Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Salvation Dear
It rushed over him suddenly, more swiftly and decisively than he could have ever imagined death would come. One moment, he thought that he could feel everything”the rough, hard wooden floor beneath him, that cloak in his fist, the sticky, warm blood gushing out of savagely torn skin, and those eyes, those eyes that still haunted him, focusing all of their attention on his broken body. He was trying to burn that image into his brain, as though having a mental image of something as simple as emerald eyes might somehow save him, redeem him.
The eyes couldn’t save him though; he knew it, but refused to believe that such matters might be beyond his own power. He wanted to remember nothing but those eyes, so he let the rest of it go. He was surprised at how easily the swirling silver memories escaped his body; memories that he had held in the strictest confidence for years simply seeped out into the damp, dark shack.
He wasn’t sure how long he lay on the floor, but it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes before he felt death come as swiftly and surely as he hoped the death of Lily’s murderer would. First he felt all pain leave his body. A split second later, he could see and feel nothing.
He felt as though he were floating, floating in nothingness. It seemed like a very long time, but there was no way of telling; he had no body, no vision. He felt like a feather floating on a mysterious breeze. It was not a sensation he thought he would ever enjoy, but he wasn’t exactly thinking in his current state. He simply existed and quite enjoyed the tranquility after months and years of turmoil and deceit.
Without warning, he suddenly could feel and think again. He kept his eyes closed as his hand felt the side of his neck where there had been a gash and felt nothing but smooth skin, skin that felt much younger than it had been back in the shack. He felt a smooth floor beneath him, very unlike the roughly hewn boards he’d last felt pressed against his back. When he opened his eyes, he saw the same thing though”those piercing green eyes.
They were a bit different though. There were no glasses framing them, and they were somehow more feminine. He blinked again and the face came into focus.
“Lily?”
“Yes, it’s me,” she said with a gentle smile as she offered him a hand. “Here, why don’t you get up? We have a lot to talk about.”
Still in a daze, he took her hand and got up off of the floor of what he now realized was an immaculately clean Hogwarts Express. He caught a glimpse of himself in the window and was surprised to see that he looked exactly as he had in his early twenties.
“What’s going on here?” He said coolly as he appraised his new appearance.
“Sit down,” Lily said as she gestured to the seat across from the one she had just sat down it. “And I’ll explain everything.”
He followed her instruction and sat in the seat. “So?”
“You’re dead, Sev,” Lily said.
“That much I know,” said Snape. Though he hated to admit it to himself, a small thrill shot through him at hearing her use his old nickname. He never told her when they were in school, but he hated the nickname. Only when she said it did he ever feel anything remotely resembling fondness for it. “What is all of this though?”
“You didn’t just think that you die and that was the end of it, did you?” Lily said. “There is life after death.”
“I never thought much about it,” Snape said. “Would you care to explain it to me?”
“I thought that you liked to figure things out. Either that or you already had the answers to begin with. I never thought that Severus Snape would deign to ask someone else for an explanation,” Lily said, a smile playing on her lips.
Snape allowed himself a small smile. “That is generally the case, but I suspect that you are here to furnish me with this information.”
“That is part of my purpose,” Lily confirmed. “We have already confirmed two very important facts. I am in fact Lily, and you are in fact dead. There are several other matters that we need to address before arriving.”
“Arriving where?”
“Patience, Sev, patience,” Lily said calmly. “I’m sure that you must have other questions for me before we depart this train. Wouldn’t you like to know why it is I who have come to welcome you?”
“I have my suspicions, but please tell me. Why exactly is it that you are here to greet me?”
“When someone dies, they come here,” said Lily as she gestured to her surroundings. “And they are greeted by someone who has fully passed on. It is the person who can answer the questions that the recently deceased most needs answered before they can fully pass on and feel at peace. Harry, for example, got Albus Dumbledore.”
“Harry is dead?” Snape repeated hollowly. “That’s not possible. I just saw him; I gave him my memories. The Dark Lord has won?”
“So quite some time has passed in your trip here, I see,” Lily said. “Harry didn’t die, not completely. He willingly sacrificed his life and was given a choice to live or die. I’m happy to say that he chose to live. The rest of the story is quite convoluted, but the bottom line is that Voldemort is dead and Harry is alive.”
Snape, though he had never been what one would characterize as fond of Harry, was glad to know that Harry hadn’t died. He was even happier to know that Voldemort had met his end.
“So he’s gone for good now?” said Snape.
“Gone for good. And a lot of credit goes to you for that,” said Lily. “You were good, Sev. I wouldn’t have guessed it after everything, but you were really, truly good.”
“I was neither good nor bad,” he said. “I had my own reasons that had nothing to do with Dumbledore or the Dark Lord’s agenda.”
“Yes, you did,” said Lily quietly as she looked at her hands. “I know them now too.”
“You do?” He thought that if he had a body in the traditional sense that he might have paled considerably.
“Yes. While I was watching over Harry, I saw everything in the memories that you gave him,” she looked up now and tears were shimmering in her eyes. “I had no idea, Sev.”
“Would it have even made a difference?” Snape asked. His voice was not exactly cold, but in the way that he spoke, it was clear that he knew the answer.
“I’m sorry,” said Lily. “I’m so sorry. I only ever saw you as a friend, a very, very good friend, but a friend nonetheless. I’m sorry that I treated your emotions so carelessly.”
Snape flinched almost imperceptibly at this. “As I suspected. Not as I had hoped, but as I suspected.”
“I’m sorry,” Lily repeated as though it were a spell that could fix things. “I love James.”
Snape gave a snort of derisive laughter. “James Potter? You mean that, how did you put it? ‘Arrogant toerag’ I believe were your exact words.”*
“I know what I said, and he might have been one then,” Lily said, a sharpness to her voice for the first time in the conversation. “But I believe that we are all entitled to make mistakes in our youth and atone for them later. You, of all people, should understand that.”
The truth to her cutting remark rendered Snape speechless. He felt a little bit ashamed at having made Lily lose her patience. There was a pause in which neither spoke as they simply looked at one another.
“Listen, Sev,” she continued without the sharpness of her previous comment. “I know that you are sorry for my death, and what you did was very courageous. I know of few people who could have done what you did, and I know that you did it for me. I cannot thank you enough for that, especially for taking care of Harry. I will always be grateful to you for that.”
“No thanks are necessary,” he said as he stood up. He had a feeling that they would be arriving at their destination soon; Snape wasn’t sure where the feeling came from, perhaps a new sense he received after death. Maybe he could tell that he was very close to getting the answers he needed.
Lily nodded and stood up as well. “So your trip is coming to an end?”
“Aren’t you suppose to know that?”
“Only you can tell when you have the answers you need to move on,” she responded. “I just hope that you get the salvation you were hoping for back in the shack.”
“There’s no need for you to hope for my salvation dear. I mean Lily. No need to hope for that Lily,” Snape said quickly as the train slowed and finally lurched to a stop. He opened the door of the train and stood as he surveyed the scene in front of him.
The Hogwarts grounds spanned the horizons. There was no fighting and the walls were not crumbling. Flashes of light did not light up the sky and the shrieks of pain and explosions of war were completely absent. As a matter of fact, all discordant sensory stimulation seemed to have been removed, and the castle was lit up by the most beautiful sunrise that he had ever seen.
“Is this heaven?” he asked. There was a thoughtful pause before Lily spoke.
“You never seemed like the type to believe in that kind of thing,” Lily said from behind him.
“This day has been full of surprises then, hasn’t it?” he responded dryly.
“Yes, it has,” Lily said softly. “I’m sorry. About everything.”
“Please stop saying that,” Snape said as he turned around to face her. It was not the cold, harsh command that he was use to giving, but there was uncharacteristic warmth to his voice. “I do believe that I have what I needed, so thank you for that. I now understand that no one else could have given me what you did. I should be going into the castle now. I have the feeling that I have to do it alone.”
“Yes, you do,” said Lily. “Not everyone does, but you do. When you get up there, you will be able to see whomever you wish to see, and whatever you wish to see. You have, after all, decided that it’s Heaven.”
Snape nodded and smirked at Lily. “Goodbye then.”
“Goodbye,” Lily said with a smile and a little wave of the hand.
Without looking back, Severus Snape stepped off of the train and made his way towards the castle.
*Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, p.674 American edition
Salvation Dear by Mione of Ravenclaw
Chapter Notes: This is catagorized under romance, but involves only Snape's unrequited love for Lily with a passing reference to Lily/James.