You walk along the sidewalk beside an empty park a few feet away from Grimmauld Place. You don’t know what you were thinking – maybe you shouldn’t have ever let it out at all. But you knew you had to! You couldn’t keep your love for Remus inside any longer. He was different than most men; and no, not just because he was a werewolf. That didn’t matter to you. That never bloody mattered to you, but he was making it a big deal. He wanted you to make it a big deal too! As if that would ever happen! You couldn’t ever think differently of Remus Lupin – he was just… perfect.
You hang your head and look to the ground. You kick your feet at the dirt and grass beside the walk way and notice some wild flowers growing under the moonlight. You pick one up and play with the flower, using it to keep your mind calm, picking off the petals one by one. You feel the smooth petals between your fingers, the furry stem in the palm of your hand. You remember when you were little, you and your Muggle friends would sit in the grass, picking flowers like you are now. Only you would be picking the petals to tell how a boy felt about you, a sort of divination process. Each petal would represent his love for you, whether it existed or not. You smile at the crazy form of magic Muggle’s try to mimic. Not really thinking about what you are doing, you pick up a fresh flower and start picking off the petals; “he loves me,” “he loves me, not.” You pluck off the petals and let them fall to the ground, waiting to see what the final answer will be.
“He loves me, not.” Because being a werewolf meant that he couldn’t love anyone, or so he wanted you to believe.
You swallow back tears and shove your vacant hand into the pocket of your robes. The wind blows around your hair and you shove it out of your eyes. Seeing the dull brown almost shocks you… almost. The bubblegum pink was nice, but you aren’t in the mood for such cheer. Actually, you aren’t in the mood for much anymore. Life just doesn’t seem worth living without the one you love. You half hope to be sent on a mission, to be face to face with a Death Eater. You probably wouldn’t even care what the outcome was. If you can’t have him, then the world couldn’t have you. You sigh. You know it’s wrong to have such horrible thoughts; your mother wouldn’t approve. But if anyone knew love it was your mother. She defied her family and risked it all just to be with the man she loved, Ted Tonks. He was a Muggle. A werewolf isn’t far off from a wizard’s point of view.
Your mother knew very well the heartache you now go through. She understands why your appearance has changed, for she too, went through this heartache with her soul mate – she too had the same knotted feeling as you when you think you won’t ever be with him. She’s been through it and she knows it all, which is why she never presses the matter during your visits; she acts as if you are the same old Tonks, only you can see the sadness in her eyes when she looks at you. You catch her staring at you when you look away from her – she’s giving you sympathy with her eyes, praying to whatever god there is that this will all turn out well for you.
“He loves me.” And maybe he does. Things worked out for your mum, right?
You watch your feet drag along the ground, stepping onto the playground making dents into the soft sand and leaving a trail behind you. You pass the swings, which are silent and still in the late evening air. You stop. You don’t know why, your feet just stop moving as you stare across the green fields just outside of the park. Your eyes water as Remus’ name echoes through your head. Your heart beats fast and his face appears behind your eyes. You bring your hand up and wipe away a tear. This was ridiculous, you thought to yourself. You were raised to be stronger. And yet, you can’t muster any strength inside of you. It’s all gone; it ran away and now is with someone else. You wonder who the lucky person is that got all of your power. You decide it doesn’t matter – it only matters that now you are weak. You want to give in to the weakness, to break down and fall to the ground in tears. Why not? You have a right to be miserable. But you pick your feet back up and start walking again. Perhaps it’s the Auror inside you, but giving up is never an option in your mind. You’ll fight for his love. You’ll make it happen.
But what if it doesn’t work?
“He loves me, not.”
You step onto the green grass, a little crunchy from frost. The greenery wasn’t ready for the cold weather to come; it came so fast they didn’t have time to prepare themselves. Now they all sat in the ground, freezing cold and holding on to dear life. You bring your head up and notice a bench in the near distance. You decide your feet could use a break and change your direction towards the green wooden seat. The entire way there, you try to push Remus out of your mind, as you always do. It never fully works, though, and you know that. He’s always on your mind, no matter what’s going on around you. You wonder what he is doing right now, if he even cares about what he’s doing to you. You know he cares; he’s just the type of person to care. Sometimes he cares a little too much, which is exactly the reason why you are in this situation. You feel a sudden burst of anger. You never bloody cared that he was a werewolf! You could make it work, together you and Remus would make your love work.
“He loves me.”
You wonder if he really loves you. You’ve heard him say differently, but something inside you just knows that he’s lying. He loves you. At least you hope he does. You’re not sure about anything anymore, really. Your head is one huge confused mess. You make it to the bench and sit down. You lean back and look up at the stars. You try to find a constellation, but astronomy was never your strong subject. You wonder if the stars could tell you an answer; give you a sign that Remus does love you. But you never took Divination, so you’ll never know. You curse yourself for not learning more while at school. At least you have the flower…
Looking up at the sky, your eyes eventually wander over to the moon. It’s in its first quarter and you notice that it wasn’t until you met Remus that you started to pay attention to the moon. Now that you notice it, you realise it’s really a beautiful thing. A giant lantern in the sky, giving the night what the sun gives during the day; it’s the only ray of light at night, the only hope the night has to be bright. You weren’t scared of the moon. You feel that neither should Remus. You look across the park to the houses in the distance. Your eyes water. It never mattered to you that he was a werewolf.
You slowly reach the end of petals on your flower. “He loves me not” is pulled off of the stem and gladly thrown to the cold dirt.
“Dora!” You hear someone call your name and you drop the flower, your hand hovering over your wand. You hear footsteps at the sidewalk and stand up to get a better look. A man is running alongside the park and then stops. You walk a little closer and realise who it is.
“Remus!” you shout out. He looks over to you and with a distant popping noise you watch him disappear and reappear in front of you. He doesn’t say anything, and neither do you. He simply takes your hands in his and pulls you in a little closer to his body. You look into his eyes and your blood slowly starts to boil from his touch.
“Dora, I… I’m sorry.” You stare at him and frown. What is he sorry for? Sorry that he can’t be with you?
“I’m sorry. Dora, I love you. And I want to be with you. And if you are willing to – “
His sentence was cut short from you. Hearing those three words made your face burst into a smile and you couldn’t contain yourself. It didn’t matter what he had to say, he loved you. You kiss him with all of the passion a person could have. He pulls you in closer and kisses you back. Much to your disappointment, you both pull apart. He looks into your eyes and smiles. Your hair slowly changes colour, though you don’t realise it is happening; however, he does and he laughs as he kisses you again.
You both turn and walk back towards Grimmauld Place, in silent bliss, your arms wrapped around each other’s body. Your flower is left behind on the ground, a single white petal glistening in the moonlight.
He loves me.
Petals in the Moonlight by TheCursedQuill
Story Notes:
Thanks to my beta Dumbledores_fave! And everyone over at the boards who suggested title names! Also a huge thanks to IckleRonniex for making the banner that inspired this fic. It's a really great banner!
Chapter Notes: I am in no way the amazing JK Rowling. Just a puppet master playing with her lovely characters.