–What can I do to help, Mrs. McKinnon?†Lily asked, brushing the last of the fireplace ash from her arms.
Freya McKinnon had the blonde hair, large blue eyes, and easy self-assuredness of both her children, although she lacked Marlene’s softness; Lily was reminded much more forcibly of Will. Like him, Freya was all angles, from the crook of her elbow to the sharpness of her jawline to the cunning look that was always in her eyes. But she smiled tiredly at Lily, who was struck suddenly by how difficult it must be to host the whole of the Order--like having houseguests who refused to leave. Freya, it appeared, was currently preparing food, although it was quite possible she was putting together Potions ingredients--it was hard to tell sometimes.
–Actually, Lily dear, I’m running low on a few things from the garden I need, if you wouldn’t mind?â€
–Not at all,†Lily said easily.
–How are you with herbs?†Freya asked. –I can show you samples if you need--â€
–I should be okay,†Lily said. –I was fair at Potions. What is it you need?â€
–Not too much,†Freya said. –A few valerian sprigs, a handful of knotgrass, and a bit of parsley.â€
–Got it,†Lily nodded. –I’ll be back in a flash!â€
–Oh--†Freya called after her as she headed towards the door, –the knotgrass in the greenhouse, not in the garden.â€
Lily nodded her understanding and slipped outside. The McKinnons had a large garden year-round; even in the winter they kept the plants alive through liberal uses of magic. The greenhouse was less a seasonal necessity and more a precaution against any Muggles who happened to wander by--the more magical plants were kept out of sight.
She located the parsley and the valerian easily enough, slicing off a few sprigs of each with her wand and setting them aside. She frowned at the plants as she did so--the parsley, as far as she knew, was just for dinner, but the valerian plant was normally used as a sedative. Order-related, or for personal use? she wondered fretfully, remembering a long-ago Potions class. –You’ll want to be careful with the valerian springs,†Slughorn had said to them, unusually sober. –It’s a handy little plant, but if used to frequently, one can develop a certain, ah, dependence, and in large enough doses, it can prove fatal.â€
Cautiously, she kept the pile of valerian small, setting it aside with the parsley as she rose to walk towards the greenhouse. The air was brisk, and smelled like snow despite the fact that the sun was bright today. She shook her head, the fresh air clearing it wonderfully. She was being silly, of course. Freya McKinnon was, among other things, an accomplished Potion-maker--she certainly knew what she was doing.
It was not, however, without some trepidation that she entered the greenhouse; she had been adept at Potions, to be sure, but Herbology had been less of a strong suit, and some of the plants in the McKinnon’s greenhouse tended to get a little feisty. The knotgrass, unlike the Muggle variety out in the garden, was no exception--it waved at her from across the greenhouse, and she scowled at it.
She knelt gingerly beside the patch of plant, reaching into her back pocket for her wand. A Fanged Geranium nipped at her wrist and she yelped, resisting the urge to step on it. She sighed, looking up towards the ceiling of the greenhouse. The knotgrass was tall enough that it reached halfway up the wall, and as the geranium was beginning to sway towards her again, she decided to take the risk of cutting off the tops instead of pulling out the roots.
Standing on her toes, Lily grasped a handful of the knotgrass with one hand and raised her wand with the other. One long strand of the plant curled around her wand arm, and she batted it back. It returned more insistently, and she knocked it aside once more. The grass she held began to sway back and forth, at first gently and then hard enough to break her grip. Huffing, she rolled back her sleeves and raised her wand, but as she opened her mouth to utter a spell, a tendril of the plant reached out and plucked the wand insouciantly from her grasp. She reached for it, but a great chunk of the plant descended on her, the grass wrapping both her arms tightly from wrist to elbow, a few looping contentedly around her waist.
It wasn’t the Devil’s Snare--the plant wasn’t trying to choke her, and the knots were just tight enough to hold. It just left her there, impossibly tangled and swearing. The plant brushed one stem lightly across her face, and she cursed at it. The ends just swayed happily.
And then, suddenly, she felt hands at her elbows, cool as they moved across the small of her back, gently coaxing the knotgrass from her body. As soon as she was free, her savior gave a great heave and she stumbled backwards into his chest. His arms went around her to keep her from falling, but even when she had caught her balance, he didn’t let go.
Grinning, Lily leaned back against him--with everything that had been going on, it had been so long since she’d been held, really been held by someone other than a presumptuous plant.
–Okay, I’ll admit it,†she teased lightly. –Sometimes you have perfect timing.â€
–Only sometimes?†the voice rumbled through the chest behind her, and it was so jarringly different from the one that she had expected that she started forward, breaking out of his grasp and almost falling into the patch of knotgrass again.
Will McKinnon stood behind her, laughing, shaking his gold hair from his eyes.
–Will!†she gasped, still startled, –Merlin, what were you doing?â€
–You didn’t seem to mind it,†he pointed out.
–Well, that’s because I thought you were James!†she said, crossing her arms tightly and feeling rather flustered. –You keep your hands to yourself.â€
He was still laughing, but he rolled his eyes at her. –Oh, relax, Evans,†he said. –I grew up with that knotgrass, I know how tricky it can be.â€
–What are you even doing in here?†she growled at him, and he shrugged.
–Mum sent me in to see if you needed any help. And clearly,†he paused to look her up and down, –it’s a good thing she did.â€
There were very few people that Lily was all right with looking like a fool in front of, and Will McKinnon was most decidedly not one of them. She scowled, even more deeply than she had scowled at the knotgrass, and said, –Well I didn’t. I had things perfectly in control.â€
–Sure you did,†Will said, flicking his wand so hers came zooming out towards them. Almost in the same movement, he neatly sheared off the top foot of the nearest clump and pocketed it.
Lily caught her wand and shrugged. –I did,†she said, sounding petulant even to herself.
–All right,†Will said, raising his hands in protest. –I’m sure you knew what you were doing. Just looking for a little cuddle session with the plants, I’m sure.†He brushed behind her as he headed for the door, then paused and murmured into her ear, –I could help with that too, you know.â€
Before she could reply, he gave her a mock bow and disappeared. Shocked, she stood there a moment longer, and then departed the greenhouse, pausing only to pick up the small stack of herbs she’d left by the door.
The kitchen, when she entered, was mercifully empty of any McKinnons, but she found Sirius and James sitting at the table. Depositing the herbs on the counter, she sank into the chair next to James as the two boys greeted her.
–Were you in the greenhouse with Will?†Sirius asked. –He just passed through.â€
–You know what I’d like?†Lily said conversationally. –If Will McKinnon shriveled up and died.â€
To her surprise, both Sirius and James laughed. –Look out, Prongs,†Sirius said. –Looks like you’ve got competition.â€
–Were you listening to me?†Lily snapped. –I just said I can’t stand him.â€
James nodded mournfully. –It’s true,†he said to Sirius. –Listen to that, he’s exactly her type.â€
Lily frowned and slouched lower in her chair. –Just because you and I didn’t get along for a few years--I don’t have the desire to snog every boy who irritates me, you know!â€
James looked at Sirius, one side of his mouth quirked up slightly. –Aw, look,†he said. –It’s so cute--â€
–Don’t,†Lily said fiercely, –say it’s cute when I’m mad, because--â€
James raised his hands in the air, reminding her unpleasantly of Will making the same gesture a few minutes prior. –Oh, I’m not,†he said. –It’s not cute when you’re mad at me.â€
–It’s adorable when you’re mad at someone else, though,†Sirius interjected. –It’s a nice change of pace, actually.â€
Lily glared at them both, her gaze shooting to James when he chuckled. –Watch it,†she said. –I don’t particularly like you right now either.â€
He grinned and leaned over to plant a kiss on top her head. –Good,†he said. –Then I have nothing to worry about.â€
---
It was the morning before the first night of the full moon, and Sirius was restless.
He supposed it was Remus who had the right to be restless, but full moons weren’t what they used to be--the werewolf’s screams were harder to contain in the city, so Remus actually went all the way back to the Shrieking Shack each month. He went alone--they’d decided it would be too obvious to those of the Order not in the know if all of them disappeared for days at a time--and Sirius felt sorry for him, but also strangely jealous. He’d not seen Hogwarts since the previous spring, when they’d left it, and it caused him almost a physical hurt to picture the castle now, drenched in snowdrifts and bustling without them.
Tonight, though, was different. Lily had been feverishly practicing the tricky Wolfsbane Potion for months, and finally this month, albeit a bit nervously, she’d deemed it ready to try. It was hard to tell whether Remus or Lily was more anxious about the outcome, but as it was, they were all set to be at Sirius and James’s apartment tonight, to support--or intercede.
It was hours until sunset, but Remus, James, and Lily were already there, preparing. Or, more likely, pacing, as Sirius was doing now in the McKinnon’s house. As usual, they’d thought it wouldn’t do for them all to disappear at once, so Sirius and Peter had stayed behind, in an effort to do something useful.
–You’re going to wear a hole in the floor,†Peter said. He was standing in the doorway of the McKinnon’s living room with his arms crossed, watching Sirius walk back and forth up the hallway.
–It’s the ground floor,†Sirius said vaguely, and Peter rolled his eyes.
–You know what I mean.â€
Sirius huffed and stuck his hands in his pockets, turning to face Peter. –You know,†he said, –I think he should just tell everyone.â€
–You know he why he can’t,†Peter said quietly. –You know what he’s afraid of.â€
–But he shouldn’t be, not here,†Sirius protested. –Half the Order knows anyway--Dumbledore does, all the teachers do, I’m sure Moody’s figured it out, if Dumbledore hasn’t told him. I mean, do you honestly think anyone here would mind?â€
Peter hesitated, and in the very pregnant pause that followed, Sirius was sure they were both thinking about Will McKinnon.
–Well,†Peter said finally, –I don’t think anyone would run him out of town or anything, but some of the Order are more…er…traditional than others.â€
Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius thought grimly. The McKinnons…maybe not Marlene so much, but they’re an old family. So are the Boneses.
–They’d get over it,†he protested weakly. –Dumbledore wouldn’t stand for anything else.â€
But Peter only shrugged. –He’s scared, Padfoot,†he said softly. –I know you might not be afraid of anything, but he is. They’d treat him differently. They’d see him differently, and you know what kind of toll that would take on him.â€
Sirius was feeling restless again. He bounced on the balls of his feet, looking away from Peter. –You know, Wormtail,†he said eventually, with a smile, –it kind of freaks me out when you’re smart.â€
–Hey,†Peter protested mildly, –I’m smart.â€
Sirius looked at him. –I remember you taking the O.W.L.s,†he said pointedly. –You didn’t breathe for a week.â€
–Well I never said I was book smart,†Peter grumbled, and Sirius grinned at him.
–How much longer do you reckon we should stick around?†he said thoughtfully, and Peter shrugged again.
–It’s not like we’re doing much,†he said. –As usual.â€
–We do stuff,†Sirius said, his brow furrowed. –We…train, and stuff.â€
–Sure,†Peter said. –And how many fights have we been in again? Not that I’m complaining.â€
But Sirius wasn’t listening to him. –Damn,†he murmured, feeling around in his pockets. –I think I’ve left my wand somewhere upstairs. I’ll be back.â€
–I’ll be here,†Peter said. –Just talking to myself.â€
Sirius bounded up the stairs three at a time, glad to be moving again. His wand, he saw, was laid neatly on a window ledge, and he looked at it suspiciously as he picked it up, half-wondering if Gideon had tampered with it. But at the sound of soft voices down the hallway, he forgot his concerns, sticking the wand in his back pocket and creeping forward curiously to peer through a door that was slightly ajar.
Gideon was standing just in his line of sight, his arms crossed. To his left, someone was saying –--kind of magic could even do that, they’re huge…â€
Laughing mirthlessly, Gideon said, –Well, yeah, Fab, that’s why they’re called giants.â€
Sirius recognized Moody’s growl when it came next. –We’re not talking about head-to-head combat here, of course it isn’t practical, we can’t just shoot Confundus Charms at their eyes and hope it works…but the fact of the matter is, we’re getting ahead of ourselves here. We don’t even know for sure he’s recruited them, just that he’s trying--â€
Gideon shifted slightly to the side then, and Sirius found himself looking directly at Albus Dumbledore, who was looking directly at him.
Dumbledore didn’t blink, just raised one eyebrow gently, and then lifted a finger for silence. When it fell, the Prewetts looking at each other in confusion, Dumbledore said, –Come in, Sirius.â€
Sheepishly, Sirius nudged the door open and slid into the room. Frank Longbottom, McGonagall and Dorcas Meadowes were there as well, Dorcas looking disapproving while McGonagall was as impassive as ever. Frank was looking at Sirius sympathetically.
–Listening at keyholes?†Moody inquired.
–The door was open,†Sirius pointed out unnecessarily, and Moody scowled pointedly at him. –I came up to get my wand,†Sirius amended. –And I heard voices. Can I help?â€
–This is grown-up time, Black,†Gideon sniffed. –None of us want to babysit.â€
Feeling decidedly hot around the collar, both Sirius’s voice and temper rose. –I’m of age,†he protested. –We all are. We’re as much a--â€
But Gideon scoffed and turned away from him, exchanging a glance with Fabian. Angry and wanting to be heard, Sirius turned towards Dumbledore, who was watching him with cool blue eyes.
–We’re as much a part of this group as anyone else,†he said. –As much as anyone older. We have just as much at stake as you do, and you wouldn’t have wanted us here if you didn’t think we could do something. And…and of course we’ll collect Potions herbs and we’ll keep an ear to the ground for gossip and we’ll run errands, but we can do more than that. We aren’t children in this war anymore.â€
It was true, he thought, although he hadn’t quite realized it until this moment. He’d been so caught up with the war Remus was fighting that he’d nearly forgotten about the one they’d all come here to fight, perhaps because he’d barely seen the effects of it. But he wondered, now, if the war was quite as invisible as it appeared; Dumbledore was looking somewhat worn around the eyes, as though he were tracking movements Sirius knew nothing of. Quite suddenly, he felt a rush of sympathy.
But it dissipated as Gideon snorted again. –Please,†he said, –you’re barely out of school, you’re--â€
And Sirius was once again furious, wheeling to face him. –You,†he snarled, –have no idea what I’ve made it through, or--â€
–Enough.â€
The one word cut between Sirius and Gideon who were squared off and bristling. Snapping back into himself, Sirius turned to look at Dumbledore, who was eyeing them both. –You’re right,†he said finally to Sirius. –You can do more. But not tonight. We’ve been in this discussion too long, and you, Mr. Black,†he paused as his eyes bored knowingly into Sirius’s, –have somewhere to be?â€
–Right,†Sirius said. –Sorry. I, ah, well. See you later.†And he slipped from the room, their silence heavy on his back.
As his foot hit the first stair, however, the end of his wand exploded, blowing a hole in his back pocket. Pulling it out of the tatters of his jeans, he swore, and could hear Gideon guffawing from the room he had just left--Gideon had hexed his wand after all.
–Watch your buttocks there, boy!†he heard Moody call.
Cursing them both, Sirius stomped down the stairs to where Peter stuck his head curiously around the corner. –What was that all about?†he asked.
–I don’t want to talk about it,†Sirius muttered. –Let’s just go.â€
–Okay,†Peter said.
Sirius strode towards the fireplace, seething, while Peter tagged along behind him. As he groped for the pot of Floo Powder, he heard Peter say, –Um…do you know you have a hole in your pants.â€
Sirius gritted his teeth. –Yes, Wormtail,†he said. –I am aware.â€
–It wasn’t there before,†Peter, for some reason, seemed compelled to point out.
–No,†Sirius said. –It wasn’t. After you.â€
He passed the Floo pot to Peter, who took a pinch, through it into the fire, and stepped in. After a long moment and several deep breathes, Sirius followed.
---
James was trying hard not to be anxious.
It was a difficult task though, when everyone around him was; Lily was bent over a cauldron in his kitchen, stirring and muttering to herself, her hair curling around her face from the heat. Remus was lying on the sofa, staring at the ceiling and twitching. Every once in a while, he sat bolt upright and darted a glance out the window, where the sun still hung well above the horizon.
It was, James thought, enough to drive anyone mad.
The sky was just starting to turn the light orange of sunset when the fireplace blazed up, and Peter and Sirius stepped out. –Thank Merlin you’re here,†James said in a low voice, walking towards them. –I need someone sane, the two of them are--Padfoot, what happened to your pants?â€
–GIDEON PREWETT,†Sirius shouted, –HAPPENED TO MY PANTS.â€
James, who had not been expecting this outburst, took a step back, his eyes wide. –Oh,†he said. –Well.â€
–He doesn’t want to talk about it,†Peter supplied. –He probably just wants to change his pants.â€
Sirius, startlingly, snarled at them both in a rather doglike manner, and stomped off to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. James opened his mouth, closed it again, and looked at Peter.
–I’m starved,†Peter said. –Have you got anything to eat?â€
James could have hugged him. –Yes!†he said. –What a delightfully normal request! Of course we do! Let’s go to the kitchen!â€
Peter eyed him thoughtfully. –You know,†he said, –sometimes I think you’re all a bit mad.â€
–Sometimes,†James said, –you might be right.â€
In the kitchen, they found Lily ladling the contents of the cauldron into a goblet. –Finished?†James asked, and she nodded mutely.
–Did you do it right?†Peter asked, peering into the cauldron, and Lily narrowed her eyes at him.
James elbowed Peter out of the way and said, as reassuringly as he could, –Don’t worry, I’m sure it’s right. I mean, it’s been right every other day this week, right?â€
–We don’t know that it’s been right,†Lily said darkly. –Just that it hasn’t been wrong enough to poison him.â€
–As long as we’re thinking positive,†James said under his breath.
–That’s how it works, though,†Lily continued. –He has to ingest it every day for a week before the full moon, and I have to have done it exactly right or there could be terrible side effects…â€
James came around the kitchen table and put his hands on her shoulders. –Come on,†he said. –You’re one of the best potion-makers Slughorn has ever seen. And you’ve been practicing this one for months, there’s no way it’s anything but perfect.â€
Lily sighed. –I just wish--†She stopped, biting her lip and looking away.
–What?†he asked.
She hesitated, meeting his gaze. –I just wish I could ask Severus about it.â€
–Oh,†James said after a minute, straightening up.
Almost pleadingly, Lily said, –It’s not that I wish I was still friends with him, I know what he became, I know he’s probably a Death Eater by now, but…well, he was brilliant at Potions, you have to admit that, we always helped each other when we got stuck.â€
James couldn’t help it; it had been months since he’d thought about Severus Snape, but his lip curled slightly as he did so now. He looked at Lily, and even now, Snivellus loomed between them.
He tried to think of what Remus would say--Remus, who’d had the least volatile relationship with Snape of any of them. –Look,†he said. –You helped him just as much as he helped you. You can do this. You have done this.â€
Lily’s eyes were oddly bright. From behind them, Peter piped up, –We believe in you!†Lily, having quite forgotten he was there, jumped slightly, and James laughed.
–Hey, we managed to become Animagi in the fifth year, and that can go pretty terribly wrong as well,†he said. –This should be a snap.â€
–You know if it goes wrong,†Lily said dryly, –then that’s going to make me feel like an idiot, right?â€
James grinned. –So don’t mess up, Evans,†he teased. Groaning, she punched him in the chest, and then stood to take the goblet to Remus.
After downing it, Remus insisted on locking himself in the bathroom to wait for the transformation, even though there was time yet until moonrise. Lily sat on the couch, twining her fingers together fretfully, and after a moment, James and Peter came and sat down on either side of her.
It was growing steadily darker, but none of them got up to turn on a light; after a while, James heard a creak behind him, and turned to see Sirius, wearing a pair of jeans and nothing else, walking around the perimeter of the flat with his wand out, murmuring.
–What are you doing?†Peter asked softly, and Sirius looked up.
–Silencing Charm,†he said. –Just in case. So the Muggles don’t hear any, er, suspicious noises.â€
–Good idea,†James said.
–Where are your clothes?†Lily asked, and Sirius grinned.
–Surely you’re not complaining?†he said loftily, flexing his arms dramatically.
James rolled his eyes. –You certainly seemed to have gotten over your tiff,†he muttered, and Sirius ignored him.
–I figured I might need to transform in a hurry,†he explained. –I don’t want to have to deal with struggling out of clothes if I need to move fast.â€
–You’re still wearing trousers,†James pointed out.
–Well, of course,†Sirius said. –Lily would leave you instantly for me if she saw me without my trousers. Besides, I don’t care about these jeans. They’re yours.â€
James started to protest, but Lily shushed him, motioning towards the closed bathroom door. A low keening noise was coming from behind it, and a strange shifting sound. With a nod from James, Peter suddenly transformed into a small brown rat and scurried beneath the door. A moment after, Sirius leaped over the back of the couch and landed on all fours, shaking his big dog’s head.
–You shredded my jeans, didn’t you?†James said, crossing his arms. Sirius put his chin on James’s knee and looked up at him. –Nope,†said James. –Don’t look at me like that.â€
All of their attention turned suddenly back to the bathroom door as Peter wiggled out from under it. The rat stood on his hind legs and looked at them. –Is he transforming?†James asked, and Peter gave a very un-ratlike nod of the head, and didn’t change back.
The scuffling sounds stopped abruptly; Sirius pricked his ears forward, and Peter ran straight up the side of the wall to crouch on the hearth above the fireplace, his tail whipping back and forth. –He’s never this quiet when he transforms,†James said softly.
–Is that a good sign, then?†Lily asked, and James looked at her.
–I hope so.â€
The doorknob turned.
–Whoah,†James said, jumping to his feet and pulling out his wand. Behind him, Lily rose as well, and Sirius took several steps towards the door, his ears flat to his head and the hair on the back of his neck raised. He glanced back over his shoulder at James.
–He wouldn’t know to do that,†James said, –if he didn’t have his own mind. Right?â€
Sirius growled, and the door opened.
James adjusted his grip on his wand, stepping instinctively in front of Lily. But the werewolf did not come bursting through. Instead he stepped quietly, almost timidly, his head lowered and his tail tucked between his legs.
James had seen Remus transformed plenty of times, but never like this: always, before, he had been a thing of wildness, of claws and snarls and hackles. This werewolf seemed smaller--larger still, of course, than a normal wolf, but almost meek. Sirius stalked towards him, his teeth bared in a snarl, and Remus crouched down, his head between his forepaws.
Behind him, James heard Lily exhale, and registered that this was the first time she’d ever seen Remus like this. She’s seen everyone transformed now except for me, he thought, and almost laughed.
–I think it’s really worked,†he said quietly instead, but at the sound of his voice, Remus’s head snapped towards him and Lily and he rose lithely to his feet and leapt towards them.
–Sirius!†James shouted, jumping onto the couch and raising his wand, and Sirius scrambled towards them, but then James felt Lily’s hand on his elbow.
–Wait!†she said, and he paused.
Remus had stopped a few feet from them, his whole body quivering. His eyes were on Lily as he stretched his forepaws out in front of himself and lowered his head, sinking into a wolfish bow. Lily smiled, and took a few steps towards him. James bit back the warning he wanted to shout, and Sirius shuffled on his paws but remained still.
–Hi, Remus,†Lily said quietly, and tentatively, the wolf wagged his tail.
Sirius barked happily and trotted over, biting one of Remus’s ears. Remus grumbled at him, then sat, tilted his head back, and let out a low, piercing howl that James felt all the way down to his bones. Laughing, he sidestepped the two of them and scooped a still-quivering Peter off the hearth, sticking him in his shirt pocket.
He kept his wand in his hand, still having trouble believing that the savage wolf he saw every month could be this calm, could have this much of Remus in him, but he gingerly returned to his seat on the couch. Lily came curled up against him, and he put an arm around her while Sirius, like a puppy, pounced on the tufted tip of Remus’s tail.
Remus turned his head and gave James a pained, sorrowful look that was so familiar James couldn’t help but to laugh again. He looked around the room and felt a sharp, sudden rush of joy, that they were all there, together, and stronger for it. –Welcome back, Moony,†he said.
World Enough by Willow Rosenberg
Chapter Notes:
"For the strength of the pack is the wolf, and the strength of the wolf is the pack."
Rudyard Kipling, "Laws of the Jungle"
------------------------------------