The dome of light again surrounded her. Images swirled amongst the colors. Tonks saw herself on missions for the Auror office with her mentor, Alastor, Mad-Eye, Moody. She saw her wedding to Remus, and laughing conversations with her cousin, Sirius Black, about the rest of their family. Tonks felt tears burn her eyes. All of those men were dead now. Except Remus. Remus couldn't be dead. He had to be alive. She remembered a battle, but nothing else. She just had to believe that he was alive.
Tonks watched the images slide across the walls and ceiling of the dome. A few pictures even appeared underneath her feet. Tonks glanced down and saw a sneering woman that resembled her mother glaring up at her. The photo of Bellatrix Lestrange sent curses towards Tonks, and she jumped backwards out of the way. Tonks felt her balance waver and she stuck out a hand to stop her fall. Her fingers sank through the image behind her. She was drifting down again. To experience another of her memories.
It was evening in this window. She saw the stars high above her twinkling in the heavens. There was only a sliver of moon, but it lit the grounds around her. She saw the silhouette of the castle behind her, framed against the night sky. She was at Hogwarts. At first Tonks thought that it must be a memory from her school days, but then she saw herself as an adult walking across the grounds. Tonks watched as she drew closer. Her twin was following a man down the path. His strides were long and she had to almost run to stay in step with him. As they drew nearer, Tonks could make out what they were saying.
"It's later. We're going to discuss it now," Tonks heard herself say.
Remus's voice came out of the darkness. "There's nothing else to discuss, Dora. I've told you why it won't work." Tonks moved closer, so that she could see his face.
"You've also told me that you love me, so why can't we make it work?" Tonks heard the suppressed anger in her voice. She had loved this man since she had first tripped into his arms, and she knew that he loved her back, so why wouldn't he just listen to her? Tonks understood now what he had been trying to protect her from, but she wouldn't trade a moment of their time together for anything.
"I told you just now in the hospital wing. You deserve better than what I can give you. I'm too poor, I'm too…."
"Stop right there," Tonks heard herself say. "I'm going to prove you wrong one point at a time."
Remus sighed. "Fine. I'm too poor. I have no job, and there is no guarantee that I will ever get a good one. I can't provide for you in the way that I would like."
Tonks remembered this argument. It was one of many between the two of them about what to do about their growing love. It would not be the end of their fights, but it would mark a change in their lives forever.
"This isn't about money. It's about the fact that I love you and want to marry you. I don't care about money. My family's never been really well off. The Blacks disinherited my mum when she married my dad, and my dad's job never has paid him loads. I have a job at the Auror office, and we can get by on whatever we make. We can make it work. That's a bad excuse." Tonks grinned at Remus's expression. It was one of complete exasperation. Her memory double smiled too. She was making progress.
"I'll try again then. I'm thirteen years older than you. You should have someone closer to your own age."
"I've thought of that one too. You're not that much older. And besides, you're more mature and will be able to take care of me. Strike two. One more try."
Remus gazed at the memory Tonks with an expression full of love and frustration. "Dora, I'm a werewolf." He looked disgusted as he said it, and full of regret. "I will never be what you need. I will always be a monster."
"You are not a monster," Tonks's memory self told him firmly. "And did it ever occur to you that maybe what I need is a werewolf?"
Now Remus looked stunned. "The last thing anyone needs is a werewolf. You deserve better than me, Dora. Much better."
Tonks saw the anger rise in her doppelganger as her hair turned slowly red. "You keep saying that. But I know that I will never find anyone better for me than you, Remus. Maybe others don't need a werewolf, but I need you." Tonks found herself holding her breath along with her twin while waiting for his answer. Long seconds ticked by and the memory Tonks tried again. "You heard McGonagall in the hospital wing. Dumbledore would have wanted love to win out. He would have wanted us to be together. I want that, and I think you do too."
Remus looked completely torn. "I would like nothing better than to live the rest of my life out with you, but I have to be realistic. I can't condemn you to that life."
"It's not condemning if it's what I want. Stop trying to protect me for a minute. I am an Auror and I can take care of myself. You have never hurt anyone as a werewolf, and if you keep being careful, nothing bad will happen. You can take the wolfsbane potion and go hide one day a month. Between the two of us, we should be able to make, buy, or steal it. We can make this work." Her brow furrowed as she looked at him. "Do you want this to work?"
"Yes," Remus answered without hesitation. "I have never wanted anything so much. Do you think it's possible?"
The relief that rolled off of Tonks's double was tangible. "What have I been telling you? I think it will work."
"There's a war going on."
"Forgot that excuse did you? Well, it doesn't matter. Arthur and Molly married during the first war, why can't we? I love you, Remus."
"And I love you, Dora."
Tonks watched as Remus and the memory Tonks stood silently in the half moonlight. Tonks felt her eyes water as she smiled at the scene before her.
Remus broke the silence as he took her hand and got down on one knee. The memory Tonks looked surprised. "What are you doing?"
Remus smiled. "It took me this long to get here. I'm going to do this right. Nymphadora Tonks, will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?"
"Yes!" Tonks watched as she nearly tackled the man in front of her. He stood with her in his arms.
"I promise, Dora. I'll find a job and a house for us. I'll never be anywhere near you when there's a full moon. I'll do my best to protect you. And I'll always love you."
Tonks's memory self smiled up at him. "I know you will. Now, shut up and kiss me."
Remus happily obliged, and the pair stood together by the lake, oblivious to the world of hardship around them. The stars above them twinkled brightly as if wishing them luck on their journey together. They had come a long ways since then. Tonks only hoped that their journey wasn't over.
The scene faded as Tonks was pulled back to the lighted dome. She was once again surrounded by her floating memories. She looked around and saw the first time she had met Harry Potter. She saw herself with her natural brown hair during the months she could not morph it, and long sleepless nights spent with Molly Weasley in the Burrow's kitchen. She saw her son. Her heart stopped. When it began again it ached with longing to hold him, to protect him. The window offered a glimpse into her life just before her last battle. She and Remus were holding Teddy and from the looks of it telling him a story. It had been so perfect, the three of them together as a family. What she wouldn't give to return to that world, if anything for just a moment to see them one last time. Tonks felt the tears run silently down her face. She couldn't go back. She was trapped in the world of her memories, and there was no escape. What had happened anyway? Had she died, or was she merely sleeping? This was by far the worst nightmare she had ever had. The battle. The answers must lie there. Somewhere there was a memory of that fight, if she could only find it, she would know.
Tonks scanned the walls around her. Searching for that one fateful recollection. She remembered fighting her own evil aunt, Bellatrix Lestrange. She had already seen that memory. Tonks looked about madly for Bellatrix's sneering face. Then she looked down, and saw the Death Eater glaring up at her. Without thinking twice, Tonks jumped straight into the memory. Images whirled around her as she fell down, down, down into the battle.
Tonks did not arrive at the battle, like she had expected. Instead she found herself in the small apartment that she shared with Remus. Tonks' own memory double was pacing the floor of the shabby kitchen. Her mother, Andromeda Tonks, sat at the small table watching her daughter. Tonks saw Teddy lying in his crib in the corner. She remembered some of this. Remus had left to go fight at the battle at Hogwarts. They had both agreed that it was smarter for Tonks to remain with Teddy, but it was proving one of the hardest things Tonks had ever had to do. She wanted to protect and care for her son, but she had never been one to sit out a fight. She wanted to fight alongside Remus and make sure that he stayed safe as well. Tonks remembered all of these emotions well. She watched with her mother as her doppelganger paced.
Finally, after what seemed like eternity, Andromeda spoke. "Go to him, Nymphadora."
This statement startled the memory Tonks out of her internal battle. "What?"
Andromeda looked for a long time at her daughter. "Go to him, Dora. It will kill you to stay here. I would have done the same thing for your father." She smiled a sad smile. "Maybe you can help him. I'll look after Teddy while your gone."
It seemed to take a moment for her mother's words to sink in. "Thanks, Mum. We'll be back soon, you'll see." The memory Tonks hugged her mother, and then moved towards Teddy's cradle. "Don't worry, Teddy," she whispered to her son. "Mummy and daddy will be back soon. I love you." She held him close, then kissed his forehead and handed the sleeping baby to her mother. Tonks wished that she had known it would be the last time she'd hold her son. She'd have never have let go. But she had to go find her husband too. She had to be assured of his safety. The memory Tonks exchanged a knowing look with her mother, and then she turned on the spot and disappeared.
Tonks apparated to Hogsmeade, the village just outside Hogwarts. When Kingsley Shacklebolt had sent the message about the battle, he had told both Tonks and Remus how to get into the castle, and her memory knew where she was going. Tonks watched herself walk purposefully to the Hogshead tavern. The streets were abandoned, but the castle was lit up in the distance by the skull and snake symbol that was etched across the sky. Both Tonks walked faster. When they reached the Hogshead, they had no trouble finding the secret passage to Hogwarts. The pub was abandoned like the streets. Everyone was either hiding or fighting.
Tonks ran after her double through the tunnel as fast as she could. It was a miracle that she hadn't tripped and broken her neck before she even got to the battle. At the end of the tunnel Tonks stepped out behind her doppelganger into the Room of Requirement. Tonks had never been inside the room during her school days, but she had heard about it from Harry and his friends who used it for a secret hideout. The room provided whatever the user happened to need, and at the moment the entrance to the passageway was its gift to the Hogwarts defenders.
The memory Tonks glanced frantically around her and was about to leave when she spotted Ginny Weasley standing near the doorway. An older woman Tonks recognized as Mrs. Longbottom stepped out of the passage behind her. Tonks followed herself towards the hallway and Ginny as Harry raced into the room. His expression was one of surprise to see her there, though she knew it was not her he saw, but her memory double.
"Is everyone okay?" Tonks was surprised to hear her double's voice joined by Ginny's, but imagined that it was a question on everyone's lips.
"Yeah, I think so," Harry replied. He turned to Tonks. "I thought you were supposed to be with Teddy at your mother's," he asked her.
"I couldn't stand not knowing," Tonks heard herself tell him grimly. "She'll look after him - have you seen Remus?"
Harry shook his head. "He was planning to lead a group of fighters into the grounds…."
Tonks' memory didn't wait for him to finish before running out of the room, and Tonks followed quickly so as not to lose her. She didn't remember where she had gone or what she had done during the battle, and she wouldn't learn anything if she got lost.
Tonks continued to run through the corridors searching for her husband. Hogwarts was huge, and she would never find him at this rate. Not in time anyway. Tonks' double asked everyone she saw if they had seen Remus, but no one had. She paused to send curses into those who tried to attack her, but she never stopped for long.
Tonks began to get worried. She didn't remember what happened. Obviously someone had gotten lucky with a shot that hit her, but what if she hadn't found Remus before she had blacked out? What if she had never seen him one last time? What if she really was dead? What would he do without her? What would she do without him?
The memory Tonks continued to run through the corridors and she nearly collided with a tall, thin man with startling blue eyes. Aberforth Dumbledore stepped back with his wand raised but lowered it when he saw her. Ginny stood beside him. Tonks watched as her double nervously chewed her lip.
"Aberforth, have you…" she began to ask, but she was interrupted by a curse smashing into the stone near her head. The three Hogwarts defenders stood back to back and sent spells flying at the Death Eaters around them. It was luckily, a short fight. Harry came flying down the hallway just as they finished the last of them.
In the space between fights, Tonks saw herself turn to the tall man beside her and asked again, "Have you seen Remus?"
"He was dueling with Dolohov on the grounds," the graying man shouted over the noise of the battles around him. "Haven't seen him since."
"Tonks," Ginny comforted her. "Tonks, I'm sure he's okay…"
Again, without waiting for a good-bye, Tonks's double took off tearing through the halls with Tonks hurrying after her. The two of them ran through the maze of corridors towards the grounds. Tonks's heart pounded in her chest, and the 'what ifs' continued to speed through her mind with each step. She ran through the archway leading to one of the many courtyards. She could hear explosions coming from the end of the tunnel. Somehow she knew that this was it. Maybe she was starting to remember.
The memory of Tonks dashed into the courtyard and skidded to a stop with her wand raised. Tonks was right behind her. In front of her stood Remus, a Death Eater she recognized as Dolohov, and her own evil aunt, Bellatrix Lestrange.
"Remus!" Tonks's doppelganger screamed. Remus spun to look at her. The shock and fear were evident on his face. The memory Tonks fired a shot at his attacker, but it did little good.
Bellatrix grinned maliciously. "She's mine," she breathed. Bellatrix approached Tonks and her memory self with slow, measured steps. The evil smile stayed plastered on her face. Tonks positioned herself between herself and her aunt, watching both sides as well as sending searching glances in Remus's direction.
"So little niecie. We meet again." Bellatrix and Tonks' memory began to circle each other in the corner of the courtyard. "You've escaped me too often, but I hope to finish it this time."
Tonks didn't reply to Bellatrix's taunts, but instead sent three curses in rapid succession headed towards her.
Bellatrix blocked all with relative ease, but refrained from sending back any of her own. The two women continued to circle with Tonks trapped in between them. "Not very nice, Nymphadora. Sending curses at your own aunt." Tonks saw herself grit her teeth at the sound of her full name. "Come on, Dora. Aren't you going to fight back? You're an Auror aren't you? But I hear that you like to be called by your Mudblood father's name. Isn't that right, little Tonksie?" Bellatrix smiled wickedly. "Such a pity that our family doesn't get along better. But who can blame them? Your mummy is a blood traitor, and your daddy is a filthy Mudblood. He's dead now, isn't he? One less I'll have to deal with." Tonks saw the rage on her double's face. Bellatrix smiled at the effect her words were having. Tonks again sent spells hurtling towards her. Bellatrix returned a few nasty spells of her own, but didn't continue the fight. "Your mother never had very good taste in men. It seems that you have inherited her lack of judgment. You married a werewolf! How do you like your beastie husband?" Bellatrix cackled, but Tonks knew that she had willed herself to stay silent. "Come on, Tonksie. Aren't you going to say anything?" Bellatrix's tone suddenly changed with a cold abruptness. The taunting was replaced by a dangerous voice. "I'm going to kill you, Tonksie. I'm going to make you suffer. And then, I'm going to kill your werewolf lover if Dolohov hasn't already finished him off. Maybe I should make you watch him die. What do you think?"
Tonks' twin's response was to shoot yet more curses at her aunt. Bellatrix began to return them now, and soon the fight was going on physically as well as verbally. Tonks watched from between the duelers. Remus seemed to be doing fine. He had a few more cuts since the last time she looked, but seemed relatively unhurt. Bellatrix continued to shout at Tonk's memory even over the sounds of the duel.
"I'm going to kill your mummy too! Something that I should have done long ago. She has been a disgrace to our family for long enough. I will make my dear sister scream in agony before she dies, just like I will you. I will destroy everyone you love!" Bellatrix again screeched her mad laughter.
Tonks watched her memory self dodge and return curses and saw her sneak a glance towards Remus. "When I'm done with you, you will never hurt my family again!"
Bellatrix continued to laugh. "Won't I? I will kill them all! Your mummy, your precious beastie husband." The insane laughter stopped for a moment. Bellatrix's eyes lighted with a new fire. "Or did you mean someone else? I wonder. Yes, it's possible. You don't have a beastie baby, do you, Tonksie?"
Tonks felt her heart stop. She had always known that Bellatrix would go after her family, but she didn't think that she would know about Teddy. No, she would not let this monster hurt her baby son.
The memory Tonks didn't reply, but sent spells flying. Tonks noticed that she was biting her lip.
Bellatrix's laughter began again. "You do! Well, isn't that nice. Yes, little niece, I'll kill him too. He will die, and it is your fault. Your silence just proved that he exists. I will torture your little baby. I don't suppose he'll last long. Or maybe I'll just have my friend Fenrir Greyback bite him. He's already half werewolf, so it won't matter, will it?"
Tonks felt the horror rise up inside her. To turn an innocent baby into a werewolf…. But then that was just the sort of thing Greyback would enjoy. It had been him that had bitten Remus when he was a child, and he would love to get revenge for all the times Remus had thwarted his plans. Tonks remembered Remus's fear that Teddy had inherited his Lycanthropy, and to tell the truth, she had been pretty scared too. They were both so thankful that he was safe from that life; to have him bitten now would be horrible. She had to protect him. At all costs.
"Or maybe that's not the worst I can do." Bellatrix's eyes grew slightly unfocused as she contemplated the possibilities. Unfortunately for Tonks's double this apparent distraction did nothing to her reflexes, which blocked the curse heading towards her. Tonks saw herself tighten her grip on her wand as Bellatrix turned toward her and grinned malevolently. "No. That's not the worst I can do." She chuckled, a sound that resembled fingernails on a chalkboard. She took a step closer to the memory Tonks. "No. I don't have to kill him. I can take him. Steal away the helpless baby after I've killed his parents. Take him far away. Raise him as my own. Teach him to hate Mudbloods and werewolves and the Order of the Phoenix. Turn him into a Death Eater. And then, dear niecie, when I've killed your husband and stolen your child and when you yourself are dead, then I will have taken everything from you."
It was then that the memory Tonks lost control. It had been coming on for a while now, but the threat to Teddy was her breaking point. "No!" she screamed at her aunt. She would never let anyone harm her son. And she would never let anyone take him away. Tonks watched and struggled with her own emotions. She remembered now, everything that had happened, but she still felt fear at the threat. Bellatrix would do whatever it took to destroy Tonks' world.
Tonks turned to look towards her husband. She knew what would happen even before he fell, but she screamed along with her twin as he crashed to the ground. "Nooooo!"
Tonks saw herself run to his side while still firing curses at the two Death Eaters. She was oblivious to them now. All she felt was the pain and fear of loss. She watched as her double took Remus's hand and sobbed over his fallen body even while trying to fight. Bellatrix laughed at her niece's sorrow and sent the final curse hurtling towards her. The stream of black hit her before she could defend herself. Tonks saw herself fall as if in slow motion next to Remus still clutching his hand. Then she saw only darkness.
Only darkness. No light to protect and defend her. Just still, peaceful darkness. Again Tonks thought that she was dying. The lighted dome and memories were gone and replaced by darkness. It would be so easy to die now. So easy to escape the pain that she felt rip her apart at the thought of losing Remus. She could die now and have it go away. But she didn't want it to go away. Pain reminded her that she was still alive. And being alive reminded her that she had a life worth living. Tonks had a wonderful husband and son, and she had to go to them. They needed her. And she needed them. She was alive. She just had to wake from this nightmare. She needed only to wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.
Out of the Darkness by phoenix_song197
Chapter Notes: I am not J. K. Rowling, as should be obvious this far into the story, and you'll be able to tell what is hers and not mine. Specifically, I borrowed from The Battle of Hogwarts pages 624-626.
Chapter Endnotes: Thanks for reading! Review and tell me what you liked or what you think would make it better.