Nothing More
Gentle starlight filters through the clouds, illuminating the lawn as if setting the stage for a dance of pixies and dust. The dew on the grass sparkles, and a late summer breeze whispers on the wind. The moon has set, but the sun will not rise for another hour, and one young man enjoys the beauty and silence of the scene, alone.
He is lying on a blanket he has brought down to the pond. It is a small pond, surrounded by a rolling lawn at the back of his family's property. As a young child, he ran to the water to catch frogs and snakes; later, he swam with his friends and laughed about girls. As an adult, he is sipping tea and thinking, although he'd rather be drinking something stronger.
He is not scared, not really. Nor is he having any regrets or second thoughts, both of which his friends tried to talk him out of during his stag party at one point or another. No, he is too restless to sleep: tomorrow he will be married.
Thoughts tumble around his head like a whirlwind. He is excited, yet nervous. He is nervous about the war intruding on their perfect day and about stumbling over the handfasting spells. He is most nervous about Sirius's speech and any number of embarrassing youthful transgressions his best friend might bring up. But he is not nervous about actually marrying the woman he loves: he is excited to spend the rest of his life with her.
If he is honest with himself, at that moment he is simply feeling pensive. He has come to the pond to reflect on both his past and his present before he commits to the future. He feels as if he is leaving so much behind, even though he looks forward to so much more. More than anything, he will miss his friends, and the thought of his old relationships changing to make way for the new is making him sentimental, almost maudlin.
Oh, he will probably see one or the other of them everyday, what with Order business and the free-spirited nature of Sirius's constant and casual visits. And yet, he will be married and it will be different. There will fewer late nights at the pub, fewer midnight runs with the stag and the dog, fewer times spent with just him and not all four of them.
And just like that, Remus appears, a bottle of moondew in his hands.
"Mind if I join you?" he asks, a small questioning smile on his face. James nods and moves over, allowing his friend space on the blanket. Remus pops open the bottle and hands it to him, and James takes the first sip, coughing as the sweet liquor coats his throat.
"That's rubbish," he chokes. "I don't know how you stand it."
"It's the name," Remus replies blandly. "My inner wolf thinks it's good for glossy fur."
James laughs. It is rare to hear Remus joke about his condition, and it's always refreshing when he does. It makes it easier to bear, somehow, for all of them, when Remus can have a sense of humour about it. "Well, it's too sweet for me."
"Says the man sipping elderberry tea with honey," murmurs Remus, taking the bottle back for a long pull at it.
"I can't be half-pissed at my own wedding," James replies.
"I'm sure Sirius would recommend it," laughs Remus. "In fact, if you were completely kneazled, you could blame him for just about anything that goes wrong."
James laughs again, the very thought of arriving at his own wedding in such a state utterly ridiculous. He grows contemplative once more, though, and does not offer a reply. He gazes out across the pond instead, silent. He has always enjoyed the quiet times with Remus. Peter can't seem to stand silence and always finds something to talk about. Sirius loves the sound of his voice too much to stop talking, unless he's laughing. But Remus can say so much more with a simple look and silence.
"Are you ready?" he finally asks, after they have sat a while together. He is always direct and to the point. James shrugs, honest with Remus in ways he is not always honest with Sirius or Peter. For them, he puts up a confident front, because that is what they seem to expect from him. For Remus he can always be truthful.
"I don't know," he says, rubbing at his face as he lays down to stare at the sky. "I think so. But that doesn't mean much, really. It's happening whether I'm ready or not."
"It means everything," says Remus. He lays down as well, rolling onto his side to prop his head on his palm. "It means tomorrow at this time you'll be sleeping in a clean bed next to your wife instead of lounging around a dirty pond."
"Been there, done that," says James with a wink, and Remus laughs.
"But not legally--and not forever." They laugh together, and Remus lays on his back, gazing up at the stars, before he continues. "How does it feel?"
"How does what feel?" asks James.
"The thought of forever," Remus replies softly. "The thought of you and Lily, together forever. No breaking up, no changing your mind. Every day, all day--forever."
James sits and gives Remus a surprised look. "Have you been talking to Sirius? He makes it sound like the end of the world at times!" He shakes his head. "It feels wonderful, Moony. It feels good and right and…comforting. I just hope I can do it right." Even though he does not care for the stuff, he takes the bottle of moondew and tries another sip. He still grimaces. "Why do you ask?"
Remus takes the bottle from him and joins him in sitting. "Because the answer you'll give me is different than what you'd tell the others, and I just wanted to know."
The silence returns as they both return to their thoughts. As he gazes across the pond at the back of his parents' property, James is suddenly reminded of another late summer night at the beginning of their sixth year. The four of them had gone down to the lake to swim, for September had been unusually warm that year as well…
"Come on, Pete! Get your ratty little arse in here!" Sirius splashed him from the shore, then swam out to the middle to float around a bit. "It's perfect."
James slid further into the lake before Sirius could give him a hard time and paddled out to where Remus was treading water. Peter finally plunged in, swearing profusely. They splashed and dunked one another, reveling in the cool water, the night breeze, and the heady company of close friends. The squid let them play, either asleep or uncaring as they soon grew tired and just drifted on their backs, gazing up at the stars as the lake calmed and caressed them.
The silence was beautiful, but as he so often did, Sirius had to break it. "I'm cold," he announced. "I need a butterbeer."
For some reason they burst out laughing, but Peter quickly agreed, and he and Sirius began swimming back to shore.
"You coming?" Sirius called as he climbed out and began pulling on his trousers. Peter followed, shivering and swearing under his breath. Sirius clapped him on the shoulder with a laugh, and turned back to the lake. "Or are you going to drown yourself?"
James glanced at Remus, who rolled his eyes in answer. He grinned and waved at Sirius. "No, go ahead, you blouse. We're staying."
"Suit yourself," Sirius laughed. "I can't promise we'll leave you any!" He and Peter trudged up the hill toward the castle. James turned back to Remus and laughed. He didn't need to say a thing; they could enjoy the silence together, unlike Sirius or Peter.
They floated across the lake, occasionally bumping into one another. After the third time, Remus grumbled something and dunked him. James came shooting up and pulled him under with a laugh. They tussled a bit in the water, coughing and laughing, their hands slipping and sliding off arms and shoulders and legs.
Until suddenly they were locked in an armhold, staring at each other, and they stopped laughing as something passed between them, a very real, physical spark. They flew apart, mumbling apologies for the awkward moment, and swam toward the shore, trying to joke about whatever Sirius and Peter might be up to. Only they kept drifting back together over and over; it was as if they were each seeking that moment again.
James felt his breathing quicken as their arms bumped, and he reached underwater to take Remus's hand. He let his fingers trace patterns on Remus's palm, and heard an intake of breath as their thighs touched.
"James?" Remus muttered, his voice sounding a bit strangled, as if it were difficult to talk.
"Hmm?" asked James. Remus had begun returning his caress with his own hand, their fingers dancing together underwater, unseen but felt, moving slowly but curiously.
"What are we doing?" he asked. James let go, and turned to face him, his toes just barely touching the bottom of the lake. Remus was taller and stood easily, facing him with a guarded look on his face, but so close that James could feel his warm presence underwater.
"I'm not sure," murmured James, glancing away. And he wasn't. He had some idea of what he wanted to do, but no idea where it had come from. And he had no idea if it was right, or if Remus was thinking the same thing, until Remus stepped closer, and they both knew in that moment, when another spark seemed to pass between them, that it was okay.
James grinned. "Really?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. His fingers sought Remus's hand once more, and Remus squeezed him tight.
"I dare you," Remus said, his eyes wide.
"Oh, Moony, you shouldn't have said that," James replied, and he moved closer still, so the only thing between them was the cool water. And just like that, it had happened, on a warm September night…
"Do you remember the night we went swimming during the heat wave?" Remus asks. He is sitting shoulder to shoulder with James, his presence strong and encouraging. The tiniest pinprick of light dots the far horizon as the sun hints at a rosy dawn. Soon it will be time to rise, to start the day, to be married--but not yet.
"I remember," says James. He turns to Remus with a raised eyebrow and small grin. "This pond is a bit murky, but it's not bad."
"I remember," Remus winks. "Sirius caught a fish in his pants, once." They laugh and pull their shirts off and hurry toward the water. James lays his glasses on a rock before he dives in, and Remus quickly follows. They can touch the bottom easily now, though as usual they prefer to simply drift about.
Once again they do not speak, but enjoy one another's calming company. The sun begins to color the sky blue. They watch the stars disappear one by one, a blanket of light covering them like fairy dust, until a pale glow illuminates the pond and the grass and the house. Soon the others will be up, and it will be time to return to normal.
But for now they drift closer together, until their arms touch and their hands reach for one another under the water. James glances at Remus and grins as he lets himself fall beneath the blue ripples. Remus sinks with him, and they embrace one last time as the sun rises on a new day. All too soon they come up for air, and a part of James doesn't want to let go. They remain close, arms interlocked around one another's neck, foreheads touching.
"So are you really ready?" asks Remus.
"I am," says James, and somehow he feels it now too. "Are you?"
Remus cocks his head. "Of course I am. Although you should have made me your best man."
"Sirius would have hexed my bits off, you know it." They move toward the shore, idly swimming and walking and just drifting through the water, obviously reluctant to end their last night together.
"I might still hex them off," Remus replies casually. "I'm done with them."
James just about chokes, then shakes his head and laughs. Remus so scarcely shocks them with crude comments that it is a rare treat when he does; even less do they talk about what has passed between them for the past two years.
"Think you'll get married someday?" James asks as they climb from the water and begin to dry off with their wands.
"Merlin only knows what woman would marry a werewolf," Remus murmurs. "Especially in the middle of a war." James knows that Remus is not joking this time. Like James, he is only being honest, revealing his deepest thoughts and fears with James when he would not with the others. James takes his hand once more.
"She's out there, Remus," he says, willing his friend to believe. "She's brave and strong and beautiful and she will love you like no one else." He touches his hand to Remus's face at the surprised look he finds there. "You just have to find her, even if it takes a bit of searching, war or not."
"Do you really believe that?" Remus asks, and his voice sounds both hopeless and hopeful at the same time.
"Of course I do!" James exclaims. He takes his hand away and gives his friend a crooked grin. "I was a prat for years, and somehow Lily is still marrying me tomorrow."
"Today," murmurs Remus. "It's today."
"Right." James swallows and continues. "The point is, I don’t believe for a minute that it won't happen for you as well. Or Peter. Or maybe even Sirius."
"I don't know about that last myself," Remus laughs.
"Okay, maybe not, but Remus--I love you. And you'll find a woman who loves you just as much."
"Thanks, James," says Remus. He pauses and raises an eyebrow. "Your confidence in my romantic destiny is inspiring. Perhaps I'll try to snare a date for the wedding after all."
"It's today, you know," James points out, throwing Remus's words back at him.
"Why wait?" Remus winks.
They banter a bit more as they near the house, until James notices a thoughtful look creep across Remus's face.
"What?" he asks. They come to the porch, the smell of breakfast and coffee wafting through the windows. Inside they can hear Sirius laughing with James's father. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Because I'm happy for you, Prongs, that's why," Remus replies.
"I know," says James. "You've told me about a hundred times already."
"Then I hope you know I mean it," he says. "Even though I'm going to miss this," he adds, and he simply gestures between them, no other words necessary.
James puts his arm around Remus's shoulders. "I will too, Moony. I will too."
And with a lump in his throat, he squeezes tight, and Remus nods gratefully, and just like that, they are best friends again, and nothing more.
* * *
Nothing More by Gmariam
Chapter Endnotes: Thank you so much to Lea for looking over my abandoned first try as well as helping me iron out the second! And to Natalie for reading through this one and making sure I didn't mess it up too much. :)