“Is it just me, or is this already really awkward?” Lily muttered to Sirius as they turned up the walk to the Potter’s house.
He looked down at her, sighing heavily. “It’s a little awkward.”
Peter, a few steps ahead, turned around to grimace at them, and then tripped over what appeared to be his own shadow. Sirius sighed again, and hoisted him up by the jacket. “On your feet, Wormtail,” he said, brushing him off. Peter grumbled something, then scrambled forward towards the large house that loomed before them.
They were walking in several distinct groups, with James and Leda at the front and Lily and Sirius at the rear, with Remus halfheartedly bridging the gap between them. Peter kept adjusting his speed, wavering between catching up to Remus or staying back with Sirius.
James’s house was, in a word, imposing. The stone walls loomed high above them, speckled artfully with huge windows, the frames of which were intricately decorated with whorls and stone spirals. Surrounding the house was what appeared to be a gigantic garden, although it was hard to tell beneath the snow.
Lily gave a low whistle. Sirius peered sideways at her again. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “They have money.”
“Understatement,” Lily breathed. “What am I even doing here?”
“You know,” Sirius said, “I actually was wondering that. Peter told us he was going to invite you, but I didn’t really think you’d say yes.”
“I don’t know why I did,” Lily muttered. “I guess I thought there was no way James would agree to it…”
“Yeah, he wasn’t too happy,” Sirius said absently. Lily stopped walking. Sirius didn’t notice at first and carried on a few steps passed her, then turned around, blinking.
“What do you mean, he wasn’t too happy?” Lily demanded, one eye on James and Leda, who had reached the door to the house.
Sirius rolled his eyes. “What, did you expect him to dance a jig or something? Leda’s even less pleased, I’d gather. It was kind of impressive, actually, when Peter told James he’d invited you…James said absolutely not, and then Peter told him that he’d invited you and he wasn’t about to uninvite you, and if James wanted him to come at all then he was just going to have to deal with that.”
“What?” Lily hissed, looking horrified. “Oh, I should just go home, if no one actually wants me here…”
“Oh, shut up,” Sirius told her. “Everybody but Leda wants you here. James is just being stubborn. Just like you.”
“Yeah, but””
Sirius grabbed her by the elbow and hauled her towards the door. “Don’t forget,” he reminded her, “I’m not speaking to James either right now. I need you here, or I’ll be hanging out with Mr. and Mrs. Potter all break. Don’t get me wrong, they’re great, but…”
He trailed off as they reached the door, which Remus had held open for them, looking impatient. “Were you going to stand out there all night?” he asked. “It’s cold.”
“No need to get snippy, Moony,” Sirius said, sticking out his tongue and stomping inside. Remus made a face at him and closed the door as Lily stepped through. She started to shake the snow off her shoes, but after a moment realized that it had gotten suddenly quiet; she looked up and realized that she was face-to-face with James and Leda, both of whom were staring back at her. James’s expression was unreadable, but Leda’s was openly hostile. Lily stared back at her, not entirely sure how she should react…Leda, after all, had more of a right to be there than she did…
Lily heard Sirius fidget uncomfortably behind her, and wondered if he was about to step in, when suddenly she heard a voice call, “Jamie? Is that my Jamie I just heard come in?”
A woman swept around the corner, going straight to James and enfolding him in a tight embrace. “Hi, Mum,” Lily heard James say as his mother stepped back to study him.
“You’re a bit peaky-looking, dear, have you been eating?” she asked.
As James answered her, Lily took a good look at Mrs. Potter. She was beautiful, all soft curves and warmth. Her dark hair, shot through with silver, was twisted up onto her head, her wand sticking through. Her face was creased with laugh lines, and her eyes were a gentle hazel”James’s eyes, Lily realized.
“And little Sirius!” Mrs. Potter said, swooping over to where Sirius and Lily were standing and bestowing a hug upon him as well. “We’ve missed you, my dears.”
Lily chuckled to herself watching this, not sure if she was more amused by Mrs. Potter calling Sirius “little,” or by the fact that Sirius didn’t seem to mind at all. She quieted, however, when Mrs. Potter turned to her, suddenly nervous, and not sure why.
“And you must be Jamie’s girlfriend,” the older woman said, beaming at her. “It’s so nice to meet you, we’ve heard so much about””
“Oh,” Lily said hastily, “oh, no, I’m not…I’m Lily Evans, I’m just a friend…”
Mrs. Potter blinked at her. “Oh,” she said, glancing at James, “oh but I was sure””
Leda stepped forward, offering her hand. “I’m Leda Woods, ma’am,” she said with a smile. “And I’m James’s girlfriend.”
Mrs. Potter seemed to recover her composure. “Of course you are, dear,” she said, smiling. “You have such similar-sounding names, I must have gotten confused. Lovely to meet you.”
Leda, looking slightly smug, stepped back beside James, taking his hand as Mrs. Potter proceeded to greet Remus and Peter with that same infectious enthusiasm that Lily was beginning to realize was her natural demeanor. She watched their interactions, preferring not to watch James and Leda holding hands. Sirius, however, nudged her pointedly after a few minutes of this, and she glanced up to see that James had freed himself from Leda, and was now standing with his arms folded. Sirius waggled his eyebrows suggestively at Lily, who laughed out loud, causing James to look sharply over at them.
“Why don’t I get you all settled in your rooms?” Mrs. Potter was saying now. “I figured that you boys could split up into James and Sirius’s rooms however you prefer, and the girls can share the guest room!”
She turned and led the way up the stairs in the foyer, the others trailing behind her. I'm sharing a room with Leda? Lily thought, horrified.
Sirius gave a low chuckle, and Lily glared at him. “I can’t believe I didn’t think of that,” she whimpered.
“You can do it,” Sirius said. “You’re tough.” He paused, tilting his head at her. “Can’t say I’m at all jealous, though,” he said, and giggled.
“I hate you,” Lily said gloomily, picking up her bag and following.
James and Sirius peeled off for their individual rooms. Remus and Sirius exchanged a glance, and after a moment of silent communication, Remus followed James while Peter stuck to Sirius’s heels. Sirius gave a little wave, looking half-sympathetic and half-amused, as Lily was left standing miserably in the hall with Leda.
“All right, girls,” Mrs. Potter said as she bustled down the hall and opened another door. They followed her inside. “The guest room is in here. I’m afraid there’s only one bed, but I’m sure you’ll make it work! You can have a nice little slumber party.”
She fluffed a few of the pillows, her back to them, apparently oblivious to the stiffness between the two girls who were now standing on opposite sides of the room, not looking at each other.
“The bathroom’s down the hall, and if I’ve forgotten anything, don’t hesitate to tell me! Take your time settling in, and when you’re up for it, come downstairs, I’ve got supper on. The boys all know the way if you get lost.”
And with a final smile, she departed.
For a moment, Lily and Leda just looked at each other, staring from opposite sides of the bed. Leda’s gaze was so ferocious, so territorial, that for a moment Lily just wanted to back away, to bow under the pressure, to say Go ahead, you take the bed, I’ll take the little couch in the corner, or the floor, even, don’t worry about it at all.
But then something inside of her hardened. She straightened her spine, looking at Leda who still stood with her arms folded, because hadn’t Leda taken enough from her already? Hadn’t she gotten in the way of so many things?
Leda moved as if to put her bag on top of the bed, and Lily’s eyes narrowed. I don’t think so, she thought, and slung her own bag on the bed first.
When Leda looked up at her in utter surprise, Lily flashed her the biggest smile she could make. “So which side do you want?” she asked.
“What?” asked Leda, taken aback.
“Oh, it’s totally big enough to share,” Lily said, still beaming. It was, actually”a wide, comfortable-looking bed, with a royal blue comforter freckled with silver that matched the walls. It felt a bit like being under the night sky, although Lily was carefully avoiding thinking about the last time she had lain under a night sky.
As she had hoped, however, Leda wrinkled her nose. “I don’t really want to share a bed,” she said.
“Oh, well I don’t mind at all,” Lily bluffed, flopping backwards onto the bed.
“Whatever, Lily,” Leda sniffed, scowling down at her. “Maybe I’ll just go sleep with my boyfriend.”
Lily did not, as she knew Leda wanted, rise to the bait. “Ooh,” she tsked instead, as though Leda’s words hadn’t sent a sharp pang through her chest. “You and James and Remus? Sounds cozy. Whatever will James’s mother think?”
Leda merely deepened her frown and stomped from the room. Lily didn’t know where she was going, nor did she particularly care; all she knew was that, this round, she had won.
As the door slammed shut, it occurred to Lily that, throughout the entire conversation, she had not been smiling so much as showing her teeth.
---
Sirius regarded the days leading up to Christmas with a sort of passive interest. He’d always had a knack for knowing when trouble was about to brew”something he credited to his childhood with his parents, along with his knowledge of when to duck”and he could feel the storm clouds gathering.
He’d noticed it since the first night, when they’d all gone down to dinner. Leda had looked thunderous, although Lily looked rather smug, and though Sirius had made a mental note to ask her what had happened, he’d promptly forgotten as soon as Mrs. Potter set a plateful of food in front of him.
Mr. Potter, who was tall and lean and bespectacled, came in a few minutes later, ruffling Sirius’s hair jovially and greeting his son with a clap on the back. When they stood next to each other like that, Sirius rather felt as though he was looking at James’s future”although, admittedly, Mr. Potter had much less hair.
He’d never quite be able to put into words how much he loved this family. Their house was warm in a way on the inside, so different from it’s statuesque exterior, and the whole atmosphere was markedly different than the world Sirius had grown up in. He watched Mr. and Mrs. Potter move around the kitchen, gazing at them both with a tremendous amount of love and appreciation, even if they had spoiled their son a tad”at least until he, Sirius, had moved in and stolen the show, of course. He was even feeling a bit of love for James right now (whom he was still mad at, of course, no matter what Remus told him James had said) because it was hard not to, in such a happy place.
---
The next few days, however, were far from happy, as the six Gryffindors remained stubbornly segregated, with James and Leda usually in one room, Sirius, Lily and Peter in another, while a harried-looking Remus switched back and forth between the two. But Christmas was fast approaching, and Lily was quickly becoming discontented with the way things were. “We shouldn’t have come,” she’d said to Sirius on several occasions. “We knew it would be like this, we shouldn’t have come.”
But every time she’d said this, he had merely shrugged and said, “Call me optimistic.”
Lily woke one morning, the day before Christmas Eve, thinking about these words. Optimistic about what? she thought, somewhat bitterly, before rolling over in bed. She jumped slightly; Leda, from where she had been sleeping on a futon in the corner of the room, was staring daggers at her. Oh, thought Lily, that’s not creepy at all.
Leda, it transpired, had not ended up sleeping in James’s room, although Lily wasn’t sure if she had been bluffing or if either James or Remus hadn’t allowed it. Instead, she returned to the guest room, and had sulkily put together a makeshift bed. Around the second day of their visit, Lily had begun to feel slightly guilty about this, and had offered to switch off nights in the bed. Leda, however, had turned her nose up at this request and her back on Lily, thereby alleviating almost all of Lily’s guilt.
So now, Lily yawned, stretching her arms luxuriously above her head”it was, perhaps, a bigger show than she normally put on, but she was only human”and then slid out of bed, grabbing a bundle of clothes as she went, and slipped down the hall to take a shower.
In a lot of ways, this was her favorite time of day, lately. It was early enough in the morning that the boys were all still asleep”the only time, really, that they did anything together these days”and she could pretend to herself that everything was as it used to be. Maybe, she thought as she turned on the shower and stepped in, maybe that was what Sirius meant by optimism, although to her, it felt a little more like longing.
She was so deep in thought that, at first, she didn’t hear the bathroom door open. She froze, however, at the sound of someone moving; she’d locked the door, of course, but a simple Alohamora charm could take care of that, of course.
“Hello?” Lily called out cautiously, feeling suddenly very exposed. She thought she heard the door close, and warily, she stuck her head out around the shower curtain.
No one was there. Weird, she thought fervently. Maybe I imagined it.
A few minutes later, however, as she turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, it became quite clear that she hadn’t imagined it.
---
Sirius woke relatively early for him, ruffled his hair, and glanced over at Peter, who was still snoring on a mattress on the floor. He looked out the window, saw that the sun had come up a little while ago, and considered going back to sleep for a bit until he remembered that Mrs. Potter was probably downstairs making pancakes, and if he helped, she’d probably let him lick the bowl when she was done.
Heartened by this, Sirius swung himself out of bed, pulling on the first clothes that he could find, and started down the hallway. As he passed the bathroom, however, he heard a voice hiss his name.
“Huh?” he said aloud, stopping in his tracks.
“Over here!” came the voice again, and this time he recognized it as Lily’s.
Sirius turned, squinting, towards the bathroom door, which was open a small crack. “Lily?” he asked, taking a few hesitant steps forward. He reached to push open the door, but was surprised when it slammed shut against his hand, Lily apparently having thrown herself against it.
“…the hell?” Sirius muttered, jiggling the doorknob. “Are you okay in there?”
“You can’t come in,” Lily said, easing the door open a sliver and peering through it. “But I need your help.”
“What are you doing?” Sirius asked.
“Um,” Lily said, and to his delight, she sounded slightly embarrassed. “Well…I was taking a shower…”
“Usually what people do in the bathroom,” Sirius interjected, and even though he could only see one of her eyes through the crack in the door, he could tell she was scowling at him.
“Shut up.”
“I get bored easily. Tell me what’s going on quick or I’m leaving.”
Lily sighed. “Well…um…someone came in here while I was showering and stole all my clothes.”
She said this last part in such a rush that Sirius wasn’t entirely sure he had heard her correctly. “Excuse me?” he said. “Did you just say someone stole all your clothes?”
“And all the towels in here,” Lily said glumly. “I think it was Leda.”
Sirius burst out laughing.
“Stop it!” Lily snapped. “It’s not funny!”
“It’s hilarious,” Sirius corrected her. “How long have you been in there?”
“About half an hour,” she said plaintively. “I’ve been waiting here for someone to walk by forever. And I’m cold.”
Sirius gave another hoot of laughter. “So what,” he said, calming down, “do you want me to do about it, exactly? And why do you think it was Leda?”
“Well, it wasn’t you, was it?” Lily said. “Who else would it be? Leda’s not exactly my biggest fan these days, plus she knew exactly when I left to take a shower. And I want you to go into my room and get me something to wear! At least so I can make it down the hall.”
Sirius made a face. “No way,” he said. “I’m not going through a bunch of girl clothes, who knows what I’d find in there…and anyway, I don’t want to go barging into your room, Leda could be naked in there or something!” Lily made a small noise of protestation. “Not,” Sirius amended hastily, “that there’s anything wrong with naked girls.”
“Oh, just stop,” Lily said dryly. “You’re digging yourself deeper.”
There was the creak of a door opening to their left, and Sirius turned his head to look, surprised. “What’s going on out here?” came a familiar voice.
It was James, emerging from his room tousle-haired and bleary-eyed. Seeing him, Lily gave another tiny squeak and slammed the door shut again.
Sirius was struck by how small James looked as he stood there, looking silently at the closed bathroom door. Finally, he heaved a heavy sigh and muttered, “She hates me. Sorry I interrupted. I’ll leave. You guys can go back to whatever you were talking about.”
For a split second, Sirius was torn between letting him leave and going after him. Instead, not even consciously aware he was making the decision, he heard himself say, “It’s not about you, actually.”
James turned towards him, hope sparking in his eyes. “Oh, really?” he asked.
“Really,” Sirius said, walking towards him. “It’s actually a catfight. Very interesting. Highly entertaining. I’ll explain once we get out of the open.”
Without waiting to be invited, he darted into James’s room. James followed, closing the door behind him. Remus wasn’t there, but James had a bathroom attached to his room, the door of which was closed, and Sirius assumed Remus was behind it.
Thinking about bathrooms made him think about Lily, which made him smile. James looked at him questioningly, and Sirius started to tell him what had happened. I’m still mad, he thought as he spoke. I’m still mad, aren’t I? But he kept talking anyway, because he’d missed this, missed the ease between them, more than he cared to admit.
“Wow,” James said, as soon as Sirius paused for breath, “a lot goes on in my own house that I don’t know about.”
“Well, you’ve always been thick,” Sirius said, crossing the room and opening one of James’s drawers. “Where’s that shirt I got you for Christmas fifth year?”
“Why?” James asked.
“Duh,” said Sirius. “Because I need to get clothes for Lily. Poor girl’s been stuck in that bathroom long enough.”
“Why are you giving her my clothes?” James laughed.
Sirius, having located the shirt, straightened up and closed the drawer with his foot. “Well I’m certainly not giving her any of mine,” he said. “I’ll never get them back.” He shook out the t-shirt he was holding and looked at it proudly”it was neon pink, and emblazoned with the words “World’s Best Grandma.”
“You know,” Sirius said, looking at it thoughtfully, “I don’t think you’ve ever worn this.”
James grinned as Sirius began to rifle through his other drawers. “Of course I have,” he said. “That’s my favorite shirt. Just ask my mom.”
“Sure,” Sirius said. “Well, we’ll put it to good use now. Come on.” Slinging a pair of trousers over his arm, he waltzed from the room, James following closely.
When they reached the bathroom, Sirius rapped on the door. “Open up, Evans!” he called.
“Took you long enough,” Lily grumbled, and the door creaked open a crack. A moment later, she stuck her hand out.
“Oh, you want to come out?” Sirius said mischievously, and he grabbed her hand and pulled.
Lily yelped, ripping her hand away just in time and slamming the bathroom door shut again. “Not funny!” she said emphatically.
Sirius smirked. “A little funny,” he said. “Here. For real this time.”
Lily stuck her hand out of the door again, and he shoved the bundle of clothes into it. From behind the closed door, they heard her laugh as she looked at what they had brought her.
“You’re such a guy!” she called. “‘World’s Best Grandma?’”
“You’re welcome,” Sirius said back.
“Thank you,” came the muffled reply. “Hold on, I’ll be right out.”
James leaned back against the wall, chuckling, and Sirius grinned at him, a warmth between them that had been missing for months. A few seconds later, Lily came bouncing out of the bathroom saying, “Remind me to never go anywhere without my wand aga””
She stopped, look suddenly self-conscious as she noticed that James was standing beside Sirius. “Oh,” she said, looking down, “hey.”
James nodded at her, then straightened up. “Right,” he said. “Well, I’m gonna go see if my mom needs any help. I’ll see you guys later.” And he walked swiftly towards the stairs.
Lily looked at Sirius, quirking an eyebrow. “What was that all about?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” he said thoughtfully.
Lily shrugged. “Well, I’m going to go change into real clothes now,” she said. “Thanks for everything. See you later.”
Sirius waved as she walked away, his eyes still focused on the spot where James had disappeared.
---
The next day and a half passed much as the ones that had preceded it, with one striking difference: James and Sirius were no longer staunchly ignoring each other. They weren’t speaking either, exactly, but Lily had noticed them exchange several glances during mealtimes ever since her debacle with the shower, both of them half-smiling, as though sharing some sort of secret.
But it wasn’t James and Sirius she was thinking about as she lay awake, so late on Christmas Eve that it may have already been Christmas morning. Instead, all her focus was on the small, wrapped package she now held clutched beneath the bedcovers. Restlessly, she passed it from hand to hand, entirely unsure what to do with it”because it was, of course, for James.
She’d brought it with her on the faint hope that the winter holidays would help, somehow, to fix everything that was wrong between them, but it hadn’t. And here it was, almost Christmas, and she was left with a gift that she didn’t know how to give.
For what felt like the hundredth time that night, Lily rolled over to check to see if Leda was sleeping. The other girl was breathing heavily, and had been for the past few hours at least, and Lily was relatively sure that she wasn’t faking. If she was ever going to do this, it had to be now.
She slipped silently out of bed, her toes curling against the chill of the floor, and crept out the door, the box still tight in her hand. The house was eerily quiet, and she held her breath as she walked, every creak on the wooden floors making her wince.
After what felt like an age, she reached James’s door. Hesitantly, still half-wondering if she was crazy for doing this, she pushed open the door and stepped inside.
His room was not what she had expected. It was smaller, quieter somehow. The walls were some deep color”dark green, perhaps, or blue, it was hard to tell in the dim lighting”but much of the space was taken up by two large, deep-set windows. There was a bookshelf in the back corner, which was piled haphazardly with both old schoolbooks and Quidditch gear. James’s bed was in the opposite corner, a night table beside it. Several photos were tacked up on the wall here as well, primarily of James with Sirius, Remus, and Peter, but there were a few of his family as well. There were, Lily was gratified to see, no pictures of Leda.
Remus, she noticed, wasn’t there; she knew he’d been switching nightly between James and Sirius’s rooms, desperate not to exclude anyone, and she reasoned that tonight, he must be in with Sirius and Peter.
James himself was curled on his side, sound asleep, one hand dropping over the edge of his bed, his glasses on the table beside him. He looked startlingly young without them, his eyes closed and his too-long hair flopping onto his face. Lily was struck with a sudden urge to brush it off his forehead. Instead, she turned away, setting her package on his nightstand where he could find it in the morning.
As she moved a book on the table aside to make space, she accidentally knocked something off. She turned curiously as it fluttered towards the ground, and bent to retrieve it. It was another photograph, and she meant to just slip it back where she had dislodged it, but as she turned it over, her heart leapt with recognition, and she gripped it a little more tightly.
It was a copy of one of the same pictures Remus had sent to her last summer, the one she had shown Petunia in September. She looked down at herself, flanked by James and Sirius, James’s arm around her, all three of them laughing.
She felt a sudden pang for those times, before they had all fallen apart in a way that she hoped wasn’t irreparable but feared that it might be. But surely it meant something that he was still holding on to this picture. She wondered if his mother had seen it, and if that was why she had confused Lily and Leda when they first arrived.
Carefully, she slid the photograph back underneath her Christmas present to James and turned to go. Suddenly, she felt fingers on her wrist; surprised, her heart racing, she turned to see James, barely half-awake, blinking blearily up at her. It was the first physical contact they’d had since catching the Snitch together in the Great Hall weeks ago.
“Lily?” he murmured, his hand tightening around her wrist. “What’re you…am I dreaming?”
“Yeah,” she said after a moment’s hesitation, kneeling beside him, her arm slipping from his grasp. “Yeah, it’s just a dream.”
“Thought so,” he said sleepily, propped up on his elbow but barely able to keep his eyes open. “Wouldn’t make sense otherwise. But…since it’s a dream, and all…”
And before she had even fully registered what he was saying, he had moved the hand that had been holding her wrist to the side of her face, leaned forward, and brushed his lips lightly against hers”so lightly, in fact, that for the first few moments, she wondered if she was imagining it.
But then just as soon as he had been there, he was gone again, breaking all contact between them and settling back into his pillow. Lily, still slightly bewildered by what had just happened, got shakily to her feet, and brushed her thumb against his cheekbone. “Good night, James,” she whispered. “Go back to sleep.”
“Mkay,” he sighed, yawning slightly, and nestling deeper into bedcovers. With one backwards glance, Lily crossed the room and darted outside again, closing the door softly behind her, feeling open and vulnerable and wondering why, suddenly, she felt a bit like crying.
Stars Apart by Willow Rosenberg
Chapter Notes: Hi! So I am sorry I have fallen down so completely on responding to reviews. I will get to them as soon as possible--life's been a little hectic, and I figured you'd rather me write the next chapter first :S But a blanket thank-you to everyone who reads this, and an extra-special thank-you to all of you who review. You guys rock!
Anyway, here's chapter 12. Enjoy :D xxx---------------