this year,
I tried to deny something too,
The fact that,
I’m in love with you
James slowly turned the page, expecting the poem to continue but it didn’t, instead there was a letter.
James,
Wow! You actually read it all. I bet you can guess what I’m feeling James. I’m angry at you because you broke off something that could have been great. I know it could have worked and you do too. So what if we are two different people? It would still work James, because I love you. Everyone wants love, because it’s the closest thing to magic without using a wand…
James didn’t even finish reading the letter because he couldn’t take it anymore; he practically threw the journal on the ground and stared at it. A million thoughts were buzzing around in his head. He had to pick one, he knew the one he wanted, but was it the right one? He left the chair and walked down the stairs, silently praying that she would still be there. And there she was, sitting in the arm chair, writing fast on a piece of parchment propped up on her knee.
James walked up behind her and said, “Writing more poetry?”
Lily instantly realized whose voice that was. She turned around and saw James smiling wide. Lily started to say something but was instantly stopped when James bent down and kissed her. Some say, a picture is worth a thousand words, but love is worth a million more.
A/N: So what did you think? In case you didn’t figure it out already, Frank was Frank Longbottom. Well, it doesn’t really matter, to tell you the truth, I just couldn’t think of anyone to play that part, so I just picked a random character we all knew…..*grins shamefully* Oh and just wanted to say that I wrote all the poetry in this story! Oh, but the quote at the end of Lily’s second note, was a quote my friend had in her profile, don’t know who wrote it first though…….