Empty Chairs at Empty Tables by The_Real_Hermione
Chapter Notes: The lyrics and title are from "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" by Alain Boublil and Claude-Michel Schoenberg, from the musical "Les Miserables".
There’s a grief that can’t be spoken
There’s a pain goes on and on
Empty chairs at empty tables
Now my friends are dead and gone.
A thin layer of dust has barely settled on the deserted room. The chairs lie scattered about the room, as though their owners will soon return and pick up their conversation where they left off. I can see them all here now, laughing, talking, even serious or wounded. But at least we were together. Then the image disappears, and there is nothing. Only empty chairs and empty tables, nothing personal, nothing that shows what took place here.
Something catches my eye in the corner. At first it seems like a plain piece of paper stuck to the wall. I walk towards it, somehow hoping that it can give me answers, some sort of closure; whatever it was I was looking for when I decided to come here. Instinctively I tap it with my wand, and suddenly it transforms. Thirty faces smile up at me, their arms draped loosely around each other in camaraderie. Underneath the photograph are the words –The Order of the Phoenix, Christmas 1979†penned in the unmistakeable handwriting of Lily Potter.
I see her smiling as she wrote the words and as she Transfigured the photograph into a scrap of paper, only allowing it to show itself to a member of the Order. She whispers secretively to Marlene McKinnon, her closest friend. Marlene smiles too. She has the kind of smile that warms up your insides, even on the darkest of days.
But today is the darkest of days, and there is no Marlene to smile through her tears and whisper that it will be okay, no James to stare doe-eyed at Lily, still not believing that he got her, no Peter to crack jokes with, no Dorcas to tease about Peter, no Lily who could read people like books, no Sirius -
I still can’t believe it was him. After everything he went through with his family, after the Blacks spat him out heartlessly, after all the times he said, –Who needs family when you have Marauders?â€.
I can hardly bear it to be in this room, to hear their voices when I know I will never truly hear them again. I try to feel the unfailing hope and courage which they always showed. They were so sure that the future would be bright.
Here they talked of revolution
Here it was they lit the flame
Here they sang about tomorrow
And tomorrow never came
I remember the day we took the photograph. It was one of those rare days when everyone was actually there. (We did not know it would be the last time.) We felt invincible that day. We had suffered no losses - only injuries - and had made some progress in finding out information from the Death Eaters. Times were dark, but we were strong, we were together and we could fight through it.
Only two weeks later we lost Marlene.
But although for me that felt like the end, it was only the beginning. Then it was Caradoc, Benjy, the Prewetts, the entire Bones family… When we lost Dorcas, I didn’t know if Peter would survive it. And then two weeks ago the world ended. The first time my world ended, I was six and I never thought it would rebuild, but slowly it had. I had been allowed to Hogwarts, I had made friends, friends who went so far as to break the law to help me. And then in one night they were all gone.
They said we were fighting for a better world; for the rest of the wizarding world, for the future generations, for ourselves. And now everyone else celebrates, because they have found this better world. –You-Know-Who is dead!†they shout, but I can’t rejoice, because he took James and Lily and Peter and Dorcas and Marlene and Frank and Alice and Fabian and Gideon and so many other people with him. I used to see a better world, too, but it always featured my friends.
Phantom faces at the window
Phantom shadows on the floor
Empty chairs at empty tables
Where my friends will meet no more
~
I step through the door and immediately she comes running towards me.
–Remus!†she squeals, her red curls bouncing. I smile and tousle her hair.
–You’re getting so big now, you must have grown an inch since last summer!â€
–I’m a big girl now, Mummy is even teaching me to read. Come and see what I drew for you, Remus!†She grabs me by the hand and pulls me towards the kitchen. I know you’re not supposed to have favourites when it comes to children, but Lizzie is mine. Perhaps it’s okay because they’re not my kids. But Lizzie is the only person who squeals with delight when I walk into the room; Mike smiles at me, but I can tell that he thinks Sirius is a lot cooler, and as for Harry, well no man will ever beat James in his estimation.
–Remus, it’s so good to see you!†Lily calls from the kitchen. She comes over and gives me a kiss on the cheek. –James is just outside with the boys, he’ll be inside in a minute.â€
–That’s okay, Lizzie is just showing me her drawing.â€
–You dote on her far more than is good for her,†she replies, but she’s smiling.
Lizzie shows me her picture, which is apparently of me and her playing in the garden. It doesn’t matter that it’s just a mess of colours, because she is quite happy to describe everything to me in great detail. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a family or children of my own, but I know I can’t risk it. And I am content, especially when my friends have some very cute kids. And sometimes I think being a teacher is a bit like being a father anyway.
Someone rings the doorbell. Lily is busy in the kitchen and Lizzie has gone outside to her brothers, so I answer it. The Longbottoms are at the door. Cody has already run past me to find Mike. Neville, though older, is more reticent, but eventually follows his brother. I invite Frank and Alice in; Alice goes straight to the kitchen, a large salad in her arms, and Frank joins me outside with James for a butterbeer.
Soon Peter and Dorcas arrive, Dorcas cradling Annie in her arms, then Marlene with her husband, and finally Sirius. Lily ushers everyone outside where James has set up a huge table and we gather together, as we do every year, because we survived something terrible together. But we also fought together, we fought for peace and happiness and love, for the untarnished futures of the children now running around fighting over broomsticks.
And just as we do every year, we take a photo to celebrate the good times. Lily sets up the camera and then runs back to James, a huge smile on her face.
One, two, three, FLASH.
~
Just for a moment, I let myself believe it. I can see the garden, I can see the children, I can see us all happy together.
Just for a moment.
And then the world crashes down around me, because they are gone, and I am alone.
Again.
And I wonder what it was all for. There are so few of us left now, and the children - we always said we would fight for their futures - but what sort of childhood will they have without their parents? What good is it that Harry and Neville survive, if they are without James and Lily and Frank and Alice?
I return the picture to the wall; I can’t bear to take it with me. I leave the small shack and don’t reverse the protective charms. I will never return here.
Because as much as I wish and long for the old world, this is a new world, and I must find a way to face it, tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. But I will never forget.
Oh my friends, my friends, don’t ask me
What your sacrifice was for.
Empty chairs at empty tables,
Where my friends will sing no more.
Chapter Endnotes: Thanks for reading!