*************
I can’t say I was pleased to find out about Dora’s engagement to Remus Lupin, but I took it in stride. Boyfriend after boyfriend had passed through my house, each one louder and crasser than the one before. They never lasted. So when I met this well-behaved werewolf, it seemed like the lesser of two evils. Of course I knew what he could become once a month, but the rest of the time, he seemed so devoted to Dora, so attentive to her every need, and so completely in love with her.
I was understandably shocked and indignant when he dropped her off on my doorstep without so much as a by-your-leave. And the sight of Dora’s tear-stained eyes as he left used my heart as a punching bag.
I thought I’d seen it all when it came to Remus Lupin, until, of course, he showed up on my doorstep at one in the morning, five days after he had left.
I almost didn’t let him in. Let him sit out there in the rain, I thought. Let him freeze and feel one iota of the pain he caused my baby. But the look he gave me, as though he had expected nothing more and would quietly wait until I saw fit to let him inside, twisted my already sore heart.
He did a quick drying spell on his robes and awkwardly stood by the door until I invited him to sit down. I busied myself making tea and told him to take some cake.
“Would you like me to go get Dora?”
He paled. “No, no, let her sleep. There’s no reason to wake her.”
“She’ll be happy to see you.” His head rose in wonder. “Not that you deserve it.”
He hung his head again. “I know that. I know what I’ve done “ ”
“No you don’t! You have no idea what you’ve done because you’ve been off gallivanting across the country, not at home where a real husband, a real father, a real man would be. You want to protect your wife and child? Then don’t leave them.”
Now my sharp tongue has sent Hogwarts boys scurrying in the other direction, sent Ted running to fix whatever problem he’d created, and sent Dora back to her room to change her hair to a normal color, if you please young lady. But never has it caused a man to so completely break down and cry. And never have I come this close to regretting it.
“Oh, Merlin... come along, Remus. You need some rest before you talk to Dora. Luckily, she’s gentler than I.”
*************
Five days. Five days and I’m still waking up and turning over expectantly only to gaze at the cold side of the bed. Five days and I’m still waiting up until all hours of the night, staring at the ceiling of my room, hoping I won’t be going to sleep alone. Again.
I’ve had enough. I’m beyond upset... with myself. It was one thing last year to become a depressed and moody shadow of the pink haired Tonks. It was mildly excusable to watch my powers wither away. But now it is absolutely unacceptable. It’s so much easier to forget, to pretend, but I must keep remembering that I’m not the only one who depends upon my meals, my sleep. I’ve got to be strong for this baby. I’ve got to bring this little Lupin into the world, no matter what kind of shithole it’s swiftly becoming.
Besides, it’s not like I’ll never see him again. Remus strikes me as the paternal type. Once the baby comes, I’m sure he’ll want to visit.
And the ability to deny him anything still remains far out of my reach.
My senses appear to be on edge this morning. Mum never gets up this early, but I would have sworn I heard something “
“Andromeda, I don’t think I’m ready to face Dora today; maybe in a few “ ”
He finally stops rubbing his eyes and looks up. He stops mid-sentence, and I stop mid-spell. Half of my mother’s china crashes to the floor.
Typical.
****************
“No, I think it’s going to have to be right now.”
Shit. I can’t do this now. I’ve been up half the night thinking about what I could say, throwing aside each attempt as either stupid or worthless or pathetic. Like everything else in the Tonks household, words seem out of my grasp.
“Are -- are you hungry?”
I stare at her, lost. She should be railing at me. I left her alone, devoid of the meager comforts I could give her, and yet utterly unalone, carrying around a piece of me that she could not get rid of.
She should let me starve.
Instead, this perfect creation accepts my silence for acquiescence and steps over the broken plates to the ice box.
I finally manage to croak out a word. “Don’t.”
Her arms half-full of food stuffs, she tilts her head slightly. “Why?”
I shake my head violently. “Don’t.”
She stares a moment longer, then continues her preparation.
“I love you.” Three syllables this time. Good job, Lupin.
Her hand stops midair, the egg waiting to be cracked. When I don’t continue, she looks up expectantly. Our eyes serve as miniature mirrors; each pair fills with water.
“I don’t deserve forgiveness, but I’m going to beg for it anyway. I love you. I’m not worthy to say the words, not now, not after I’ve hurt you so many times. But they’re true.”
The arm lowers, the egg gently abandoned on the counter.
“When you told me about the baby “ oh Dora, I was the worst kind of fool. The first thing I should have said, the only thing I should have said, is that it’s absolutely brilliant and you’re brilliant and you make me happier than I thought I could be. I may think too much and focus on the negative, but when my brain finally shuts down, all I can picture is you, me, and the baby. A family, Dora.” My voice cracks, but I can’t stop. “I never dreamed I would have a family. And I know I’ve buggered it horribly, but I love you and I love the baby. They’ll be hardships and rough times, but none of that matters. All I know, all I want to know, is how perfect you are and how ready I am to beg you to let me prove how much I love you.”
She walks around the counter to me, tripping only once on the hem of her overlong pyjama pants, unused to the length, I realize, because they’re mine. Oh Merlin, how many times has she slept in those? I only left one pair here.
Dora finally stops when she’s standing directly in front of me. She’s close enough to touch, but I dare not. Instead, I sink to my knees, head bowed, awaiting her sentence.
“Well, shit, Remus, now I have to kneel. Why’d you have to always make things so difficult?”
The tears are flowing freely now from both our eyes as she holds my hands. I savor that feeling for a few moments before gently pulling her to me.
“Does this mean I’m forgiven?”
A small chuckle sounds against my neck. “I love you, but you’re not getting off with just one pretty speech. It’s good enough for now. We can talk again in a few days. You, being the prat that you are, have wasted so much of our time. I’m just looking to use it more wisely.”
Five Days by mme_riphaldin
Story Notes:
This was written a while ago for the rt_challenge at LJ, but I wanted to help it reach a broader audience. Enjoy! As always, concrit is more than welcome!