Nymphadora Tonks crumpled up another piece of parchment and halfheartedly threw it into the crackling fire. The fireplace’s heat was comforting, especially tonight, when Grimmauld Place felt so cold. She drew her knees closer to her chest and groped for another parchment, while watching the flames devour the crumpled ball of the previous one.
One week had passed since that night at the Ministry, and the atmosphere of gloom about Grimmauld Place seemed to intensify, feeling emptier than it ever had. The Weasleys had stayed for a few days before departing to the Burrow. Tonks had been invited for a visit, but she had elected to stay in London for awhile longer. Now the only occupants of the house were Tonks herself, an unpleasant as ever Kreacher, Remus Lupin, and whichever member of the Order happened to be there at any given time. Mad-Eye could be counted on to stop by regularly, and Shacklebolt had checked in a few times.
Tonks and Lupin busied themselves by resuming the cleaning and destruction of the items deemed too dangerous to leave, especially with the future of Grimmauld Place so uncertain. They rarely spoke to each other; the tension between them seemed to grow each day as well. Tonks had quite liked Lupin previously, he was very quiet and seemed withdrawn, but it was simply his nature, and balanced Tonks’ outgoing personality quite well. Tonks found herself becoming quite attached to him, truth be told. Now he avoided her, for some reason she could not quite understand. She had thought he would have liked the company, and the opportunity to talk about Sirius if he needed or wanted to.
She crumpled up the piece of parchment her fingers had found and tossed it into the fireplace. The parchment disappeared at blackened edges until nothing was left. She watched the flames so intently that she was started to hear a voice behind her.
“Expecting someone?” Lupin asked in as lighthearted a tone as he seemed capable of.
Tonks turned to see him starting to sit down beside her, a half smile on his lips. It seemed it was her turn to say something, and she tried to think of what the most appropriate thing to say would be.
That failing, she settled on, “Just burning some things… letters and the like. Personal things. In case we don’t keep the house.”
“That’s what I figured.” Lupin was silent for a few moments, as Tonks resumed the destruction of the parchment, and he picked up the piece at the top of the rather large pile, crumpled it, and threw it into the fire.
The silence was comfortable, or at least, more comfortable than any of their interaction over the past week.
“It seemed more personal to throw them in one by one, rather than all at once,” Tonks said, breaking the silence. She hadn’t needed to explain, Lupin understood already, but she seemed to have needed to say it out loud.
Lupin studied her for the first time all week, as her appearance had changed as she seemed less her usual self. She seemed to be taking Sirius’ death quite personally, and Lupin was unsure if it was because she was young, because she felt guilty about it, or because…
“Did you fancy Sirius?” Lupin took his turn to break the silence, asking his question bluntly rather than trying to determine the answer with more subtlety.
Tonks turned abruptly to face Lupin, a look of shock in her delicate features. “No! I liked him well enough, but I didn’t… fancy him.”
Lupin looked again at the stack of parchment. Tonks didn’t seem to be the type, to take her time with these things, to destroy them one by one, for sentimental reasons. Lupin was at a loss now, his only theory for her strange behavior and appearance now proved false. He was nearly certain that the clues”the sentimentality, somewhat scraggily hair resembling Sirius’ in all but colour, not wanting to leave Grimmauld Place”added up to some sort of feelings for the previous occupant of this house.
Lupin’s abrupt question had shocked Tonks; she hadn’t expected that he was paying enough attention at all to even think this a possibility. And from Lupin, too, possibly the worst person to talk to about fancying Sirius, when really she didn’t fancy Sirius at all. She answered, more forcefully than she would have if she had had time to think on it.
“No,” she said more quietly, almost inaudibly, “I didn’t. I fancy…” She trailed off, unable to admit to herself, let alone Lupin, that there was the possibly that the person she had feelings for was in actuality sitting right next to her.
Lupin did not press her to complete the thought; he’d actually not even given any indication that he’d heard her speak at all.
He murmured something about going to bed, and left the room, leaving Tonks alone with the fire and the stack of parchment.
The next night, or maybe it was the night after that, days sort of blended together at Grimmauld Place, Tonks once again sat in front of the fireplace, the light from the flames the only light in the room, the stack of parchment next to her, though she wasn’t burning any of it this time.
She hoped that Lupin would join her in front of the warm hearth again, but each time she thought this, she felt increasingly silly. She had gone through several stages after finally admitting to herself, the other night, that she did have feelings for him. She was unsure of what the feelings were, and if they were brought on by their conversation, and once she had decided it wasn’t just a pesky thought that wouldn’t let go, she wondered if he could feel the same way, and decided there was no way he could. But here she was, setting herself up for disappointment, but here none the less.
She was about to leave when she heard Lupin’s voice behind her.
“Expecting someone?”