I am no longer an active member/moderator of MNFF. I will pop up now and then since I do plan to finish DTB but as far as new stories go, this is it for me. Thank you.
*sniff*
Awww....
I hardly ever read fics with minor characters mostly because I find them dull, but you'd done a great job!
You delved deeply in Arabella Figg's childhood, and your characterization of an expectant child was perfectly down. I particularly liked how you described/compared Arabella's "squib" problem to the grub.
It was...poetic.
I loved this sentence too:
I bet it’s so excited to turn into a butterfly... What if, one day, your mother told you that you will never turn into a butterfly? You’ll be a caterpillar forever, and have to watch all your sisters turn into lovely butterflies...
Just beautiful!
I really felt for Arabella there, hoping so ardently to become a witch, and then having to face disappointment at such a young age. *sigh*
Good work!
mugglemathdork ~ Knight of the Turnip Table
Author's Response: Thanks so much, I\'m really glad you liked it!
That was rather intriguing to read. I'm surprised at how well you characterize Rita Skeeter as a young woman. I'm slightly alarmed that she was so willing to throw her 'morals' out the window when the opportunity to write rubbish came to her feet.
But then again, this is Skeeter, right? It was fascinating reading how she was...'corrupted' by the lies that Lockhart created for himself as well.
It's almost instantaneous the decision
for her to bury the truth, and writer a lie in lieu. You can literally see Rita Skeeter becoming the manipulative writer she became later. You also did a good job with Lockhart and I can almost say confidently that you made a good job of writing the moment at which the 'fame' went to his head.
Well written!
~Ritta
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I\'m really glad you enjoyed this story - I wrote it so long ago, I can barely remember it anymore. :P I do love both Rita and Lockhart, and it\'s good to know I\'ve done them justice. :D <3
Interesting. I'm sort of concerned about the use of the Obliviate, since I vaguely recall Hermione being so against them in the first place. Perhaps, this is why she is against them, but doesn't know why?
I'm not a Ron/Hermione shipper, but you wrote this so well, that my eyes teared up at the end. =]
Very good.
One question: How do you explain her narrating the story, but then obliviating her memory? O.o
Was this written down somewhere? Lol.
Good characterization of Ron and Hermione. Great 'missing moment' and it ties in nicely with all the jealously that follows in the other books.
~mugglemathdork/Knight of the Turnip Table
Author's Response: Hm...I don\'t remember her being against Obliviate. Book 4, perhaps, with the Muggles having tehir minds wiped at the camp site? Hmm...but yes, if she is against Obliviate, I\'ll say this is why ;) Aww thank you. Need a tissue? *offers* Well...um...I dunno exactly. Like I\'ve said, I just MIGHT write a sequel one of these days, where she gets her memory back. That would explain, right? Thanks so much again! Hope to see you around, \"Knight of the Turnip Table!\"
Hi!
I love Dramione's so I had to read your story. =]
I think you have a good story here; the beginning is quite well-written. It's descriptive, and you give back-story regarding Ron and Hermione. The suspense at the end was rather 'edge of your seat.'
I was rather bothered by Ron's behavior, it's almost like an obsession, is that what you were going for?
As for this chapter, Hermione seemed a tad out of character. I'm not quite sure that Hermione would beg anyone to go with her anywhere - even if she was a Prefect. She's more bossy in nature, I thinks she would have snapped at Malfoy by the lake, reprimanding him, and taken points away from his house. As for Malfoy he also seemed a tad out of character, but I like how you have him with injuries.
The shock that they both experience seems a tad rushed, but well-written.
Overall, it was really good. You're making a good job of building up the suspense, and I can't wait to read the next chapter. =]
~mugglemathdork/Knight of the Turnip Table
who is uncle lu?! I love your story already! I hope you update it.
Author's Response: hey thanks for the review, Claira will learn more about her family as the story progresses.
-leyra
wow!!! totally exhilirating!
wow...again.
all i have to say to you...is that for an AU this is very well written and omg! I love it!
wow...again.
all i have to say to you...is that for an AU this is very well written and omg! I love it!
Author's Response: Thank you very much. I have always thought that AU-fics could be better handled; hence my decision to tackle this one, which haunted my brain for days before I set pen to paper.
updates soon, I promise.
http://archives.nd.edu/latgramm.htm
Here's a site for Latin words. You can even translate English to Latin. I think you'll find it useful in this story and in future endeavors.
On another note, I've been reading your story since it began (and following ardently) and I have to say I really like it. I find it quite entertaining and pretty believeable. I don't usually like AU's because characters tend to fall under the range of OOCness. However, your depiction of the main characters is great/accurate specially the one of Sirius Black.
I like the characterization you use for Sirius Black. He's definitely one of my most favorite canon characters, and you keep him true to his canon character while adding/playing off more aspects that he was probably prone to.
I like that you stay true to Sirius' physical characteristics and even manage to play with those in turn during Chapter 3 when he went to the Parisian Knockturn Alley. It was fascinating to read how he used a charm to disguise his facial features yet still be thought of as a "bastard Black" lol. Creative. =]
You obviously are putting a lot of thought into his character.
I also loved that you stayed true to his Black family background and made Sirius use the mannerisms of his father, the arrogance, the sneers, it was great! I liked how Sirius was able to fall back on that to pass by undetected, and most importantly it is believeable considering who he is. I mean, it is how he was brought up and even if he tried to reject it his entire adolescence it is a vital part of him and who he is.
And it shows in your plot as wells. For example, the fact that Sirius is using black magic to find Pettigrew is something I entirely believe Sirius falling back on for survival/revenge. He was brought up a Black, and his actions speak for his surname. Even if he is a Gryffindor, he was raised around the dark arts, and it is believe that he obviously has a fair amount of knowledge on the subject. And it is nice that you are showing off his skills in Potions, and Charms because I honestly don't think other fanfics show off his intellectual side very much. Yet, you also give him a certain amount of apprehension in which he's not too sure about his own skills...Lovely! You wrote a great scene up there with the creation of the ink that will be used in the Vitae Invenire. =]
And the dialogue that you use with Sirius is great as well. It is believeable that he knows far many more languages than English, since he comes from an aristocratic type family. He probably learned French when he was younger. And the way he carried himself in Paris (dialogue wise) with Arnold and then the other shop guy was very well thought out. He would definitely treat one man with more respect than the other and it shows in the way he spoke to them. And you show the right amount of wittiness, and famous Sirius Black temper when he snaps at Phineaus. Even though, he did try to maintain composed and dignified. Loved it.
The inner dialogue he has with himself is really good characterization. He's not overly angsty, or broody. He's cold, calculating, with a tad amount of guilt and sorrow over the loss of Lily and James. Yet, he's also smart, witty, and fun. But for now he's mostly cold, calculating, and angry...but that's still great.
You are doing such a splendid job with your plot, story, and characters. You're definitely staying true to Sirius' persona, and I hope you keep it up. He's such a great character, and I feel that sometimes he is misunderstood and badly/poorly written.
Good job, keep it up, and I will definitely keep on reading.
mugglemathdork (on Forums)
Author's Response: Thank you so much. This really is my save-Sirius fic, and I\'m very glad that the characterization is working.
I\'m currently wrestling with chapter nine, but updates are already pending here. :)
"I want to see how it's connected to you," he explains. "I need to know how deeply..." His voice trails off.
I liked that sentence up there and the way you described the magic flowing through Remus - I've read other fanfics describing how magic people can sense/see the magic auras/fields of other magic people...like it's an extra trait...but you did a great job in describing it.
Remus has wondered since sometime in their fifth year if this apparently inborn grace is what the old families mean when they talk about pureblood superiority; if this is why they refuse to allow the Decree For Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery to be enforced in their homes, if this is why they create houses like this, lined every which way with magic.
I also liked this paragraph - You don't necessarily make it sound like "purebloods" feel superior due to their blood but perhaps to the fact that they envelop themselves in it since childhood...I once read in one other fanfic regarding this topic and the main character pointd out that magic was a gift that should be practiced and honed...like a skill - if you don't take care of it well... yeah. You know what I mean.
You did a great job with this chapter. I can't wait to read more!
And one last thing: OMG What a cliffhanger!!
Author's Response: Thank you, thank you!
Sorry about the cliffhanger -- but I couldn\'t resist.
I'm interested....you mention that Moody took on seven trainees from that Hogwarts' class. So...James, Sirius, the Longbottoms,...who are the other three?
Author's Response: The other three are Kingsley Shacklebolt, Agnes Meadowes, and Peter Dawlish.
Better, even, as Padfoot has always been able to ask for physical affection, which is something that Sirius has not entirely trusted himself to ask for from Remus since the summer after their third year at Hogwarts for fear of betraying himself.
Ok...what does that above mean? Are you hiding something from us?
Just in case, I haven't told you already --- I love your story. I don't usually stories before Harry's time but you've done an excellent job thus far!
OMG! you're making it a slash?!
I love Sirius/Remus! I hope you venture into a flashback of "third year" or whatever. It would be nice to see the awkwardness. lol.
You're doing a great job!
I really like your story. It is so well-written...
Kudos!
I also wanted to add that you make an excellent job at the characterization of Sirius, Dumbledore, and Phineaus.
I cannot express how much I love your story thus far. You are doing an excellent job and if it weren't for what was already written by JKR this would be perfect!
I also need to give you kudos for the obvious thoughtfulness you've put fort into the story/plot regarding the Black Estates, and private floos as well as the blood magic you mentioned in the earlier chapters.
Great work. Can't wait for you to update. =]
Author's Response: Thank you very much. I am having a great time writing this fic, and am glad that you\'re enjoying reading it. There will be more of the blood magic in later chapters, as well as more details of the Black estates, etc. Update has been submitted!
I love your sequel. But may I ask? Did Draco and Hermione have any other children? I hope they did. But if not that's great. I can tell you're going to focus mostly on Medea right?! How cute. I can't wait to read the rest. I love your first fanfic "It's Witchcraft"...so well written and intriguing. And it had the right amount of angst. lol.
I was rather amused by your story. It's so cute! I don't know if that was what you were going for...but I sure had a silly grin plastered on my face the entire time.
*grins*
I loved that you threw in the "Mollywobbles..." in there. It made me laugh.
As for the Lucius Malfoy thing...hmm...a tad weird, and possible since she's a pureblood but it wouldn't necessarily do for the Malfoy name, unless he was in love with her! *gasp*
On the other hand, it does explain why Lucius hates the Weasley's...Arthur stole Molly from him!
And I definitely loved the defiant Molly who got tired of waiting and took matter into her own hands...very much like her.
Again...cute.
Great work!
I have to say that I was captivated by the mysterious box at first, and knew it contained the memories of a former lover of Bellatrix's. =]
I never imagined it would be Lucius.
It did seem a tad OOC.
However, you truly humanized Bellatrix and did a great job at it.
You manage to bring to light what could possibly have been a different side of Bellatrix: secretly in love with Lucius, abused by her husband, etc.
It does bother me that in canon books she's so "evil" and "cold" but I would assume it's because of her abuse, and Azkaban hardened her.
She's a truly mysterious character to me.
Good job!
Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much. I\'m really glad you enjoyed it!
I am in love with the idea of Bella of Lucius. It just came to me one night. It started as a very short one-shot fic, which ended up being a two-part fic. And the ship has really stuck with me. It\'s now the only way I can imagine either of them. It\'s also a huge part of a chaptered fic I am outlining.
As for it being OOC, yeah, I write Bella and Lucius, and most other \"dark\" characters somewhat different from the HP books. I like to explore the sides of them that we don\'t see in the books.
Anyway, I\'m glad that you liked my humanized version of Bella. I always write her that way. I just don\'t think she is really the cold horrible person we see in the books.
So thanks again for reviewing. It is very much appreciated!
I have to say that I was captivated by the mysterious box at first, and knew it contained the memories of a former lover of Bellatrix's. =]
I never imagined it would be Lucius.
It did seem a tad OOC.
However, you truly humanized Bellatrix and did a great job at it.
You manage to bring to light what could possibly have been a different side of Bellatrix: secretly in love with Lucius, abused by her husband, etc.
It does bother me that in canon books she's so "evil" and "cold" but I would assume it's because of her abuse, and Azkaban hardened her.
She's a truly mysterious character to me.
Good job!
Author's Response: See below :)