Teddy Lupin struggled to stifle a yawn as he sat in his sixth-year History of Magic lesson. To the disbelief of many of his schoolmates and older relatives who had long since left the school, History of Magic was actually his favourite subject. Since the events of The Second War, the subject had become more interesting as it now focused on modern history instead of the endless goblin rebellions his godfather remembered. It helped that the school had finally convinced Professor Binns to give up teaching for an afterlife of leisure. Teddy had always been good at remembering facts and dates, and as a result, he achieved the highest O.W.L. grade Hogwarts had ever seen for the subject. Today, however, the stifling warmth of the classroom combined with the pleasant lilting voice of their female Scottish professor was gradually sending Teddy to sleep.
Just as he was about to give in to the overwhelming need to sleep, he suddenly sat up, a shiver running down his spine. He felt a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach as if he was going to be sick, but then as quickly as the feeling had come, it had gone. However, he was left with a strange ache, the kind that told of something bad about to happen. He looked around to check if anyone had noticed his behaviour, but his few classmates were either too interested in the lecture on `Dementor use and abuse during the war’ or in the same state of semi-consciousness that he had been in a few minutes previously.
He eventually decided just to shrug off the feeling, deciding it was unlikely to be anything important, though the ache in his stomach was reluctant to leave. He attempted to refocus on the lecture just as his professor was describing the Ministry’s gradual loss of control over the Dementors, and he was interested to once again hear his godfather’s name being mentioned, as it so often was during lectures about that time. For the rest of the lesson, Teddy managed to remain focused, even with the persistent feeling that something was not quite right.
After they were dismissed, the sixth-years made their way down to the dungeons. It was late June and the castle was bathed in an early summer sun, but the temperature of the dungeons, far below ground level, never altered and Teddy found himself shivering as he descended.
Despite the chilly conditions of the dungeons, the sixth-years were in surprisingly good moods. The holidays were in sight and, for many of them, the summer would mean being able to use magic out of school for the first time. Teddy himself had just turned seventeen, and couldn’t wait to finally be able to do things with a quick wave of his wand. All the sixth-years had been given a talk about the responsible use of their magic now they were adults, but the irresponsible part of him could already see him using magic for every little thing.
Potions passed in a bit of haze, although Teddy tried desperately to concentrate. Unfortunately, the professors weren’t in the same relaxed, winding down mood as the students, and seemed determined to keep pushing the sixth-years until the very last day, with constant reminders that they must continue to work over the holidays if they wished to succeed in their N.E.W.T.s.
Eventually, the end of the day arrived and the students were released. Having rushed to the Gryffindor Tower to deposit his things, Teddy joined the throng of students heading towards the Great Hall for dinner. On his arrival, he spotted Victoire Weasley sitting in the middle of the Gryffindor table and immediately headed towards her.
Teddy had known Victoire for almost his entire life, and they were best friends. Even though she was only a fourth-year, neither of them noticed the age difference. During the earlier years of their lives, they had seen each other very frequently and the fact that they were different ages hardly seemed to matter when they were playing at The Burrow. He had friends in his own year, of course, but he would always have a special bond with Victoire that no one else could share. His heart would leap with excitement whenever he saw her, for he knew that of everyone, she would be the one he could talk to about whatever happened to be bothering him.
Victoire was the eldest Weasley to attend Hogwarts, and was sitting with her younger cousin, Molly, who was coming to the end of her first year, and Fred, who was a second-year. A few minutes after Teddy arrived they were joined by Victoire’s younger sister, Dominique, who was also in her first year. Despite the age differences, the family sat together at meals as often as possible. In lessons and during the evening, they would stay with their own friends in their own years, but at meals they would join together. They had been brought up as a close family and it always seemed natural that they would spend time together. Even though Teddy was not technically one of the family, he fitted in almost as naturally as if he was.
Teddy attempted to enjoy his meal, but the strange pain in his stomach wouldn’t go away. He felt almost as if he was going to be sick every time he tried to eat. It was strange, however, as he did not feel ill. The feeling was more the kind that he would associate with having forgotten to do an important piece of homework or feeling guilty for breaking some school rule. But try as he might, he could not think of the thing he had forgotten to do. Victoire noticed he was not eating and asked him sympathetically if he was okay.
“I’m fine,” he replied. “I just feel a bit odd, that’s all. I’m not sure I want to eat right now. I think I’ll just head up to the tower.”
He stood up to leave, but before he could get very far, he saw Professor McGonagall coming down the aisle between the tables, looking straight at him. Wondering if he was about to find out the crime he had committed to make him feel so awful, Teddy stopped.
"Teddy," the professor said when she was within hearing distance. Her voice was strangely gentle. He was not sure he had ever heard her speak in such a tone “ she was almost being friendly.
"Yes, Professor?" he asked, his heart beginning to beat faster. He knew it was ridiculous, because he had not done anything wrong, but he was terrified of what his Head of House was about to say to him.
“I think you should come with me.” The professor was looking very solemn, and Teddy could feel his panic rising. Victoire stood up as if to come with him, but Professor McGonagall shook her head.
“I don't think it is appropriate at this time, Miss Weasley. You may, however, come to my office in half an hour. I believe Teddy might appreciate your company at that time.”
Victoire gave Teddy an apologetic look and he smiled slightly to let her know that it was okay that she couldn't come, but that he was grateful that she had tried.
I'll be there soon, she mouthed to him, and he nodded.
He followed Professor McGonagall from the Hall and up the many staircases to the Transfiguration classroom. As they walked, he tried to think what it was that could have happened. He was still fairly certain that he could not be in trouble. He had certainly not done anything recently that could warrant a reaction this severe. He also doubted it would be anything to do with his academic performance. Yes, he had been struggling a bit recently in Charms, but his History of Magic and Transfiguration marks had been particularly strong.
He wondered whether something could be wrong with any of his family. Harry was due to return from a trip abroad where he had been working on a case. It was not unusual for his godfather to end up in St Mungo's, and Teddy had visited him there several times over the past few years. However, it was usually only minor injuries and certainly nothing that stopped Harry returning straight back to the field as soon as he could. What if something had gone more seriously wrong this time? Teddy did not even want to think about it.
There was a whole multitude of other Weasley relations that something could have happened to, but if that were the case, McGonagall would not have come to find only him. The only other person was his grandmother, but she had been fine the last time he had seen her “ a little tired perhaps, but otherwise okay.
They reached the professor's office, which was attached to her classroom and she opened the door and gestured for him to enter.
"Sit down, Teddy," she said. He took a seat in the chair opposite her desk.
"I have received some bad news.” She paused. Teddy thought it was the first time he had ever seen her struggling to find words to say. Eventually, after what seemed like an age, she spoke again. “Your Grandmother passed away this morning."
It took a moment for Teddy to fully appreciate what she had said. But then suddenly, the ache in his stomach exploded and he felt bile rise in his throat. It couldn’t be true. He didn’t know why she was doing this to him, but his professor was lying.
"I don't understand, Professor," he said. "She can’t have died - she wasn't even ill. I saw her only a few weeks ago, and she was fine.” His voice began to fade and he added, his voice pleading, “Please, Professor, she can’t be.”
But even as he said it, he looked up in to her eyes and saw such pity and kindness there that he knew she could not be lying. All day, he had known something had been wrong, but never had he thought it could be this.
“How?” he asked, needing to know what could have happened in the short time since he had seen her.
"I’m so sorry, Teddy. You are right “ she was not ill. She was not even particularly old for our world. But she was tired and had experienced so much in her life. In the space of one year, Andromeda lost her husband and her daughter, as well as her son-in-law. She was then left to raise another child. She loved you dearly, Teddy, but you must understand that having another child to care for was a strain on her, especially one who, much as I know you hate to hear it, reminded her so much of the people she had lost.”
“Please don’t misunderstand me, Teddy. It was not your fault she died and I don’t want you to feel any guilt over this. You just need to remember that perhaps she was not as young as she always seemed. I think that now she was ready for a rest.”
Teddy did not know what to feel. The ache in his stomach had gone, replaced instead by a feeling of total and complete emptiness. He felt almost as if a part of him was missing. He thought of so many things he had been looking forward to telling her “ he had wanted to show off his ability to do magic and help her do all sorts of things he hadn’t been able to do before. He hadn’t even had the chance to say goodbye to her. He thought back to the last time he had seen her.
She had come to the station, to see him back on the train after the holidays. He had told her that she didn’t have to and that he was more than capable of going alone. However, she had insisted “ she had said that she wouldn’t get to do it very many more times and she wanted to make the most of it.
At the time, he had thought she simply meant that he would soon be graduating and, therefore, no longer be catching the train to Hogwarts. Could it have been that she already knew she wouldn’t be alive long enough to next see him to the train?
They arrived at the station late, and he was anxious not to miss the train. He had spotted Victoire almost immediately and was keen to go and catch up on how her holidays had been. As a result, he didn’t give his grandma more than a quick hug. She had smiled at his eagerness to get back to school, and told him to go and see his friends. He had left her with hardly a second thought. After all, he had thought they would be seeing each other again in a few weeks.
Looking back, he could not believe how little attention he had given her. Why hadn’t he known? Why hadn’t he spent more time saying goodbye, or letting her know how much he truly appreciated everything she had done for him?
A knock at the office door interrupted his thoughts. Professor McGonagall called for it to open, and Victoire tentatively entered. She looked straight to Teddy and asked, “Are you okay?”
And in that instant “ from that one simple question “ he couldn’t hold himself in any more and, in a way that he had not done since he was five, he started to cry. Tears began to fall thick and fast down his checks and even though he hated himself for it, it seemed the only way to express the strength of what he was feeling.
“It’s Grandma,” he said to her, through his tears. “She’s dead.”
A look of shock passed over his best friend’s face and she rushed over to hug him.
“Oh, Teddy,” she said into his shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”
After a minute, they broke apart, and Teddy was suddenly very aware that Professor McGonagall was still in the room. “What happens now?” he asked
“Given that the end of term is only three weeks away and your academic marks are strong and unlikely to suffer from a break, the headmaster has given you permission to leave this evening, if you wish. Harry -”
“He’s back?” Teddy interrupted.
“Yes, he returned late this afternoon, when he heard the news. He has said he will come to the castle to collect you this evening and that you may stay at their house if you do not wish to go home.”
Teddy thought about this for a while. Part of him really wanted to see Harry, and he supposed there would be things to organise. But at the same time, he didn’t want to leave Hogwarts, or Victoire. He didn’t want to have to make this choice; he still could not accept that when he returned home, his grandma was not going to be there waiting for him. She had been such a big part of his life “ the strange feeling he had felt when she died was proof of that. It was almost as if she had been a physical part of him, and had been wrenched away, leaving nothing but a dull ache.
“May I leave this evening and return on Sunday?” he asked, still unsure of whether this was what he really wanted.
Professor McGonagall considered this for a moment. “Yes, if by Sunday, you wish to return you may do so.”
“Thank you.”
“I will go and contact Harry and tell him to come as soon as he is able.” Professor McGonagall stood, quickly regaining her usual composed manner. She left the room and Victoire hugged him once again.
“You don’t have to come back if you’re not ready,” she whispered.
“I know,” he said. “But I want to.”
He couldn’t stand the idea of being so alone for the next three weeks. He needed his best friend, sometimes more than he liked to admit.
They sat in silence for a few moments, both seemingly unsure of what to talk about, and then Professor McGonagall returned.
“Harry is on his way,” she said. “I suggest that you go and pack some of your belongings to take with you.”
Teddy nodded and left the room. He made his way up to the tower where he threw some clothes and books in to his trunk. He didn’t plan to stay away too long, so he would be able to sort out of the rest of his things when he returned. He then cast a levitation charm on it and carefully made his way down to the common room where Victoire was waiting.
“I’ll see you soon,” she said. “You’ll be okay, Teddy. And if you need anything at all, I’ll be there.”
“Thanks,” he said, smiling a weak smile at her.
With one last hug, he headed for the portrait hole, and made his way down to the Entrance Hall, his trunk following slowly behind.
Harry was already waiting for him when Teddy reached the entrance. As soon as he saw Teddy, he came over and hugged him.
“Teddy, I’m so sorry,” he said. “We honestly had no idea that she hadn’t been feeling herself “ I wish we could have done more her.”
“You always did plenty, Harry,” Teddy replied. “I just wish that I’d “”
But Harry stopped him. “She loved you more than anything in the world. She was happy when you were happy.”
Teddy sighed, but did not reply. Nothing could shake the feelings of guilt that he had for not saying goodbye.
Harry put a protective arm around Teddy, and together they began the walk down the grounds. Walking away from the castle, the terrible ache returned to Teddy’s stomach again. Everything had changed and now, suddenly, it all seemed so much worse.
Loved and Lost by coolh5000
Story Notes:
If you enjoy this story, you might like to check out 'A Proper Goodbye', which works almost as a sequel to it and also features Teddy as the main character.
Chapter Notes: Thanks to my wonderful betas, Haylee and Sara.
Chapter Endnotes: I'd love to hear what you thought of this story, so please leave me a review.