The Muggle street was bathed in lamplight. There was a dense fog that wound its way through houses, cars and letterboxes. A wizard was crouched low behind shrubbery eyeing the house across from him.
A light poured from the left window showing him that she was home and awake. Checking that the coast was clear he crossed the street, his black cloak flapping as he hurried into the doorway. Looking around himself once more, he whispered an incantation to let himself through the locked door.
He saw the door to the study was open, and knew she had waited up for him. Guilt ran through him as he hung up his robes.
“I wondered if I’d be seeing you, Belenus.” Her voice rang out. She was holding a book, leaning against the doorway. Her dark curls were hanging around her face and she rested her spare hand upon her pregnant belly.
“Jacq, I need to talk to you about something,” he said seriously.
She snuffed a cold laugh. “What makes you think I’m talking to you? Or acknowledging your existence?”
“Let me explain, please?”
She was reacting far worse than he had expected. Jacqueline was angrier than she had been when she’d discovered he was a wizard.
“Explain about this morning, perhaps?” Jacqueline queried, screwing up her nose, “I knew you’d act like this. I knew you weren’t ready for this commitment,” she finished crossing her arms in disappointment.
Belenus let his mind drift back to that painfully uncomfortable morning.
“It’s a boy!” the doctor had exclaimed, at their ultrasound after many long minutes of running the transducer along Jacqueline’s bulging stomach. Jacqueline gave a smile of disbelief and looked to Belenus.
“Honey, did you hear that? We’re having a boy!”
Belenus sat beside her with an odd expression on his face. He was staring at the monitor, tears brimming in his eyes.
“Huh?” he’d asked, dazed.
“It’s a boy! I was thinking of Gordon, or perhaps Benjamin. No, maybe, Dean?”
Belenus was oblivious to her stammering. All he could do was concentrate on the little being that was forming rapidly inside his girlfriend’s stomach, which they had made together with the utmost act of love. This tiny little life that was brand new and untouched.
“I need some fresh air.” He had said, leaving the room in a hurry.
“I just don’t understand. Why did you leave?” Jacqueline demanded, interrupting his reminiscing.
“Many reasons.”
“Many reasons? We’re having a child together, Belenus! I deserve more than that!” she bellowed.
“Exactly, we’re having a child. The wizarding world is at war and I’ve deserted Lord Voldemort…we’re having a child…you’re a Muggle.” He shrugged his shoulders in defeat.
“What has my being a Muggle…” she paused at the reference, “got to do with any of this? And who, for heavens sake, is Lord Voldemort?”
Belenus bit his lip in frustration. No longer could he protect her from the truth; about who he really was; about the terrifying dictator. He took a deep, shaking breath.
“Voldemort is the most notorious and dangerous wizard of this age. Anyone who stands up against him ends up dead. His heart is stone cold and his prejudice runs deep. Think Hitler, only a Hitler who can do magic, and has no one to stop him.”
“And you fight for this Lord Voldemort?” she spat out. Belenus grasped hold of her.
“I did. I did fight for him. But I was blinded by the beliefs I had had instilled in me since birth. Voldemort killed my whole family to get me on his side.”
“He killed your family and you still joined him?” This time Jacqueline wrestled out of his grasp. She breathed in short breaths caused by shock. Belenus saw a look of pure repulsion on her face. “I would never…could never…I’d have rather died!”
Belenus sat down dejected, his head in his hands. “You don’t understand! He was taking over everywhere! He doesn’t just kill you! First, he kills your family and those close to you. Then, he tortures you until you’re utterly begging for death. In the end, your survival instinct kicks in. Sure, the first couple of times you murder you think about it, but after a while you can’t feel a thing. You don’t eat because you’re not hungry. You don’t think because the only thing to think about is death. It’s a hollow existence.”
Jacqueline covered her mouth and let out a great sob.
“The dead are the lucky ones. Only they can escape Lord Voldemort.” He spat out. Jacqueline sat beside him. “When I saw that little baby on the monitor today, this tiny person, it touched a place I had once believed dead. A place that you found when we met. Do you remember?”
He was referring to their chance meeting at a bar in London, where he had hidden from the Order of the Phoenix after a failed mission. She had been clearing the tables, and she had given him the smallest of smiles as he sat down. They had talked into the early hours of the night, well, mainly she had talked. Belenus had listened, entranced by her voice, the way her hair fell onto her face, the expressions of her eyes and the way the corners of her mouth creased when she smiled.
They had stumbled back to her apartment and spent the last dark hours of the night enwrapped in one another. The mask he had hidden behind slowly unraveled and he felt himself opening to her in ways he never imagined.
From that night on, he had led a contradictory double life: both Death Eater and man in love.
He took a deep breath, staring into those eyes, which trusted him, despite his flaws. “This child is ours, Jacqueline. We created a life and we can’t bring him into this war. I won’t see Voldemort dispose of my new family as he did with my old.” Jacqueline rested her arms around him. He breathed in the scent of her, letting her kiss him reassuringly.
“What would you have me do?” she asked finally.
“I need you to go into hiding. When Voldemort figures out I’ve deserted him his wrath will be unimaginable. It won’t take him long to find me. But as far as I know, he doesn’t know anything about you,” she made to interrupt him, but he pushed a finger to her lips, “I’ve arranged for a house in a small place called Winchelsea. I want you to change your name, leave your family, and raise our child as a Muggle.”
“But, Belenus, you love magic!” Jacqueline exclaimed. “How am I to deny this child his heritage?”
“But you must! There is nothing more important to me than you and our child’s safety. You’ll do it because I’m asking you to. Because I need you to. I can’t come with you.” Fat tears splashed onto Jacqueline’s face.
“No, Belenus, no,” she begged frantically, “we could both go into hiding, please come with me.”
Belenus shook his head. “I can’t risk it Jacq. He will find me, there’s no doubting it. Whether it’s now or in fifteen years. And if he finds out about you it’d be even worse. A Death Eater spawning a child with a Muggle? It’s a crime against every oath I ever took under his command.”
Jacqueline looked at him, defeated. She pushed the hair of his forehead. He took hold of one of her hands in both of his and kissed it.
“I wouldn’t ask this of you if it wasn’t of the utmost importance,” he admitted, and she nodded in understanding, “we need to pack, fast and light. I don’t know how long I have, before…” he trailed off, not wanting to think of the fate that awaited him.
Neither of the two noticed the rain pelting down as they trudged down the train platform the very next morning. Belenus dragged his feet, dreading their farewell. He carried her hastily packed suitcase. Jacqueline deliberately avoided his eyes. He knew she was only just holding it together, and were their eyes to meet, she would crumble before him.
Together they found an empty compartment, and Belenus heaved her suitcase into the storage rack.
“I guess this it,” Jacqueline voiced moments later, breaking the silence.
Belenus knelt down to her belly.
“Goodbye,” he whispered snuggling his head to where his child resided. He kissed her belly, and then stood in front of her.
Crying, hyperventilating slightly, Jacqueline held onto Belenus as if he would disappear were she to let go. He stroked her hair lovingly.
“You gave me a heart, took me away from a life of pain,” he comforted, making her shake uncontrollably, “just know this, you have been truly, truly loved.”
Belenus pulled her close to him for one last desperate and passionate kiss.
The whistle blew, and the conductor called for the passengers to board the train. Belenus helped her onto the train. Once seated, she wrenched open the window. Jacqueline bowed her head to him, and he wiped away the last remaining tears on both their faces.
“Hey,” he said softly, pushing her chin to look at him, “I like the name Dean.”
Jacqueline snuffed the smallest of laughs. The train began to pull away and he waved, a sad smile on his face.
Jacqueline hung out the window watching him grow smaller and smaller until he had disappeared. Her heart weighed down in her chest as she sat back against her chair. There was a tingling sensation in her stomach, and then a short, sharp pain. Smiling though her tears, she rubbed it.
“Settle down,” she whispered, “Mummy’s here, Dean.”
Disenchanted by Lillikins
Chapter Notes: This was a great assignment Professor! I enjoyed writing it...hope you enjoy xoxoxo