“I’m sorry Lily, I really respect you,” he said with a sigh, “but I think we should just be friends.”
“Friends, yes,” James choked out, his heart still beating frantically. “That sounds like an excellent idea.”
“You’re not upset are you?” Remus peered at ‘Lily’ hoping that ‘she’ was okay.
“No!” James blurted out, slightly too enthusiastically. “This has been just one big misunderstanding.”
“Good,” said Remus, looking relieved, “because I really like you Lily, but just not in that way.”
“Thank Merlin!” James muttered under his breath. He had come within inches of never being able to look one of his best friends in the face ever again. He wondered if his breathing would ever return to normal. However, if Remus heard James’ comment he ignored it. He took a deep breath and began to speak again.
“I think you should give James a chance. I know he can seem a bit conceited and arrogant, and sometimes he forgets to wear deodorant.”
Hey!
“But he is one of the bravest, kindest and most loyal people I know.”
“Thank you, Moony,” James said with sincerity.
“What?” asked Remus.
“I mean, thank you, Remus, for…er… the advice,” James quickly said. “I’ll just have to wait and see.”
“Consider it.” Remus raised his eyebrows. “Hey, do you want to make James jealous…”
“NO!” James yelled.
“Jees, Lily! It was only a joke…”
“Only three minutes to go,” muttered Lauren, pacing outside the cupboard door. “Stupid Alice, why’d she let Evans and Lupin in first?”
Lily was still laughing. James’ panicked face had been absolutely priceless. She had no idea why Alice had put them into the closet together. Remus had never shown any interest besides friendship in her and she didn’t like him in that way either. However, her head was way too muddled for her to actually reach any logical conclusions.
Lauren pulled at her hand. “Come on James, let’s lift the spell off the door a few minutes early.”
Lily looked at the cupboard, then at Lauren, and then back at the cupboard. “I’m not going in there with you…”
“Why not?” asked Lauren shocked.
“Because I don’t like you,” Lily said frankly. “I want you to stop taking advantage of me.”
“What?” Lauren yelled looking more outraged then hurt.
“I mean it it’s not fair,” Lily said moodily. “Leave me alone.”
“But…”
“No, enough is enough. I’m going to bed.”
However, before Lily could move, there was a high pitched whistling noise. Peter, the only Marauderer who was not drunk, or locked in a closet, stood on the table. “TEACHER!” he yelled. “EVERYBODY RUN!”
Total chaos reined. People began running everywhere, vanishing empty bottles and mess before sprinting up the stairs, dragging their drunk friends behind them. In seconds, the common room was void of all life.
However, ‘Lily’ and Remus weren’t so lucky. The doors had been charmed to only open after seven minutes, so they had only just been let free when Professor McGonagall stormed into the deserted common room.
“Oh!” she exclaimed in surprise, looking at the pair of them standing in the centre of the ordered room. “Lily, Remus.” She nodded her head towards them. “Where is everybody else?”
“In bed, Professor McGonagall,” James said with a sweet smile. “Remus and I just met down here by chance. It seems neither of us could sleep.”
Professor McGonagall looked sceptical, but nodded her head. “Yes of course, I was just checking up to make sure the party was over and nothing untoward was happening.” She glanced over the room quickly. “But seeing as it is you, Lily, I’ll be on my way.” James nodded placidly, but inside he was laughing. There was no way on earth that McGonagall would have believed them it had of been his true self and Remus.
However, just as she was about to leave, there was a loud snore from behind the couch. To his horror, James saw what Professor McGonagall had missed. Sirius Black was passed out, wearing nothing but his boxers and a bright purple cape. An empty bottle of Mermish Port was in his hands. James prayed that McGonagall wouldn’t notice.
“What was that?” To James’ dismay the Professor’s head snapped around, looking for the noise.
“Remus coughed,” James improvised. He would have owned up to it himself, but the sound was too deep for him. Remus looked perfectly fine, so as soon as McGonagall looked away for a spit second, James elbowed him in the ribs. Remus faked a large coughing fit.
“Better get him to bed,” James said, putting his arm around Remus as he continued to cough. “Don’t want him getting sick.”
“Yes of course, especially this close to…” She paused, before quickly adding, “Winter.” James sighed in relief. Professor McGonagall nodded at them both and left through the portrait hole.
Lily woke up feeling horrible.
Groaning, she wondered what small creature had crawled into her throat and died. Moving made her stomach churn, her eyes were itchy and she felt light headed and dizzy. Opening her eyes, she was surprised to find herself on the floor of the sixth year boy’s dormitory.
What surprised her more, however, was the fact that she was not alone. It seemed three quarters of the people at the party had ended up in the room. The sixth year dormitory was the first dormitory on the male staircase, and by far the closest to the common room. In the mad panic, many people had piled into the room, where they had eventually fallen asleep.
Rolling onto her back, Lily felt incredibly queasy. Why on earth would anyone ever get drunk? It can’t possibly be worth it.
Cursing Sirius, who wasn’t currently in the room, Lily stumbled to her feet. She didn’t know much about hangovers, seeing as she had never had one before, so she didn’t know the best thing to treat it. There was probably some sort of magical cure that she didn’t know about, but it would probably have to come through one of the teachers.
However, her mother had once told her that eating something in the morning always made her feel better, so being careful not to wake anyone, Lily stepped over two sleeping boys before making her way down to breakfast.
James woke up feeling horrible. It was rather unfair, in his opinion, since he hadn’t even drunk anything.
What did I eat last night?
James clutched his middle, he had the strangest stomach ache he had ever felt. He felt bloated and sore at the same time. It was probably all the chocolate I ate at the party, he thought to himself. But I couldn’t help myself, I was really craving some.
The girls’ seventh year dormitory was very quiet. Most people had slept in the boy’s sixth year dormitory, while a few couples had made their way to the other dormitories. The only other person in the dormitory was Alice, who was sleeping peacefully. James looked down at her pretty face. Apart from the obvious reasons, he was glad Remus hadn’t kissed him. It would have been such a waste to kill Alice.
James stretched. For some reason his back was rather stiff. It was odd; he hadn’t been doing any hard physical exercise and Lily’s bed hadn’t given him a backache before then. Nevertheless, he decided he would consult Lily at breakfast.
After having a long shower, (James firmly believed in showers. In fact, the last two weeks he had made an effort to have one at least twice a day, sometimes slipping in one at lunch time) James made his way down to the Great Hall for the morning meal.
James grumbled to himself all the way to his destination. He was feeling restless and well, rather cranky. He hadn’t drunk anything and his stomach still hurt, it just wasn’t fair. Yet, it seemed such an odd reason to feel annoyed. It’s probably just stress, he thought to himself, or tiredness. It’s not like this is a usual situation.
On the way down, a first year accidentally bumped into him. “Watch it you snot nosed little brat!” he yelled as the kid ran off in fright. He gave himself a little shake. Why was he so temperamental? Most of the time his temper was reasonable.
Although he still felt lousy, he was cheered up immensely by the sight of Lily. Her eyes were bloodshot, her face was pale and her robes were creased and mangled. As he moved towards the Gryffindor table, he saw her put her head in her hands.
In short she looked awful, and from past experience, he knew she felt as bad as she looked.
“Good-morning, sunshine. How are you this morning?” he asked chirpily to annoy her. She didn’t even raise her head from her hands. James picked up a goblet and twirled it in his fingers. Then, with a loud clunk, he dropped it loudly onto the table. Lily slowly raised her head from her hands to glare at him. James grinned back and started rapping his knuckles on the table.
Lily’s hand shot out to grab James’. “I’m not a suicidal person, Potter, but I swear if you do not stop doing that, I will kill you.”
“Such a long sentence for one so hung-over,” James cooed at her. “Pray tell, how was Lauren last night?”
Lily looked as though she was going to hit him. “Pray tell, how was Remus last night?”
“Fantastic, we were still in the closet hours later. I’m totally in love.” Lily raised her eyebrows.
“Actually I don’t even want to imagine that,” James continued shuddering. “It seems he just wanted to be friends. His loss I suppose.”
“And you?” Lily asked jokingly.
“Heartbroken, but also rather glad. Who would have helped me haul her Alice’s body to the lake?”
Lily laughed, winced and touched her head lightly in pain. “Urgh, I’m never drinking again. Why did she lock you in the cupboard?”
“There was a girly party and…”
“You told them you liked Remus?” Lily guessed. “That was a stupid thing to do.”
“Actually,” said James in an annoyed tone. “I said I liked me, and they assumed I liked Remus.”
Just at that moment Alice and Sirius walked in the Hall. Alice looked fine, but Sirius looked like road kill.
“Morning, Sirius,” James said brightly and loudly with a smile. Sirius narrowed his eyes over the cup of water he was beginning to drink.
“How’d it go last night with Remus?” Alice asked, turning to look at James.
“Remus?” Sirius spat out his water and looked at ‘Lily’ in shock, before shooting a glance at ‘James’ to see if he had a reaction.
“Nothing happened,” James replied with a scowl.
“You were locked in a closet with Remus?” Sirius turned to ‘James’. “Where were you?”
“He,” said Alice scornfully, “was making out with Lauren.”
“Lauren Nertic?” Sirius asked disbelieving and a little bit disgusted. “Prongs!”
“I was assaulted!” Lily spat back at him. “At least I wasn’t dancing in my boxes.”
“He has you there Sirius,” Alice interjected with a grin. “And speaking of your boxes, the pattern was quite intriguing.”
Sirius ignored her. “Why didn’t anyone pull me off the floor when I passed out? My back is killing me.”
“No guaranties your back wouldn’t be killing you though,” James grumbled, his mood turning again. “My back is hurting like angry Hippogriff’s stampeded over me all night. And I slept in a bed. Totally unfair, I woke up with a stomach ache too and I didn’t even drink.”
Alice rolled her eyes. “That’s because you’re about to get your period sweetie. It has nothing to do with alcohol.”
“Ew,” said Sirius, pulling a face. “I’m eating and hangover here. Give a man a break.”
James rose to his feet so quickly that he hit his thighs on the table. “Stuff… must do… have to go…” he struggled out, unable to form a coherent sentence, before running from the Great Hall.
Alice laughed. “Ah, Lily on hormones. She’s so unpredictable.”
“Remind me to stay away from her,” mumbled Sirius.
“I better go and see if she was okay.” Lily muttered vaguely. Then she got up and sprinted after James.
James was fast in his panic, but Lily managed to intercept him on his way to the hospital wing.
“Get off me, Lily!” James grumbled, trying to shake off Lily’s grip.
“James, we can work...” Lily started.
But James was not having any of that. His eyes were wide as though he was trapped in an airless cell. They darted left and right as though he was looking for somewhere to escape, before they settled on Lily’s arm around his wrist. “I said get off me, Lily!” he said in a strained voice.
“Its okay, James…”
“SHUT UP, LILY!” James yelled.
Lily released his arm. “Whoa, looks like someone has bad PMS…”
“You are not helping.” He paused. “So Alice was right.”
Lily nodded at James, whose face drained of the little colour that remained. Lily knew it was true; there was no doubt about it. In fact, she had done the maths a few days previously. She was going to try to find a way to tell him, but of course she had put it off. Now it seemed that that had been a very bad decision.
“Okay,” James said calmly. “We are going to Madame Pomfrey and she is going to switch us back.”
“James, no!” Lily exclaimed. “You said you would do this for me!”
“No, I said I would be you for a month,” James retaliated childishly.
Lily rolled her eyes. “This is part of me!”
“I don’t remember this being in the job description!”
“Can’t you do this for me?” Lily pleaded. ‘Please, James?”
James sighed. “Lily, let me make a list of things that I would do for you: I’d dive into the lake in winter, I’d pull out my fingernails, I’d live in Antarctic, I’d streak across the Great Hall. Lily, I would die for you. But what you are asking me to do right now, well in all honesty it is every man’s deepest fear.”
“You would?” Lily asked shocked. He’d never said anything like that to her before, even when he was in his own body; even when he had been going through one of his stages of attempting to get her on a date.
“Yeah,” James murmured looking at the floor. “I would.”
There was a moment of silence while both of them comprehended what passed between them. However, it wasn’t long before James broke the moment. “I CAN’T DO IT!”
“James! It’s not that bad!” Lily said, trying to keep her voice calm. Honestly, boys are complete wusses.
“No,” James said, mimicking her frustrated tone. “It’s worse. We have to go to Madame Pomfrey, NOW!”
“James! It happens to every single girl once a month!”
“Exactly, Lily. It happens to every single girl,” he emphasised. “Not every single guy.”
“It’s only for one week…”
“A WHOLE WEEK!” James roared, stunning Lily into silence. This, it seemed was news to him. It was lucky there was no-one else in the corridor. “ARE YOU SERIOUS?”
“Please, James, I’m begging you.”
“Hell, no,” he folded his arms over his chest and looked away.
“Please?”
“NO!”
“James!”
“Okay, fine,” James sighed finally giving in. “But only because you are adorable. Okay, I suppose in your normal form you are not too bad either.” Lily rolled her eyes at his joke, but James suddenly became serious again. “But you owe me! You owe me big time.” James turned to make a dramatic exit, but Lily stopped him.
“You probably should learn a little more before you go anywhere…”
Half an hour later, James was sitting on the lid of a toilet seat, listening to Lily’s instructions. Lily had a variety of products that she was showing to James.
“So, those ones goes on the outside,” James pointed at the blue packet in Lily’s right hand. “I understand that. But those ones,” he pointed at the small pink box in Lily’s left hand. “Did you say that you actually put them up your…”
“Yes, James,” Lily cut him off, “but for now, we should probably stick with these.” She handed him the blue packet.
James twirled it around in his hands. “So you girls really do this every month? I have a whole new respect for you.”
“Like I said, it’s really not that bad.”
James rolled his eyes, clearly believing she was insane. “So you get symptoms and stuff like a week before?”
“It’s different for every girl. Usually I’m totally fine up until two or three days before, and then all the PMS symptoms hit, the mood swings, cramps, cravings.”
“Sounds like fun,” James sarcastically commented.
“But it usually clears up when I start men-”
“Stop, stop, STOP!” James put his hands over his ears. “Just because I’ve agreed to do it, doesn’t mean I want to hear it!”
“James.” Lily gave him a quick hug. “You are the most awesome person ever.”
“Why don’t I feel happy that you are saying that?” asked James, looking up to the roof as though seeking guidance. “Why couldn’t you be saying that because we are dating and not because I’m a hormonal teenage girl whose boobs hurt?”
“What are you doing in the female toilets?” asked a Ravenclaw girl, poking her head over the top of the cubical.
“I think it’s nice to see a man in touch with his feminine side,” said her friend, also poking her head over the barrier. “Lily, you’re so lucky your boyfriend is okay with holding your box of tampons.”
“Oh, we’re not going out,” Lily replied hastily, throwing the box of tampons at James, who was nodding enthusiastically at the girls. James quickly ducked to avoid them.
“Oh, just ignore James,” he chuckled. “He’s just a little hormonal.”
Later that evening, James was curled up in Lily’s bed, eating a bucket of ice-cream. He’d been feeling irritable, but the house-elves had been nice to him anyway. He spun the spoon around on his fingertips, but he lost concentration and it slid onto the floor and under the bed.
Grumbling, he set down the tub of triple-choc-fudge and crawled on his hands and knees to grab the utensil. However, something caught his eye. A blue, leather bound journal was sitting under the bed.
A small voice protested that it was probably private, but he quickly quashed it. It didn’t really put up much fight after all. Opening the cover, he read the first page.
Diary of Lily Evans, Volume IV
If you are reading this, you have somehow got past my security system (this diary opens only to me) or I am dead.
If I am alive, I swear I will kill you.
If I am dead, please avenge me. Happy reading!
James chortled, Lily had a bizarre, but good sense of humour. Flicking though the diary, James determined that it covered from the start of sixth year to the present.
…James Potter…
A thrill went though him when he read his name. Quickly he scanned the rest of the paragraph
…Sirius Black, Rodger Fairgon, Rosalinda Fitzpatrick…
He sighed; she was listing people who had returned for N.E.W.T. Charms. She didn’t mention him again for a number of pages. Doesn’t she ever write about me? He shovelled down some more ice-cream to console himself. Not bothering to scan each page, he flicked further forward, until he reached the spring of 1978.
James Potter is an arrogant, self obsessed, pain in my…
Ah, that was better. It was nice to be written about.
He has decided that once again he likes me. It seems once every three or four months he goes through a stage…
Not true, James thought to himself. It’s only every three or four months that I get vocal about it… He skim read the rest of the page.
Just as I ditched Potter by hiding under the staircase…
So that was where she hid. He should have known, or at least found somewhere to check the Marauders Map.
But Rodger was there and…
James tore out the page. Disgusting. We don’t need a reminder of THAT. He Vanished the page with a flick of his wand, and turned back to the diary. It was time to purge it of all boy related mementoes. Well, any romantic moments that didn’t involve him at least.
However, the page that rested beneath his fingers caught his eye.
14th of May, 1978
There was more bad news in the paper today. Deaths, attacks, disappearances; I’m finding it very hard to understand. How can people do it to their fellow humans? How can people be so cruel? Sometimes I can’t help but think about who could be next. Could it be me, or worse, someone I love? But I have now reached a decision. As I once said to my former best friend, I have chosen my path. I know the way I choose is right.
As I am writing this, I look down the Gryffindor table and a few faces stand out to me. Alice, who sits beside me, is holding herself defiant. She has already made her choice clear to me; she will fight on the right side. There are others too, Sirius Black and James Potter, who are sitting a few places down, are also having a deep discussion, the newspaper in front of them. When it comes down to it, I know they too will join ranks against Voldemort and his Death Eaters. I am proud to say that we will fight together…
… Even if Potter is the most annoying boy to ever walk the planet.
James sank back against the pillows. Lily would fight by his side and he didn’t know if he was pleased or worried. While he hated the idea of Lily fighting, the word together sounded amazing. The only thing left for him to do was to convince her that he was not the most annoying boy to ever walk the planet.
Either that, or convince her that he was worth it anyway.