Just a tiny…pinch…of asphodel, and…
Holding her breath, Lily carefully let the last ingredient fall into her cauldron; the potion they were brewing today was particularly touchy, and just the slightest mistake could cause an explosion. Two students had already ignited their cauldrons and been sent to the hospital wing to treat their burns. And quite apart from wanting to avoid injury, Lily had seen the way Professor Slughorn had looked over at her, all fatherly pride and confidence, and she didn’t want to disappoint.
Cautiously, Lily stirred the potion counterclockwise seven times. It smoked a little, but nothing more, and she let out a sigh of relief, leaning back against her chair.
“Whew,” said Remus Lupin, who was sitting next to her, a moment later. “I think that was one of the most nerve-wracking hours of my life.”
“And considering your friends, that’s saying something,” Lily joked. “Did you finish?”
“Yep,” Remus said, looking faintly satisfied. “Now we just have to let it sit for twelve minutes, right?”
“Yeah,” said Lily, wiping a hand across her brow. “The hard part is over.”
They both sat there for a bit, contemplating their cauldrons. Of all the seventh-year Gryffindors, they and Amelia Bones were the only ones who had continued with N.E.W.T.-level potions. Amelia, a few chairs over, was working steadily on the final stages of her potion.
“So,” Remus said after a moment, with a sideways glance at Lily. “Interesting Charms class this morning, huh?”
Lily sighed heavily, running a hand through her hair. “How’s Peter doing?” she asked in response, and Remus shrugged sadly.
“Dunno. He didn’t really want to talk about it.”
That morning in Charms, Professor Flitwick had divided the class into partners, and had put Peter and Leda together. Peter had seemed thrilled by this arrangement, and although Lily privately couldn’t see what he was so excited about, she was glad that the two would get a chance to talk. She herself had been partnered with Mary, and they had chatted amiably in between practicing wand movements. Lily had to admit that she had been glad to have the break from Leda, who had taken to spending almost all of her time with Mary. It was with this in mind that she had turned to glance back at the table Peter and Leda shared, to see how things were going between the two of them. But Leda, she noticed, was staunchly ignoring Peter, and in fact kept turning to talk to Sirius and James, who were sitting behind them. James was polite and responsive, but Sirius looked downright wary. Lily had thought that Sirius was being a little overly concerned until Peter, grandly flourishing his wand in what was most likely a misguided attempt to impress Leda, had accidentally set his own hair on fire.
Leda had screamed loudly at this and had, in a manner that Lily thought was a ridiculous overreaction, thrown herself at James, hiding her face in his shoulder. James, looking completely nonplussed by this, had awkwardly patted her once on the back and then just stood there, his hands on his hips, looking around in bewilderment, until someone had the sense to put Peter’s hair out for him. Eventually, Leda had detached herself from James, collected her books, and told Peter that he was utterly incompetent and that, for her own safety, she hoped she never had to do magic with or near him again.
“It really was a complete overreaction,” Lily said to Remus, who had just leaned forward to double-check his potion. “I don’t blame Peter for not wanting to talk about it. Leda was out of line.”
“The whole thing was weird,” Remus said, shaking his head. “People are going completely mental these days.”
“There’s a full moon next week, that might be why,” Lily teased, winking when he scowled at her. “But really…she used to be nice. Didn’t she used to be nice, or am I remembering this wrong?”
“She used to be shy,” Remus countered. “It’s not the same thing as nice.”
“You’re shy,” Lily said. “And no one would ever accuse you of not being nice. I don’t know, though, she seems really different lately.”
Remus shrugged. “Well, you know her better than I do. I mean, you have lived in the same dorm with her for the past six years.”
“Yeah, I guess,” Lily said. “We were never that close though. I don’t ever remember her being such a complete bi””
“Are you guys talking about Leda?”
Lily looked up at the new voice, blinking guiltily as she realized it was Amelia. “Oh,” she said a little uncomfortably. “Yeah. I’m just venting. I’m sorry, Amelia, I know she’s your best friend…”
“Don’t worry about it,” Amelia said, sighing heavily. “She’s been weird to me this year, too, she barely talks to me at all. She’s been spending all her time with Mary this year.”
“I’ve noticed that,” Lily said.
Amelia half-smiled, a little sadly, and said, “Well, carry on, then,” before walking to the back of the dungeons to wash her hands.
“Sirius says it’s because she wants a better boyfriend than Peter,” Lily said to Remus.
“Yeah, I’ve heard that theory,” Remus said. “Although he definitely hasn’t mentioned it to Peter. I don’t know, though.”
Lily suddenly remembered something else Sirius had said to her the other day that had piqued her curiosity. “Hey, Remus,” she said slowly. “How come you don’t date ever?”
Remus looked up sharply. “What?” he asked. “Why are you asking me that?”
Lily blinked, taken aback by his sudden hostility. “Just something Sirius mentioned,” she said. “I wondered.”
“Sirius needs to learn to keep his mouth shut,” Remus muttered.
“Sorry,” Lily said, concerned. “I’m sorry. I didn’t””
Remus shook his head. “No, it’s okay,” he said softly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to jump at you like that, it’s just”it’s an old argument.”
“I’ll stay out of it then,” said Lily, smiling at him.
“Anyway,” Remus said, glancing at her, “you’re one to talk.”
“Excuse me?”
“Oh, come on, Lily,” Remus said, turning in his chair to face her. “How much longer are you going to make him wait?”
“Who?” Lily said. “I don’t know what you””
“You know exactly what I mean,” Remus interrupted. “You’re a smart girl. You know James has been waiting for you. I don’t know”and I don’t need to know”what issues you have that are making this such a difficult decision for you, but maybe you should consider getting over them. Because James…he’s great, and he really likes you, but even he has his limits.”
Lily just looked at him, eyes wide, for a long moment. “Wow,” she said eventually. “That was blunt.”
He grinned sheepishly. “Sorry,” he said. “I’ve just been thinking it for a long time.”
“Duly noted,” said Lily. “Seriously though. That was interesting.”
“Yeah, well,” Remus said, looking down. “But Lily?”
She looked up questioningly. “Yeah?”
“Either way it goes, just…don’t wait too long, okay?”
Lily gazed back at him, then, slowly, nodded once.
---
It was a rainy Saturday in early October when Peter finally slipped from the mourning-Leda funk he had been in for the past week and went down to the common room to find his friends.
As he had suspected, they were clustered at the far window table, papers spread out, although largely unnoticed, before them. Conveniently forgetting how hard they had all been trying to convince him to leave the dorm room over the past few days, Peter was slightly irked to see how much fun they seemed to be having without him; James was gesticulating wildly while Remus smiled, and Sirius full-out laughed. Lily Evans was sitting where Peter sat.
Quietly, he slid into the seat to the left of Sirius, who hit him”a little harder than necessary”on the shoulder. “Well, well,” Sirius said. “Look who’s back from the dead.”
“I wasn’t dead,” Peter said, a little huffily.
Sirius rolled his eyes. “I know that, Wormtail,” he said. “It’s nice to see you up walking around again, that’s all.”
Peter shrugged. “I got a little bored up there, that’s all,” he said, gazing past Lily, who was seated on Sirius’s right, to the rest of the common room, where Mary and Leda sat gossiping.
Sirius’s face hardened. “Did you come down here just so you could mope over Leda more?” he demanded.
“No!” Peter said hotly. “I mean, maybe a little bit, but that wasn’t the whole reason…”
“Merlin, Peter, when are you going to let go of this ridiculous obsession?” Sirius asked.
Peter furrowed his brow angrily. “It’s not ridiculous,” he said. “And it’s not an obsession! I’m not like you, Padfoot, I don’t have girls fawning over me all the time. She really liked me. She was the one, I know it!”
“I don’t have girls fawning over me all the time,” Sirius retorted. “I don’t know where you’re getting that idea. Besides, you can do better than her.”
“Or maybe she just realized she can do better than me,” Peter said sadly.
Sirius bit his lip, unable to think of a response to this. He looked up at the rest of their friends, none of whom had been paying attention to the argument. “Come on,” he said bracingly. “Who wants to help me convince Peter that Leda is a complete cow?”
Lily, who had been, up to this point, scribbling furiously away at a Charms essay, looked up and frowned at Sirius. “We’ve talked about this,” she said sternly.
Sirius put on his biggest puppy-dog look. “I know, Evans,” he wheedled. “But it’s not for me, it’s for Wormtail! Can’t you see how much he needs it?”
Lily glanced over at Peter, who did indeed look morose. “Well,” she said grudgingly, “you could do better. As a girlfriend, anyway.”
When Sirius looked smug, Lily looked at him sharply. “But you don’t have to keep being so nasty about her,” she said. “I really don’t understand why you hate her as much as you do.”
“Oh, I don’t hate her,” Sirius sighed. “I just don’t think she should be a Gryffindor.”
“What?” Lily asked, surprised.
“Yeah,” he shrugged. “I mean, come on. You saw her in class the other day. She’s not brave, and she’s sure as hell not loyal. What is a Gryffindor if not that?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Lily said thoughtfully. “Maybe it’s just a different kind of bravery. She is Keeper, you know, and that’s the kind of thing that would terrify me.”
“Oh, whatever,” Sirius said. “You’re brave about things that matter.”
“Stop that, you’re embarrassing me,” Lily deadpanned. “But I guess you could say that she is brave about going after what she wants?”
“Okay,” Sirius argued, “but when going after what she wants means treating people this carelessly? I don’t buy it.”
Peter shifted uncomfortably in his seat as Lily just sighed and said, “Well, I guess you just have to trust that maybe the Sorting Hat knows something you don’t.”
“What did you just say?” James said suddenly, speaking for the first time. Lily, Sirius, and Peter all looked across the table at him, surprised.
“Um, I said that maybe the Sorting Hat knows something that Sirius doesn’t?” Lily said, perplexed.
Remus, who had been bending over the same piece of parchment as James, looked up as well. “What did she just say?” he asked James.
“That maybe the Sorting Hat knows something Sirius doesn’t,” James whispered back.
“Do you think””
“Yeah, it might be””
“I can’t believe we didn’t think of that.”
“I know, honestly. So if we””
“What are you two talking about?” Sirius interrupted, looking back and forth between James and Remus. “What are you doing over there?”
“Potions homework,” Remus said vaguely.
“James isn’t in Potions,” Lily pointed out patiently.
“Oh yeah…” Remus said, looking down at the parchment again and sucking on the tip of his quill.
Peter stood up, his hands on the table, leaning forward and craning is neck. “Is that a map?” he asked. “Is that the map?”
“No way,” Sirius said excitedly, his interest piqued. “I thought we gave up on that idea a year ago.”
“We did,” James said, looking up and grinning. “But Remus got to thinking about it again, and we thought maybe we’d give it another go.”
“We weren’t really having any luck,” Remus said, “since it’s so hard to plot a building like Hogwarts””
“”and we realized we were limited by what we know of the castle,” James finished for him. “But Lily just mentioned the Sorting Hat””
“”which reminded us that there are enchanted objects whose knowledge extends past that of their creators!” Remus said gleefully.
“So this map is a complete possibility!” Sirius said. “Why didn’t you tell me we were starting up again? I would have helped! Peter too.”
“We didn’t want to get your hopes up,” James said apologetically. “But get over here, we could use you to figure this out…”
Sirius scrambled to his feet, going around to the other side of the table. A befuddled Lily glanced over at Peter, who was still sitting at the table, his chin in his hands. “I didn’t understand a word of that,” she told him.
“I never do,” he said glumly.
---
Lily was awakened early the next morning by a plaintive mewing.
Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, she groaned as she rolled over. It was, in her opinion, an ungodly hour”but at least the sun streaming brightly through her window meant that today would be nicer than yesterday.
The meow came again, and Lily cracked up one eye to see a small gray cat standing by her pillow. “Hi, Jinx,” she muttered, recognizing the cat as James’s. Lily had, in fact, given Jinx to him on his last birthday. “How’d you get in here?”
The cat purred happily, butting her head against Lily’s face. Lily sat up, yawning, and reached out to stroke Jinx before noticing the small roll of parchment tied around her neck. “What are you, an owl now?” Lily asked, detaching the parchment and unrolling it. Jinx hopped on her lap, demanding to be petted, as Lily read the letter.
Wake up, Evans! it said, in James’s messy scrawl.
It’s a beautiful day outside. Perfect flying conditions”I haven’t forgotten! Get out of bed and down to the common room now. And Jinx is under strict orders to keep meowing until you do, so don’t think you’re getting out of this. See you in a bit, James x.
Lily stared at the end of the letter for a moment, wondering if the “x” at the end was what it looked like, or merely a spelling mistake. Who knows, she thought to herself, maybe I just can’t read his writing.
Jinx made another tiny cat sound from the bed, and Lily grinned and scooped her up. “All right,” she said. “I’m coming.”
Leaving the letter on the bed, she set about getting dressed, trying her hardest not to wake the other three girls. Leda shifted slightly in her sleep, but Amelia and Mary were dead to the world Ten minutes later, Jinx under her arm, Lily was sliding quietly out the door and down the stairs.
“Hey,” a grinning James said to her, rising from an armchair with his broom in hand as she entered the common room. Jinx leapt from Lily’s arms to wind between his feet.
“So you’re really serious about this, huh?” Lily asked, eyeing the broom not without some trepidation.
“Of course I am,” he said calmly. “Let’s go.”
They made their way down to the Quidditch pitch, Lily dragging her feet with every step. “Why are we out here so early?” she said as they walked onto the grounds together.
“Because no one else is,” James told her. “Unless you’d prefer an audience?”
“No,” Lily grumbled. “I’d prefer to be asleep, like all of the normal people.”
James made a face. “Normal’s no fun,” he said.
“Well, you would know,” Lily teased him, but her smirk died on her face as they reached the Quidditch pitch. She looked up at the stands and the hoops, suddenly realizing just how high they were.
“You know what, James?” she said abruptly, turning to him. “I don’t really want to do this.”
“I know you don’t,” he said, looking back at her. “That’s why we’re here.”
She still felt”and looked, she was sure”a little queasy. “Don’t worry,” James said, seeing this. “I’m not just going to throw you on a broom and make you go. The whole point is getting you to enjoy this.” In one swift, fluid movement, he swung a leg over his broomstick and pushed off from the ground, doing a quick loop-de-loop over her head. Lily tried not to wince as, gracefully, he landed right in front of her. “Get on,” he said, grinning.
“Uh, James,” Lily felt compelled to point out. “You’re on there.”
“I know,” he said, patting the handle of his broom affectionately. “My baby’s a Silver Arrow, she can take us both.”
Lily just looked at him suspiciously.
“Come on, Evans,” he said finally, in laughing exasperation. “I know what I’m doing. Get on.”
Slowly, tentatively, she stepped forward, gingerly getting on in front of him. “Now what?” she asked.
His arms went around her, closing on the smooth wood of the broom handle. “Now nothing,” he said, and she felt his voice rumble through his chest, which was pressed against her back. “I’ve got it from here. You just hold on…and keep your eyes open.”
“What?” Lily started to ask, but he had pushed off from the ground, and she grabbed for the broom, reflexively closing her eyes tightly. She felt the wind whip past her face, colder than she had expected in the early throes of fall, but the shape of James behind her was warm and oddly reassuring, his arms tightening around her as they gathered speed.
“Your eyes are closed, aren’t they?” she heard him say in her ear, and she cracked one open.
“How could you tell?” she shouted back, scared to turn her head and risk unbalancing them.
“I know you!” he called. “Open up, it’s part of the fun.”
“No sudden movements, please!” she begged him, but he laughed.
“No promises,” she thought she heard him say, and she was about to protest when she took her first real look around.
They were high, but not quite as high as they could have been”they were just level with the tops of the trees at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. They were moving gently in a large circle around the Quidditch pitch. Lily looked down and gulped”the ground was passing below them at an alarming rate, and she looked up again quickly. But once she did, her sense of vertigo diminished; she could see birds circling the forest, flying like they were, and had a sudden, bizarre urge to race them; she could see Hagrid’s hut, and the gamekeeper himself poking around in his garden. The ends of the Whomping Willow waved, slightly sinisterly, in the breeze, and the rest of the grounds rolled out before them, the castle rolling out ahead. Ever so slightly, Lily relaxed. Wow, she thought. So this is flying.
Behind her, she felt James laugh, and there was nothing at all mocking or self-deprecating in it, as there so often was; it was a bubble of pure joy, reveling in the being free. For the first time, Lily thought, she might understand why he loved it like he did.
After a few more minutes, they began to spiral slowly downwards. Forced to suddenly payattention to the ground once more, Lily felt her nerves rise again, and held her breath. But they landed softly and without incident, and Lily slid off the broomstick as soon as her feet were on solid ground again and turned to face him.
“So?” James asked, beaming at her. “What did you think?”
“Well,” Lily said, a little shakily, “I don’t think I’m quite ready to do that on my own yet. But you…you’re a good teacher.”
James took a step towards her, grinning cockily. “What was that, Evans?” he asked, standing so close they were almost touching, and gazing down at her. “I don’t think I heard you correctly.”
“Oh, you heard me,” Lily said, pushing him playfully in the chest.
“Still,” James laughed, catching her hand, “I think you can say it again.”
She opened her mouth, to give in or to keep teasing him she wasn’t sure, but as his hand tightened around hers she forgot them, leaning forward almost involuntarily. “James,” she half-whispered,
“Yeah?” he murmured back, almost urgently, as she fell silent.
“I…” and she could feel his breath, warm, on her face as her eyes fluttered shut and his hand traveled from hers along her arm to cup the back of her neck…
“Hey you guys, what’re you doing?”
At the sound of Leda’s voice, Lily and James leapt apart almost guiltily. Lily, feeling a little ruffled, twined a lock of her hair around her finger and looked over at Leda, who stood a few feet away from them, holding a broomstick and smiling angelically. Her lustrous black hair was tied back in a long plait, and she looked between the two of them innocently.
“Just, ah, teaching Lily here how to fly,” James said hoarsely, shoving his hands into his pockets and looking at the grass.
“Oh, dear,” Leda tinkled, as if Lily wasn’t there. “How’s that going?”
James glanced up, looking over at Lily, who raised her eyebrows at him. “Just fine,” he said to Leda smoothly.
“Good,” Leda said. “I just came out here to practice some Quidditch. It’s such a nice day out. And Lily, you left that letter from James open on your bed. I saw it and I thought maybe we could all play a game together!”
“Well, I think we were planning on heading back to the castle soon,” Lily said, feeling suddenly territorial. “But thanks for the invite.”
“Aw, come on, Lils,” James suddenly surprised her by saying. He gave her a roguish wink. “It is a gorgeous day…perfect flying weather, really, and there won’t be many more days like this. Plus, you admitted that you liked it!”
She had, but Lily was not about to make a fool of herself on a broomstick in front of Leda. “We only have two brooms,” she observed.
Leda shrugged. “You could just watch,” she suggested sweetly, “or go back if you want. James and I will play.” She looked at James conspiratorially. “The poor girl’s afraid of heights, you know, she’d be a disaster in a game.”
Lily, who could scarcely believe what she was hearing, felt her temper rise as she waited for James to defend her. But he said nothing, looking awkwardly at the ground once again. Fine, Lily thought, not without anger. I’ll do it myself.
She took a deep breathe, preparing to give Leda a piece of her mind, but before she could let out a word they all heard a loud barking, and turned to see a gigantic black dog bounding across the Quidditch pitch towards them. James coughed loudly as the dog reached them, wiggling excitedly and wagging his tail, but Lily grinned, glad for the interruption, and knelt to scratch him behind the ears.
“Wow,” James said pointedly, scowling slightly. “That is one Siriusly big dog.”
Lily frowned at him. “I know that,” she said acidly. “I do have eyes.”
“Eugh,” Leda said, eyeing both the dog and Lily distastefully. “I can’t believe you’re petting that thing, Lily, it’s probably covered with fleas.”
The dog turned to her as she said this, hackles raised, his lip curled in a ferocious snarl. “Down, boy,” James muttered.
Leda took several nervous steps backwards. “I think I’m going to get in the air,” she said, before adding to James, “I’ll see you up there.”
She took off, leaving Lily alone with James and the black dog.
“Real nice, Sirius,” James hissed to the dog. “Very subtle.”
Lily, who was still slightly miffed that James hadn’t defended her”and had no desire to be around Leda any more than necessary”said, “I think I’m going to head back to the castle.”
She waited for a moment, expecting James to follow her, and was startled when he said, “All right. I’m going to fly a little more.” And he mounted his broom and leapt into the sky before she could protest.
“Huh,” she said, at a loss. She watched him join Leda, the two of them swooping far above her as if they had been born there. The dog whined, and nudged at her hand, and after a moment, she turned and headed back towards the castle.
The dog trotted ahead of her, looking around in a very un-doglike fashion as they turned a corner. Seemingly confident that the coast was clear, he transformed back into Sirius Black, and looked at Lily with sympathy.
“Don’t worry about James,” he said at once. “He didn’t mean to blow you off or anything.”
“Sure felt like it,” Lily grumbled. “And for Leda?”
Sirius shook his head. “It wasn’t for Leda,” he said confidently. “It was for flying. He’d live up there if he could. No one”not you, not even me, is going to keep him out of the sky on a day like today. Don’t take it personally. He only has so much time to fly before the weather turns bad. I think it keeps him sane, honestly.”
“What were you doing out here?” Lily asked him. “Not that I don’t appreciate the rescue.”
“Oh, that,” Sirius said as they approached the castle doors. “Well, you know, same thing, kind of. Fish have to swim, James has to fly, and I””
“Have to run around the Forbidden Forest as a dog?” Lily finished for him, laughing.
“Hey,” Sirius said, wagging a finger at her, “don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. Dogs are happy. It’s a nice escape, sometimes. Anyway, then I saw the three of you standing there, and you looked like you were a few seconds away from socking Leda in the jaw, and as much as I’d like to see that, I thought you’d probably regret it later, so I stepped in.”
“I wouldn’t have regretted it,” Lily muttered.
“Watch out,” Sirius sneered. “You’re starting to sound like me.”
Lily stuck her tongue out at him. “Well, it was just too early in the morning to deal with her.”
Sirius shrugged. “Fair point,” he said as they pushed open the door into the Entrance Hall together. “Although I personally think that any time of day is too early for””
He broke off in a gasp as the door opened and they were both drenched with ice-cold water; a pail of it had been magically rigged to the top of the door, and it had fallen onto them.
Lily yelped inadvertently, dripping water all over the floor, and Sirius shook like a dog, droplets falling off his black hair like rain.
“What,” Lily breathed, “was that?”
“Maybe someone thought you needed cooling off,” Sirius said dubiously, checking the ceiling for more booby traps. “Kidding, kidding!” he said as she snarled at him.
“Ugh,” Lily said, ringing out the sleeves of her robes, “that was horrible. What a wakeup call.”
“Yeah…” Sirius said thoughtfully. “Why the front door, I wonder? Why not out of a dorm, or into a bathroom or something?”
“What are you getting at?” Lily asked, as the two of them began to drip their way up to Gryffindor Tower.
“Well,” Sirius mused, “it seems more intentional, this way. That wasn’t there when any of us left, and there aren’t too many people outside, especially this early. I don’t know, it just doesn’t seem random. It seems like that was specifically for us. Or for you and James, maybe, with all the pranks that have been pulled on the two of you lately…I mean, if they’re targeting authority figures, then I’m definitely not one.”
“Actually,” Lily said thoughtfully, “you kind of are.”
“Take that back!” gasped Sirius, and Lily chuckled.
“I just mean,” she clarified, “that if there was anyone in this school who wanted to be known for pulling pranks, well, you’re the defending champ. You’re the one they’d have to beat for the title.”
Sirius looked slightly mollified. “Huh,” he said. “I guess you’re right. Cool!”
“You’d best keep your eyes open from now on,” Lily advised him.
“Don’t worry about me,” Sirius sniffed. “I will. I want to find out who’s doing this.”