Just another canadian girl trying make sense of the insanity people happen to call university.
oh and I like writing.
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Lets all give one big, satisfied, romantic sigh shall we? That was brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. And not to mention hilarious. Loved the bits concering Harry's reaction to the lollipop, justin (poor guy) and flying. I think I'm inspired, must write something, anything. Cheers.
Author's Response: Wow thanks so much Beth. I'm really glad you enjoyed it! :0)
Author's Response: PS: To say I've inspired you is such a compliment. Makes me want to write even more. Thanks! *sniffle*
This is oh so sweet and sad. Beautifully written too. You capture Hermione's thoughts perfectly, something that I find not many people can do. This piece is absolutely brilliant.
Author's Response: Thanks so much Beth! But don't be too sad. YOu'll see that Harry does have *ahem* "those" feelings for Hermione if you'll read the companion POV (Harry's POV, this time), "I Hate Fridays". I think you'll like it. Thanks again!
This was written rather beautifully. The beginning wasn't slow at all. Every story needs a set up and you've managed to accomplish this perfectly. Harry's inner turmoil isn't OoC at all and the conversation between them flows perfectly. The only negative feed back I can give you concerns the part that states "So that’s how they spent their night..." Starting this sentence with "So" makes it sound as if you're listing things. I think it takes the better part of the narrative out of the story. Other than that everything is absolutely perfect.
Author's Response: Thank you so much. It means a lot to me that you would take the time to leave a review. I'm happy you liked the narrative as that is sometimes one of my weaker points. And also thanks for the suggestion.
This was written rather beautifully. The beginning wasn't slow at all. Every story needs a set up and you've managed to accomplish this perfectly. Harry's inner turmoil isn't OoC at all and the conversation between them flows perfectly. The only negative feed back I can give you concerns the part that states "So that’s how they spent their night..." Starting this sentence with "So" makes it sound as if you're listing things. I think it takes the better part of the narrative out of the story. Other than that everything is absolutely perfect.
"The street, which had been bustling with human activity just ten minutes beforehand, lay barren, deserted, isolated from the rest of London." Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. This opening line completely had me hooked and I applaud that. Your use of imagery is fantastic. I could actually feel poor Jack's life being sucked away. The package gives that dash of mystery that has me thirsting for more. I guess the only critisism I can give you is the last line: "A fool's hope." I love Lord of the Rings, and I'm sure you may be a fan as well, but since this is more of a cliche, it's not very effective. Other than that, this piece was dark, mysterious and edgy; perfect ingrdients for an opening chapter. Can't wait to read more.
Author's Response: Thanks for that i really appreciate it. I am currently changing that line, and yes, i am a gr8 LOTR fan. Thanks again, james
Very interesting opening chapter. Your use of description is true to Rowling's style and you capture Harry's thoughts perfectly. The only thing I have a problem with is Percy's reaction to Ron and Ginny. Shouldn't Ginny and Ron be slightest bit uncomfortable around their older brother who's not only shunned their parents but their whole family as well? Other than that your story is awsome. I must read more.
Author's Response: Hi Beth,
In my version of the story, which may not be quite the same as JKR’s, there has been a real change in the wind. With Fudge having to admit that Voldemort is really back and Dumbledore being Hogwarts Headmaster again and reinstated to the Wizengamot, there is no reason for Percy to want to continue to distance himself from his family. Percy has had something of a change of heart but he is as ambitious as ever.
Very, very nice. The prologue is very fast paced and exciting. Leaves me glued to the screen and such. Your use of dialogue is simply fantastic and flows effortlessly. I guess the only nogative comment I can give is the idea of Narcissa falling through the curtain. I dunnno, that just didn't click with me. But the writing makes me overlook this. Oh and kudos must be given for Hermione's letter to her parents. Now THAT was heart wrenching. One of the many things done very nicely.
Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing. It means alot coming from one of my favorite authors.