"Remus?" she whispered.
Remus could only nod slightly, the pain was so intense.
"I'm pregnant."
She saw his eyes widen in shock, a smile beginning to form on his blood stained lips. Then his eyes blurred and lost focus, seeing into a world unknown. His eyes slowly closed, as did his life on earth.
Tonks was left, kneeling next to the sofa where her dead husband lay. A sense of complete numbness washed over her.
She felt tears dribbling down her cheeks, although had no idea how they started or how to stop them.
She had begged him not to go and fight with Harry and the Order, but he wouldn't listen to her. He said it was his duty to Dumbledore and to the Wizarding community. She had always wondered what about his duty to her.
He had been seriously injured, more than he knew, but refused to go to Mungo’s, saying they had enough on their hands without a minor heart injury like his. And now he was dead.
Tonks slumped down next to him on the floor, holding his limp hand in her hers, rocking backwards and forwards in despair.
What was she going to do? She had herself and an unborn child to take care of and she wasn't exactly expecting any help from her husband.
Slowly letting go of Remus' hand, she wiped her tears and heaved herself to her feet. She had to sort herself out. Remus had always been the practical one, not her. Now was the perfect time to try.
*
Darkness. Pain. Suffering. Torture. Fear. Dread.
"NO!"
Tonks awoke from a blurred dream full of past regrets and pain. She couldn't stand this any longer.
Her eyes focused in the dark and she remembered that Remus' body still lay on the sofa from the previous evening.
She had to get out, she couldn't stand this numbness anymore, she just couldn't. She had to get away from this nothingness.
Tonks swung herself out of bed and grabbed a handful of clothes, pulling them on over her nightdress. She ran down to the door, carefully avoiding the lounge where her husband's body lay and ran out into the night.
She lent back against the door and breathed in deeply, watching her breath appear in the air. It was a clear night, with millions of stars adorning the sky and a half moon shining brightly. There was glittering frost lacing the grass and it was so cold.
She almost contemplated going back inside, carrying on with her life. Her mind showed her a picture of Remus and she knew this would never be possible. A cold, miserable tear dribbled down her cheek, but she brushed it away impatiently.
She had no time for tears. She had to get out.
*
Run. She had to keep running. She just couldn't stop. Her breath was appearing in harsh, ragged wheezes and her legs felt like they were about to fall off, but she just couldn't stop.
From the night she had escaped, she had legged it to the nearest train station where she had paid for a ticket for the farthest out place she could get to. She had arrived in the wood in the middle of the night, and been so afraid, she had to keep running.
Two days later, she had scarcely stopped. She was exhausted and weak from lack of food and water, but she couldn't bring herself to stop. If she stopped, she had to face the harshness of the world again.
Eventually, her legs collapsed and she fell down upon the leave-strewn ground. She rolled over onto her bag, breathing heavily. She was so hungry, so cold. She noticed some blackberries lying to her right; she reached out and managed to pick a handful, gorging them.
And they tasted so good! Sweet and juicy and perfect. They also quenched her thirst. Then, out of sheer exhaustion, she collapsed.
A few days later she awoke in a daze. She dragged her aching body to its feet and started wondering around. From lack of human company, she began speaking to her unborn child, like she would a friend. And in her mind, the child answered back.
"So, No Name, how're you today?" she would always ask.
"I'm a little hungry, Mummy, can I have some more food?" the baby would respond.
"You're always hungry!" she would exclaim, but obligingly pick a handful of some nearby growing fruit and eat them.
And so it went on, for days and days on end. Until they stumbled upon a fairy tale like cottage on the edge of the woods.
There was an elderly lady hanging washing out in the fresh morning air. Tonks made a gargling sound and collapsed, so relieved was she to be in civilisation again.
The woman looked over and ran to fetch her husband when she saw a young girl lying on her front lawn.
Together, they lifted the unconscious figure and carried her over to their humble sofa.
And on that sofa she lay for weeks on end, being fed tiny crumbs of bread and dribbles of water by the kindly and patient elderly couple.
Eventually, a day in early spring, she awoke. Her eyes blinked a few times as they slid into focus and became re-accustomed to the world she hadn't been a part of for many a month. She rolled her head to the side, licking her dry lips and tweaking her limbs to make sure none were broken. She could move them all, that was a good sign.
It was then she noticed a woman with frizzy greying brown hair scraped back into a messy bun sitting on a rocking chair watching her intently.
"Thank the Gods that you're awake!" she breathed.
Tonks could only blink in confusion.
"Oh, I am sorry, m'dear, it's just that I was so worried! We, me and my husband that is, found you just outside in a dead faint! We've been looking after you for nearly half a year now, thought you'd never wake up. What with that baby inside you, things could've been awful."
Tonks pulled herself to a sitting position, breathing deeply and trying to regain the use of her body again.
"Thank you," her voice came out as a rasp, she cleared in and continued. "Thank you so much, I'm Tonks."
The woman's eyes widened, she opened her mouth to speak, when there was a yell in the distance.
"Oh, t-that'll be Jack, I'll be right back, dear, don't go anywhere!"
And with that, she bustled out of the room, leaving Tonks to her own exhaustion.
She looked around the room and saw a few old photos on the mantel place. One was of the woman, looking strangely familiar and a man she assumed to be her husband, looking even more so. The next was of a young lady, presumably the woman when she was younger, on a swing, laughing happily.
However, the third was of a young man. A young man with scruffy brown hair surrounded by two others, both with similar black hair. Tonks dragged herself off the sofa and padded over to the picture, cupping it in her shaking hands. There was no mistaking it.
It was a photo of Remus. Remus, James and Sirius during their fifth year at Hogwarts
That meant that the house that she was currently in could only be his parent’s. That would explain everything, the familiarity, the smell, everything.
Slowly placing the picture pack on the shelf, she sank back onto the sofa. At this point, Remus' mother came back in holding a tray of soup and a wand, closely followed by the man (and Remus' splitting image) in the photo. Taking in her dazed expression and the difference in position of the photo, his mother set down the tray and took her seat back in the rocking chair.
"I suppose you've realised out who we are then, Tonks?" she asked in a hollow voice.
Tonks could only nod.
"May I ask what brings you here? I only know you from letters from my son; we couldn’t make it to the wedding. Was this pure chance or has he done something?"
Tonks looked up at her, hugging her knees.
"He's dead," she whispered then burst into tears.
His mother sat for a moment before coming over and pulling Tonks into a massive hug, rocking backwards and forwards, their tears mingling.
After a while, she released Tonks and sat back.
"Oh, m'dear, I'm so sorry! And you with child and all."
At that, more tears resumed, eventually subsided and Tonks explained everything.
*
Over the next few months, Tonks remained at the cottage with Remus' parents, until one summer afternoon, a baby boy was born.
Holding the baby in her arms, the baby who had brought her there and kept her alive and eating during her time in the woods, she looked down and saw Remus staring back, smiling with glee at being alive.
"What're you going to call him, sweet?" his grandmother asked, stroking his head.
"John, after your husband and Remus' middle name," she replied.
With that, they sat in the summer sunshine, marvelling at the beauty of the world around them. It had rained recently and the sun was reflecting off the dew like a million mirrors.