“Come closer now
I know your desire is to be desired
Steal a kiss yet and call us friends
Distance is the thief in which you conspire”
I wasn’t supposed to run. I was supposed to stay and fight.
”Turn and time and time will tell
Time will tell or tear us apart
You're miles and miles and miles away
Silence reveals where we really are”
We hadn’t seen each other in a year. I thought that she would have moved on-and forgotten all about me. It was only now that I realized that she couldn’t forget me, just like I couldn’t forget her.
”You only stand to break my heart
I can tell it by the way you runaway,”
It broke my heart to read the papers. They spoke of death and destruction; chaos and calamity. As the Chosen One, they looked to me to stop it. Headlines trumpeted untrue words about how I alone could stop the darkest wizard ever to be named. That wasn’t true. There was no way I could have done it without her.
She was my true love, my first love. Sure, when I was younger I had feelings for others, but none compared to my love for her. She was beautiful in everyway; she was imperfectly perfect. She was an angel living in a world filled with devils.
I thought I was going to die the day of Dumbledore’s funeral. I had to break up with her that day. I was terrified for her safety, after watching my mentor die helplessly alone with me so close. The blow his death dealt was hard; I didn’t think I could handle it if they took her from me too. I had to runaway.
”It's clearer now
You're nowhere into giving
Giving into, giving into me
It's your fault
You're like a rare disease
I know you're in love
With love I believe”
Those few weeks we had were the best weeks of my life. I spent the entire year in a jealous silence as I watched her in the arms of another. I knew that she once had feelings for me, but now, as I realized my own, I couldn’t help but think I could have had her.
Shortly after the funeral, I left to stop the man who had hurt so many. I alone had the power to stop him. I had to do it. I also had to leave her, for her protection. Hermione called me noble. She also called me an idiot. She said that leaving her wasn’t going to solve any of my problems. Voldemort would have already known about us, and being apart and miserable wouldn’t do me any good. At least I knew that she wasn’t with me to see the horrors and pain that the Horcruxes caused. Those Horcruxes were the only reason he was still here. I wasn’t going to rest until I could be sure I could destroy him.
One by one I destroyed his Horcruxes; one by one I destroyed him. I left him weak and broken, although he didn’t know it yet. I fought his followers and won. I slowly made my way up to him.
A cold wind blew from the south that day. It was fiercely cold outside and snow was beginning to fall. I had not come this far to be stopped by a little cold and frozen water.
”Turn and time and time will tell
Time will tell or tear us apart
You're miles and miles and miles away
Silence reveals where we really are”
I had to make sure she was safe. I sent my owl to check on her and her family at least twice a week. We were separated by distance and silence; I hadn’t spoken to her in a year. I had abandoned any contact with the outside world during my search.
The battlefield was a snowy field. The house behind me was where everything started. I felt it only necessary to finish this here. My parents were buried in the back. If I died, I would die close to them. My only regret was that I wouldn’t be with her.
I did not think that she would have come with the rest of the Order. I thought that her parents would have forced her to stay. But I guess a witch as bold and as determined as she was would have come either way.
”Do you expect me to wait here?
(All alone in my thoughts and fears)”
I watched in horror and pride as she took on Death Eater after Death Eater, winning each duel she fought in. I couldn’t help but stand, stunned by her amazing beauty, waiting in the middle of the battle-like I was waiting for her.
”My whole life could flash before your eyes
(Hope one day that you realize)”
I jumped in to help her in fighting one with blonde hair and an evil sneer behind his mask. He had insulted her many times when we were in school but I wasn’t about to let him get the best of her.
He went down in a flash of green light that had missed its target, but found ours.
Our eyes locked momentarily and I could see that she hadn’t forgotten about me, and that she still felt the same way she always did about me. It was written in her eyes. The chocolate brown that I couldn’t get enough of.
”This isn't the way it's supposed to be
(This is your life girl, now without me)”
I had to jump out of this new duel she was fighting in to find him. To destroy him. To kill him. Once he was gone I could live the life I so wanted to life. A happy and carefree one where I didn’t have to constantly fear for everyone’s safety.
”May regrets for us well up inside
(As feelings for you are buried alive)
Buried alive”
A heart-rending scream ripped through the cold air. All thoughts of killing my enemy were gone. All thoughts were on her. I could see where she once was, and now where she lay sprawled on the ground, screaming in pain. I sprinted back over to where she laid. Her body was writhing in unbearable pain. It looked as if she was under the Cruciatus Curse. I waved my wand over her, casting a spell that Hermione taught me. It detected whatever curse or spell had been placed on someone. She had been cursed with a very powerful hex that was felt like there was fire burning her on the inside. I picked her up and with a sharp crack I Apparated away.
Fear pounded through my body as I landed in the lobby of the hospital. Several healers rushed up to us, and began their examination, right in the middle of the reception area. It took many people to pry her away from me. I didn’t want to let her go and lose her, like the way I lost her when I broke up with her.
The hospital was alive with the battle as well. People were being Apparated in constantly. I saw many of my friends that night, bruised and beaten, but still willing to fight. They didn’t see me, but maybe that was because I didn’t let myself see them. It was my entire fault that they were here. If they did not trust me and follow my every word they would probably be at home, safe in front of a roaring fire.
”I only stand to break your heart
You can tell it by the way I walk away,”
The staff found me curled in a ball on one of their uncomfortable waiting room chairs. They came to talk to me about her. The damage the curse had done…it was a miracle she hadn’t died instantly. They didn’t know what to do now though. They wanted my opinion, in their words, on what I wanted to happen to her. The chance of her living a full life was now slim, they told me. She could be in a coma for the rest of her life.
And I never got to tell her that I love her.
I stood up and looked the head healer in the eye. I told them there was no way that they were going to let her die. She had family and friends and needed her. I needed her. I left her, but her presence in my mind on the long journey for the horcruxes gave me comfort and strength.
I spent the night in that lobby, waiting for news on her condition. I didn’t care about the battle that was raging in Godric’s Hollow right now. A healer came to me and told me that she was unconscious, yet responsive. She was going to live, even though she was going to have to stay here for several weeks. Euphoria erupted in me; a feeling I had not felt since I held her last.
I stood up again and walked stiffly out of the lobby. The healer was calling me, asking me if I wanted to see her, but I couldn’t. She was going to live; she was going to be okay. And now it was up to me to make sure that the world was safe for her. Safe for the both of us.
“You can tell it by the way I run away,
Runaway girl”
The Runaway by Dear Irony
Chapter Notes: All credit goes to J.K. Rowling for writing Harry Potter and to Anberlin for writing and recording "The Runaways". Nothing is mine but the plot!