------------------------------------------------
November, 1978
Rain fell all day without stopping.
It grew heavier as night came on, ceaseless even as the London streetlamps and window lights flickered on one-by-one, igniting against the November chill. Here and there, a few people hurried down the city streets, heads bowed beneath the rain, collars turned up against the kind of bone-deep cold found only in a London on the edge of winter.
One such businessman, harried and headed for home, doubtless eager to empty the water from his shoes, turned into a dim alleyway, only to jump back in alarm as a large black dog grew suddenly out of the shadows. The man clutched his briefcase and raised it to his chest, wary, and cast his eyes around for an owner--who would keep an animal this size in the city?--but the dog barely glanced at him before trotting determinedly out into the rain, head low to the ground. The man stood for a moment, a strange and primal fear washing over him, before he turned down the alley once more, thinking again of home.
The dog, for his part, was soon drenched as he ventured through the now-deserted streets. His tail dripped steadily, his fur matted and soaked, a thin stream of rain dribbling from his ears, but he seemed not to notice. Nor did he seem to be interested in the usual aimless wandering of a dog--he did not stop to sniff at bushes, his course did not waver, he barely flicked an ear at an equally soaked cat that streaked across the road ahead of him.
He did not stop as he turned purposefully down the streets, even as the closely packed city buildings began to give way to greener spaces. Finally, he turned up a long walk and paused at last, one paw crooked in the air, peering through an iron gate to the cemetery beyond.
Like the city, the graveyard was all but empty. But through the gloom and the rising dark, the dog seemed to find what he was looking for. The iron gate was ajar; with his nose, he pushed it wider and wriggled through, padding lightly across the wet ground.
The grave he came to was fresh--only a few hours old. Beside it was one that was almost as new, the date on the headstone only five days prior. And at the foot of these graves stood a young man--barely more than a boy, really, although perhaps the way his wet hair stuck to his forehead, the way his clothes hung, dripping, on his bones made him look even smaller and younger than his eighteen years. He didn’t move as the dog trotted up to him, except to shiver in the rain.
Insistently, the dog sat next to him, his wet body pressing into the dark-haired boy’s legs. When there was no reaction, the dog whined once, then again, loudly, and though the young man did not take his eyes away from the two new graves, he did raise his hand to place it gently on the dog’s head.
But this, it seemed, was not good enough; after a moment, the dog ducked away, glancing furtively over his shoulder in a distinctly un-doglike manner. Then he bounded towards a large mausoleum and hugged close to its side, disappearing into the shadows. A few moments later, it was another young man who emerged, dark-haired like the first, although this one had a certain vitality, an energy that trembled, as though he could never be still. By contrast, the first boy seemed as silent and as stoic as the cement gravestones around them, the only movement the rush of rainwater down their faces.
–James,†the boy-who-had-been-a-dog said as be approached, laying a hand along his friend’s arm. –James. It’s time to go home.â€
James didn’t move, didn’t even blink.
–Go away, Sirius,†he said, his voice barely louder than the rain.
Sirius shook his wet hair out of his eyes, managing to look frustrated and worried at the same time.
–Come on,†he said, closing his hand around James’s elbow. –You’re soaked through, you’ll get ill--â€
But James just stood there, his arm limp in Sirius’s grasp, his eyes dull.
Sirius breathed deeply, reaching for the best bargaining chip he had.
–Lily sent me,†he said. –She’s worried sick about you, you know.â€
James turned towards him slightly. –Lily?†he murmured thickly.
–Yeah, Lily,†Sirius said encouragingly, seizing on this one spark of life. –She would have come herself, but she’s dealing with all the people…and besides, I could get here faster.â€
–People?†James asked, now turning fully to look at his friend.
Sirius nodded. –Everyone’s at our place,†he said. –They wanted to be there for you. And Lily stayed there with them, because, well…you know. She knows how to do this.â€
James winced, almost imperceptibly, but then he nodded. –Right,†he said, clearing his throat, coming alive again. –Right. Home.â€
Sirius’s grip tightened on his elbow, and James looked at him, the ghost of a grin on his face. –I’m coming, Padfoot, you don’t have to twist my arm,†he said hollowly.
–I’ll believe that,†Sirius said, –when you’re home and dry.â€
–Home,†James said again, and then, –Lily.â€
–Hold on to that, mate,†Sirius said. –She’s there. We all are.â€
James gave one deep, shuddering sigh, turning his face up to the rain. Then he glanced once more at the two graves.
–I’m an orphan now,†he said quietly, as though testing the words.
Sirius’s eyes were bright and his face streaked with rain, but his voice was steady as he said, –We’re all orphans now.â€
James transferred his gaze to his best friend’s face. –In one way or another,†he said.
–Come on,†Sirius said again, and this time, James nodded, and went.
---
Lily’s head was spinning.
She felt like she hadn’t stopped moving in days, and all of it was culminating now as she moved mechanically from the kitchen in James and Sirius’s flat, plates in hand, to the living area, now packed with people.
–Thanks for coming,†she murmured, setting out food and collecting empty plates. –James’ll be back soon, thank you…â€
Returning to the kitchen, she set the empty plates in the sink and stood for a moment, her arms braced against the counter, her head hanging. And then she sighed, squared her shoulders, and brushed her hands together, preparing to go out once again. But as she turned towards the kitchen door, she found her way blocked by two people.
–Lily,†Marlene McKinnon said, her blue eyes wide and sad, –Lily, you have to slow down.â€
Beside her, Remus Lupin, looking even more worn than ever, nodded his agreement. –You’ve been running yourself ragged ever since James’s parents got sick,†he said.
Lily shook her head. –I have to,†she said. –James needs me, and--â€
Remus and Marlene exchanged a glance. –What James needs,†Remus said softly, –is time, and rest, and for you to take care of yourself.â€
–And Lily,†Marlene said, going to her, –I know this must be…I mean, your parents’ accident was only a month ago, and now this…you’ve both lost so much in such a small amount of time, I can’t even imagine, but…you don’t always have to be so strong, you know?â€
Lily smiled sadly at them both. Marlene’s normally bouncy yellow curls were hanging limply around her face, and Remus, only eighteen, already had fine lines around his eyes, his sandy hair shot with silver. –It’s strange, isn’t it?†Lily murmured, almost in a daze. –We’ve been preparing for a war here, and the first casualties are due to a car accident and dragon pox.â€
She trailed off into silence for a moment, and then her gaze snapped back to them. –I have to keep moving,†she said. –I need something to do, or I’ll fall apart.â€
Remus nodded, although Marlene looked unconvinced. Lily turned away from them, back to a sink now piled with dishes, and reached to turn on the water.
–Oh, really,†Marlene tsked, striding forward to grab Lily’s wrist, –You can stay busy without doing completely unnecessary jobs.â€
And she slid her wand out from behind her ear and flicked it at the sink, where the dishes promptly started washing themselves.
–I guess you’re right,†Lily said, smiling softly at her friend.
–Of course she is,†Remus said bracingly. –Now, come on. Everyone is here to be with James, and you. And since James isn’t back yet…well, you’ve got to let them be there for you, Lil.â€
–Thanks,†she said to him, smiling tiredly, and let them lead her out into the living area.
The apartment that James and Sirius shared was comfortable, if not particularly large, and with so many people crowded around in their one main room, it felt very small indeed. As she entered the room flanked by Remus and Marlene, she felt the slight hush that shivered through the room of people, all eyes on her.
The silence stretched on just long enough that she began to feel uncomfortable, until Gideon and Fabian Prewett, from their perch on one of Sirius’s two horrible couches, raised their arms simultaneously and said –Lily!â€
–Are you finally here to sit down?†Gideon asked.
–Yeah, budge over,†Fabian said, elbowing Will McKinnon so hard he fell of the couch onto the floor. Fabian seized the opportunity and scooted into the empty space, leaving room between he and his brother, and both of them blinked owlishly at Lily, who nearly laughed. Sometimes they reminded her so much of Sirius and James it was uncanny.
Caving, she settled herself between them, feeling, as she always did around the two brothers, rather small--both of them were well over six feet tall, broad-shouldered and virtually identical, strawberry blonde with deep brown eyes. It was odd to see them so still--much like Sirius, they were normally always moving. Now, as she say, they bumped her with their shoulders, so hard that she felt rather squashed.
–Well, don’t suffocate the girl,†Will McKinnon said ruefully, having climbed back to his feet and settled on the arm of the sofa. Marlene’s brother looked much like her--he was a few years older, his gold hair a few shades darker, but he had the same eyes--that wide, deep blue that managed to look both innocent and knowing.
On the other arm of the couch was perched kind-faced Alice Rourke, who had been Lily’s year-mate in school, though Alice had been a Hufflepuff. Seated on the opposite couch, his feet up on the coffee table, was Alice’s boyfriend, Frank Longbottom, now in his second year of Auror training, and beside him, Benjy Fenwick and Peter Pettigrew. Emmeline Vance was sitting on the floor at Benjy’s feet, and after a moment, Marlene joined her there, while Remus leaned against the couch beside Peter.
They were the young generation of the Order of the Phoenix, this knot of people, handpicked by Dumbledore while in their final years of school to fight the rising tide of the Dark side. They had all left school in the past few years, and, for the most part, all of them were eager but virtually untested.
The older generation was currently gathered in Lily’s favorite part of the flat--a deep-set bay window at the front of the building, looking out onto the street below, with a spacious window seat, big enough for several people No one was sitting on it now, but Dumbledore stood, framed by the window and strangely commanding, while Minerva McGonagall and Alastor Moody spoke in hushed but serious voices beside him. Lily had known Professor McGonagall for years at Hogwarts, but she had only recently met Moody, and she wasn’t sure yet how she felt about him. He was scarred and somewhat grizzled, to be sure, and there was something a little too piercing about his dark gaze, but he was already the stuff of legend in the Auror department, and Lily knew they were lucky to have him.
Several feet away, Elphias Doge stood with Dorcas Meadowes and Edgar Bones, having an equally hushed conversation. Lily frowned--the room was somewhat more empty than it had been when she had seen it last. –What happened to Hagrid?†she asked no one in particular.
–Oh, he thought it was getting a little, er, cramped for him in here,†Gideon supplied.
–Dung and Aberforth and a few other people went to get a drink, after the funeral,†Alice put in. –Ab said he felt the need to open the Hog’s Head. Hagrid just went to join them. He said to apologize to James for him--he wanted to be here, but he was afraid the floor would cave in if he stayed.â€
Lily had just opened her mouth to respond when the door swung open and Sirius, half-supporting a very pale James, stumbled through. Both of them were drenched and dripping rainwater everywhere, and James was shaking violently from the cold. Sirius’s face was set as he looked over the crowd of people in his apartment, and his eyes met Lily’s.
–Found him,†he said unnecessarily.
Lily, who had jumped to her feet when the door opened, smiled softly at him. –I see that,†she said dryly, but then her attention turned completely to James, who had made a beeline for her the second he was in the door.
He stood beside her now, his head hanging, getting water all over the floor. –Sorry,†he said quietly. –I didn’t…I wasn’t really paying attention to the time.â€
She reached her his hand, and it was like ice in hers. –You’re frozen through,†she whispered, moving her other hand to the side of his face, and he closed his eyes.
–Well that, at least, is easily taken care of,†she heard, and turned to see Dumbledore raise his wand. There was a low hum, and then the room was doused in a soft orange light with a warmth that Lily felt clear to her bones, and for a moment she felt completely safe and protected and sure that everything would be all right in the end.
Beside her, James had stopped shivering, and both he and Sirius looked dry and crisp.
–Thanks, sir,†Sirius said smartly, saluting Dumbledore, although the gesture had an air of going through the motions, as though he was lacking his usual punch.
Lily, meanwhile, had ushered James into her vacated spot on the couch, between the Prewett brothers who were eyeing him as though he might keel over at any second.
–You look like you need a drink, mate,†Gideon said frankly.
Fabian raised an eyebrow. –Ab’s keeping the Hog’s Head open,†he suggested, but James shook his head.
–Oh, no,†he said. –I just got inside, no way am I going back out again tonight, it’s cold out there.â€
–Now he realizes that,†Sirius quipped, and there was a smattering of light, if not particularly enthusiastic, laughter from the crowd.
–Here,†Moody growled suddenly, making everyone in the vicinity jump. Lily was surprised at how gracefully and silently he moved--he was almost catlike as he strode across the room, pulling a bottle of mead from his coat. He tossed it lightly in the air where it hung, rotating lightly and sparkling in the light. –There’s more where that came from if need be,†Moody said.
–I’ll go find some glasses,†Remus said hurriedly while Lily cocked her head, wondering vaguely which coat pocket it was that Moody used as his liquor cabinet.
After Remus had rustled up some glasses--a mismatched set, of course, but enough for everyone--and the group of them was milling around, talking quietly, Lily was surprised to see that Moody had settled himself onto the couch beside James and was talking to him in a low voice. She edged forward, not wanting to eavesdrop, but desperately curious as to what they were saying.
A moment later, she realized that Sirius had appeared behind her and was doing the same thing.
–What?†he hissed when he caught her looking. –He scares the crap out of me. I want to know what they’re talking about.â€
–Just don’t let him catch you,†Lily whispered back. –Merlin only knows what he’d turn you into.â€
Sirius looked rather queasy. –Good point,†he said, and cast around for a glass. –Tell me what he says, would you?â€
Lily started to protest, but he was gone; then she heard Moody, so many feet away, as he spoke.
–--hard hand, boy, but it’s the one you’ve been dealt,†the Auror was saying. –You live in this world long enough and you know what it’s like to lose people, there’s no doubt about it. But you don’t let that stop you.â€
–So what do you do?†James asked, and Moody looked at him for a long moment.
–You endure,†he said finally. –You do what you have to do to survive. You’re alive now, boy, and don’t you forget that.†He paused, looking up and out past James to the dark window, beyond which the rain still fell. –And you remember that you aren’t as alone as you feel right now.â€
And then he looked up abruptly, his eyes catching Lily’s so quickly and so purposefully that she had no doubt he’d known she’d been listening all along.