CRASH!
Dudley awoke to the sounds of movement downstairs. He heard boxes being moved around and knocked over as whispers floated up the staircase.
The chaos of the previous night and the unfamiliarity of the small flat was terrifying Dudley. He, his family, and Hestia and Dedalus had fled from the Death Eaters at their cozy apartment in Paris to this messy flat in Merlin-knows-where.
It’s just a dream, Dudley though, as if the harder he thought about it, the more likely it would become true. I am going to open my eyes and be in my room in Paris.
BOOM!
Dudley’s eyes snapped open in shock. To his dismay, he found himself on an old cot which was squeezed between two unfamiliar countertops. Dudley was not still in his room in Paris, and the sounds of footsteps as they wound up the stairs were drawing closer. He tried to call Dedalus, but found his lips could not form the words.
The door to the flat opened, and Dudley, cowering under his blanket, waited for them, whoever they were, to find him among the piles of boxes.
“Oi! Good morning, sleepy head!” someone said, standing directly over his cot. But Dudley remained frozen; he was too terrified to face this man.
“Who’d you find?” someone shouted from across the room.
“It’s just some freeloader sleeping in the kitchen.”
“There’s a box of portable bed bugs over here, if you’d like to wake him,” said the other, laughing.
Dudley felt a strong hand on his shoulder, which forced him over. He stared up at the bright-haired boy, not much older than he, and realized it was one of the Weasleys.
“Look here, George” exclaimed the boy, “he’s gotten even bigger!”
“I don’t suppose you remember us,” said George, who was identical to the other.
“Yeah,” Dudley said sheepishly, rising from the cot, “I do.”
“Well, how about that, Fred? We’re memorable!”
“Of course we are,” said Fred, suddenly looking cross. “Just what is it that made you remember us?”
“Er…” Dudley started, wondering if Fred was asking this simply to make him look like an idiot. “You gave me candy that made my tongue swell up like an elephant.”
“Correct!” exclaimed George. “You were our very first test subject for Ton-Tongue Toffee!”
“Aside from ourselves, of course.”
George must have noticed that Dudley was looking at them questioningly. “Fred just had to ask you a security question, to make sure you’re Harry’s cousin, and not some Death Eater on a Polyjuice Potion.”
“Reliving the tongue story was only an added benefit,” said Fred, grinning broadly.
“So what brought you here?” asked George.
Dudley was relieved to have a subject change. He told them about what happened last night and how they were brought here, starting with the Boggart and finishing with their Apparition to the flat. Dedalus awoke while Dudley was telling the story and seemed as interested in hearing the details as if he hadn’t been there.
Hestia came out of her bedroom just as he was finishing. She said, “Good morning” and made tea as everyone struggled to find a place to sit, perching awkwardly on the edges of boxes and countertops. As soon as she had finished her cup of tea, Hestia got down to business.
“What does the Order know about last night?” Hestia asked.
“Dudley told us the whole story,” said Fred.
“But the rest of the Order only knows what was in the Prophet.”
“Which was?” prompted Hestia.
“That an unknown rogue pair of witch and wizard with Muggle accomplices destroyed a historical building and injured Ministry Officials,” said Fred.
“They mentioned nothing about it being a historical Muggle building, though,” noted George.
“Or that it was in France and they had no jurisdiction there,” said Hestia.
“Plus, I’m assuming those were Snatchers that attacked you, and not Ministry Officials.”
“Not that there is a huge difference any longer,” said Fred sarcastically.
“Oh, they flatter us,” Dedalus said as he scanned the article in the Prophet. “The charm we used was nowhere near powerful enough to destroy a seven-story building.”
“Just a little drywall and it will be as good as new,” Hestia joked.
“Wait, do you mean…” Fred started, taking a dramatic pause, “the Prophet… lied?”
“No! They would never do that!” George joked.
“Hey, George, do you think we should report these two to the Ministry?”
“For the safety of the public, it would probably be best!”
The twins pulled out their wands and directed them at Hestia and Dedalus. “Come on, kids. It’s time you two were put away for all your mischief,” said Fred.
Hestia rolled her eyes and played along, while Dedalus was laughing so gaily he might have been a five year old. Dudley thought Fred and George were hilarious; in the Muggle world, they would probably have their own reality show, he thought.
“Drop the tea and put your hands in the air and no one will get hurt!”
“Let’s go, don’t try to fight or you’ll only””
The fun was interrupted by an unpleasant grunt that came from Vernon and Petunia’s bedroom.
“Blimey, I almost forgot they were here,” said Dedalus.
“How?” scoffed Hestia.
After a pause, when no one spoke, Fred shouted, “Edgar!” and put away his wand.
There was another pause, and George also shouted “Edgar!”
“Er…my dad’s name is Vernon.”
The twins gave Dudley a strange look, but again shouted, “Edgar!”
Dudley was thoroughly confused, and asked, “Who is Edgar?”
“You don’t know Edgar Strougler?” Dudley shook his head.
“It’s a game to find someone.”
“For example,” said Fred, “if I need to find George, I shout ‘Edgar’.”
“And I shout Strougler,” said George.
“So it’s like Marco Polo?” asked Dudley.
“Who?” asked the twins together.
“Er… never mind.”
The bedroom door creaked open and slammed shut, as Vernon shouted, “Who the bloody hell is Edgar?”
“Edgar Strougler, he invented the Sneak-o-Skope in”” Fred started.
“Don’t even bother,” Hestia interrupted.
Vernon came stomping around the corner, followed by Petunia, causing several avalanches of boxes along the way. Dudley thought he heard one of them explode as it hit the ground.
“Who are they?” he grumbled.
“You don’t remember us?” Fred asked.
“Well, I’m offended.”
Vernon narrowed his eyes at them. “I remember a lot of red heads of your lot,” noticing that George still had his wand out.
“No problem. I’m sure we can remind you,” Fred exclaimed as George searched through a box and pulled out a small basket labeled ‘Puking Pasties’.
George scattered several on the floor and said dramatically, “oops! I just dropped some of my favorite candy!”
From the unamused look on his face, Dudley could tell that his father remembered them now.
“Oh well, we must be going home now,” said Fred, and they both wandered away to where Dudley assumed the fireplace was.
Dudley weighed the costs and benefits of playing along with the twins’ act. On one hand, he’d like to prove that he isn’t Harry’s clueless cousin anymore. On the other hand, his dad’s face was already turning a dangerous color of purple. His mum was giving him a piercing look, which Dudley took to mean, ‘don’t test your father’.
“Then I started eating the candy,” Dudley said meekly, not quite brave enough to look his dad in the eye.
“And then his tongue swelled up and all hell broke loose,” said one of the twins as they came back from behind the boxes. When they walked away, Dudley had lost track of who was who.
“Unfortunately we weren’t there to witness that little event,” said the other twin. “But from dad’s description, we knew we were ready to start marketing our product.”
“You know, Dudley, it would have been much more dramatic if you had pretended to eat the candies.”
“And even more so if you actually had eaten the candies!”
“I’m not falling for that one again!” Dudley exclaimed.
“Anyhow,” said Fred, “I am Fred and this is George.” He stretched out his hand to Vernon.
“What are you two doing here?” asked Vernon rudely, ignoring Fred’s hand.
“This is our flat and our store downstairs. We read about what happened in Paris and thought you might have come here,” explained George.
“We had to pick up some items for an order, anyway.”
“How long do we have to stay here?” Vernon spat out the word as if it caused him physical pain.
“The Order is finding you a new place to stay; we’re not sure yet.”
“In the meantime, how would you like a tour of Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes?”
Dedalus came for the tour of the store, and so did Vernon, likely so he could keep an eye on Dudley. Fred and George’s store was much less intimidating during the daytime than it had been on the previous night. Dudley was amazed by all of the magical gadgets and tricks the twins showed him. There were quills that would “shush” anytime a Professor came near, candies that exploded the moment they touched your tongue, and miniature broomsticks for toddlers. Potions of all kinds littered the shelves, from those that made someone fall in love with you to others that made the drinker do the chicken dance. Dudley lingered a while in the defense section, and the twins gave him a free Shield Hat, though they warned him that it wouldn’t protect him from a powerful curse.
“This is such a cool store,” Dudley exclaimed, several times, to the twins’ delight and his father’s annoyance. “It’s too bad it’s closed, though.”
“Actually, business has never been better!” Fred said.
“Our Floo Order business has become very popular,” George said. “Everyone is especially crazy about our Dark-Repelling products.”
“We came in today to pick up some products for an order,” Fred explained. As enthralled as he was with the store, Dudley hadn’t noticed that Fred and George were both holding bags full of their own products. George also had a list in his hand and was checking off items.
“Are the garlic necklaces in the front?” asked George, looking up from the list.
“Yeah, they’re on the front display,” said Fred. “Do you want to see the store?” he asked Dudley.
“Isn’t this the store?” asked Dudley, slightly confused.
“No, this is just the storage room,” said Fred. The twins walked through a discreet curtain that Dudley hadn’t noticed before. Dedalus shrugged and followed. Realizing that he was left with only his dad and a thick blanket of tension, Dudley shuffled quickly through the curtain.
The store was very lively, with colorful displays covering the walls. Dudley felt like a kid in a candy shop “ which is saying something for Dudley “ and ran forward to get a better look at a large display of Dark-Repelling medallions.
However, in the window behind the display was a large, cloaked figure, whose face was hidden behind a dark hood. Dudley froze in place when the man walked slowly past the shop window, afraid that he might see him if he moved. For a moment, Dudley thought it was a dementor, though he knew he couldn’t see them.
Once he had deduced that it wasn’t a dementor, Dudley was still nervous about a dark hooded man walking just outside of the shop. Given the Weasleys’ involvement in the fight against Voldemort, Dudley didn’t think it was in his best interest to be seen with them.
“Is it safe to be in here?” he asked shakily.
“Of course it is,” Fred said casually. Then, seeing how anxiously Dudley was looking out of the window, he said, “Don’t worry, they can’t see us.”
“How?” asked Dudley, sighing in relief.
“There’s a charm on the window.”
“It’s very ingenious,” George said proudly, “took us forever to get it right.”
“Even though we’re in here, all they can see is the store.”
“That doesn’t sound ingenious,” Vernon grumbled.
“It looks deserted,” Fred continued. “The dust even builds up as time goes on.”
“The place looks ransacked, too,” said George, “shelves turned over and the displays broken.”
“We even threw a couple dirty words in graffiti on the back wall,” said Fred pompously.
“We figured it would discourage vandals from breaking in if they thought someone had beaten them to it.”
Dudley was impressed and felt much safer. He didn’t even jump when a silver weasel flew into the room and announced, “Hestia and Dedalus will be taking the Dursleys to East Lancashire to stay with Augusta Longbottom.”
As soon as the weasel disappeared, Fred and George fell to the floor, rolling with laughter. “Why are you two laughing?” asked Dudley, now slightly more nervous. He had come to learn that he was not always comfortable with the things the twins found funny.
“No reason,” Fred said, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes.
“Yes, you’ll have a wonderful time at Granny Longbottom’s house,” George exclaimed. Dudley could sense that this would be an interesting stay.
Dursleys, Meet The Wizarding World by Ghoul In Pajamas
Chapter Notes: Sorry, it's been forever. Enjoy!
Chapter Endnotes: Please let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!