History of Magic.
By common consensus it was the most boring class Hogwarts had ever offered. Taught by dead old Professor Binns, who droned on and on and on regardless of the circumstances, students would find themselves stuck in his room listening to him lecture them about what had happened who knows how long ago in wizard history. Only one person could ever been seen even attempting to pay attention, and that student’s name was Lily Evans.
On the particular day is question, however, Lily had taken a break from trying to listen to Professor Binns, and was currently leaning forward in her seat to whisper in the ear of a boy with messy black hair sitting in front of her.
“James” she hissed under her breath, “why don’t you try to listen for once in your life?”
Lily’s boyfriend James Potter abandoned his game of hangman with his best friend Sirius Black and turned in his seat to look at Lily.
“Aw, Lily, you know I do listen,” he said in a normal one of voice. “How do you think I became one of the top students in the school and Head Boy?” He waggled his eyebrows at Lily who rolled his eyes at him. “I just don’t listen in this class. Try as I might, I simply cannot pay attention to that boring old ghost!”
Lily sighed. There was no use arguing with him. She let James and Sirius get back to their hangman game and tried not be distracted when they got into a quill fight. She tried doubly hard not to be distracted when their other two friends, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew took sides and began to cheer the other two on. Remus cheered on Black, while Peter was animated in his cheering for James.
The four Marauders weren’t exactly attempting to be quiet, and soon the entire class found that they rather preferred taking sides of their own and cheering than struggle to listen to Binns. Some students had even gotten up out of their seats and moved over to the Marauders in order to get a better look. In the space of ten minutes, there were two clearly defined sides.
“Go, James! Go! Go on!”
“Sirius! Go go go! Smash his quill, come on!”
Lily sighed and put her notes away she could always look up the rest in the library. Or not. It wasn’t like she really needed a N.E.W.T in History of Magic anyway. She smiled and cheered James on too.
There was so much noise in the classroom it was amazing that Professor Binns was able to make himself hear at all. But, somehow, he was able to make a few words of his speech heard.
“-grab the booty.”
For probably the first time in Hogwarts history a History of Magic class fell silent. And then something even more amazing happened. Still silent the entire class looked up at Professor Binns to listen. Professor Binns had been talking about all the wizards in the ancient world.
“Wizards would conquer other wizards and then plunder all of their booty. It would be as if the people next-door to us came and defeated us. With us not defending our booty, think of all the booty they could grab! We’ve got lots of booty in here!”
The entire class was laughing at this point.
“So they would take the booty and use it for their own needs. They’d take as much booty as they wanted…”
The laughter became even louder. The Marauders in particular were laughing amazingly hard. Sirius was bent over his desk and slamming it with his fist. James’ head was thrown back in laughter. Remus’ head was down on Sirius’ desk as well, his body shaking with laughter. Peter too was laughing uproariously, though his face was still focused on Professor Binns.
Lily giggled. Her year of Gryffindors was so weird. She petted James’ head like she would an animal.
He looked up at her questioningly, still chuckling.
“Must you all be so immature?”
He grinned up at her. “Don’t you think it’s funny, Lily?”
“No,” she said stubbornly, though she had to fight the smile that begged to show on her face.
“Would you think it was funny if it was me grabbing your booty?”
Lily gave him a sharp rap on the head. “Don’t talk like that James.”
“Why not?”
But the opening of the classroom door then interrupted their conversation.
“Professor Binns,” said the clear, sharp voice of Professor McGonagall.
The laughter in the class died at once, and the students scurried back to their seats in silence.
“Professor Binns,” said McGonagall again. “What on earth is going on in this class?”
Professor Binns looked at her with an expression of pure shock. He always seemed shocked whenever he was directly interrupted or addressed.
Professor McGonagall seemed to realize that she wasn’t going to get anything out of Binns so she turned towards the back of the class. “Potter, Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew, does this have anything to do with you antics once again.”
“No, Professor,” said Sirius, the classic innocent look on his face.
McGonagall didn’t appear to believe their innocent looks.
“Actually, Professor, it really wasn’t them,” Lily said.
“Then what was the cause of disturbance, Miss Evans?”
“Er…” Lily wasn’t quite sure how to explain what had just happened. Thinking back over it, it seemed incredibly stupid.
“Professor Binns was talking about grabbing booty, Professor,” James supplied.
Fresh laugh broke out over the class, but was stopped cold by the stare of McGonagall.
“Honestly, that is one of the most immature things I have ever heard.”
“It’s true,” Peter assured her.
She glared at him. “Be that as it may, you are all seventeen. You should know how to behave properly in a classroom by now.”
Everyone had the grace to appear ashamed of themselves.
McGonagall seemed to decide that it wasn’t worth the struggle.
“The bell shall ring in two minutes,” she informed them. “I suggest you all collect yourselves before your next class.” And she left the class in silence.
As soon as her footsteps had faded away however, laughter broke out anew.
Booty by MrsRuebeusHagridDursley
Story Notes:
This was based off of a pretty amazing morning in AP World History.