The cold had never bothered him much, but for some reason Severus Snape found the frosty air in the dungeon common room almost unbearable. He sat in front of the fire, shivering slightly, staring deep into the flames. Anyone who walked by would have thought he was intently studying the fire’s bright, flickering colors, but his mind was miles away.
It was that dreaded time of the year again, Christmas time. Severus had been attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for going on four years now, and each Christmas was the same. As every other student let the list pass them by, Severus would scribble his name on the bottom of the unfortunate parchment, signifying that once again, he would be staying at the school for the holidays.
Every year he would stay at the school, alone. All of his friends, which he had to admit really only amounted to a few acquaintances, would go off to their families and leave him alone. He would be the only Slytherin remaining, other than poor second year Evan Cording who had no family to speak of left.
“You look lonely, Severus,” a voice called softly, startling him from his thoughts. Looking up, he saw Evan standing next to the chair he was curled up in. “Are you lonely?” Evan plopped down on the loveseat across from him and stared at Severus intently.
“No, Evan,” Severus sighed, his eyes not leaving the flames, “I’m not lonely.” Clearing his throat he glanced up, surprised that Evan was still staring at him.
“Well, why are you here?” He sounded genuinely curious, like he would do absolutely anything to figure out why Severus had stayed for the holidays. Severus furrowed his brows and glared into the fireplace. He hated being questioned.
“Because I couldn’t go home, Evan,” Severus answered quietly. He didn’t want to talk about it, but he was hoping at least a little answer like that would quiet the kid.
“Why can’t you go home?” Severus growled quietly and shot out of his chair.
“Why the questions, Evan?” Evan jumped at the sharpness of the older student’s voice and Severus took a step towards the cowering boy.
“I-I’m sorry,” Evan stuttered. Severus opened his mouth to yell at the boy, but he stopped. Potter and the other Gryffindors liked to say he was a cold, shrewd person, but he tried not to be.
Without another word, Severus left the common room, his robes billowing behind him. After he reached the end of the corridor, he glanced back, half expecting to see Evan’s little face. But there was no one there. He was completely alone.
Severus wandered the corridors of the dungeons, unsure of what to do. He wanted so badly to have gone home, but in his family, going home required an invitation. And he knew he would never receive one. Besides, his home wouldn’t be a very celebratory place to hold Christmas. The atmosphere was just… it just wasn’t right.
After walking for some time, he found himself in the Entrance Hall. The smell of food wafted out from the doors of the Great Hall, making him realize just how hungry he actually was. A glance at a grandfather clock resting against a wall told him it was time to eat dinner. He wandered slowly through the doors, expecting to find only a few students in the Hall. He was right.
A quick count revealed seven Hufflepuffs, three Ravenclaws, five Gryffindors and only one Slytherin, Evan. He growled softly and walked towards the Slytherin table. He really didn’t want to be near Evan right now, but it looked like he had no choice.
The food had already been put out, and Severus sat down a few seats down from Evan. Evan’s plate was already full and he was digging away, acting as though he hadn’t eaten in days. Severus filled his own plate and ate slowly, not looking at anything other than the next forkful of food.
The next few minutes were filled by an awkward silence. Severus ate slowly, unsure of whether to eat quickly and hurry out before Evan could say anything or simply to pretend not to care what Evan was thinking. But he did care and he didn’t want to hurt Evan. He really wasn’t a monster. He was a human with feelings. Some days Severus didn’t know if anyone else knew that.
Finally breaking the silence, a swooping sound caused every person in the Hall to look up. The commotion was caused by a single, brown barn owl flying overhead. It circled the Great Hall for several seconds before flying right over Severus’ head. The letter it was carrying dropped to the table right in front of him. He caught his breath, shocked.
No one ever sent him letters. Ever. It must be a joke. He looked around slowly, slightly embarrassed to have gotten a letter while no one else had. However, the only person still looking at him was Evan. Obviously, once the other students realized the letter wasn’t for them, they didn’t care anymore. Except, of course, for Evan.
“Whose that from?” he asked, nodding towards the letter.
“I don’t know,” Severus said quietly. Holding the letter in his hands, he found he was unsure of what to do. Finally, deciding it was most likely a prank, he set it aside to open when he was alone. No sense in making myself the spectacle of another joke, he thought shrewdly. He continued eating, slowly getting rid of his Christmas pie.
“Y’know,” Evan started. Severus rolled his eyes. He didn’t want to talk about Christmas, his family, or the letter. But it seemed there was no stopping Evan, “I’ve been thinking lately and maybe I could start over.” Severus looked up, stunned. Was this kid actually talking about himself for once?
“What?” Severus asked slowly.
“Well, like start over,” Evan continued. “Maybe change my name, become something great. Make something of myself.” Severus stared at the kid, shocked. Evan never talked about himself. Ever.
“I mean, I’m rather fond of the name Evan. But maybe I’ll switch up the last name to make a new identity, you know?” Severus stared at Evan, still in awe.
“Yeah, that’d be pretty neat.” It would be pretty cool to make something of himself. Maybe he would change his name, start over, just as Evan suggested. But, then again, maybe his name wasn’t the problem. Maybe it was just him. After all he had been through with his family, he probably wouldn’t be a different person after changing his name. Nothing could change his past.
Severus excused himself and slipped out of the Great Hall, anyone barely glancing his way. He entered the boys’ bathroom and locked himself in a stall, the letter braced in his hand. Shaking, he tore the envelope slowly, expecting something to come flying out of it. Nothing did.
It was just a letter.
Snape stared at the letter that was unfolded in his hand. The handwriting was just too familiar. Trying to stop shaking, Severus began to read.
Severus,
The winter has been cold, just like my heart. Our past may be filled with pain and torture, but I need a chance to fix everything. Severus, you are all I have left. After your mother died, I lost everything. I’ve made mistakes, but it’s now time to fix them. Please, come home. Give me my last Christmas with my son. Give me one last chance to fix everything.
Your father,
Tobias
Severus couldn’t stop shaking. This couldn’t be real. But it was his father’s handwriting and the writing on the paper looked exactly like it. There was no way it could be a fake. His father actually wanted him home for Christmas.
He reread the letter again, but stopped at the words last Christmas. It was almost as if his father was “ no. That couldn’t be. His father just wanted to make amends. Fix all the wrongdoings. That’s all it was.
Snape felt his mouth twist into a smile. He couldn’t believe this. It seemed way too good to be true.
He was going home for Christmas.