Lights. Lights. Were they heaven? One light, on the edge of my consciousness . . . no, my eyes were opening. There was only light, and flashes of dark as shapes moved across my vision.
I opened my eyes and blinked, and saw I was in a room at St. Mungo’s, with an elderly Healer putting a green potion into a cup at my side. James was in a chair next to me, sleeping, a long bandage on his arm. I heard the murmur of my parents’ voices from somewhere, probably the hallway, and breathed slowly, thankful I was alive, and James was alive, and my parents were fine.
–Ah, Ms. Evans,†the Healer greeted me, placing his hand on my shoulder. –Had a rough night, there?â€
I nodded, unable to find my voice.
–You got off lucky, from what your fellow here told me, you could have gotten much worse. All I had to fix was a few broken bones, and a sprain. There are some questions I have to ask, though, once you’re more awake. We need to make sure you’re not showing signs of brain trauma. Your head has a sizable bump that’s worrying me,†the man sighed, sounding like my grandpa.
–All right,†I croaked, and James’ eyes shot open.
–Lily?†he nearly shouted, sitting up. His gaze fell on me.
–You’re awake!â€
He stood and hugged me, and I shut my eyes and breathed him in - my hero. Just like I’d always known he would be. James. Then I shook my head. Where had our old rivalry gone? What was happening to me? Did I really fancy James?
–Yes, yes, she’s awake. And recovering,†the Healer chuckled, pushing James off me. –No tackling for now.â€
I smiled at that, and James’ face lit up at the sight. –I thought I was going to lose you,†he told me. –Greyback . . .†His eyes grew dark and he rubbed the bandage on his arm.
–What happened to you?†I asked, lifting my arm to touch his.
–I tried to Stun him before he could bite you or anything. He turned and got my arm with his nails before I got him. I got you back inside and left him there. When the Aurors arrived, he was gone.â€
–Is everyone all right?†I asked, and he nodded.
–We had Dumbledore. Most fled when Greyback did.â€
I watched the Healer a moment, and saw a sadness on his face as he turned to leave. –Young couples in love. Uplifting to see in a war the likes of this one. You two be good to each other and leave the stupid out of it.†He winked at James. –Ms. Evans, drink that potion within the hour, and your bones should be completely healed.â€
I thanked him, my face red to my ears, James’ hands drifted to his pockets. The Healer went into the hall, and my parents came in, joyous. James murmured goodbye, and left. As much as his closeness made my heart race, I was relieved to see him go.
We’d be back at school soon. I could fall in love then.
*****
I discovered home was a much pleasanter place with Petunia off in the Alps on her honeymoon. There was less name-calling and more grace for my spell-casting. Mum let me clean the wizarding way and help with dinner with my wand. Chores got easier, my parents had more free time, and I think Mum and Dad felt safer. I didn’t. It didn’t take a week for nightmares to start, nightmares of running from Greyback, of Bellatrix killing James, of Dumbledore never coming, never saving James’ family.
A week before term started, my letter came. Head Girl. My parents were ridiculously pleased, and I was proud of my badge. I sent Cleopatra to my friends, and the day after I received my letter, I timidly Flooed to Diagon Alley, waiting at the Leaky Cauldron for my mates to arrive.
There was first Mary MacDonald, the Scottish girl with the Asian face and the obsession with clothes. Her mother was a Chinese witch working with the Ministry of Magic, her father a Muggle from Edinburgh. The result was a unique, quirky lass with an accent directly from her father. She was the one girl in school who had the bravery to date Sirius Black more than once .
The next was Marlene McKinnon, the tall, intimidating Quidditch player. She rarely did schoolwork, but was beyond excellent at hexes and jinxes. She liked people to believe she was simply a Quidditch player with well-developed sarcasm. She was more brilliant than I was, I was pretty sure . . . but if I were to say that, I’d get one of her –looksâ€. For reasons beyond the rest of us, she’d been in love with Remus Lupin since March of our fifth year. He was lucky - she was gorgeous, with brown curls and blue eyes and a big white smile.
Then there was Alice Vincent, a young-looking, pinch-faced girl with a blonde bob and a quiet demeanor. She’d been dating Frank Longbottom since the beginning of the summer, and I suspected I wouldn’t see much of her this year. She liked to spend her time in the library, and, though she was timid, played Quidditch as a very talented Keeper.
Last there was Darcy Brown, Mary’s rival in fashion obsession. She had manageable black hair that was always twisted in some complicated bun or braid, constantly perfect makeup, and a raging popularity between all the houses. She was beyond sweet - she was an angel. She had a perfect memory for names and stories, and constantly checked in with people she knew were having a hard time. She tutored three second years, rarely dated, and all-around kept us, her four closest friends, in constant jealousy. She only showed her mean side to us, but I’d discovered by third year that she had a hidden temper, and a bad one.
The four of them met me in the Leaky Cauldron, all smiles and hugs and ignorance about my most recent events. The invasion of Potter Manor had been in the Daily Prophet, but it hadn’t mentioned my name once, at James’ request on my behalf. It only said Greyback had been apprehended after nearly killing someone.
–LILY! You look so tired! What have you been up to?†Mary gasped, poking at the dark circles underneath my eyes. I batted her away before Darcy could whip out one of her face creams.
I’ve just been busy. Petunia’s out of the house, now, so Mum needs more help with errands and chores and such, and Dad’s in another election for the county board, and I just haven’t had a lot of spare moments,†I told them honestly.
Marlene smiled at me. –You can’t have been worried for James, though, this past week?†Her expression went serious. –I’m so glad no one was harmed!â€
I feigned worry. –Yes, I have been concerned, but it said in the Prophet he was fine and that his family is safe.â€
Mary nodded. –Sirius wrote me yesterday with details -â€
–You and Sirius are talking again?†Darcy interrupted, her expression wild with eagerness to hear every detail. Unexpectedly, a warmth spread through my chest. I wasn’t myself without these girls, being themselves, quirks and all.
Mary blushed and turned, to go out to the alley. Marlene winked at me and followed her, then Darcy, a bounce in her step at the prospect of new gossip. Alice came last, and she linked arms with me as she passed. –Lils, how’s your summer been? How was the wedding?â€
–It was fine, it’s been fine,†I lied. The wedding had been boring - a bunch of neck-lacking Dursley relatives strolling around, disapproving of my entire family, my entire family in tears over Petunia’s happy day.
We proceeded into Diagon Alley, smiling and laughing and joking, and my friends didn’t discover how my summer had truly been.
*****
It was the night before I was supposed to leave on a train for my seventh year. The window was open, like my first night home. I was in athletic shorts and my hair was braided on my shoulder. My trunk was already packed. I had a Brontë novel on my chest, open to the first page, my entire being lacking conviction to actually get into the plot.
I would see James tomorrow, for the first time since the Healer had told him to be good to me.
James would be ready to confront our feelings, as he had been since second year.
James would know this time was different.
I would be Head Girl.
James would want the truth.
The truth would make us a couple.
Was I ready for us to be a couple?
I flipped a page, hoping to see words of excitement, words that could draw me in. I tossed the book aside after not finding any, and turned off my light, hoping to stop thinking and be able to sleep. This was my seventh year. Sleep wouldn’t be easy.
James would love me and I’d love him.
This was our seventh year. If nothing went wrong, would we end up married?
James. Marriage. Who else had I had in mind, when I pictured marriage?
James. It had always been James.
I rolled over, breathing slowly. What would the next day bring?
****
Somehow, sometime, I fell asleep. I awoke shaking, my nightmares ever-present. I stood and straightened my shirt, rubbed my face, and tried to get my blood moving to my legs. Walking was a loose term. I stumbled to my door, pulled it open, and made my way slowly to the bathroom.
Judging by the light, it was six in the morning. I had five hours until I would be facing James again, facing the Wizarding world again. How long before word got out I’d been at the raid on James’ house, that Greyback had almost killed me, that James saved my life? How long before one of my friends saw I was in love with him? How long before he confronted me with the intention of becoming an item?
I twisted the shower on, and collapsed back on to the toilet seat while the water got hot. If James started dating me, the Potter family’s reputation as blood traitors would only get worse. The Death Eaters would go after Petunia, and my parents, and they’d only revamp their attempts to silence James’ parents. As soon as I was no longer at Hogwarts, I’d have a target on my back.
Maybe I had a target on my back right now.
What if there were Death Eaters waiting at King’s Cross?
If I had a target on my back, they would have been on my doorstep a very long time ago.
I climbed into the shower and got clean and fresh, then climbed out and waved my wand for a Drying Spell. Then I rubbed Sleakeazy’s into my crimson curls, charming the crazy locks into perfect ringlets.
I put a tiny bit of makeup on, enough to compete with my gorgeous friends, and brushed my teeth. Then I packed all of my bathroom essentials into my trunk, put a book and my wallet into a shoulder bag, and pulled it all downstairs.
In the kitchen, I made myself a plate of eggs and poured a glass of orange juice.
My parents didn’t come down until nine-ish, and my mother had me spin. I’d put on a pink sundress, a brown leather jacket, and brown leather boots that went up to my knee. She said I looked beautiful and grown up and that she loved me. My father brought me into a tight hug and said I was only allowed to date boys that deserved me. At ten thirty, I kissed them both one last time, promising to return for the holidays, and Apparated to King’s Cross.
My earlier fears still present, I moved quickly into the station, moving with crowds and trying to look unimportant. Cleo’s presence wasn’t helping. Not many solo teenage girls would be pulling an owl along on her trolley.
I got to the platform after ten minutes of walking, breathed in a sigh of relief, and stepped through the barrier, smiling in spite of myself to be safe and surrounded by wizards. Not many were arrived yet, the majority of those present being over-eager first years surrounded by extended family, giving one another hugs and presents and warnings about behavior.
I waited for one of my friends to show up, so I could stow my things in their compartment and get to the prefects’ carriage. Who would the Head Boy be, I wondered? I hoped it would be Remus. I wasn’t well- acquainted with many of the other prefects in our year.
Marlene showed up first, followed by her older brother, come to see her off.
–Donald!†she cried, purposefully dropping her trunk on his foot. –How in the name of Merlin are you supposed to find a girlfriend if you don’t listen to my advice, you wretched numbskull?â€
–I don’t know, beloved sister, but I’m sure getting my arse kicked by my baby sister in public really isn’t helping my bacheloring,†he sighed, lifting the trunk. Donald was nerdy, skinny, and bookish. He had glasses and a thin nose that the glasses liked to slide down. He was five years older than us, and worked at Flourish and Blott’s. He’d had a fiancée for two years, but she became pregnant with Donald’s son. After the baby was born, she left it with Donald, and fled the country. That was two years before, and Donald was still single.
–You’re no bachelor, you’re a nanny, who spends half his life at his parents’ home.â€
–I have a career, Mar-â€
–You don’t have a career, you have a day job. Quit it! You have a passion for writing, bro, get a job at the Prophet or a magazine or get your savings in order and try your hand at books. Look, there’s Lily. I love you. See you at Christmas. Get off this platform and make something of yourself!â€
He almost bowed, then stumbled out of the barrier. Marlene made her way over to me, smirking triumphantly.
–What was that about?†I asked fearfully, seeing her victorious grin.
She pulled ten Galleons out of her pocket. –Mum was getting quite tired of his moping. She paid me to give him what he deserved - a kick in the right direction. Little Ralph needs a mummy, not his grandparents and his aunt and uncle and a pathetic father.â€
Marlene and Donald had a little brother, too, in his third year at Hogwarts. Paolo was shy and his two best friends were girls. I’d never heard him say two words together.
–Can we find a compartment so I can go be brilliant?†I asked impatiently, watching her fume about Donald’s situation.
Ah, Head Girl?†she sighed. –Who do you think is Head Boy?â€
–I’d very much like to find out,†I sighed, waiting for her to start walking again.
She giggled. –What if it’s Remus?†she whispered in my ear. –I bet he looks fantastic with that badge on his che-â€
I shoved her off my shoulder, images flashing in my head that I didn’t necessarily want in my head. –Compartment?†I said again, and she straightened her face, fixed her trolley, and resumed walking.
Then behind us came a shout. A shout I’m sure all the first years and their families, all the early seventh years, gossip already brewing in them, everyone on the platform, heard quite clearly.
–EVANS. TWO WEEKS AND NOT A WORD FROM YOU? DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT WAS WISE FOR MY NERVES? HONESTLY.â€
–PRONGS, WE’RE EMBARRASSING HER . . . EVANS, SHOULD PRONGS STOP YELLING HIS UNCONTROLLABLE FEELINGS FOR YOU ACROSS THE PLATFORM?â€
–SHUT UP, PADFOOT.â€
–YOU SHUT UP!â€
–BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!â€
–SHUT UP, MOONY!â€
–YAH, MOONY!â€
–PRONGS, WE TRIED THIS FIFTH YEAR, YOUR NOSE WAS PURPLE FOR A WEEK.â€
–OH RIGHT. BUT THINGS ARE DIFFERENT NOW, AREN’T THEY, EVANS?â€
Marlene turned to me, mouth open wide in a huge grin. –Kiss him. Right now. Please.â€
–Which one?†I hissed, eyeing the trio on the other side of the platform.
–The one that just shouted he was madly in love with you. The one you apparently saw two weeks ago. When were you going to tell me-â€
–Marlene I can’t! There’s too much to take into consideration! His family is being hunted by-â€
–EVANS, I DON’T HAVE ALL DAY!â€
–HE REALLY DOESN’T!â€
–I DON’T REALLY NEED ANY MORE HELP, PADFOOT!â€
–I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR WINGMAN OF CHOICE!â€
–YOUR JOB IS FINISHED!â€
I glanced back at James. I loved him.
He protected me. He was funny. He loved me. He was attractive. I loved him.
–POTTER, STOP YELLING ACROSS THE PLATFORM AND GET OVER HERE AND LOOK ME IN THE FACE LIKE A REAL MAN!†I screamed, and Marlene jumped back.
He sprinted to my side, leaving Sirius and Remus to drag his trolley along. He was grinning ear-to-ear. –You look so gorgeous.â€
–Being flushed with embarrassment is different than being gorgeous.â€
–I haven’t seen you since the hospital bed.â€
–About that, James -â€
Marlene cut in there. –Hospital bed?†James and I turned simultaneously to stare her down. She nodded and crept away.
I turned to him then, all seriousness. –If you already have a reputation for being a blood traitor, how is dating a Muggleborn . . . a Mudblo-â€
He put his finger on my lips. –Don’t say that word.â€
–Why not? Everyone does. It’s not an insult - it’s a title,†I sighed. –It’s truth.â€
He shook his head. –Lily, you’re the best witch at Hogwarts. Please don’t be ridiculous. Now do you want to date me?â€
For six years, my answer had been no. For six years, James had been annoying. Terribly annoying. His pranks were like nails on a chalkboard. His pleas of love were airhorns in the morning. His face was disgusting and his friends were awful. Then everything changed. The war started and people hated me and he was there. He was always there. I’d been fighting the inevitable. It was time to stop that.
–Fine. On the condition that the next time we see Death Eaters, it will be me saving you. I don’t prefer being-â€
He pulled me into a hug then, swinging me around. The platform burst into applause. What a fantastic way to start the year - in the centre of attention.
I smiled as he put me down, and took my hand. All the tension was gone. All the unanswered questions were answered. All the worries were buried, to resurface at an unhappier time. Marlene had tears in her eyes. Sirius and Remus had their arms around each other, watching James like proud parents.
–Aw look, our little man got the girl of his dreams,†Sirius pretended to sob.
–Padfoot, it’s so touching,†Remus sighed.
–I know Moony.†They proceeded to hug one another, patting each other on the back. It was then that all the emotion became too much for my friend. Eyeing James and I, she strode to the hugging boys, wrenched them apart, took Remus by the collar, and kissed him full on the mouth. He went limp with shock, and when she finally released him, they both stumbled backwards. Sirius whistled, and James went still. I couldn’t stop laughing.
–Marlene . . . ?†Remus whispered.
–Well?†she spat, wiping her mouth. –Was I good?â€
Remus couldn’t speak. –Um . . .â€
Marlene turned to Sirius. He nodded. She winked at him, then kissed Remus again. James spun me to face him.
–Can we try that?†he asked.
I nodded, and soon I was having my first kiss with James.
applause on the platform doubled.
As we released, my feet touched back down on the floor, and where moments before I couldn’t imagine being more happy, I suddenly was. I put my hand on James’ chest, then drew back at the feel of a metal lump in his jacket’s chest pocket. –I thought Marlene was Quidditch captain?†I asked, considering the other possibility, my head spinning.
He winked and drew out the badge. I thrust my hand into the pocket of my dress, and at the same time, we presented our matching set.
HB.
HG.
–You’re Head Boy?†I gasped.
He nodded, and helped me onto the train, leaving our friends to follow later.
The Stag and the Doe by grangergirl35
Chapter Notes: Long. Choppy. But I feel it represents teenage turmoil, at least mine, perfectly. Enjoy:)
Chapter Endnotes: WELL? WELL? REVIEW, YOU, WITH THE READING AND THE OPINION!