The Flying Lesson
Severus Snape was awakened by a loud crash. He groggily put on his dressing gown and went over to the window, wand at the ready, to find out what had caused the disturbance.
“Well, don’t stand there like an idiot, Snape! Unlock the window and let me in!” hissed, an angry Lord Voldemort with and equally annoyed Nagini draped about his shoulders.
Snape had no idea what Voldemort was saying as he was speaking in Parseltongue and Snape wasn’t fluent. He did however, unlock the window.
Lord Voldemort burst in through the window and with a triumphant look around the room announced, “Let’s go flying!”
Lord Voldemort was still speaking in Parseltongue so Severus didn’t understand this ridiculous announcement. He was beginning to think he was dreaming. Then he corrected himself; he wasn’t dreaming, he was having a nightmare. He was quite certain that Lord Voldemort bursting through his window in the dead of night was not something he would dream about. This was the sort of sick and twisted dream only Bellatrix Lestrange would have.
By this point in time, Lord Voldemort had realized that Snape wasn’t responding to anything he said, however, Nagini was paying rapt attention and looked mildly concerned. Realizing that he must have been speaking only in Parseltongue, he quickly switched back to English.
“Well, why aren’t you getting dressed?” he demanded sulkily.
Severus raised his eyebrows slightly. “Dressed, my Lord?”
“Well you can’t very well go out in that tattered dressing gown!” replied the Dark Lord huffily, “What will people say?”
Snape decided that the best course of action was to go get a set of black robes from the closet. He dearly hoped that the Dark Lord wasn’t going to watch him change.
Voldemort had apparently just realized the same thing and quickly added, “I’ll just wait in your sitting room while you get ready.”
As he reached for the doorknob, he turned around and added, “Oh, and try to do something with your hair, it looks terrible.”
It was a good thing that Snape was a sufficiently accomplished Occlumens, otherwise Voldemort would likely have killed him since his next thought was, “You’re just jealous because I have hair.”
Without detecting Snape’s rather sulky mood, the Dark Lord changed his mind. “I don’t have all night, Snape. Forget about getting changed, I’m not ashamed to be seen with you, even if you do have an enormous nose.”
It was also fortunate that Lord Voldemort didn’t detect Snape cuttingly thinking, “At least I have a nose.”
With a sigh of resignation, Snape asked, “May I enquire as to where we are going?”
“We’re going flying!” answered the Dark Lord gleefully, rubbing his hands together.
Severus Snape looked at him blankly. He found it distinctly out of character for Lord Voldemort to wake him up at three o’clock in the morning to go flying. He was also rather concerned over the lack of broomsticks. Come to think of it, why had the Dark Lord Apparated to the bedroom window rather than a more conventional entrance, such as the front door?
“Er, my Lord, pardon my question but why did you Apparate to my window?” asked Snape.
“I didn’t Apparate,” replied Voldemort, beaming.
“Er, then how did you get there?” asked Severus.
“Well, that’s easy, Silly. I flew!”
Snape was feeling distinctly uneasy. The Dark Lord had never referred to him, or anyone else, as ‘Silly’.
“But where is your broom?” asked Severus, beginning to wonder if he were hallucinating. No, he couldn’t be hallucinating. His imagination was nowhere near as strange as this.
“I don’t need a broom to fly, Snape!” boasted Voldemort, “Not only that, I’m going to teach you how to fly too.”
Severus was relieved that the pet names had disappeared. His relief quickly turned to disbelief as the Dark Lord broke into song.
“Think of the terror you've wrought, any happy little thought.”
Snape was shocked and now quite scared. He’d seen many strange and terrible things but the Dark Lord singing a song he’d crudely parodied from a Muggle children’s movie…
Before he had a chance to protest, Voldemort grabbed him by the wrist, still singing, "Think of torture without reprieve think of murder and now we leave!”
Voldemort made a mad dash for the closed window, dragging a stunned Snape behind him. There was a sound of breaking glass as they left a Voldemort-and-Snape-shaped hole in the window.
“Like a vulture in the sky! We can fly! We can fly! We can fly! We can fly!"
Snape had firmly shut his eyes and was prepared to hit the solid ground. Instead the iron grip on his wrist remained firm and they soared. Snape opened one eye. He could see his shadow and that of the Dark Lord on the ground beneath them. He turned to face Lord Voldemort who was grinning maniacally and still singing, “Soon you'll zoom without a broom! All it takes is hate, mistrust but the thing that's a positive must is a little bit of blood lust! Blood lust is a positive must! We can fly! We can fly! We can fly! We can fly!"
Normally, Snape would never question the Dark Lord, then again, this situation was anything but normal.
“My Lord, shouldn’t we go back for Nagini? She wouldn’t want to miss out on this…” Severus knew it was a ridiculous statement, but desperate times called for desperate measures.
“Shut up, Snape, you’re ruining my song!” replied Voldemort, “Besides, Nagini already got to fly with me all the way back from Australia!”
Something clicked in Snape’s brain, or perhaps it was a mild concussion from his head hitting the side of Big Ben. Voldemort really needed to pay closer attention to where they were flying. Snape tried to ignore the rest of Voldemort’s song as he desperately pieced together the fragmented thoughts in his head.
"When there's murder in your heart, there's no better time to start! It's a very simple plan; you can do what Potter can't! At least it's worth a try! We can fly! We can fly! We can fly! We can fly!"
Just as Lord Voldemort finished the last refrain of his song, Severus’ plan had finished forming.
“My Lord!” he cried out excitedly, “Let’s go back to my house, I have cookies!”
“I love cookies!” squealed the Dark Lord, clasping his hands in delight and letting go of Severus’ wrist in the process. As he did so he heard an oddly familiar sound, rather like someone screaming for their life (this was a fairly common sound to Lord Voldemort). He couldn’t quite figure out what was different about it this time, but realized it was because the screaming was getting quieter, as though… as though the person was falling.
Meanwhile, Severus was screaming for his life. He was approaching the ground at an alarming rate and was trying to quickly adjust to the fact that he was going to die barefoot and wearing only his ratty old dressing gown. Just as he was wishing that he’d given Potter more detentions, he heard a voice.
“It’s a bird… It’s a plane… No! It’s Super Dark Lord!”
Lord Voldemort swooped down and caught Severus just in the nick of time. “Haven’t really got the hang of the whole flying thing yet, have you Sevvie? The key really is to think murderous thoughts.”
Severus was thinking very murderous thoughts although it wasn’t aiding his flying ability.
Not to be deterred from the cookies, the Dark Lord did a sharp turn and headed back for Spinner’s End, however he insisted that Snape join in on the chorus of “We can fly” for the return trip or be dropped in the river Thames.
Once safely on the floorboards of his bedroom, Snape quickly ran to the basement, leaving a confused Voldemort behind. He scoured his shelves until he found the potion he needed, grabbed the vial and dashed back up the stairs, grabbing a bag of cookies from the pantry on his way.
When he returned to his bedroom, he found Voldemort jumping on the bed. “Here, my Lord, try one of these!” said Snape, tossing the Dark Lord a cookie.
Voldemort greedily snatched it out of the air and began munching on it. Before he could complain that he was thirsty, Severus offered him the potion.
Without even bothering to inquire what sort of a potion it was, Voldemort gulped it down. A strange look passed over his face and he shuddered. “Thank you Severus, I feel much more like myself. What was that potion?”
Severus bowed low. “It was a Douring Potion, my Lord.”
“Well, it seems to be an excellent cure for Billywig stings,” replied Voldemort. “I suppose you figured it out when I mentioned Australia?”
“Yes, my Lord.”
“It’s good to have such a resourceful servant. If you mention this to anyone, I will regrettably have to kill you.”
“Of course, my Lord. Besides, who would believe me?”
A hint of a smile played on the Dark Lord’s face. He collected Nagini, wrapping her around his shoulders. As he approached the window, he tested the air. He then turned to Severus, and in a voice completely devoid of emotion told him, “Apparently, we can fly.”
Before Severus had a chance to reply, the Dark Lord soared off into the night. Miles away, the boy named Harry Potter was laughing in his sleep.
The Flying Lesson by Hypatia
Chapter Notes: The Harry Potter characters are J.K. Rowling’s, the Peter Pan song is Disney’s. The line where Voldy refers to himself as not a bird nor a plane was inspired by a post I read on the SparklyPoo forum by MissPurplePen. Thanks to my beta, Sara, for getting invovled in the ridiculous conversation that led to the song parody (and for betaing) and to harrypotterfangirl21 for helping me find the post by MissPurplePen again. I'd also like to thank everyone who's nominated this story for a QSQ! It really means a lot, my thanks to each of you!