Disclaimer: Thanks to J.K. Rowling for allowing me to take her characters for a lengthy stroll through my imagination.
Thirty-One
Frenzy
They were frozen like a trio of tenpins orphaned by a rogue ball. Taking the initiative, Harry crept forward as he motioned for Tonks and Ginny to stay in the relative safety of the drawing room. A quick swish of his wand and he held up three fingers.
In the tail of the loose queue, Tonks held three fingers behind her back, not daring to catch Remus’ eye as he hung back in the shadowy hallway. Three intruders had managed to circumvent their carefully crafted precautions.
Harry gripped his wand more securely in a hand slick with nervous sweat. His lungs struggled as images from the past tightened their grip around his throat. The foul breath of dementors drawing him near as fragmented memories of his parents’ last waking moments tumbled in quick succession through his mind. Just like this: in this very house, the knock on the door had shattered lives into pieces that could never be mended.
By the dragon’s hoary breath, hadn’t Remus told him that Voldemort had even timed that attack to coincide with the full moon?
His heart racing in barely contained panic, he felt Tonks’ comforting touch upon his shoulder. “Don’t let the past blind you,” she issued in a low whisper. “You won’t be facing your demons alone.”
His quick nod of thanks was interrupted by a more insistent pounding on the door.
“Open up!” was the gruff demand from the other side.
“We know you’re in there,” followed a sing-song woman’s voice. Strangely familiar, yet muffled by the thick wood.
“Open up for Werewolf Services!” demanded a third voice. Probably another man, Harry decided. “We’re empowered to break the door down if necessary!”
“Do it, Harry,” Tonks breathed. “It’s futile to resist when there’s a full moon.”
“Coming, coming,” Harry issued in a voice made to sound as if it was calling from the far side to the house. He, too, recalled Remus’ terse words about the surprise inspections the Werewolf Unit could impose. Anyone listed on the Werewolf Registry could come under scrutiny if it was believed he was not taking proper precautions.
“Forgive me, we weren’t expecting any visitors tonight,” he muttered in apology as he inched the massive door open. It was caught by burly hands and thrust open to bang rudely against the wall.
“That’s quite clear,” the treacle-drenched voice of Dolores Umbridge proclaimed as she marched smugly across the threshold. “A well-executed Fidelius Charm speaks volumes, doesn’t it?”
In grey uniform hoods, the two enforcers from the Werewolf Capture Unit flanked her Royal Toadness on each side.
“If this is an official visit, I’ll need to see identification,” Tonks insisted as she quickly glanced at those of the two men. Turning an appraising eye on Umbridge, she commented in a frosty tone, “Although I have to wonder about your presence, Dolores. Didn’t you retire from the Ministry a number of months ago?”
“Citizen’s petition,” Umbridge returned curtly. “Don’t forget I used to work in the Department for the Control and Regulation. I’m well familiar with my rights.”
“Only if you suspect us of harboring a werewolf,” Tonks rejoined with maddening calm. “Sorry to disappoint you, but we’re not.”
“Explain the Fidelius Charm then,” Umbridge harrumphed.
Ginny flashed a quick look at Harry to confirm they both had the same instinct. But treating Umbridge to a condescending lesson on rudimentary charm theory would hardly serve them will in this instance “ regardless of how much the meddlesome witch deserved it.
Improvising on the spot, Harry summarized, “A spell that can be used to keep outsiders out and insiders in. Not illegal by any stretch of the imagination.”
“One which obviously failed in this instance,” Ginny shot back with barely contained fury.
“Which brings us to the subject for our visit,” Umbridge returned with a sinister smile. “Who “ or what “ were you trying to contain? Something that the fencing around the property is powerless against?”
“We were guarding our privacy,” Tonks returned evenly.
“Werewolves have no such rights!” Umbridge spat. “Not when they endanger the lives of young children in the bargain!”
“My children are with their grandparents,” Tonks replied. “But Harry here is a bit of a celebrity --”
“Don’t flatter yourself!” Umbridge cried. “Erecting monuments to yourselves makes you narcissistic fools, not heroes.”
“Shall we search the premises, Madam Undersecretary?” the rotund goon on the right offered meekly.
“You, too, Greg,” Umbridge urged the other to action as well. “Search the root cellar, first. That’s where poor Mr. and Mrs. Lupin were forced to cage their rabid son. Find him!” Slithering up to Tonks with a viperous sneer, she added, “Didn’t your husband think to share his childhood memories with you, dear? Or were you so rebellious yourself that you reveled in his depravity?”
Tonks flinched noticeably but managed to stay silent. Only her knuckles clenching white around her wand betrayed her true state of mind.
Umbridge bustled into the drawing room where Ginny was still hanging back. “You’ve done quite well for yourselves. Pity Harry’s parents had to die to leave you in such comfort.” Settling her squat from into an oversized armchair that barely contained her, Umbridge assumed a treacherous smirk.
Unable to stop herself, Ginny took a step towards the unwelcome visitor but Harry’s wordless shake of the head forestalled her angry words.
“Why don’t we all have a nice chat?” Umbridge simpered. “We haven’t seen each other in ages.” Scowling at Harry and Tonks who had remained in the foyer, she hissed, “It’s incredibly rude to make your guests use a Compulsion Charm, don’t you think?”
Woodenly, they complied for lack of any other way to rebuff her. Muffled shouts from the direction of the back stairs indicated that the containment specialists were exploring the length of the earthen tunnel which led to the potting shed.
At the dreaded words, “Werewolf Capture Unit”, Remus cast one last woeful look in Tonks’ direction before easing himself back down the hallway.
There was no point in trying to reason with such invasive procedures, he concluded. He’d be bound, trussed, and stunned before anyone could complain that as long as he wasn’t in wolf form, he shouldn’t be subject to such draconian measures. Chances were that the argument would fall on deaf ears anyway.
A small shadow at his elbow stopped him dead in his tracks.
“Forgive me, Master.” Dobby turned eyes swimming in tears to Remus’ startled face. “Dobby has failed in the duties quite spectacularly.”
“Nonsense,” Remus issued lowly as he squatted at the house-elf’s side. “Hand-wringing does no one any good.”
Dobby nodded dumbly with downcast eyes. “Please name your punishment. It is your right.”
“Why would I want to punish you?” Remus prompted with a gentle smile, sensing that the elf possessed valuable information if he could only unlock it. He cast a hasty Muffliato charm just in the nick of time.
“Dobby is a failure!” the elf wailed.
“Don’t buy it,” Remus countered with an obstinate expression of his own. “Convince me.”
Not one to refuse a direct order, Dobby dialed back the tears that were gushing from his overlarge eyes. “I let the interlopers through,” he gulped.
Remus gave him a penetrating look. “You may be able to pass unhindered through our spells, but you can’t drag other witches and wizards with you!”
Dobby shook his head as if he wanted to scramble his brain. Through tremulous lips, he conceded, “Explanations first. Then punishment.”
“A punishment at my discretion,” Remus stressed.
“The huge flower pot Mistress bought at the market,” Dobby began. “There was just the one?”
Thankfully, Remus thought himself. That Italianate porcelain was hideous in his opinion; but Tonks had insisted the garish colors would brighten up their patio as she drove the price way down with her well-honed bargaining skills. “Only one,” Remus attested.
Dobby pulled on the hem of his tiny jacket in misery. “Dobby got confused. He thought Mistress may have gone back for more since they were such a bargain.”
“She talked about it, yes. But in the end, she didn’t,” Remus confirmed. Good taste won out, he added inwardly. “But you thought she went and got some later. Behind my back, so to speak.”
Dobby nodded vigorously as the tears welled in his eyes once more. “Mistress is not easily swayed by others’ opinions,” he asserted with accuracy.
“That’s true,” Remus agreed with a fond smile. “Not such an unreasonable conclusion on your part, Dobby. It just happened to be wrong in this instance.”
Dobby whimpered unabashedly. “Dobby found extra containers in the shed. Large and overly decorated like the other one. Dobby didn’t think to ask!” The elf berated himself by pulling sharply on his ear lobes.
So that’s how they did it, Remus thought darkly. Disguised themselves as inanimate objects before the Fidelius Charm was cast. Which meant that this was not a random search at all, but a carefully planned operation specifically targeting him and his family. His frown deepened as he considered that Tonks’ carefree shopping expedition may have been shadowed by evil conspirators. No doubt Umbridge was enough of a fanatic to sustain herself without food or drink for two days’ time just to get past his safety procedures “ and under his skin, he added with a determined grimace.
“Look here, Dobby,” Remus whispered as he gently cradled the elf’s hands in his. “I need your help. You’re to be our secret weapon.”
“But Dobby failed,” the elf sniffled to his shoes.
“And I’m going to give you an opportunity to make things right.”
“But Masters never do that…” the elf blubbered.
“This one does. Like my wife, I don’t feel I have to cater to another’s expectations. Surely that makes sense to a free elf like you.”
Returning with clumps of dirt clinging to their navy uniform jackets, the two containment specialists immediately took the back staircase that led to Ginny’s and Harry’s room above. It occurred to Harry that they’d make much shorter work of the large house if they split up, but undoubtedly these two relied on one another to keep from getting lost on a regular basis. Probably when they went to the Gents, he wanted to whisper just to hear Ginny giggle. But this was not the moment.
“Let’s get this straight so there are no misunderstandings,” Umbridge offered in an overly cheerful tone. “We will find Remus Lupin, make no mistake about it.”
“Did you think to owl him?” Ginny retorted.
Umbridge snapped her double chins towards Ginny’s burning eyes. “Is that how you lot communicate at home? How utterly pretentious!”
With the patience once allots to small children, Tonks stated, “Like I told you from the start, Dolores, my husband is not at home.”
“Really, where is he then?” Umbridge sneered as she waved her fat fist containing their surrendered wands for emphasis.
Harry frantically wracked his mind for anything to distract Umbridge from searching the far wing herself. Remus would need a few extra moments to herd the children together and make their escape. Harry was familiar with the back-up emergency plan they never thought would ever be used.
“Out for a stroll,” he threw up the roadblock.
“In the moonlight?” Umbridge disparaged with a barely contained shriek. “You haven’t outgrown your pathetic need to tell lies, have you?”
“Think what you like.” Harry shrugged with studied casualness. “Seems you still feel the need to bully those around you.” Into the stunned silence, he dared, “What does that say about your total lack of interpersonal skills?”
Umbridge jumped to her feet in outrage. “Why you insolent whelp --”
Tonks lurched forward in warning only to recall she no longer had her wand. “This is supposed to be a peaceful search, Dolores. Force is justified only if you encounter resistance; we allowed you entry into our home.”
On silent feet, Remus slipped into Teddy’s room to find that Phoebe was there as well. Hunched over the frog strewn Chinese checkerboard, they barely acknowledged their father’s entrance.
“I’ve changed my mind,” Remus issued in a conspiratorial tone as he sat down on the bed to calm his shaking knees. “Let’s join the Weasleys for supper tonight!”
Wide grins were turned to him immediately.
“Change clothes?” Phoebe questioned as she tucked her feet beneath her.
“Not this time,” Remus whispered. “I want it to be a surprise. You know how hard it is to fool Molly.”
The children nodded eagerly as they rose to their feet.
“What about…?” Teddy indicated the diminutive frogs that had been loosed upon the floor like bright gum drops.
“Dobby will take care of it “ this time,” the elf emphasized as he hovered near the doorway. As Remus silently directed the children towards the master bedroom, Dobby whispered, “They’re searching the upstairs in the other wing.”
“Come,” Remus urged the children to stand before the slate fireplace that faced the wide bed. “We don’t want to interrupt them once they’ve started in on the soup, now do we?”
“That’s rude!” Phoebe interjected joyfully as Remus prudently reinstated the Muffliato Charm.
“What about the others?” Teddy stubbornly maintained. “Aren’t Ginny and Harry coming, too?”
“They’ll be along shortly; your mother also,” Remus confided lowly. “But everyone at once will just spoil the surprise. Better that a small group sneak around from the drawing room…”
The children nodded vigorously to indicate they understood their part in the plan.
Grabbing the pot of Floo Powder from the mantle, Remus held it out to his son with great ceremony. “Will you do the honors? Now take you sister with your other hand.”
Teddy faltered. “Aren’t you coming with us?”
“In a minute, but I have to send a quick message to Hogwarts first.” Remus offered a small smile which he hoped didn’t look too strained.
“Like I did at Yuletide?” Teddy posed as he tossed a fistful of sparkly dust into the banked embers.
“Precisely,” Remus concurred. “Say it loud and clear.”
“And then peek into everyone’s houses,” Phoebe supplied as she anticipated the multitude of open grates whizzing past.
“The Burrow!” Teddy commanded as the two of them stepped in unison into the emerald flames. The last look he threw over his shoulder at his father showed wide, questioning eyes.
Harry almost broke down when the duo from the Capture Unit tromped down the back stairs for a second time. What a pair of moronic gits! he couldn’t help thinking. Did they need a ruddy compass to find their way? But he didn’t dare give voice as it was also possible they had been Confunded in some manner.
He wouldn’t put it past Tonks, either. She was always surprising them with some esoteric bit of magic she’d learned as Hufflepuff’s chief prankster during her school days.
“All those detentions Pomona Sprout used to assign me,” she’d once explained. “I wasn’t as good at evading consequences as the Marauders, mind you.”
“Did you know Dad while you were at school?” Teddy had asked, brimming with childish curiosity.
“No, dear. He was a few years ahead of me. But his legend lived on at Hogwarts.”
“Mainly recounted in hushed whispers, furtively, in dark corners,” Harry had egged her on.
“Until Fred and George decided to follow in their footsteps,” Ginny interjected.
“True,” Tonks allowed. “I wasn’t as dedicated as the twins since I had to take time out for my studies. More often than not, my escapades were a solo effort.”
“You were the type who always giggled at her own cleverness when she got caught,” Remus summarized. “I’m surprised the Auror Department didn’t hold that against you.”
Tonks pulled a wry face. “It’s not so amusing when you’re following some blighter’s barmy orders. But back in the day, I spent a number of evenings under Pomona’s watchful eye.”
“I’m surprised she didn’t make you tend to the more obnoxious plants,” Ginny volunteered only to start Teddy sniggering.
“She tried,” Tonks confided. “But I managed to topple the entire cart of mandrake plants and she had to chase them down to repot them….Blimey, those little hairy roots could build up some momentum!”
“Hardly sounds like an accident,” Remus opined.
“Who did you say couldn’t keep a straight face?” Tonks retorted.
“And here I thought it was your reputation for clumsiness that had preceded you,” Remus shot back.
“So I put it to good use,” Tonks staunchly maintained. “The upshot of which was that dear Pomona soon decided that allowing me to study quietly was the wisest course of action. Little did she know that I had finished my coursework and was diligently researching my next campaign.”
“Let me guess,” Harry tendered. “The Restricted Section?”
“I’m certain I don’t know what you mean,” she sniffed.
“Geez, Mum, I never knew you and Dad were so much fun at school,” Teddy cried in delight.
“Just don’t you forget it, Spook,” Remus warned with a playful wag of his finger. “Any prank you think up we’ll have diffused in a heartbeat.”
No doubt about it, Harry decided as he glared at Umbridge’s reptilian smirk, a bit of wandless mischief would be right up Tonks’ alley.
Remus collapsed in a heap on the end of the mattress as he struggled to breathe slowly and evenly. No time to panic, he reminded himself as he took his wand in hand. Within a moment, he had composed Patronus messages to Arthur Weasley and Minerva McGonagall.
Despite what he’d promised his children, it was not safe to follow them to the Burrow as there was nothing to stop Umbridge’s crew from showing up on that doorstep as well. Right now, he needed the sanctuary that only the impregnable walls of Hogwarts could provide, but it would take a few minutes for the Headmistress to open a connection to the Floo Network. Even if he managed it, Apparating to the school gates would leave him vulnerable while someone was sent to unlock them.
He jerked involuntarily as Dobby appeared at his elbow. “They’ve doubled back up the front stairs to see where that leads,” the elf sniggered.
“The same rooms they searched from the other side?” Remus countered incredulously. Could they really be that stupid?
Dobby nodded with a wide grin. “Dobby used a confusion spell that keeps guests from wandering into private areas of the house.”
“Well done!” Remus asserted. “I need you to continue to work in secret, though. Unseen and unsuspected.” It was likely Umbridge would summarily discount a lowly house-elf, but there was no sense in exposing themselves.
“What if Mistress calls for refreshments?” Dobby posited as he anticipated his customary duties.
“These aren’t guests, make no mistake about that. They’re interlopers come to steal things away.”
“Should I watch the silver like I did at Malfoy Manor?”
“Not exactly,” Remus instructed. “They’re not after material things. They’ve come to steal our happiness and tear apart our family, if that makes any sense.”
Dobby nodded with somber eyes. “They won’t succeed. Dobby knows where the extra wands are kept.”
“Just promise me that you won’t be seen,” Remus cautioned. Who knew what brutish punishments they might think to impose upon an errant house-elf?
Remus made to stand but sagged dangerously against the clothes cupboard instead. Two Patronus messages in close succession would tax any wizard and he was hardly at his best today.
Dobby thrust a glass half full of water at him and tilted his head meaningfully towards the bedside cabinet. Catching his import, Remus Summoned the small, stoppered bottle of medication. Even such a miniscule burst of magic made him feel light-headed. He’d give into his weariness when he arrived at the castle, he promised himself.
Slowly counting out four droplets of the strange tincture, the water in the glass turned a deep cobalt as the outside clouded over with a thin layer of ice. The faint smell of crushed lavender tickled Remus’ nose as he downed the mixture in two long gulps.
Dobby took the empty glass before it slipped to the floor. A few deep breaths seemed to ease Remus’ racing heart.
The elf held out the pot of Floo Powder as he pressed the medicine bottle into Remus’ other hand. “They’ve tracked through the kitchen and dining room and are headed this way,” he pronounced in an urgent whisper.
Remus nodded wordlessly as he gathered a fistful of powder. There was no more time left. If the castle wards rebuffed him, he’d likely end up in a strange fireplace further down the chain. Hogsmeade, probably. A few embarrassing moments while he explained himself to the startled residents and they would help the hapless professor find his way back to Hogwarts. He was hardly a stranger in Hogsmeade, by any means.
As the green flames licked his long legs, he turned to take in the bereft-looking bedroom. Phoebe’s stuffed rabbit lay crumpled on the floor, intensifying Remus’ anguish at having to abandon those dearest to him.
He barely choked out the words, “ ‘eadmistress’ Office, Hogwarts,” before being swept away into a dizzying patchwork of floo-windows circling about him at odd angles. It was all he could so to keep from crushing the tiny bottle he clenched in his fist.
Unable to hold her tongue any longer, Ginny proffered, “If you’re intent on maintaining a façade of civility, the least you could do is introduce your associates.”
“Rather rude for gentlemen to keep their hoods up inside the house,” Tonks added more to keep herself from smirking at Ginny’s boldness than anything else.
Harry gasped aloud as the two goons threw back their woolen hoods. The porcine eyes of Vincent Crabbe blinked in narrowed contempt as the vacuous features of Gregory Goyle took in his surroundings with a hungry grin.
“Look, Vin,” he cried. “It’s a regular class reunion, it is!”
“Never had much to say to this lot,” Crabbe mumbled as he turned his back.
“Continue your search, boys,” Umbridge crooned. “Time to exchange addresses later.”
Goyle nodded absently as he followed Crabbe into the kitchen. The sound of cupboard doors slamming followed.
Did they really think a grown man could secret himself among the pots and pans? Harry considered. Right, make that a grown werewolf, a creature hardly known for its dexterity in domestic situations.
Within minutes, Crabbe and Goyle were exiting into the dining room and starting in on the liquor cabinet.
“Don’t slam those doors unless you want to be swimming in the swill this lot surely consumes,” Umbridge warned. “And don’t forget to check for trap doors beneath the Axminster.”
As Crabbe bent his portly form to comply, Harry barely resisted the urge to lunge for the box of darts on the side table. If only he could manage it before Umbridge’s Stunner cut him down. Then remembering the Toad Queen’s delight in cruelty, he abandoned the notion.
With eyes full of pent-up frustration, he watched his old school tormentors turn resolutely towards the hallway leading into the Lupin wing.
The smell of dust assaulted his sensitive nose as the world continued to tumble out of control. It took Remus a few extra heartbeats to recognize that the spinning sensation was inside his brain as his knees encountered rough brick. In the gloomy twilight, he lifted hands black with soot.
Where was he? Clearly not some cheery country cottage as he’d envisioned. All around him, the dark stone walls were covered with all manner of implements. It was too large for a potting shed “ unless it belonged to a viscount’s estate. The landed aristocracy were not likely to be connected to the Floo Network, though.
He leaned onto his hip as he untangled his legs beneath him. The atmosphere of mildew and disuse was like a thick layer coating his tongue. Perhaps if he went outside he could find his bearings, he considered as he shakily rose to his feet.
In the dim surroundings, he failed to notice the tumbled andirons. Catching his shoe, his body was sent sprawling painfully on the floor. His hands barely kept his face from colliding with the unyielding flagstones.
Rolling over onto his back, Remus allowed the air to slowly return to his lungs as he contemplated the stone ceiling supports. Could he be in some sort of dungeon perhaps? He’d best let his eyes grow accustomed to the low light. It was unfortunate that Wolfsbane dulled his night vision, but it had hardly mattered before now. It would just take minutes instead of seconds to acclimate, he reminded himself. Just like an ordinary wizard.
Bringing his right hand close to his face, he noted the subcutaneous dots of blood where the impact had bruised his palm. The sting throbbed dully, but it was nothing compared to the sharp pain from his other hand. Expecting to find he’d actually scraped the skin raw, he brought his left hand close for inspection.
He quickly closed his eyes to avoid the heavy droplets that splattered his face as he struggled onto his side to get a better look at a hand slick with dark blood. Wiping his palm along his shirtsleeve made him wince with pain. He forced suddenly unfocused eyes to concentrate on the task as he brought his wand close.
“Lumos!” he muttered under his breath to conserve the extra energy needed for wordless incantations.
The thick blood was deeply red in the light but still running too freely to see much of anything. With a cleansing spell vaguely remembered from his days recuperating in the Infirmary, the sparkle of glass could be distinguished before the jagged wound pooled with blood once more.
Scrambling to the hearth, he found a smattering of shards amid a glass eye-dropper which was remarkably intact. The liquid inside tumbled in an ever-shifting kaleidoscope of color as it caught the wand tip’s low light.
No wonder the medicine bottled was tinted in darkest amber; the contents leapt into life once exposed to the light. Too much light and the effectiveness would be diluted before it could be put to good use.
Great dragon’s spawn! The glass bits in his hand had been coated with the stuff. A hallucinogen that can induce coma or even death in uncontrolled quantities. He’d read the warnings on the label a thousand times, even succumbed to taking a small measure of the stuff when it was unavoidable.
How quickly would it absorb into his bloodstream, his brain wondered disjointed as he feverishly used his wand to lift and discard the glass particles that had ground themselves into his skin. There were hundreds, it seemed, as he worked with barely contained mania.
He stopped when he could no longer focus. Such a constant drain on his magical stores made him dizzy. He’d take a short breather and then resume, he vowed.
Remus rested his head against the slip-covered armchair that flanked the hearth. It was peacefully quiet in the derelict rooms as he closed his eyes to better appreciate the slow, steady beat of his heart. As soon as his breathing matched the relaxed rhythm, he slowly opened his eyes once more.
His surroundings had changed in troubling ways. The small slits near the ceiling had darkened to a deep blue but the walls seemed to be glowing from within. The candle brackets mocked him with their dark pupils as the implements on the wall danced with menace. Focusing his concentration, he established that he was not in a disused torture chamber despite the collection of blunt rugby paraphernalia and cricket gear. If he opened that locked trunk, would he find a spent Quidditch set or badminton equipment? The upright soldiers in the corner clearly belonged to a croquet set. The shelves of severed heads were nothing more than an assortment of game balls.
He calmed himself with the utter ordinariness of his surroundings, even if he had no idea where he was.
“Why not try a Locator Spell?” Sirius suggested. Remus looked up into the smiling grey eyes of his friend who was sprawled atop the slipcovers. “Didn’t see me walk in, did you?”
“Not really,” Remus stammered in a dull, raspy voice, thick from disuse.
“Here, hand me your wand. The Azkaban guards took mine.”
Remus didn’t stop to think that the Order had secured Sirius a new wand once he’d been established at Grimmauld Place. Wordlessly, he placed his wand in Sirius’ colorless hand.
Ignoring the blood splatters, Sirius balanced the wand in his palm and mumbled words in a language Remus didn’t recognize. The wand swung in one direction and then the other, then spiraled in lazy circles in Sirius’ outstretched hand.
“See, Moony, the answer’s obvious.”
Remus turned questioning eyes upward. “I don’t understand.”
“Should have taken a more careful look at those books we nicked from the Restricted Section,” James opined as he rested a hand on the chair back.
“James?” Remus cried in confusion.
“Please, I prefer ‘Prongs’ when it’s just us,” James reminded him.
“Then we’re not at number twelve?” Remus considered as he implored each face in turn.
“Course not,” James replied. “You would’ve recognized those rooms. Even in their refurbished state. Great idea for a museum, by the way.”
“Harry came up with that,” Remus stammered. “Your son.”
“You’ve become quite an influence in his life; I dare say he’s more likely to think of you as his father,” James extolled.
“James…I never…”
“Or his godfather, even,” Sirius gently interjected. “It’s what Lily intended, you know. She always thought you were better parenting material than I.”
“Have I died and gone straight to some dusty Purgatory?” Remus moaned.
“No,” James laughed heartily as if Remus had made a great joke.
“Leave it to Moony,” Sirius added as he came up for air. “His idea of Purgatory would be a perpetually dusty room.”
“Put your mind at ease,” James cajoled. “House-elves go to Purgatory, too.”
“Now you’ll just make him think you’ve been there personally,” Sirius berated James. Turning his attention directly to Remus, he proposed, “If anyone should know about Purgatory, it’s me. All those years living with the Black legacy tied like a millstone around my neck.”
“And even at number twelve, there was a house-elf,” James cut across. “Kreacher. Creepy little wanker, but certainly up to Mrs. Black’s aristocratic standards.” With a cheeky grin at Sirius, he concluded, “I rest my case.”
“Prongs here has these unfulfilled illusions that he should have studied magical law,” Sirius exclaimed. “Hasn’t won an argument with Lily yet. She’s the true barrister in the family.”
“Can I have my wand back?” Remus implored. He balanced it in his uninjured hand, palm open to the ceiling. The nonsensical words rose unbidden to his lips as the wand swung in a slow circle.
“Similar results.”
“That confirms it then.”
“Confirms what? My mind’s a bit foggy with the full moon and all,” Remus admitted.
“Why it’s obvious, mate,” Sirius leaned over to confide. “You’re underground.”
“Nowhere to go but up,” James concurred.
“Then why doesn’t the confounded thing just point up?” Remus argued.
“Perhaps it would under other circumstances,” James allowed.
“But I had to use a special charm to counteract the Unplottable Spell encased in the bedrock,” Sirius advised.
It took Remus a few extra seconds before the implications hit home. “We’re at Hogwarts?”
“Knew you’d get it, Moony,” Sirius supplied with the crooked grin that so charmed the ladies.
“I’d rethink that conclusion about this not being Purgatory, though,” James added. “I think that’s Kreacher I see scuttling along the skirting board.”
There was the barest whisper of movement, certainly not enough to disturb a man intent on reliving the golden days of his youth. By the time Remus glanced over his shoulder, he was face to face with the fathomless eyes of the behemoth. With James’ last words echoing inside his skull, the murky dragon in the corner rose up and swallowed him whole.
“He’s not there, either,” Crabbe announced darkly.
“But we found this.” Goyle produced the small pot of Floo Powder. “Still on the side table as if someone has been in too much of a hurry to return it to its proper spot on the mantle.”
“Don’t you go telling me that’s where you always keep it!” Umbridge scowled as she pointed to everyone in turn. “Children are too apt to play in it if it’s not kept out of their reach.”
“So?” Ginny countered as she stuck out her lip mulishly.
At Umbridge’s sharp blink of surprise, Harry elaborated, “And just what would happen if someone played with the Floo Powder? Other than a finely ground mess, that is.”
Zeroing in on Harry, Umbridge sneered, “Well, it’s obvious you grew up in a Muggle household.” Rounding on Ginny, she continued, “And that ragtag family of yours apparently couldn’t afford Floo Powder in favor of putting food on the table. Isn’t that so, Miss Weasley?”
“It’s Potter!” Ginny growled. “Harry and I are married.”
“Of course, dear,” Umbridge allowed with an incongruent titter. “Your lot can’t wait to breed like rabbits!”
The jeering laughter from Crabbe and Goyle was enough to get Tonks’ back up. “Really, Dolores. There’s no need to take out your spinsterish frustrations on poor Ginny here.”
“Spoken like a true scion of the Black legacy,” Umbridge responded. “I’ve always known the Black women were ambitions; but really, duckie, you’re supposed to wear your fur coat, not marry it.”
A sharp cough from Goyle drew everyone’s attention to his slack features. “Um, Madam Umbridge, ma’m. The powder hadn’t quite settled in the pot when we found it.”
“It’s likely someone may have escaped through the bedroom hearth,” Crabbe finished as he strained to stand as tall as his colleague’s shoulder. “This entire house is riddled with fireplaces.”
“Why does that surprise you?” Umbridge snapped. “A grand old house like this. Wouldn’t we have seen a lilac puff from this very hearth behind us, though? Surely they wouldn’t have overlooked the warning system.” She looked to her hosts huddled together on the sofa for corroboration.
“Couldn’t say,” Ginny issued with zest. “My family grew up in a one-room. We had only one chimney to share between us.”
Before Umbridge had time to react, Tonks interjected smoothly, “The house was in poor condition when it came into our possession. With so many renovations, it’s difficult to say what sort of features may have been overlooked.”
It was a smooth enough response, if one considered that Umbridge was unlikely to be familiar with wizard building codes. Harry, on the other hand, was wholly certain that it had been Dobby’s unique magic which had allowed Remus and the children to escape unnoticed.
Umbridge took a moment to consider her next move. “Well, Lupin’s bound to come back before bedtime. We’ll just have to be his welcoming committee. Don’t just stand there like overwrought statues!” she flared at her assistants. “Brew us a pot of tea in the kitchen. Maybe some biscuits from the cupboard.”
Tonks issued a massive sight from Harry’s right. It was going to be an extraordinarily long night.