In the days before Christmas, the cold did little to keep holiday shoppers indoors, although it was not without some haste that they scurried between the doorways that were flung higgledy-piggledy across Diagon Alley. For James, however, the cold was secondary--his years of Quidditch meant he was used to enduring extreme weather when there was something more important to concentrate on. And, standing motionless in front of a wide shop window, staring wide-eyed through the glass, he certainly had something more important to concentrate on now.
–It’s beautiful,†he breathed, edging forward, his nose nearly touching the glass. –Just look at it.â€
Several feet behind him, Lily fidgeted, burrowing deeper into her robes.
–I mean it,†James declared. –I think it’s the most perfect thing I’ve ever seen.â€
–So you’ve mentioned,†Lily said sourly.
–I want it,†James said definitively. –I’m going in.â€
Lily said nothing, one eyebrow raised.
A beat later, James sighed. –No, no, I don’t need it, it’s sure to cost a fortune and just because I have the money doesn’t mean I need to use it, especially since I really don’t need this…I mean…I have one already it’s just…†He sighed, his breath clouding in front of him in the winter air. Then he looked over his shoulder at Lily. –What do you think?â€
She took a few steps closer to him and pressed, shivering, into his side. –I,†she said, –think that it is very cold, and we have been standing here for twenty minutes looking at a broomstick.â€
James winced and turned towards her, putting both his arms around her. –Sorry,†he said. –I get a little carried away.â€
–I’m aware,†she said dryly.
He paused for another moment and then said, –But it’s a Nimbus 1001, and it’s only just been released, it’s the fastest racing broom yet, Lily…over a hundred miles per hour, can you imagine that on the Quidditch pitch…â€
She groaned loudly into his chest and pulled the edges of his cloak around herself. –If you’re going to keep debating this, can we at least go inside the store?â€
James shook his head emphatically. –No!†he said. –Because then I’ll probably buy it!â€
–I give up trying to follow your logic,†Lily informed him, and he had just opened his mouth, possibly in another attempt to explain, when they heard a familiar voice behind him.
–Oi! What’re you two doing out here?â€
–Padfoot!†James said, whirling around so frantically that Lily, tangled up in his cloak, nearly fell over. –Come look at the new Nimbus!â€
Sirius trudged towards them, his hands in his pockets, Peter trotting behind him. He squinted at the window for a moment, then said, –Looks nice. Who fancies a drink?â€
–I think I love you,†Lily said to him. –Rescue me, please.â€
Sirius grinned. –How long have you been standing here?†he asked.
–Not that long,†James said dismissively while, at the same time, Lily moaned, –Forever.â€
–Come on, now,†Sirius chided Lily. –He obviously wants the broomstick. You have to go buy it for him.â€
Lily eyed him. –I do, do I?†she said.
–Yep,†Sirius said. –Because you are on a date. And that is what people on dates do.â€
–Man’s got a point,†James said solemnly.
–For example,†Sirius continued, –Wormtail and I are, at this moment, on a date. And he has promised to buy me anything I want.â€
Peter, whose teeth were starting to chatter somewhat violently, looked rather startled. –Um,†he said, –well, I only have a Sickle with me but I suppose…â€
James laughed. –Oh, Wormtail,†he said, shaking his head. –If you haven’t learned to ignore him by now, when will you?â€
–Well, it’s hard!†Peter grumbled. –Sometimes he really is being serious, it’s so hard to tell.â€
–I’m always serious,†Sirius yawned. –And right now, Prongs, it is seriously cold out here, and Moony’s working at the Leaky Cauldron, so I suggest we relocate.â€
Lily nodded. –Marlene’s there too,†she said. James cast one last, longing look at the broomstick, and Lily rolled her eyes and tugged on his arm. –Come on, you lump,†she said. –I’m sure it will still be there in the spring.â€
James brightened. –Just in time for my birthday!†he said.
–Or,†Sirius suggested as they started off down Diagon Alley, –you can just wait a few months longer and they’ll be sure to release an even newer one.â€
–What do you even need a broomstick for anyway?†Peter piped up. –It’s not like you’re on a Quidditch team anymore…Ow!â€
Sirius, who had just hit him over the head, said calmly, –Well, you never know, do you?â€
–Precisely,†James nodded.
–And in the meantime,†Lily said, –if you’re so desperate to spend your money, you can buy me a drink. Because I’m starting to feel a little jealous of that broomstick, and I’m going to need some reassurance.â€
James laughed. –Deal,†he said.
The Leaky Cauldron, when they pushed into it, was surprisingly crowded for the early afternoon, although considering the cold, James supposed it made sense. He caught sight of Remus cleaning out a glass behind the bar, and then saw the broad figures of Gideon and Fabian Prewett waving at them.
–Hey,†he nodded, –over there.â€
Sirius followed his gaze, and groaned. –Ugh,†he said, and muttered angrily about Gideon Prewett under his breath.
–Sorry, Padfoot,†James said. –Not a lot of options.â€
–I suppose I’ll live,†Sirius muttered, but even so, he seated himself pointedly a few seats down the bar from everyone else.
–Is this really wise?†Lily said in an undertone to James as they sat. –All of us together like this?â€
Gideon, who was siting to her right, overheard her and looked over. –Not as a general rule,†he said, –but in this case, it’s all right. It isn’t suspicious for us to all be together. No one would be surprised to see you all come in together, especially with Remus working, and Fab and I have known Marlene for years--â€
–--and I live with Marlene, so that makes sense as well,†Lily finished. –Got it.â€
–If Moody were here,†Gideon said, –then we’d have a problem.â€
–In more ways than one,†Peter muttered with a twitch.
A moment later, Remus had slid down the bar towards them with a grin, leaning onto his forearms. –So,†he said. –What’re you having?â€
–I thought you were a busboy,†Peter said.
Remus raised an eyebrow and brushed an imaginary fleck of dust from his shoulders. –I’ve been upgraded,†he said loftily.
–He’s trusted to work the bar now,†Marlene said as she breezed by.
–I practically run the whole place,†Remus told them, a smile playing at the corners of his lips.
James, uncharacteristically quiet, watched him during this whole exchange, feeling oddly proud. He was used to seeing Remus like this, of course, but it was unusual for his friend’s confidence to make an appearance among the greater public, and James was glad it had.
He was suddenly of someone pushing into him from behind, and rotated slightly only to find himself faced with Will McKinnon’s back. The older McKinnon had inserted himself between James and Lily, and was leaning across the bar to talk to his sister. Peering around Will’s admittedly broad shoulders, James caught a glimpse of Lily leaning away looking irritated, and he grinned.
For the moment he was, as he had been very few times before in his life, content to play the observer. He leaned back in his seat, gazing around the dingy room. Groups of people were scattered around the pub’s rickety tables, many clutching drinks in still-gloved hands--or, as in the case of one particularly ambitious-looking hag, clutching several. Along the bar, things were starting to get a little lively; a group of pink-faced girls had come in from the cold, and Gideon Prewett had made room for them enthusiastically. Peter, who had, fortunately or otherwise, ended up in the seat beside him looked a little alarmed, but James thought privately that the social stimulation would do him well. He was rather more surprised to see that Fabian Prewett had shifted several seats down and was now deep in conversation with Sirius. James had rather thought that Sirius’s dislike of Gideon would have included Fabian, in much the way that people who disliked Sirius tended to dislike James (and vice versa) just on the sheer basis of their closeness. But Sirius was nodding, focusing on Fabian with little animosity. Curiously, James resolved to ask him about it later.
He looked back around to Lily, only to find that she appeared to have given up on ignoring Will McKinnon, although her scowl was still firmly in place. James paused, eavesdropping on what appeared to be a heated debate.
–I’m just saying, gold’s clearly the best choice,†Will shrugged. –It’s faster, it’s easier. It’s just the most efficient.â€
–And I’m just saying,†Lily volleyed back bitingly, –it’s more nuanced than that. Sometimes slower gives you better results. Anyone who thinks speed is more important than the chemistry of the thing clearly isn’t that good a Potion-maker.â€
James bit back a laugh as he returned to his drink. The whole thing felt to him like one large Quidditch match; he had Lily and Will on one side and Sirius and Fabian on the other chasing down heated conversation threads just as surely as he’d ever flown after the Quaffle. On the other side of the bar, Remus and Marlene were darting frantically back and forth like a pair of Keepers, refilling drinks and fielding orders, and James knew from experience that the drinks themselves could pack as much of a punch as any Bludger.
And then there were the Seekers--far, far more than in any real Quidditch game, but there undeniably. People like Gideon and the girl he was talking to now, people who circled each other, searching for that fleeting, ineffable thing, that telltale touch of gold.
It hadn’t escaped his attention that this was much like the way Will McKinnon circled Lily, and while it did nothing to endear him to Will, he wasn’t particularly worried. And besides, he thought wryly, he had to admire the bloke’s taste in women.
He’d never been overly fond of Seekers, in Quidditch or otherwise. But then, he thought, almost guiltily, as he gazed around the bar, maybe he just couldn’t understand them. After all, he already had what they wanted.
–Knut for your thoughts?â€
James looked up to see Remus standing in front of him on the other side of the bar, his hands braced against the wood surface. James raised an eyebrow at him. –No way,†he said. –My thoughts are worth Sickles, at least.â€
Remus laughed. –Well, then,†he said. –How about you get another drink and I’ll tell you mine.â€
–Deal,†James said. –Are they Butterbeer thoughts or Firewhiskey thoughts?â€
–They might be both,†Remus admitted, pushing a glass down the bar towards him. James took a long drag from his glass and waited as Remus looked thoughtfully off across the room.
Eventually, he turned his attention back to James and asked abruptly, –What are you doing for Christmas?â€
–Christmas?†James asked, startled. Despite the weather, despite the shoppers, despite the holiday decorations and the carols, he hadn’t given the approaching holiday much thought. Perhaps it had just slipped his mind, but he liked it better that way; after all, this was the first Christmas that would end without him going back to Hogwarts. His first Christmas--he’d tried so hard not to think it--as an orphan.
–Hadn’t thought,†he said to Remus after a barely perceptible pause. –Why?â€
Remus shrugged. –I don’t know,†he said. –I just thought…you know, except for Peter, we’re all on our own now, maybe we could do something.â€
James studied his friend, feeling suddenly guilty for the meager thoughts he’d spared. Remus’s situation may have improved, now that he was out of his parents’ cold and silent home, but he couldn’t be much better, living in that damp, dark room above the bar.
–Yeah,†he said slowly, warming to the idea as he pondered. –Yeah, we could do that, Sirius and I have plenty of room…can’t cook worth a damn, of course, but between us I’m sure we could whip something up, you know--â€
–You’re being daft, you know.â€
Remus and James turned in surprise as Will McKinnon addressed them.
–Excuse me?†they said in tandem, and Will laughed.
–Eavesdropping?†James asked. Will appeared to have finished arguing with Lily, who had leaned across the bar to talk to Marlene.
Will shrugged. –I got bored,†he said shamelessly. –Anyway, just come round to our place for Christmas. It’s not like we don’t have the space, and the more the merrier.â€
James and Remus exchanged startled glances. Behind Will, Lily raised an eyebrow in surprise, while Marlene chimed in, –Of course you should be there! I’m embarrassed for not asking sooner, but I didn’t think.â€
–We’ve got a world class cook in the house,†Will added.
–Your mum?†James said.
–Nah,†Will shook his head. –Mum’s the Potion maker. Dad’s the chef.â€
–It’ll be strange if you don’t come,†Marlene put in. –Mum and Dad aren’t used to having the house as empty as it is right now.â€
James studied Will for a minute--proud, handsome Will. He had no doubt that, if Remus’s condition became public knowledge, Will would be one of the first to balk, but he had a touch of Marlene’s kindness in him as well. He was looking at them openly, no trace of deception or ulterior motive.
–Well,†James said hesitantly, looking back and forth between Remus and Lily, both of whom were blinking at him unhelpfully. –I suppose we could do that.â€
---
–Remind me again how we got roped into this?†Sirius said as they slogged through snowdrifts the few feet to the McKinnon’s doorstep from where they had Apparated. –And why didn’t we just Floo in as usual?â€
–We were invited,†James said patiently. –You were too busy having a mysterious chat with Fabian Prewett to be involved, so I RSVP’d for you. And we’re guests. It’s more polite to knock on the door than just appear in their kitchen, what if they aren’t ready for us?â€
–I told you I’d tell you about Fabian later,†Sirius rolled his eyes. –By ‘later’ I didn’t mean during a snowstorm on Christmas Eve outside the McKinnon’s house.†He hoisted his bag over his shoulder with a groan.
–What’s in there?†James asked.
–Presents,†Sirius said owlishly.
–Hurry up,†Lily called from the McKinnon’s porch where she and Remus were standing. –It’s cold.â€
It was just the four of them tonight, as Peter had promised his mother he’d spend Christmas Eve with her. And all four of them, although none had said it in so many words, were feeling acutely uncomfortable and out of place, to be intruding on the McKinnon’s family Christmas like this. Lily had gone as far to wonder if they had been invited out of pity, the family-less children of the Order. But then, she thought, looking around at them, they were each other’s family.
And then Marlene was answering the door and ushering them all inside with such infectious brightness that none of them could remember why they’d been so worried at all.
Christmas Eve dinner was a quiet affair, much more of a relaxed family gathering than Order meetings at the McKinnon’s usually were. Not long after dinner, Marlene and Will’s parents retreated to their bedroom (–I’ve got to be asleep before Santa comes!†Freya had said with a wink) and left –the young people†to themselves. No sooner had the bedroom door clicked shut behind them than Will and Marlene exchanged had mischievous glances, leapt to their feet, and dashed into the kitchen.
The rest of them were sitting in the living room, which was across the hall from the kitchen, in front of a gently crackling fire. They barely had time to look at each other quizzically before the siblings were back, Will holding a large treacle tart, Marlene several bottles of spiced mead.
–What,†Lily laughed, –are you doing?â€
–It’s tradition,†Marlene explained, sinking down next to her--the McKinnon’s possessed a perfectly good couch, but they were all sprawled on the floor in front of the fireplace.
–What’s tradition?†Sirius asked, eyeing the tart in Will’s hands.
–Our raiding the kitchen after Mum and Dad have gone to bed,†Marlene said. –We’ve been doing it since we were kids. There’s always an extra dessert tucked somewhere.â€
–Have you been stealing mead since you were small then, too?†Remus asked, more curiously than sarcastically.
–Well, no,†Marlene smiled. –That was a more recent development. But there’s always an extra bottle of that somewhere, too.â€
–Took us an embarrassingly long time to figure out that the parents knew all about it,†Will said, grinning. –We thought we were very clever, but turns out we can’t get anything past them.â€
James laughed. –Oh, yeah,†he said, with only a touch of asperity. –I remember that feeling.â€
Sirius looked at him sharply, his brow furrowed worriedly, but James was still James, leaning back onto his elbows, the firelight playing on his face. Lily, though, was staring out the window, her face suddenly still. In the glow from the fireplace, her hair looked almost gold. A few feet away, leaning against the couch, Remus too was quiet.
Sirius decided it was time for him to take charge.
–Well?†he said to Marlene. –What are we waiting for? Crack it open!â€
Then he bounded to his feet and ran out of the room.
–Oi!†James called after him. –Where are you going?â€
A moment later, Sirius came lumbering back around the corner, clutching the bag James had asked him about earlier.
–I’m getting my presents!†he said, sitting down with a thump and accept the glass of mead Marlene held out to him. –I decided that I don’t want to wait until tomorrow. Besides, I got everyone the same thing so maybe it’s best to do this in waves.â€
–When you say everyone…†Remus asked, raising an eyebrow.
–I mean,†Sirius said, –everyone in the Order.â€
–I didn’t get everyone a present,†Remus muttered a little worriedly.
–Nobody did,†Marlene said, rolling her eyes.
–Well, I had to,†Sirius said. –Because…voila!†And he whipped from his bag a black t-shirt, the front of which was emblazoned with a golden design of a bird in flight. He held it out in front of himself proudly, while the rest of them looked on.
–Huh,†Lily said, tilting her head. –Is that…?â€
–A phoenix?†Remus finished for her.
Sirius looked at them scathingly. –Duh,†he said.
–Why?†asked Will.
Undaunted, Sirius said cheerfully, –It’s Muggle Incognito!â€
–I like it,†James declared. –It’s like we’re a secret society or something.â€
–We are a secret society,†Marlene pointed out, but she was laughing. –But I like it too. It’s cool-looking, at the very least. Give me one!â€
–Thank you,†Sirius said, with a mock little bow in her direction, and he tossed her a shirt. Lily, to his satisfaction, immediately put hers on over her sweater. Living in London as most of them were, they’d all taken to wearing Muggle clothes recently, and Lily grabbed the hem of the shirt and pulled it out, studying it.
–You know,†she said thoughtfully, looking down at the phoenix across her chest, –it’s actually an interesting idea. I mean, to Muggles, it just looks like another t-shirt, but I don’t know, if we were ever recruiting or something…â€
–I know,†Sirius said. –I’m brilliant.â€
–Did you really get one for everyone?†Remus asked again.
–Yes, Moony, yes,†Sirius said, reaching over to shake him by the shoulders. –We’ve been over this.â€
–No, I know,†Remus said. –I’m just trying to picture Moody putting one on, that’s all.â€
They all got a good laugh out of that image, and the easy conversation carried them through into the night, the fire burning down behind them and the glass of mead slowly emptying. After a while, Lily noticed that they’d somehow managed to polish off the entire tart, and she rose to take the empty platter back into the kitchen. She’d only meant to set it in the sink and rejoin everyone else, but to her vast displeasure, Will had followed her into the kitchen, carrying a set of empty glasses.
Smiling tightly, she tried to sidestep him, but he blocked her way ever so slightly.
–Fun Christmas gift, eh?†he said, gesturing at the t-shirt she was still wearing.
–Yeah,†she said, –well--â€
–Speaking of Christmas gifts,†he said, drawing a small book from his pocket, –I got you one.â€
Lily folded her arms and looked at him. –Will,†she said, –why would you get me a Christmas gift?â€
He shrugged. –I didn’t mean to,†he said. –But I was talking to Marlene the other day, and you know how she’s got that weird fixation with Muggle books…Anyway, I tend to tune out when she talks about them, but she was telling me about this one, and I just, I don’t know. I wanted to give it to you.â€
Will was acting strange--shy and quiet when he was usually all stutter and panache. He held the book towards her almost timidly, his eyes wide.
Not buying it for a second, Lily just looked at him. She made no move to take the book.
–It’s a book of love poetry, actually,†he said, running a hand through his hair almost embarrassedly.
–And you just thought it would be a good idea to give me love poems for Christmas?†Lily asked. –Please.†And she brushed past him into the living room, her head buzzing.
Will followed her in a short while later, still carrying the book. She pretended not to watch as he very pointedly set it down on a table beside the couch, and sat down again beside Marlene. Lily looked away from him, but she couldn’t focus. She was acutely aware of James sitting beside her, but she could feel Will watching her from the other side of the room, and it made her uncomfortable.
I’ll handle it, she thought. Not that I really know what it is, but I’ll handle it.. To her relief, however, everyone else seemed to be tiring fast, and eventually, yawning, they all started to trickle off to bed--Remus fell asleep on the floor in front of the fire, and had to be roused several times. –I’ll take him up to bed,†James said, prodding him until he stood. –Might as well tuck in myself.†And he kissed the top of Lily’s head, elbowed Sirius in the ribs, and trundled off. Eventually, Sirius stretched his arms over his head, his energy dissipating, and headed off after them, leaving Lily alone with Marlene and Will.
Marlene was beginning to look rather tired as well, and Lily, though strangely awake, had no desire to be left alone with Will, and hopped to her feet the second Marlene stood.
–Bedtime for you as well?†Marlene asked, and when Lily nodded, Marlene smiled softly and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. –Happy Christmas!†she said, yawning. She trundled off, and Lily, not wanting to be left alone with Will, hastily followed.
The house, usually stuffed full of Order members, was unusually empty, and Lily felt unnerved. She’d stayed overnight before, of course, but she’d never had a room to herself--normally she was stuffed in with Alice or Marlene, or sometimes both. The space, empty as it was now, felt like too much for her to fill.
She slid the phoenix t-shirt over her head and folded it mechanically, her hands brushing out the wrinkles, but, wide-awake as she was, made no move to change into her pajamas. She sat down on the edge of the bed and then stood up again, pacing up and down the floor of the room. She wasn’t sure why she was quite so anxious--she’d never been able to sleep well on Christmas Eve, of course, but she had a feeling that this restlessness had more to do with Will McKinnon and the pit that had been growing in her stomach since he’d cornered her in the greenhouse. She hadn’t told James about it, not really, nor about the way Will unsettled her, and she felt guilty about that as well, but the time had just never seemed right…
Sighing, she flopped backwards on the bed, wishing she had thought to bring something to read--normally, a book could help settle her mind, and ever since she’d started living with Marlene there’d been plenty of them around. But thinking about Marlene naturally led to thoughts about Will…and then she remembered the book.
She sat up again, wondering if the fact that the book was a gift from Will would negate any soothing effects it might otherwise have. Then she sighed and shrugged. Worth a shot, she thought, and slipped from her empty room.
It was strange, she mused as she tiptoed down the stairs, how difficult it was to navigate in an unfamiliar house in the dark. She’d snuck through her own house plenty of times before, and the darkened halls of Hogwarts more than once, but she’d known those turns backwards and blind, barely needing a hand on the wall as a guide. But the McKinnon’s house was large and tangled, even more so in the dark. Here, she clutched the railings and balanced herself against both walls, moving slowly, not wanting to knock into anything or make any noise. But finally, after what seemed like far too long, she reached the end of the corridor that separated the kitchen from the sitting room.
The room was still warm from the fire that had since burned down, a few embers glowing in the dark. Squinting, she could just make out the shape of the book on the table where Will had left it, and she crept forward. She had just reached out a hand to touch the spine when a voice behind her said, –I knew it.â€
Lily jumped so violently that she hit the table, which rattled. She reached out a hand to steady it and turned around just as Will rose from the couch behind her and switched on a lamp. It lit the room softly, casting his face into shadow as he walked towards her, but she could see that he was grinning. –I knew it,†he said again.
–Knew what?†she asked irritably, her heart still racing from the shock. –That you could sit here in the dark and terrify the first person to walk through the door? Is that how you get your kicks?â€
He stopped just in front of her, and she realized she had taken several involuntary steps backwards until the small of her back was pressed up against the table. –No,†he said. –I knew you’d come down here.â€
She rolled her eyes. –How on earth would you know that?†she said. –I just couldn’t sleep and thought I’d come find something to read…it has nothing to do with…â€
–Oh, of course it does, Lily,†Will said, shaking his hair out of his eyes as he looked down at her. All traces of the shy, sensitive boy from earlier were gone. –Look, I know you feel it. You’re attracted to me, I’m attracted to you. There’s no reason we shouldn’t do something about it.â€
–I am not,†she said indignantly. –And even if I was, there are actually several reasons why--â€
But Will had waved a hand, interrupting her--not for the first time, she realized, still annoyed. –I know, I know,†he said, in a patronizing tone that annoyed her even more than the wave. –It’s a surprise, you don’t want to admit it. But I can see that I’m just going to have to prove it to you.â€
And before she could ask him what, exactly, he meant by that, he had cupped her face in both his hands and brought his mouth against hers.
---
Though he had been among the first to leave for bed, James was lying awake in the room he was sharing with Remus. He’d thought he was tired--he’d certainly rolled his friend into his own bed without protest--but now, however much time later, he was still awake, staring at the ceiling. Sighing, he flipped over onto his side, and then back again, but it did no good.
Maybe I’m hungry, he thought, tossing back the covers. Or something like that. And it was in this mindset that he stood up and began to meander down to the kitchen.
He was in half a mind to wake Sirius up to join him, in honor of their days sneaking into the Hogwarts kitchens, but decided against it due to the fact that he was not quite sure which room Sirius was sleeping in, and he had no desire to go wandering into Mr. and Mrs. McKinnon’s bedroom in the dead of night. So it was alone that he felt his way down the stairs and towards the kitchen.
He was surprised to see a light still on in the sitting room--he thought he’d heard everyone come up to bed--and more surprised still to hear voices from the room. Curious, he snuck towards the door, peering around it just as the voices suddenly stopped. A moment later, he comprehended what, exactly, he was seeing, and his jaw dropped.
---
Lily was so startled by this sudden turn of events that for a moment she simply stood still, her hands at her sides. Will seemed to take her lack of resistance as compliance, his hands moving to grip her shoulders. But it was not until she felt his tongue flick against her lips--which were firmly closed--that she finally came to her senses long enough to wrench her face away from his and shove him away from her with both hands.
–What the hell are you doing?†she asked furiously.
–I should have thought it was obvious,†he said, smiling lazily at her. –Surely you’ve been kissed before?â€
–And what, exactly, did you think gave you the right to try and kiss me?†she asked, ignoring this and folding her arms.
–Come on, Lily,†he said, taking several slinking steps toward her until she held out her hand to stop him. Undeterred, he flipped his hair out of his eyes and said, –You know there’s something between us. It’s--â€
Lily groaned. –Oh, don’t give me that,†she said. –Please, how often have you used that line?â€
–I--†he faltered for a moment, and she seized her chance, railroading over him.
–It’s clearly worked for you one too many times or you wouldn’t be peddling it now.†She shook her head and stuck a finger out towards him. –Here is all you need to know about me, Will McKinnon. We may be on the same side here, but that does not mean I am yours for the taking. And even if I was at all interested, it would take more than a few cheap lines. If you doubt that, you can ask my boyfriend.â€
Will, whose face had been growing sourer with each word she spoke, scoffed. –James?†he said. –Please. You two won’t last. That’s just…schoolchild infatuation. It’s not real.â€
–You know, surprisingly, I don’t care what your opinions on my relationship are,†Lily told him. –I just expect you to respect that I have one.â€
He seemed to have nothing to say to this, and so she seized her chance to shoulder past him and stride into the corridor. She didn’t think he was in any mind to follow her, but just to be safe, she ducked into the kitchen, hiding just around the door until she heard his footsteps disappearing up the stairs.
Sighing, she relaxed for a second, sagging against the wall. Her heart was pounding from the adrenaline, and she was no more tired than she had been twenty minutes ago. Now what, she thought irritably, and was just about to head back up to her own room when she heard a low whistle behind her, and nearly leapt out of her skin.
–So,†came James’s voice. –Interesting night?â€
She whirled to see him sitting on the kitchen table, his legs dangling off the edge. She wasn’t close enough to see his face in the dim room, but his voice was cold.
–How long have you been down here?†she asked.
–Long enough to see you and Will getting cozy,†he said flatly.
–Well if you had stuck around,†Lily began heatedly, –you’d know that I had absolutely no desire for that to happen, and I’ve already told him off, and--why are you laughing?â€
For James had doubled over, shaking with suppressed mirth. –I’m sorry,†he wheezed, –I wanted to give you a hard time, but I just…can’t…keep a straight face. Of course I stayed, you know me, I heard the whole thing. I was in half a mind to go in there and slug him, but you took care of it just fine.â€
Lily marched over to stand in front of him as he recovered his composure. –You ass,†she said, smacking him lightly in the arm. –You had me worried for a second there.â€
–Don’t worry,†he said, reaching up to smooth her hair away from her face. –I knew he didn’t have a chance.†His hand rested along her face in the exact same place that Will’s had just a few minutes earlier, but it was an infinitely different touch, and she closed her eyes.
–Tomorrow morning’s going to be interesting though, eh?†he added, and she groaned, tilting forward until her face collided with his chest.
–Don’t even,†she said into his sweater. –It’s going to be so awkward. Maybe we should just escape now.â€
–Right now?†he teased. –Out the window?â€
–I don’t have my wand on me,†she said solemnly. –We’d have to walk.â€
–We could be in London by dawn,†he said.
She laughed, straightening up. –Of next week,†she said. –You have no concept of how long it takes Muggles to get places, do you?â€
–Nope,†he said cheerfully.
She smiled. –Oh well,†she said. –I guess we’ll have to tough it out.â€
–There are a lot of us,†he said. –It’ll be okay.â€
She frowned. –You know what isn’t, though?†she asked, and he tilted his head quizzically. –That Will McKinnon is the last boy I kissed.â€
–Stop it,†James groaned, sliding a hand around her neck. She leaned into him, tilting her face up to meet his, but just as their noses brushed, she murmured, –He was wrong, though, wasn’t he?â€
–About what?†James asked huskily.
–You and me,†she said, spreading her fingers across his chest until she could feel his heart beat beneath her palms. –It’s not just…puppy love, is it?â€
–No,†he breathed. –No, it’s not.†And then his mouth was hot and searching over hers, and she had twisted both her arms around his neck, pressing against him as his mouth moved from her mouth to her jaw to her neck and back again.
She slid forward, pooling onto his lap, one bent knee on either side of his hips. Her hands reached for the hem of his sweater and she pushed it up, feeling the muscles of his abdomen contract beneath her fingers as he raised his own hands to fumble with the buttons on her cardigan.
This was uncharted territory for them, despite all they’d been through together--Hogwarts, with its enchanted dorms and hallways full of students had left little opportunities for privacy, and they’d gotten together so late in their school days that they’d hardly had ample opportunity to explore every dark corner and empty classroom. And then with graduation had come her parents’ death and his parents’ illnesses, and everything, everything had been put on hold.
Later, Lily would wonder about these moments, about the ease and haste with which they scrambled out of their clothing, trying almost desperately to be as close to each other as possible. It would come back to her in flashes--James pulling the sweater from her shoulders, his mouth on her collarbone, the warm, bare skin of his chest against her hands, and then against her own chest, nothing between them but skin.
So fast--and, looking back, Lily couldn’t help but wonder how much farther it would have gone, how much more carried away they would have become. However tentatively, she had already been fumbling with the buckle on James’s belt when Sirius shuffled into the kitchen for a glass of water. Lily let out a small yelp as they heard his footsteps, and James twisted around to see who it was. Surprised and tangled up in each other, they lost their balance and fell off the edge of the table.
–Ow,†hissed James, laughing silently, as Lily scrambled for her discarded cardigan, pulling it up to her chest. James grabbed her by the wrist and tugged her under the table where they sat, knees pulled up to their chins, leaning against each other and shaking with silent laughter.
–Shhh!†Lily said, pressing a finger to her lips, as though by some miracle Sirius might not notice they were there.
For his part, Sirius ignored them, grabbing a glass from the McKinnon’s cupboard and running the sink. Then he turned to walk out of the room. As he reached the threshold, he stopped and with his back to them, said firmly, –Let’s just pretend I dreamed this, shall we?†and departed.
World Enough by Willow Rosenberg
Chapter Notes:"I like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.E.E. Cummings, "i like my body."
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