It was strange to be so suddenly out of school. There was no curfew anymore, and very few rules. There were no House points, no rivalries, no Quidditch games and club meetings. There were no house elves to cook all the meals and clean all the rooms, no easily accessible library filled with obscure texts and ancient tomes, no constant companionship of a few hundred friends and enemies.
They were quite abruptly out on their own.
“Isn’t it perfect, Lils?”
Lily shook her head in amusement as Mary started pulling open all of the cabinets in the tiny kitchen in their shared flat. They had signed the lease the day before, writing both their names on the dotted lines and accepting the keys from a slightly skeptical looking landlord.
It was now officially theirs, at least for the next year.
“It’s very nice,” Lily agreed as Mary pulled open the oven door and inspected the inside. The paint on the walls was slightly faded and dust had accumulated on all the surfaces, but none of that really mattered. Although Lily wouldn’t show her excitement in quite as obvious a manner as Mary’s bubbling enthusiasm, she was thrilled to finally have a flat of her own.
Although she was a little concerned that this was just one more way in which her blood status set her apart from everyone else.
Alice had explained that most pureblooded witches and wizards lived with their parents after Hogwarts until they had settled into their chosen career and possibly found a potential spouse. And while this wasn’t an entirely uncommon attitude among Muggles, neither Lily nor Mary came from families that followed that particular system, and so neither one had any plans to stay with their parents now that they were done with school.
It did mean that she wouldn’t be seeing much of her parents, which was disappointing. On the other hand, it was also somewhat of a relief to be away from Petunia and her horrid fiancé. Vernon Dursley had gone out of his way to show Lily just how much he agreed with Petunia’s assessment of her magical abilities “ although he at least had enough common sense not to call her a freak in front of her parents “ and the idea of spending any more time than absolutely necessary in the man’s presence was dreadful at best.
Mary ran a hand over the counter and stared at her fingers. “This needs to be cleaned,” she announced. Then her eyes lit up with even more excitement, and she spun around to face Lily. “We get to clean our own home! Isn’t that wonderful?”
“Yes. Wonderful,” Lily agreed, trying her best to sound sarcastic. She didn’t quite manage it, though, because some part of her agreed with Mary.
It was wonderful.
It was the beginning of her brand new life.
The room was very different from the dungeons at Hogwarts. There were large windows along one of the walls, letting sunlight spill into the room. Instead of tables set in long rows, there were individual work stations complete with a desk, scales, and a cauldron, a small cupboard for keeping supplies, and several books. The air smelled fresh and clean, with just the faintest lingering scent of lemons.
Lily set her book bag down on a desk in a work station near the center of the room and glanced around. Several other students “ no, she reminded herself, potioneer apprentices “ were also picking their spots. They all looked to be about her own age, although she only recognized one or two of them from her year at Hogwarts.
A dark haired witch took the station next to Lily and gave her a quick smile. “Evans, isn’t it? Lily Evans?”
Lily blinked. “Um…” She cast her mind about quickly, trying to remember where she might have met this other witch. It took only a moment, and then she said hesitantly, “Emmaline Vance? You were a seventh-year prefect when I was a fifth year one, right? In… um… Ravenclaw?”
Emmaline nodded. “Call me Emma,” she offered. Then her eyes widened slightly and she asked in awe, “Did you really get into this program right out of Hogwarts? But that’s nearly unheard of.”
“She’s not the only one who’s succeeded at that,” a cruel voice sneered, and a blonde witch pushed her way past Lily, nearly sending her sprawling. “I don’t know why they still bother letting her kind in her, anyway.”
Emma narrowed her eyes. “Her kind?” she repeated, eyeing the blonde with an incredibly amount of dislike.
The blonde’s lip curled into a smirk. “You know. Filth.” She brushed her hands on her robes and added, “You might not care about contaminating yourself, Vance, but the rest of us purebloods would prefer not to socialize with those of such dirty blood.”
Emma opened her mouth to say something, but Lily reached over and rested a hand on her arm. “Don’t,” she said tiredly. She didn’t really want to start another argument, particularly not one that she had heard plenty of times before. She had naively hoped to get away from all of it, but clearly that was not going to happen.
The classroom might look different from the dungeons at Hogwarts, but apparently the same prejudices still existed. At least Slughorn had always been fair to her. Hopefully the instructor for this program would be as well.
The blonde witch gave Lily one last disparaging look before sweeping to the front of the classroom and settling her things into a vacant work station.
“Do you know her?” Emma asked.
Lily nodded. “Eliza Greengrass,” she murmured. “She was my year at Hogwarts, in Slytherin.” Her eyes swept the room once more. “She’s the only one I recognize from my year.”
“Like I said, it is unusual for anyone to be accepted into the program directly after graduating from Hogwarts,” Emma answered. “She’s probably just bitter that a Muggleborn was accomplished enough at potions to obtain one of these spots. Were you the best in your year?”
Lily opened her mouth to reply, but the words got stuck. She thought of Severus and sighed. He would have undoubtedly been offered a place in the program if he had wanted, but as far as she knew, he hadn’t even applied. Perhaps he hadn’t wanted to use his considerable potion making talents for the creation of healing draughts.
Emma was still staring at her, waiting for an answer.
“No,” she said finally. “I wasn’t the best in my year.”
And Emma picked up on the tone of her voice and wisely chose not to push the issue. Instead, she looked over at Eliza Greengrass and said, “I don’t remember her. Was she a prefect?”
Lily shook her head. “No. Although I’m sure she had the marks for it, if not the discipline.”
They lapsed into silence for a moment as both began to unpack the supplies they had brought with them. It was mostly basic ingredients and textbooks on advanced potion brewing theory. They would need to by more specific and possibly rare ingredients as the course progressed.
“Have you thought at all about what type of potion you want to focus on?” Emma asked.
Lily shook her head. “Not really. I mean, there is so much out there. Healing potions to cure injuries from the Dark Arts, or maybe something for exotic infections… or maybe some kind of preventative potion. I read a recent article in Potions Pioneers about the possibility of some kind of concoction to actually prevent spell damage. Like a vaccine for curses.”
“What’s a vaccine?” Emma asked curiously.
“Oh… it’s a Muggle thing,” Lily replied, flushing slightly even as she dismissed the question with a wave of her hand. “It… it um… it is a way of protecting against developing certain diseases by injecting a person with a dead or modified version of the virus.”
“Injecting?” Emma asked, horrified. “You mean Muggle healers actually stick needles into people to cure them?”
“It works really well in the Muggle world,” Lily said a bit defensively.
“Right, of course it does,” Emma answered, backtracking immediately, her voice adopting an apologetic tone. “I just had never really thought about it, I guess.”
“Sorry,” Lily murmured, “I just get…” She trailed off, not really sure what adjective she was looking for. She knew Emma hadn’t meant anything but the question, but it was another reminder of how little purebloods knew about the Muggle world, and how easy it was to dismiss non-magical methods as primitive.
But Emma just smiled and said, “I bet it gets annoying having your friends constantly shocked or appalled by things you take for granted.”
“Yeah,” Lily answered, glad that her newfound friend didn’t seem at all upset. “So… have you thought at all about what kind of potion you want to focus on?”
“A cure for the red plague.”
Lily frowned. “Never heard of it.”
“It’s pretty rare,” Emma answered, “so there hasn’t been a lot of research on it. It’s some kind of magical virus and is mostly found in South America.” She paused, turning away from Lily briefly, before adding in a softer voice, “It’s what killed my Mum.”
“Oh. I… I’m sorry,” Lily said, although the words sounded trivial even in her head. She didn’t know what else to say, though, and lapsed into an awkward silence.
Emma cleared her throat. “They say the course is absolutely grueling, particularly if you advance through all the stages. It’s best to pick a potion you really care about, something you passionately want to cure. This potion… this is it for me.”
Lily nodded silently and looked down at her empty cauldron. She didn’t have a potion she felt passionately about. She enjoyed brewing pretty much any kind of potion, and she was good enough. But after hearing the raw emotion in Emma’s voice, she felt as though she was missing something.
Shouldn’t she care as much about her own potential project as Emma cared about hers?
The door at the front of the classroom suddenly opened and a stern-looking witch entered. She appeared to be approximately the same age as Lily’s parents, and was tall, gaunt, and wore her hair in a tight bun.
She reminded Lily of Professor McGonagall.
“I am Healer Lanwick,” she said. “I will be the instructor for the next three months. This is a grueling course, and many of you will not make it to the next stage. I do not say this to be cruel; it is merely a statement of fact. You are all talented students, but not all of you are talented enough. So prepare to work harder in the next three months than you have ever worked before. I will teach you all that I can, and if you listen and learn you just might possibly succeed.” She paused, drew a slow breath as her eyes passed over each student. “Or you might fail.”
Lily caught Emma’s eye, and the two exchanged encouraging smiles.
“Let us begin,” Healer Lanwick said, and Lily turned her attention back to the instructor.
“Look Prongs, it’s Evans!”
James glanced in the direction Sirius was pointing and caught sight of a flash of red hair exiting from Slug and Jiggers Apothecary. Lily paused for a moment on the twisted cobblestone road of Diagon Alley, shifting a bag of supplies in her arms and peering down at a piece of parchment in one hand.
She was clearly shopping.
“I’m going to go talk to her,” James announced. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her.”
“Uh… Prongs? We’ve only been out of school for a week,” Remus pointed out, but James wasn’t really listening. He was already moving away from his friends and towards the redheaded witch.
“Evans, hey Evans!” he called.
Lily looked up, an expectant expression on her features, but as soon as she caught sight of him, she frowned. He shoved his way through the crowd, refusing to be dismayed by the irritation he could see reflected clearly in her eyes.
“Potter,” she greeted curtly.
He stopped as he drew close to her, however, surprised by how tired she looked. There were dark circles under her eyes and her skin was paler than usual.
“When was the last time you slept?” he blurted out. She raised an eyebrow, and he cringed inwardly realizing how graceless he had sounded. “I mean… you’re looking well, Evans.”
She rolled her eyes at him. “Some of us are actually doing things with our lives, Potter,” she said pointedly. “Instead of goofing off and lazing about.”
“I have plans, too, you know,” James protested. “Just because I’ve decided to take some time off for a holiday before rushing into the next thing doesn’t mean I don’t have ambition.”
“What are your plans?”
“Quidditch,” James answered without hesitation. “The Wimbourne Wasps have tryouts next week, and they’re looking for a starting and reserve Chaser. I figure I’ll get at least one of those spots.”
“Quidditch,” Lily said disparagingly. “Of course. It’s good to know that you’re putting your talents to such good use.” Then she frowned slightly and added, “Does anyone even make a professional Quidditch team right out of Hogwarts?”
“You don’t think I’m good enough for them?” James demanded instantly. It was true, of course, that people rarely made it onto a team at such a young age, though there were a few exceptions to that rule. But he was good at Quidditch, and he deserved the best. Besides, if he didn’t make it onto Wimbourne Wasps “ and that thought was hardly even worth considering it was so ludicrous “ then he would still have the opportunity to tryout for the lesser teams.
Still, the fact that Lily apparently didn’t think he was a good enough Quidditch player was a little disconcerting. She had been to plenty of his games at Hogwarts; she should know by now that he was quite good.
Then another thought occurred to him and he turned to Lily in surprise, “Since when do you pay enough attention to Quidditch to know that people don’t make professional teams directly out of Hogwarts?” He gave her a cocky grin. “Did you start researching Quidditch so that you and I will have something to talk about on our first date?”
“We’re not going on a first date, Potter,” Lily said firmly. “We’re not going on any dates.”
James opened his mouth to say something, but then Sirius, Remus, and Peter were all at his side, evidently having decided they had stayed out of the conversation long enough. Lily’s gaze hardened as she stared at Sirius and Peter, but there was just a little bit of warmth in her eyes as she looked over at Remus.
James felt a sudden surge of jealousy that he knew was completely irrational. But how dare Lily care about Remus more than him?
As if you to prove just how much more bearable she found Remus, Lily took the opportunity to say, “Hello, Remus. How are you doing?”
“I’m doing well,” Remus answered. “Are you enjoying your potions course?”
“Oh, yes,” Lily replied instantly, her face lighting up. “I know it’s only been a few days and it is absolutely exhausting, but it is wonderful so far. I do wish we had gotten a little bit more of a holiday before starting, but I know they want us all to finish the first stage by September, so it makes sense…” She held up the parchment she was still carrying in one hand and added, “I had to buy some more supplies today. That’s why I was in Diagon Alley.”
James did not miss the shadow that fell over Remus’ features at Lily’s obvious excitement, and was momentarily distracted from his jealousy. He knew it was hard for Remus to listen to hear Lily talk so happily about her future when he didn’t have those kinds of options for himself.
Lily, oblivious to all this, asked, “What are your plans, Remus?”
“I’m working in a bookstore right now,” Remus replied. “It’s a… it’s a Muggle bookstore. It’s close to where my parents live, which is nice, because my Mum is often sick.”
“Yes, I remember that from school,” Lily said sympathetically. She paused awkwardly, then cleared her throat and added, “Black? Pettigrew? What are you both doing?”
“Relying on my dashing good looks and incredible charm to get ahead in the world,” Sirius answered with a smirk before Peter could get a word in.
Lily’s eyes narrowed into a glare. “Never mind,” she snapped. “Sorry I asked.” And she turned away from them without waiting to hear if Peter had a response to the question as well.
“Hey, wait, Evans!” James said quickly, grabbing her arm. “One date. Come on, go out with me for one date. You’ll have a good time, I promise.” He gave her a wink, and added, “Every girl always has a good time.”
“Not even if you were the last man alive, Potter,” she hissed in reply. “Now let go of me.”
He dropped her arm. “Ah, come on…”
“No!” And without waiting for his response to her emphatic denial, Lily turned and stormed away.
There was a momentarily silence, then Peter said in a quiet voice, and mostly to himself, “No idea what I’m doing with my future, Lily. Thanks for asking.”
Sirius clapped him on the shoulder and said, “Don’t worry about it, Wormtail. Evans probably wouldn’t have even listened to your answer, anyway. She’s too busy being angry at Prongs.”
James nodded half-heartedly in agreement, then turned to Remus. “How come she talks to you?” he demanded.
Lily had always been on far better terms with Remus then any of the other Marauders, although even those two weren’t really friends. But she was able to carry on a conversation with Remus without yelling at him, insulting him, or calling him an arrogant prat.
That was not something that had ever happened with James.
“Why don’t you try actually talking to her?” Remus suggested mildly. “Have a conversation with her where you ask about how she is doing and listen to her answers and show interest in her life… and don’t ask her out.”
“But if Prongs doesn’t ask her out, how is Evans ever going to say yes?” Sirius countered reasonably.
Remus stared at Sirius for a moment, then asked, “How is it you had so much luck with girls at Hogwarts when you know so little about them?”
“My inherent wit, charm, and good looks.”
“Right,” Remus drawled. “That must be it.” He turned to James then and added, “Really, James. Just try talking to her. Not at her. Girls “ and really, all people “ like that.”
James frowned. The rare use of his actual name instead of his nickname was a sign that Remus was being quite serious with his advice, but James wasn’t sure it would help him at all. He couldn’t help it if every time he saw Lily he had an undeniable urge to ask her out. And he was fairly certain the problem wasn’t with him, anyway. It was with her.
After all, she was the one who kept saying no.
Two days after their meeting in Diagon Alley, James ran into Lily again, this time in Muggle London. It was such a chance meeting that for a moment he stood there, staring at her, wondering if he was imagining things.
Had he started to hallucinate?
Or, more likely, had Sirius slipped some hallucinogenic potion into his drink?
“Potter,” Lily said, nodding her head briefly. Then there was a flare of suspicion in her eyes. “Are you stalking me?”
“Of course not,” James replied immediately. “The world doesn’t revolve around you, Evans.”
Of course, as far as he was concerned, the world did revolve around her. But he truly hadn’t been stalking her, and had now idea why should would even think that.
She answered his unasked question with a question of her own. “Then why are you standing in front of my flat?”
James turned and looked at the building to his right. It had three stories, and the wood was covered in slightly faded white paint. There was no lawn of any sort, but a few of the windows did have boxes filled with flowers, and there was a bit of ivy growing along the side of one of the walls.
“You live here?” he asked, surprised. It wasn’t a particularly nice place, but it wasn’t bad, and it was in a decent part of London. Still, after the grandeur of Hogwarts, he wondered how she could so easily adjust to such a place.
“Second floor,” Lily answered shortly. “With Mary McDonald. And you still haven’t answered my question. What are you doing here?”
“The bookstore Remus works at is only a few blocks away,” James answered. “I Apparated into that alley behind the beauty salon,” he gestured backwards with one hand towards the garish pink building near the end of the block with it’s large metal letters perched on the roof that spelled out the word salon, “and figured I’d walk the few blocks to the bookstore. I doubt Remus would appreciate having me suddenly Apparate in front of his Muggle boss.”
Lily offered him a rare smile. “That probably wouldn’t go over so well.”
“You know,” James said thoughtfully, basking in the warmth that filled him at the sight of that smile, “this must be kismet.”
Her smile immediately turned into a frown.
“Kismet?” she repeated.
“Kismet. Fate. Destiny. A series of preordained circumstances.”
“I know what kismet is, Potter,” Lily snapped. “I’m just not entirely sure what you mean when you say this is kismet.”
“This chance meeting of ours,” James explained. “I mean, what is the likelihood that Remus would choose to work in a bookstore near where you live, and that I would be visiting him and pass by here at the exact moment that you’re returning to your flat? The world is trying to tell us something, Evans.”
“It’s coincidence, Potter,” she retorted.
Remus had explicitly warned against this. He had been quite clear in his advice, had insisted that it would be better for James to refrain from asking her out every time he saw her. The conversation should stick to merely platonic topics. James should show that he was interested in her life, in her hopes and dreams, in her fears, and in all that other girly stuff.
James had never been good at following advice, and he wasn’t about to start now.
“Come on, Evans. Coincidence? Really?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t you think there’s maybe something else going on?” he asked, stepping in front of her as she tried to walk by him and towards her flat. Blocking her path and folding his arms over his chest in a gesture he hoped showed just how serious he was, he waited for her answer.
“What do you mean?” she asked, irritation creeping into her voice.
“Well, you can’t really hate me this much,” James answered calmly. “There’s something else going on. Some other reason you’re so reluctant to give me a chance. What is it?”
“There isn’t another reason, Potter,” Lily replied through clenched teeth. “Now move.”
“Not until we talk about this,” James replied. “Do you have some insecurity involving dating? Did you have a bad experience in the past? We can work through it.”
“Oh, for Merlin’s sake, Potter, I don’t need a therapist!”
James furrowed his brow. “What’s a therapist?”
“Never mind,” she said, shaking her head quickly. “Forget it.”
“No, really,” James protested. “What’s therapist? Is it a Muggle thing?” Lily didn’t answer, and James sighed. “Come on, Evans. I’m just trying to understand what you meant.”
Lily sighed and, looking very much like she suspected she was soon going to regret starting this conversation, said, “A therapist is… well, a bit like a Healer. Only for the brain. And they don’t use any kind of medication. They help Muggles by identifying the root of the problem and… well, talking about it. There’s also all this theory about the id and the ego and the superego. Have you ever heard of Sigmund Freud?”
James shook his head wordlessly.
“Oh.” Lily paused, then sighed again. “It’s like explaining vaccines to Emma,” she muttered under her breath.
“What’s a vaccine?” James asked curiously. “And who’s Emma?” He still didn’t fully understand therapy, and he doubted vaccines would make much more sense to him “ particularly if they were as oddly convoluted as other ideas of Muggle medicine “ but at least Lily was talking to him.
But Lily had apparently decided to stop talking about this particular subject. Lifting her chin, she said firmly, “Move, Potter. It’s been a long day and I’d like to go inside now.”
“One date, Evans. We can talk about your issues. I can be your therapist.”
Lily snorted. “You’re not qualified,” she retorted. “And even if you were, I still don’t have any problems I need a therapist for. Why do you care, anyway?”
“Because I’m trying to show an interest in your life,” James said. It was hardly suave or debonair, but he had tried both of those techniques before at Hogwarts, and they hadn’t worked. Lily wouldn’t give him the time of day then, and even if he wasn’t able to follow all of Remus’ advice, he could at least try a little of it.
Lily opened and closed her mouth several times, apparently at a loss for words. Finally, she asked, “What?”
“I’m trying to show an interest in your life,” James repeated. “You know… show that I care and that I want to hear about your plans for the future and all that other stuff.”
“A bit of advice, Potter. Next time you try to flirt with a girl, don’t refer to all the things she cares about as that other stuff. She might assume you’re being dismissive,” Lily said bitterly. “Now move.”
“You barely even know me, Evans. How can you hate me this much?” James demanded.
“I know you much more than I want to,” Lily answered coolly. “I watched you strut around Hogwarts for seven years, hexing anyone who crossed paths with you. I watched you take enjoyment out of humiliating other people. I watched you goof off and waste your time and intelligence on ridiculous pranks. What more do I need to know about you?”
James didn’t have an answer for that, and Lily shoved past him and walked up the short path to the door that lead into her building, and disappeared from view.
James kicked savagely out the cement sidewalk with the toe of his shoe, then stared glumly in the direction she had gone.
“I love you,” he murmured. “That’s something you don’t know.”