The best part of this chapter for me was the first section where Camilla first goes to the kitchen and cannot sleep. After the past three chapters, this one is interesting because it focuses almost solely on Camilla. You've taken your time with developing her, which is good because it's left the reader (me!) in suspense. Here, you show us her former job and how she met Snape. This story could have gone horribly wrong because, frankly, IC Snape is just not the marrying type. However, you've crafted Camilla as someone strong, smart, and sassy, and if anyone can handle being married to Snape, I think she could.

Also, I liked how this chapter focused more on the character's thoughts for each other than on the action of the plot. Both of them seem equally nerveous to be around each other, but you've shown they each have an attraction for each other. Why DID Camilla marry Snape? I'm sure that'll get answered, but I find myself asking that question more and more as the story continues because you've had Snape ask that question to himself. Very good! I'm really enjoying this story.

Author's Response: Thank you for the thoughtful and detailed review! I know that Snape married hard to wrap the brain around. But you\'re right, Camilla is a strong woman and is patient enough to put up with all his snark and stubbornness. There will be more flashbacks in which I show how their romance developed and how they ended up married. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I look forward to hearing more. : )

Wonderful. A whole dorm dedicated to Sparklypoo . . . What a great idea to collect all the crap you read and make fun of it. A lovely piece of satire, I must say. The only complaint I have is that you need more characters in there to poke fun at.

Author's Response: Thank you. I didn\'t make up Sparklypoo, but I\'m not sure who did. :) I had to leave some people out so I could write more chapters. :)

I like how you portrayed Merope as a very desperate character. She seems like she was a stalker towards Tom Sr. Also, using a letter as your medium to communicate her thoughts was a good idea.

Author's Response: Thanks! I have always seen her as being very, very obsessed with him, so I guess a stalker wouldn\'t be far off, eh? Anway, thanks again for the review!

First, I really liked your descriptions in this piece. It was lovely, and you described everything so well that I could picture the Pegasus you described. Also, by contrasting the Threstals with the Pegasus, you created the theory that a Threstal is a dying, unhealthy Pegasus. The original take on mythology and magic was nice, but I don't know if you would consider Threstals monsters. They haven't been cruel to Harry or anyone, but if you look as Threstals as deformed and malnurished Pegasus, then, yes, I would say they might be considered monsters.

I liked how you started your story. Introducing pieces of history that we consider important and then adding Dumbledore's first day of school helped to catch my attention. Also, I liked the way you related Dumbledore to his father. By mentioning the father's imperfections, you also help us, as readers, to keep away from the idea that Dumbledore and his family are perfect.

I liked how you extablished Aberforth's character, too. From what little we know of him, you made his appearance match the character that we've deduced from the the slim amount of information the books provide us. Overall, I really enjoyed the way you wrote Dumbledore's family.

The one sentence about Luca would have made more sense if there were commas, though. She was balancing a little girl, in layers of petticoats under an old-looking, lacy white dress who could not have been more than five years old, on her hip and was holding the hand of a boy of about seven years old on her other side.
You also spelled Luca wrong at one point (Luce). Also, a general look back at comma usage might enhance this piece.

However, I already like what you've written. Dumbledore is always difficult to write because we, as readers, see him as the mentor or go-to person of the series. Because we read the books through Harry's eyes, we see Dumbledore the way Harry does. However, I like what you've done with his character. One thing that really stuck with me was how he felt sorry when he looked at his little sister's face. However, I would caution you to be careful not to have Dumbledore avoid Aberforth too much. His extreme adversion to his brother seemed slightly OCC to me.

For all the people who thought this was amusing: shame on you. The lightness of Draco's innocence in this story acts as a paradox to the horrible values Narcissa is teaching him, which makes the tone of this one-shot incredibly twisted and dark.

Author's Response: Thanks, Morgan! The idea was to make it amusing AND dark, though... I mean, who wouldn\'t be amused by 4-year-old Draco Malfoy? But yes, it\'s definitely a bit sinister in theme if you think about it.

Although the premise of this sounds interesting, you probably should have added more to this first chapter. The first chapter, which should peak the reader's interest, was only the table of contents.

One word of caution: Make this a story, not a history textbook. I know, your premise is to tell the history of the magical world. However, it is possible to tell histories without boring a reader to tears. For instance, many 'fake' histories, like The Silmarillion, tell a complete, thorough history, but there are also more personal and interesting stories told throughout the history. While I'm talking about

Your story seemed to have a darker air to it than mine with Narcissa, and you also put Bella through more tests. I applaud how you developed her character from being certain she wanted to be a Death Eater, to being uncertain, to finally killing her sister. You made Bella a sympathetic character, which is not an easy task considering what we see of her in canon. Also, you showed the beginnings of her insanity in OotP when she was in the cage. One thing I would say is that she was overly sappy at several points, and maybe I little more numbness of emotion on her part would have been better than tears. However, it was still a nicely done fic.

Author's Response: Hmmm...it\'s probably darker because overall Bella is a darker character than Narcissa. And of course, I generally write dark stories anyway, so yeah.

I personally love Bella and enjoy trying to make other readers sympathize with her the way I do. I always write her as a sympathetic character.

I guess my Bella is often overly sappy compared to canon Bella. I just don\'t see her being that cold and emotionless. In the books we only see her when she is feeling threatened. I think there\'s a lot more to her then we have seen there.

Anyway, thanks so much for leaving a review. I still find it amusing that we both chose to kill poor Andromeda. I guess she was just the perfect test for her sisters.

You had me from the opening with these lines that convinced me Riddle was going to be in character:
Of course they were going to accept it. He was their leader. No matter what they thought of it now, they would come to respect this symbol. To revere it. To fear it, even.

I liked how you showed Riddle having that complete control over his followers we see Voldemort exhibit in the series. Even though he is still in school, Riddle already has the ability to bully others and bend them to his will. It’s really refreshing to see a Tom Riddle school days story that shows him to already be someone who can very ably command a large group of people. Even in the way you have him talk to his followers, Riddle is very in character. Many fics have him shouting at his followers, but that’s not the impression we get from most of canon. I like how you say he ‘spoke softly,’ but that’s all he needed to do because everyone already respected and feared him so much. Thinking of the way Riddle speaks, I really loved this line:

“Hold out your left arm, Christopher,” Tom pronounced in a slow, patronizing voice.

To me, this line really summarized Riddle’s relationship to his followers. In many ways, Riddle is the ultimate patriarchical figure because he is the head of his ‘house,’ literally and figuratively, and everyone is weaker in his mind. Therefore, he always underestimates people and treats them like children, and I feel you captured this perfectly.

In addition, the idea of the Dark Mark as a Christmas present was a really brilliant plot idea. Christmas is viewed as this very pure and happy holiday, but Riddle deciding that the Dark Mark would be an appropriate Christmas present gave me chills. Your choice to have him present the mark as a present says a lot about what Riddle thinks of himself, too. Clearly, he is not above perverting good occasions in addition to his ability to see the design of the Dark Mark as a real gift to his followers.

Author's Response: Wow, what a detailed review! Thank you so much. I'm going to do my best to give an equally thorough reply, although to be honest, I wrote this fic so long ago that my memory of it is hazy at best . . .

I really was worried about getting Riddle's character right. I can't write Voldemort to save my life, but Riddle is a little different. He's the same cold, calculating, and controlling (lots of c's there!) guy, but it's a bit more . . . mmm, toned down, I suppose. But yes, he can still command others with a mere flick of his hand.

I love your analogy of Riddle being the 'head of house' in so many senses. It's completely true. Can't say anything more than that. =)

I see Riddle as having a very twisted sense of humor (if you can call it humor, that is). Voldemort has this way of making cavalier jokes, or drawing dark irony out of situations, and I imagined that Riddle too would be like this. So, yes, he would definitely think that the Dark Mark was a true gift.

Thank you again!

The intro car scene was interesting, and it left me wondering where it was going. The scene wasn’t too descriptive, but at the same time, I felt you developed some mystery about your girl. I felt that the mystery about your girl continued when she was in her vault, but she was nervous, so that suggested something was wrong.

The school grounds hadn’t changed much [delete comma] in all the years since she’d last been here. Every part of it seemed to remind her of her fond years here, which where sadly the best of her life. The walk from the front gate to the castle door wasn’t really that long, but between her stomach twitching and her brain jumping from one memory to another, it seemed to take forever.

I liked how you shed some ‘light’ on your character in this paragraph, but there were just some technical problems. None of them were major, but these simple changes, like swapping ‘stomach’ and ‘twitching’ helps your sentences flow better.

When I read her name, I just went ‘Oh!’ Is she McGonagall’s daughter? I sure felt she was because her scrutinizing of the car seemed like something professor McGonagall would do. I also liked how you introduced Hagrid. It was an amusing scene, but it also helped to introduce your character.

I gasped again when I realized she was Professor McGonagall’s sister. So, she is like McGonagall because she is related, but by suggesting that Minerva wanted to declare her dead, you hint at family discord. Even though their sisters, you’ve also opened up the room for these two girls to be specifically different. What really intrigued me about the Hagrid/Theresa scene was when Theresa thought that no one else in Britain would be hospitable to her. What did she do?

I like how much mystery is in this first chapter of the story. You’ve hinted that Theresa has done something, has been away for twelve years, and is morning Eglantine Prince. All I have to say is that this creates such an urge for the reader to keep going because one wants to know how all of it connects.

And then, you introduce Remus. And what caught me off guard was when you had Theresa ask for forgiveness, and then, you had Remus refuse to forgive her. I just thought, ‘What could this girl have done?!?’ I was already hooked, but this scene increased the mystery of this story tenfold.

And then, the biggest mystery of all is who she must denounce. However, I have this sneaking suspicion that Sirius is implied as someone who had something going on with Theresa.