I slowly drag myself out of bed. The scars from last night's detention are still visible on my body and I stare at them in the mirror. My red hair hangs limply around my face. My once alive and sparkling eyes are now dull and have a haunted look. I think back to a few summers ago when my biggest worry was trying to get Harry to like me; now my biggest worry is simply trying to stay alive.
So far away
I wet a washcloth and dab at my face, washing away any blood that I missed last night. I wince when I touch a sensitive and deep scratch that I had gotten for talking back to the Carrows. The scratch is still angry, red, and oozing, but it was worth it, even if I still can't figure out what hex it was.
If only Hermione were here, she would know how to fix my cheek. My thoughts of Hermione, undoubtedly, lead to Ron and, finally, Harry. A deep and aching pain starts at my stomach and spreads throughout my entire body as thoughts of him sour through my mind.
This time, this place
Misused, mistakes
Too long, too late
Who was I to make you wait?
I think back to what he said when he broke up with me; I can still remember it word for word.
“Ginny, listen...I can't be involved with you anymore. We've got to stop seeing each other. We can't be together.”*
Those three short sentences hurt me. I knew that he still liked me and that the only reason he was breaking up with me was because Voldemort was on the loose, but it still hurt. It was like every word he said, someone brought a chisel to my heart and was slowly chipping off pieces of it. And my response was right on target.
“It's for some stupid, noble reason, isn't it?”*
Yes, yes it was.
Just one chance, just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know
You know, you know
And that kiss in my bedroom.... I admit I still dream about it and wish that it didn't have to be broken so soon. If only Ron hadn't come in. If only Harry didn't leave. If only he didn't break up with me. If only's and wishes don't do any good, though. This is reality and I have to get through it, even if it means clinging to my hopes and dreams for the future and my memories of the past.
I only wish I knew where he was and that he was safe....
That I love you, I have loved you all along
And I miss you, been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore
Tears of anger and hurt well up in my eyes and I try to blink them away, but one slips out. I watch in the mirror as it slowly creeps down my cheek and chin, dropping onto my shirt, and leaving a tiny wet spot right above my heart.
Rage suddenly courses through my veins. I feel so mad at Harry for leaving me, my mom and dad for sending me back to Hogwarts, Ron and Hermione for disappearing to goodness knows where, the Carrows for creating the scars that are all over my body and heart, and Voldemort for creating this stupid mess in the first place.
With a cry of rage, I throw my washcloth as hard as I can at the mirror. It lands with a splatter and leaves a wet blotch. I grow even more angry that the washcloth didn't break the mirror and I completely loose control. I start chucking anything and everything within reach at the mirror, trying to break it. Brushes, combs, hairsprays, shampoos, lipsticks with and without caps, my own wand, and various types of make-up all go hurtling at the mirror.
I glance up and catch my reflection amid the streaks of red from the lipsticks. Rage and insanity cloud my eyes, my mouth is turned into a horrible smile that mimics the one Bellatrix had on her own face the night that Sirius died. I drop the brush I was about to throw and sink to my knees.
“What am I doing?” I mutter, staring at my image in the glass.
On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you I'd withstand
all of it to hold your hand
The mirror doesn't answer me, but I am struck by how odd it is that after all those things I threw at it, it still doesn't break. I look closer, inspecting it for any cracks, but there are none.
“Huh,” I sit on my bottom on the bathroom floor. “That's weird. It should have broken, but it didn't.” An idea suddenly occurs to me and a grin slowly makes its way onto my face. “It's like how I should be. Unbreakable. People can say things about me and insult me and do things to me, but I won't let them break me, especially my heart. They can make me do the imperious curse on Luna and Neville and my friends and they can do all they want to me, but I will not break.”
I'd give it all, I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know
You know, you know
I slowly stand up and retrieve the items I threw in my tantrum. I pick up the now cold washcloth and wipe up the lipstick stains from the mirror, carefully and delicately, like it's a fragile child.
“Don't worry, Harry.” I start one of the many random conversations I have through-out the day with my 'Harry in my head'. Sometimes, it make me feel mental, but ironically it keeps me sane. “I will never give up. Never. I'll fight to the finish as long as I'll end up with you. Then, after you defeat Voldemort and save the world and everything, we can have that happily ever after I've been dreaming about. You know the one? Where you save the world, grin at your admirers, then sweep me off my feet to our happily ever after? It will happen, mark my words. Then we can get married and have a few kids and tell them funny stories about our times at Hogwarts. Except, we won't really talk about this year with them, because this year is a bit depressing.”
That I love you, I have loved you all along
And I miss you, been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never let go
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore
“Yes, this year really has been a bit depressing.” I fetch my wand from a corner of the bathroom. “It's like my first year. That was a depressing year, too. Being possessed by the teenage version of the darkest wizard of all time is no one's idea of a picnic, though. You saved me, at least. You arrived just in time with a sword and then, later on, Fawks and the sorting hat showed up. 'They helped a bunch, too,' you said. You're so modest.”
I grin stupidly at the mirror, imagining Harry standing next to me. Him putting his arm around my shoulders and drawing me close... But, he's not next to me. He's off somewhere defeating Voldemort. With Ron and Hermione, I might add, not me. He's far, far away.
So far away, been away for far too long
So far away, been far away for far too long
But you know
You know, you know
It comes as a relief when my roommates finally come into the bathroom. Their morning noises help distract me from my self-pity and misery. They all groggily shed their clothes and hop into the showers, all the while muttering to each other and grabbing shampoos and razors.
I'm actually surprised that all my chucking things at the mirror didn't wake them. Yet, here they are, with pillow imprints still on their faces and looking slightly weary to face the day. I, however, feel rejuvenated. That tantrum and revelation really lifted my spirits. Who knew that throwing things in rage at bathroom mirrors could be such good therapy?
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I needed to hear you say
I wish that I could just hear Harry's voice. I dream of it, sometimes, but it's just not the same. It always sounds warbled and slightly off in my head. I wish I had one of those muggle phone things Hermione is always talking about. She says people can call you and they can leave messages. Then, you can listen to those messages whenever you want. I would love to do that with Harry.
Maybe I shall have a little talk to him about muggle devices if he gets back. When he gets back, I mean. Oh gosh, now your saying things like 'if' and 'maybe', Ginny. Now, I'm talking to myself. I should really just stick to talking to the 'Harry in my head'. At least then I don't talk to myself. I just talk constantly to my old boyfriend who broke up with me to save the world and who was too busy to even take me along. Yeah, that's not mental at all.
I love you, I have loved you all along
And I forgive you for being away for far to long
So keep breathing 'cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it, hold on to me, never let me go
I do still love him, though. I believe that I will always love him. He's almost a part of me. If he died, that would be like taking out my heart, stabbing it, trampling it, then putting it back in it's place all broken and torn. It would be the cruelest thing anyone could do. So, I will not let them do it. I will fight my fight here, and Harry will fight his fight wherever he is, and everything will work out wonderfully.
No matter how far away he is, he is only a breathe away in my heart. Because I am unbreakable.
Keep breathing 'cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it, hold on to me, never let me go
Hold on to me, never let me go
Hold on to me, never let me go
*Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince, US edition, page 646
Unbreakable by ginnyrulz13
Chapter Notes: neither this song nor these characters belong to me. I'm just borrowing them for my own enjoyment.....