"No, no, no! Evans, what are you doing?"
"Uh… adding foxglove… sir?"
"Yes, but why?"
Lily glanced down at her notes and then back up at Belby. He was standing over her, his protruding eyes fixed on her features with a look of incredulity and disappointment. Clearly, he was opposed to her experiment, but she wasn't entirely sure why. Certainly foxglove was an unusual addition to the potion, but there was nothing in her notes to suggest that it deserved the outburst she was getting from the potioneer.
She looked back up at him and suggested diffidently, "Because it could counterbalance the dittany?"
"Of course it would counterbalance the dittany," Belby muttered, shaking his head. "It's poisonous! Are you trying to kill the werewolves? Because there are far easier ways to do that than tricking them into drinking a deadly potion."
"There is enough dittany in the potion that the foxglove won't kill the drinker," Lily protested.
At least, she thought there was. It was true that she wasn't entirely sure about that point, but the theory seemed strong enough.
Belby snorted. "Hmph. You would not be so cavalier if you knew what these pour souls go through every month."
Lily frowned and said sharply, "I am doing this for a friend, and I would never be cavalier with his life."
Belby stared at her for a moment, then asked in complete surprise, "Is Potter a werewolf?"
"Potter? No," Lily answered, feeling nonplussed. "Why would you assume I was talking about Potter?"
Belby blinked. "It has been my experience that when a young witch speaks so… emphatically… about not wanting to harm a wizard, she is usually speaking of the wizard she is dating."
Now it was Lily's turn to blink it complete bafflement. "Potter and I aren't dating," she said.
"Well, why in Merlin's name not?" Belby demanded.
"Uh…"
"Well, never mind that," Belby said, waiving his hand and carelessly disregarding whatever Lily was about to say. "I'm sure you have a good reason for it. But that is still no need to add a poison to the potion. No, no, no… you must try something else. Honestly!"
He strode over to the nearest bookshelf and browsed the titles for a moment. The room itself was not large, and the bookshelves that lined every wall gave it an almost claustrophobic feeling. Lily didn't mind it… much. The books were on potion theory and were quite rare, obscure, and fascinating.
Belby pulled out a book and spun around, almost knocking over a small table in the center of the room that held several jars of potions ingredients. He sidestepped the table at the last moment and dropped the book on Lily's workbench next to her cauldron.
"You only have a few more days until the end of the month, Miss Evans, and you have yet to impress me." And he turned and marched from the room.
Lily sighed and readjusted her ponytail. Some of her hair had escaped the hairband and was now sticking to the back of her neck, slick with sweat. Her clothes were covered in dust from the room - she was fairly certain Belby had never dusted in his entire life - and her eyes were watering from the fumes.
It had been nearly four weeks of this. Sometimes she made great strides on the potion, and sometimes she made idiotic mistakes, and Belby always responded in exactly the same way.
You have yet to impress me.
She knew the man was brilliant and had very high expectations, but surely he understood that not everyone in the world was like him?
She turned her attention to the book he had given her and flipped it open to the table of contents. The print was miniscule, and she had to squint to make out the words. She had no idea what he wanted her to find in here, but he'd never once handed her a book without having some reason for it, so she rubbed her tired eyes and bent her head over the tiny print.
The parchment was worn and fragile under her fingers. She glanced down the list of chapter titles and found nothing that looked at all helpful.
She sighed and slumped back into her chair, a dull pounding headache appearing behind her eyes.
The room would have been greatly improved by some windows and natural light. And perhaps better ventilation. If she continued working for Belby beyond the month, she knew she would need to work up the courage to ask him for a better workspace.
Of course, he'd been dismissive enough of her work that it seemed unlikely she would be here much longer.
She chewed her lip and stared at the book, trying to think. He'd given it to her after expressing displeasure in her addition of foxglove to the potion, so whatever she was looking for in the book was probably about that.
She leaned over the table of contents again, running her finger down the list of chapter titles.
There was nothing on foxglove or poisons.
She groaned.
And then caught sight of the title of the eleventh chapter.
Fundamental Theory of Blood
It wasn't in any way relevant to her potion, but the title was interesting nonetheless, and she found herself flipping to that section.
As with all potion ingredients, the use of blood requires a proper explanation of the properties inherent in the substance. Blood is integral to life - without it, we are nothing. Blood from different species contains different characteristics and has different uses and different consequences. A well-known example of this is unicorn blood which, although it will sustain life, causes the drinker to enter a cursed state. Further, although the properties of blood taken from related species may be similar, there is usually enough difference between the types of blood that substitution is not recommended. For instance, using mule blood instead of horse blood…
Lily blinked at the paragraph. She had never once heard of a potion that required either type of blood. But, she reasoned, the book was old, and perhaps these were common potions ingredients at the time the giant tome was written.
She rolled her shoulders slowly, only then noticing just how tense the muscles were. She needed a break. She needed to stretch, needed to walk around, needed to work in a room where it did not feel as though the walls were closing in on her.
But that was not an option.
She scanned the next few paragraphs, but the details about blood were dry and uninteresting. It wasn't until she reached the fifth paragraph of the chapter that her interest was piqued again, and she found herself quickly leaning over the book and squinting at the words once more.
However, it is the within-species variation on blood that is the topic of this chapter. Like all other potion ingredients, blood can be easily contaminated by outside substances through improper collection and storage. Further, qualities of the specific animal from which the blood was drawn can effect the efficacy of the potion. Blood should always be harvested from a healthy animal instead of a sick one and, when possible, the animal should be young enough that its blood still contains the vitality of youth. Some potioneers have suggested that animals that commonly contribute blood to potions - the dragon, the Re'em, the chimera - should be domesticated so that their blood can be more easily obtained. However, domestication of wild animals will change the nature of the animal, and this can have profound effects of the blood. It is thus not recommended that any potioneer take such actions.
Further, some animal breeders have recommended the creation of hybrids between magical animals and their non-magical counterparts. A common example of this is the hybrid of the magical and non-magical salamander. Magical creatures tend to be harder to capture or to farm. Even the most domestic of animals, the kneazle, is far harder to take care of than the average house cat. Thus breeding a hybrid could theoretically create a more docile animal that still retains its magical characteristics. While there is no reason not to breed such animals for many purposes, including use as pets or labor, they should not be used for potions ingredients. The reason for this is quite simple; mixing magical and non-magical blood dilutes the magical properties. Such blood is…
"Evans, one more thing…"
Lily jerked her head up as the door to the room opened and Belby entered, and though she tried to school her face back into a look of curiosity, she couldn't quite rid herself of the bitterness she felt at what she had read. Belby had clearly intended to tell her something else about the potion, but he paused mid-sentence when he saw her expression and his eyes narrowed slightly.
He looked down at the book.
"That was not the chapter I intended for you to read," he said quietly.
Lily swallowed and nodded. "I… uh… it caught my attention," she said with a would-be casual shrug. Bebly was continuing to scrutinize her with his protruding eyes, and before she could think through the consequences of asking the question, she blurted out, "Is it true?"
"That mating a magical and a non-magical species would create a hybrid with diluted blood?" Belby said. "Of course."
Lily chewed her lip. "It sounds like pureblood propaganda," she protested.
Belby folded his arms over his chest. "Any time two species mate to create a third species as the offspring, the third species will necessarily have only half of the characteristics of each parent. This has been proven repeatedly in Muggle research on genetics."
"And magic is genetic?" Lily asked.
Belby shrugged. "Yes. Though it is less clear how hereditary it is, particularly in the case of Muggleborns and Squibs, and that is unlikely to be resolved any time soon. After all, such research would require knowledge of and techniques from the field of genetics and how many witches or wizards do you know who employ Muggle sciences?" Lily didn't have an answer, so he continued, "But that is hardly the point."
"What is the point?"
"The chapter discusses only the use of blood in potions, and makes no judgments about the inherent worth of the species created. It does not provide a nature versus nurture debate about magical aptitude among humans. And further, the chapter is discussing only the breeding of two separate species. Muggles and witches and wizards are not separate species." Then he sighed and said, "But in case you were wondering… yes, theories such as the one presented in this chapter were used by pureblood supremacists to establish their dominance. It is a common technique, and not just among wizards. Even Muggles take sound scientific theory and twist it to create justifications of their own warped agenda."
Lily grimaced. "I see." She paused, then said, "You know a lot about Muggle research."
Belby smiled. "I have many interests," he said. "If you are interested in genetics, I would be happy to recommend some books for you to read."
"I would appreciate that," Lily answered truthfully.
"Did you read the section about foxglove?"
"Oh… uh, no. I haven't found it yet."
Belby frowned and snatched the book away from her. "Merlin, teaching you is hard work," he muttered under his breath as he began to flip through the pages. He found what he was looking for and slammed the book down in front of her, causing dust motes to fly up into the air.
She sneezed.
"Here," he said sharply, jabbing his finger at a specific paragraph. "Read that."
The addition of dittany to the potion will counter the poison in the foxglove, and thus these two ingredients are frequently found together. It should be noted, however, that the use of aconite will decrease the efficacy of the dittany and render the potion poisonous.
"Aconite," Lily murmured. "Also known as wolfsbane."
"If you are using it as the main ingredient in your potion," Belby said sternly, "you can't also use foxglove. Unless, of course, you want to kill werewolves."
"I didn't know…"
"You should have done full research on foxglove before adding it. You should always do extensive research on any poison you plan on using in a potion."
"But my Hogwarts potions books all said that as long as you use dittany…"
"Do you always believe everything you read?" Belby interrupted, his tone derisive.
"It was a textbook," Lily murmured under her breath. "Of course I believed it." But she knew that wouldn't be a good enough argument… and Belby was right. She really should have done more research before using any kind of poison.
"Keep working," Belby said, and stormed out of the room.
She was never going to get use to his mood swings.
"… and then Mrs. Longbottom tried to tell me that the dress was the wrong color, that it made me look washed out. She used the words limp marshmallow. I don't even know what that means."
James chuckled, but quickly stifled the laugh as both Alice and Lily glared at him.
"It's a wedding dress. It's supposed to be white," the harried soon-to-be bride moaned before burying her head in her hands. "Do you think Frank will still love me if I kill his mother?"
"Frank will love you no matter what you do," Lily said loyally.
James quirked an eyebrow. "Did you just tell her to kill her mother-in-law?" he asked with a smirk.
"Hey, don't mock her for it," Alice grumbled. "It's the best advice I've had all day." She glanced around the pub and added, "I need more alcohol."
"This wedding has brought out an interesting side of you," Lily commented dryly.
Alice glowered at her. "Just wait until you get married, Lily," she snapped. "You'll be planning murders, too."
"And I am sure they'll be good plans, too, because Merlin knows Evans has had plenty of practice," a voice announced, and Lily turned to see Sirius standing behind her with a bottle of something in his hand. Sirius winked at James. "She's been plotting your murder for seven years, Prongs."
"Well, it's a good thing I've got you to protect me, then, Padfoot," James replied.
Alice glanced between the two of them, then asked Lily, "Remind me again why we decided getting drinks with them was a good idea?"
"We didn't," Lily snapped back, rolling her eyes in frustration. "You and I were supposed to have a girl's night out with Mary, but then she got sick and got it in her head to send Potter along in her place." She slanted a quick glare at Sirius and added, "And I have no idea why Potter decided to bring Black."
"Oh, I brought him along for moral support," James answered immediately. "I didn't want to be outnumbered by the fairer sex. I doubt I'd survive."
Sirius laughed, and even Alice smiled slightly. It was nice to see Alice smile, Lily reflected - the stress of the wedding planning had been hard on her friend. And though Lily wasn't entirely pleased with James and Sirius as an addition to the night out, if they managed to distract Alice from her overbearing soon-to-be mother-in-law…
Of course, Lily did know exactly why Mary had chosen to send James in her place. Ever since Lily had admitted to Mary that she might possibly fancy James a little bit, Mary had been determined to push the two of them together. Lily had repeatedly told her that she and James just needed a little bit of time, but Mary seemed to think that they had used up enough time already.
Sirius slid into a seat opposite Alice and started talking to her, and James turned his attention to Lily and asked, "How did your potion brewing go today?"
Lily wrinkled her nose. "Oh, I tried to poison the werewolves this time," she said casually.
James frowned. "Uh… aren't you supposed to help them?"
Lily nodded, then said with a sigh, "Sometimes I make great progress, sometimes I don't make any… but I just can't tell what Belby thinks of my work." She hesitated for a moment, then added, "And, anyway, today I was a bit distracted by blood purity."
"What about it?" James asked curiously.
"Apparently, the quality and the purity of types of blood used in potions can make a substantial difference in the result, and this has been used in the past to justify prejudice against Muggleborns," Lily explained. Although Belby had provided her with a perfectly adequate explanation for why the passage she had read was not relevant to arguments about blood status in the wizarding world, the very fact that it was used by pureblood supremacists incensed her… and she couldn't explain why.
James seemed to pick up on this, because he asked, "Why does this argument bother you so much? Purebloods like the Malfoys and Lestranges and the rest of Sirius' family say horrible things all the time."
"Yes, but…" Lily trailed off with a frown. "This feels like more of a betrayal."
"Betrayal?" James questioned, bewildered. "How is it a betrayal?"
Again, Lily didn't have a ready answer.
She was saved from having to stumble through a half-hearted explanation by Alice's abrupt peal of laughter, and both she and James turned towards their friends in time to see Sirius rising slowly from an ungainly heap on the floor.
"Any particular reason you decided to lie down on the floor, Black?" Lily asked.
"It was comfortable," Sirius answered flatly.
Lily glanced at Alice, who supplied helpfully, "He fell out of his chair."
"You pushed me!" Sirius shot back.
"You insulted Frank!" Alice retorted, pulling out her wand and pointing it at him threateningly. "Next time you insult him I will hex you. Don't think I won't."
"Bit uptight, isn't she?" Sirius commented to James. "All I did was say that I didn't understand why she wanted to marry a bloke who always followed the rules, never got into trouble, and was responsible and mature. It sounds so incredibly boring."
"He's an Auror," Alice protested. "That's an exciting career!"
"Yeah… if you are crazy Mad Eye Moody or maybe that bloke Shacklebolt who just caught the Dark wizards in Bristol," Sirius replied. "What does Longbottom do? Paperwork? Rescue kneazles that get stuck in trees?"
James grinned into his drink.
"I'll hex you, too, Potter," Alice warned, but she was smiling.
Frank did have a reputation for always following the rules. He had received top marks on his OWLS and his NEWTS, had been a prefect and Head Boy, and had been the only one from his year accepted into Auror training. He was smart, caring, loyal…
Alice was beaming just thinking about him.
Then she and Sirius started bickering again, and Lily turned to James and asked, "Is Black always like this?"
James nodded and answered with a laugh, "Pretty much. You get used to it, though." Then he said in a more sober tone, "There is more to him than meets the eye."
For a moment, Lily found that difficult to believe. Then she remembered the look on his face and his low tone of voice as he stood in her flat and accused her of not being able to get past Severus' hurtful words.
"Maybe you're right," she said.
James looked as surprised by her response as she felt at saying it, but instead of commenting on that, he said, "You were telling me why you felt betrayed by the use of potion theory in pureblood propaganda."
Lily was silent for a moment, attempting to order her thoughts. But when the words wouldn't come, she shook her head and said with no small amount of frustration, "I can't explain it."
"Just… try," James suggested quietly. "Say whatever comes to mind. Just babble on like you usually do when you get worked up about something."
"I don't babble!" Lily protested.
James raised an eyebrow in utter disbelief, and Lily huffed.
"Just say whatever you want to say," James said, "and I'll listen. You usually think better if you're thinking aloud, don't you?"
Lily opened her mouth to confirm that, and then paused, stunned to realize just how well James knew her. Not only did he recognize the fact that she did tend to ramble on when she got worked up about something - not that she would ever admit that to him - but he understood that she rambled because it helped her organize her thoughts.
And he seemed to get that whatever she was feeling right now was really bothering her and she needed to talk about it - even if she had no idea what to say.
More importantly, he was willing to listen.
"Evans?" James prompted.
Lily blinked, then said, "It's mine."
"Um… what?"
"Potions. Potion theory. Potion brewing. Everything about potions. It's mine. It's what I do, it's what I am good at. It makes sense to me. All these ideas, all these different theories and equations… everything fits together like puzzle pieces. I love it. I love everything about it, even when I am absolutely frazzled by it." Lily hesitated, slanting a quick look at James to see if he was bored, but he was staring at her intently, listening to every word, and so she pushed on, "And these pureblood families… these witches and wizards who aren't potioneers and who probably didn't even take NEWT level potions let alone any more advanced courses… they're taking something that is so good and so wonderful and so… mine… and they're twisting it and corrupting it and using it against me."
She was dimly aware of the fact that Alice and Sirius had stopped arguing and were now listening to her as well, but she was more focused on James. For reasons she had little desire to admit to even herself, it was his opinion of this that mattered to her, his understanding and agreement she wanted.
She pressed on, "And I know it is ridiculous because… well, there are so many horrible things people say about Muggleborns that should bother me just as much, and… it's not like I even heard anyone use this argument, Belby just told me that people had used it in the past. But… it was Potions that made me feel like I belonged at the school. In Slughorn's class, when he told me how wonderful I was at this, how I had so much aptitude for it… Hogwarts was overwhelming and… and you don't know what it is like for a Muggleborn who has never even believed in magic to suddenly find out that she is a witch and then… did you know that we're only told we're wizards and witches a few months before we go to Hogwarts? I had longer because Severus told me, but… I still didn't have that long. It's not the same thing as being a half-blood or a pureblood and growing up around magic all the time. It was… I was scared." She paused, and said in some confusion, "I think I've gone completely off topic."
"And you said you don't babble," James interjected with a smirk. She glared at him, and he held up his hands in a sign of surrender and continued, "You're good at potions. Is that it?"
"Yes. No. It's… more than that," Lily answered, groping for the right words. "Potions is… intuitive. It comes naturally to me. It makes sense. It's the first thing that I was that good at, the first thing that made me feel like I belonged in this world, and the idea that anyone would use it to tell me that I don't belong… it feels like a betrayal." She stopped again. "Does that make sense?"
"Yes," James said, and he reached over and squeezed her hand. "It makes perfect sense."
The rest of the evening passed uneventfully, and James and Sirius did a passable job at keeping Alice's mind off the wedding plans. Alice had been the first to leave, however, insisting that she needed her sleep if she was going to have any chance of facing Mrs. Longbottom the next day, and Sirius had left shortly after that.
James had offered to accompany Lily home.
Somehow, though, they hadn't quite gotten around to Apparating to her flat, and were instead wandering about the streets near the pub in companionable silence. The night was cold, but after spending the entire day inside that small room inhaling the potent potion fumes, Lily found herself greatly enjoying the fresh air.
"Look," James said suddenly, pointing towards the sky, "it's Merlin."
Lily blinked and squinted up at the stars. She had learned the names of all the constellations in Astronomy, and for the most part, the wizarding world used the same names as the Muggle world. Orion, Cassiopeia, Ursula Major and Minor… There had been a few constellations unique to the wizarding world, but she didn't remember Merlin being one of them.
She glanced at James.
He was smiling at the stars as he explained, "There are so many stars that aren't part of constellations. Peter once said he thought they probably all felt left out, so Remus started making up names for them. See the cluster of stars there," he pointed up at the sky, "and the two stars that make the line there…? That's Merlin."
Lily laughed softly. "What other constellations did Remus name?"
"Morgan le Fey, Agrippa, John Lennon and Paul McCartney…"
"The Beatles?" Lily questioned, amused.
"Sirius actually named those two," James answered. "He would go on about how it was lucky to snog a girl if Lennon and McCartney were in the night sky. Told his parents that more than once…" He trailed off with a sigh, then said, "Anything to annoy his pureblood family."
They continued walking in silence.
After a few minutes, James cleared his throat and said, "You had a friend who was in the potions program with you, didn't you? Did she do well on the rankings?"
"Oh, yes," Lily said, smiling immediately. "Emma heard a few days ago. She did very well. In fact, she was awarded the fourth mark. She's moving on to the next session."
"I'm glad," James said.
"I am, too," Lily agreed.
She was glad that James had asked. Mary and Alice had both been afraid to, clearly worried that having to talk about Emma's success would upset Lily. And any reminder of her own failure did upset the redhead, of course… but she was genuinely happy for her friend and wanted to be able to share her happiness with someone.
Of course, the fact that James even remembered that Lily was friends with Emma and thought to ask about her…
Lily slanted a quick look at James and wondered how many more time he was going to surprise her tonight.
A puzzling thought occurred to her, then, and, knitting her brows together, she asked, "How did you know about the rankings?"
It wasn't necessarily a secret, but she hadn't told James anything about how the students' progress was reviewed. She hadn't known herself until Emma had filled her in on the process - apparently the elite students who were to be accepted into the next round were awarded ranks by the review committee and those ranks determined which potioneers and Healers they could work with during the more extended internship process.
Lily herself hadn't been awarded a rank because her potion had been dismissed as not meeting the standards of excellence set by the committee. Although she had known all along that this would happen, it had still been painful to read those words, and she had burned the letter soon after receiving it.
James looked away awkwardly as he said, "Sirius mentioned it to me."
It took a moment for the pieces to fall into place, and then Lily stiffened slightly and nodded. "And I assumed he learned of that from his brother?"
"His mother, actually," James replied. "She sent him a Howler."
That brought Lily up short. "Why? He didn't do anything."
"I think that was the point," James explained. "She wanted to remind him that he hasn't done anything with his life, couldn't even make a respectable match, whereas his brother has at least partnered himself with someone who… well…"
Lily grimaced. Emma had given her the full list of rankings, and although Lily wanted to believe that she was the type of person who did not wish ill on others, she could not deny the incredible amount of bitterness she had felt reading through those names.
The first mark, the highest ranking, had gone to Eliza Greengrass.
What angered Lily most about it was not so much that Eliza had been awarded that spot, but that, if she was judging solely based on aptitude and accomplishments, Eliza probably deserved it. The blonde pureblood's cruel and malicious personality did not detract from her natural gift for brewing healing potions, and her life of wealth and prestige had not inhibited her work ethic. She was good at this.
And Lily knew it was spiteful to wish otherwise, but she just couldn't help it. She had wanted Eliza to fail.
James placed his hand on her arm and said, "We should Apparate back to your flat. The clouds are drifting in, and I think it's going to start raining."
"Good idea," Lily agreed.
Then they were both turning on the spot and air was pressing against her on all sides, as though the world was caving in. It only lasted a moment, and then she was standing on the street in front of her flat, James still holding her arm.
A light rain started to fall.
"I want to kiss you now," James said.
It was so completely unexpected that Lily just gaped at him.
"So if you don't want me to do that, you should say so," James added.
Lily continued gaping.
James stepped close to her and pressed his lips against hers. And then they were kissing, and his hands were resting on her hips, and her own hands moved upwards and tangled themselves into his hair. And then her back was pressed against the side of the building, and raindrops were soaking into her clothes, and her eyes slid shut of their own accord…
James pulled back a moment later. "You're very good at that," he said breathlessly.
"You are, too," Lily murmured, feeling ridiculous, and entirely unable to stop the grin from spreading across her features.
James grinned, too. "Do you want to go on a date?"
Lily giggled. "I think we just did," she replied.
"Huh?"
"We went out to a pub, you paid for the drinks, accompanied me home, and kissed me goodnight. That's a date, Potter."
"Oh. Well, then…" James suddenly laughed. "I just went on a date with Evans!" he exclaimed, looking around as though he wanted there to be someone else present for him to tell this to, some audience who could congratulate him for finally getting the girl he'd wanted for years.
"And the world didn't end," Lily murmured. "Who would have thought?"
"So… do you want to go on a second date, Evans?" James asked.
"Yes, I would like that very much," Lily said. "But… if we're dating now… I think perhaps we should start calling each other by our first names."
"Right you are… Lily," James agreed. "Blimey, that sounds weird."
"Weird?" Lily demanded, eyebrows raising towards her hairline.
"Not weird," James backtracked quickly. "Just… different. But different in a good way. I like different." He gave her a boyish smile. "I will plan us a second date, Lily. How about Saturday, Lily? Does that work for you, Lily?" He ran a hand through his hair. "I like the way it sounds. Lily."
"I'm glad you like my name… James," Lily answered. "And Saturday will work perfectly for me."
James leaned in and gave her another quick kiss. "Until Saturday, then," he said. "Goodnight, Lily."
"Goodnight, James."
While You Tell Me Stories by Dawnie
Chapter Endnotes: One more part left...