I love Harry Potter and writing...so here I am! I also really enjoy 'Lost' (I know I'm so predictable!) House (Hugh Laurie is AMAZING!!!)...I'm also known to be critical (of everything so my friends say) and cynical......
Wow you've asctually answered all my harsh comments against you! I didn't think anyone would actually read through all their reviews! But I'm afraid I won't take back any of my comments because you've probably thought more about your fan fiction over my harsh comments that 1000 'Oh I love your fan fic, you're so great!' comments.
So, what can I say I'm a debator and I feel I need to defend my cruel comments against your fiction an show I'm not just a mean, mean person who likes to hurt people's feelings. Although I'll probably soon be the most hated person on this site....yours isn't the only fan fiction I've critised.
Firstly you said since you wrote the fan fiction you can change the charcters as much as you like. Well the idea of a fan fiction is that you're borrowing an authors characters and putting them in a situation of your own choice. If your going to use a group of characters from a book but change them completely why not just use your own charaters? All I'm asking is that you offer some reason Harry has suddenly fallen deeply in love with Hermione, does he offer her stability in his unstable life, does she understand him or give some situation or reason the two were brought together.
Also the demetor-thing, sure I didn't realise you had disregarded book 6, but still. At the end of book 5 Voldermort comes out into the open and the death eaters leave the service of the ministry. I just think this is a time when Harry is in great danger and to take him to a place where the death eaters are planning to attack is a very stupid idea.
I'll admit the abortion thing was a drastic idea, and out of character for Hermione, but I was just at a stage in reading the fan fiction where I thought, "Please let something unpredictable happen." Because what had happened up until that point just seemed to have been done so much before.
Hey, I'll admit I was wrong in the Harry calling Hermione 'babe' thing, but it's no more likely that Hermione would call Harry babe.
Also even though you've ignored book 6 Ron has been smitten with Hermione for years, possibly since his first year at Hogwarts. There just seems so much more reason for Ron love Hermione and so little reason for Harry to love her.
My problem with Luna's character was she's such a funny dreamy character in the books and in this story she just seemed to have lost her magic.
Finally, I thought the comments on the graves just didn't fit with the characters of his parents and sirius we'd seen before in the books. Sirius was never poetic, he spoke his mind but was never very poetic and it just seemed out of character he'd have such a thing written on his grave. I'll admit, that's a personal opinion though and not a general critism.
So what is there left to say but I look forward to your next fan fic when we will do verbal battle again.
Ciao
Author's Response: I never said that Sirius told someone to put that on his grave. What if that\'s what Dumbledore told them to put on there? And trust me, I can change the charactors acting and I\'ve seen more outragous things then my \"cliche\" fanfic.
JK Rowling has openly admitted in the interview with Mugglenet and the Leakey Cauldren that Ron and Hermione will get together and Harry and Hermione are just friends. However this would mean nothing to me if you offered me some justification for why Harry and Hermione were brought together and fell in love with each other?
Author's Response: In OotP there are several pieces of evidnce that support a Harry/Hermione relationship. First of all, (we\'ll start at the end of the book), when Umbridge is about to perform the Cruciatus Curse, no one sticks up for Harry except Hermione. If Ginny likes Harry in the supposed way Harry likes her, why didn\'t she stick up for Harry? So Hermione sticks up for Harry, and leads Umbridge \"away\" from him, so to speak. Then, when the six are at the Ministry, Harry knocks over the shelves of prophecys and pulls HERMIONE away from the Death Eaters and the falling shelves, even after Ginny was the one that the Death Eaters had been threatning. If Harry supposedly cares so much for Ginny, why didn\'t he pull her out of the way? And earlier in the book, we have a very harsh reaction from Hermione after Luna tells Harry that she believes him about Voldemort returning. She appears to be jealous and tells Harry that \'he can do better then that\'. Why such a reaction from someone that is only a friend? I saw what few others did in OotP and decided to follow up on it. More little points are that Harry and Hermione want to please each other. Some people might say that Harry hearing Hermione\'s voice in his head is \'nagging\', but I see it as Harry wants to do what will please Hermione, because he doesn\'t like having fights with Hermione. If you notice, Hermione seem sto fight a lot more often with Ron the with Harry. I think that there are only 2 maybe 3 entire times in the entire SERIES that Harry and Hermione get into it.
I still don't see Hermione being anymore the kind of character who would address Harry as 'babe' than Harry is. I'm all for adding personal experiences into fiction because I think it adds realism but this was maybe not the best place...
Ok...I'm going to be harsh again, not because I want to be really cruel, but because I think you'd want to hear my real opinion and if I said "Oh wow, amazing! What a great fan fic" you wouldn't believe me anyway.
So here goes, a problem I have had throughout this story is Harry acts like an adult. He has sex, gets married, and fights with the other Order members. Harry's grown up a lot since book 1, but he's still only a teenager.
I don't think Dumbledore would let Harry go and fight at the Malfoy's manor for one. Dumbledore cares most of all for Harry's safety and, though Harry may hate Dumbledore for it, I don't reckon he'd let him go.
Also Harry tackles Voldermort with apparent ease and lack of fear here. I know Harry's brave, but is he really that brave, is he really 'Sharp witted banter with Voldermort just before he's about to be killed'-brave. I don't think so.
Voldermort's plan was foiled with apparent lack of effort as well, I think Voldermort would have some bigger plan than just kidnapping Hermione and waiting.
I know I've been horrible again, and I'm really really sorry. But that's just the way I feel. I think the 'final battle' should have maybe been more of a battle-to end all battles and a bit tougher.
I'm sorry again. I'm not reverting to my Simon Cowell-esque self honestly!!!!!!
Author's Response: Thank you for the construtive criticism, I appreciate your honesty. I agree with adult part, but if you noticed, Harry was surrounded by Auror\'s and Order members the entire time. Tonks didn\'t leave his side until they hit the battle. And, for the sake of my story, let\'s pretend that Voldemort is getting, for lack of a better word, lax. He thinks that all it will take to kill Harry is to threaten Hermione, but he\'s wrong. And you being honest isn\'t being horrible, you are allowed to feel the way you feel.
Author's Response: Check out my reviews at HPFF, I have another reviewer channeling your sprit.
Oh sorry, should have put in there
SPOILER WARNING
I read this on HPFF
I'd read 'Kidnapped' when I wrote the last review...I mean 'Kidnapped is kind of like 'A Discovered Plot' part 2 really like you said on the site. So all the stuff I said in the last review applies. I'll be interested to see what role Ron plays from this point on because he's been somewhat absent from the story so far...I mean he's been in it but he's been of minimal importance really. Will Ron play a more important role or am I hanging myself on false hope?
Oh also, I'm not being harsh, but try not to let Hermione become the damsel in distress....I mean it's your story but I just think that women play that role way too much in films and books. Where it's up to the strong, determined male hero to save the day...I just think Hermione's bigger than that, and stronger than that. That's just my opinion.
I'll also be interested to see how you tackle the Death Eater and Voldermort scenes....does Voldermort have some bigger plan to fulfill or does he just wish to finally kill Harry Potter? How will the Death Eaters treat Hermione, cos I've seen everything on this site from Death Eaters joining Harry to Death Eaters sexually abusing prisoners....so it will be interesting to see where it goes from here.
How soon before you're next going to update? I've got exams so I may not be able to write for a while, although I do enjoy writing and reading these stories....
Author's Response: Good Luck on your exams!!!
Sounds like you have a new harshest critic i.e. Smileyfaces (number whatever!) Not only that but they're using my arguments against you about how the characters act! Honestly Smileyfaces, check the other reviews why don't you! I made observations about how the characters differ from the characters in the book ages ago! Get with the times, though in your point (which was actually my point first!) is valid.
Also people do call other people love quite frequently over here in the UK. Especially people from Mancester! In a conversation you could refer to someone as 'love', 'lovie' or to be a 'lovie'. In conversation terms 'isn't he a lovie.' an affectionate term or 'Goodnight love' loving term or even 'alright love?' as a question.
But you're probably from the USA and have never seen Coranation Street or heard someone refered to as 'love'. But that doesn't mean you can generallise 'no one says it'!.
Look I actually defended you! This is what inter-author friendship is really about! I feel so good about myself!
Author's Response: Thanks for sticking up for me!!!! Some other people that left reviews don\'t know how to read either. See sskywalker\'s review.
My answer to your question is probably that the people who read this fan fiction are Harry/Hermione shippers and therefore just go along with the flow of the story because in their delusional world Harry and Hermione are together, without any need for justification. The other reason I could think of is maybe the people who read this story don't actually appreciate Harry Potter, or not in the same way we do, and are instead chick- flick loving reviewers who love happy endings even if they are unjustified. The only other explanation is 75%, if not more, reviewers out of all the reviewers who review fan fics are stupid! Thus write things like 'nice chappie' (CHAPPIE ISN'T EVEN A WORD) to anything.
I'm not trying to be mean to you Koolaid, but I've found someone who agrees with me. I'm not the only critical reviewer anymore!
More of the characters acting completely....well out of character. Since when did Mrs Weasley become so blunt, emotionless machine. "Bill has been killed." Also Dumbledore showing no care for the safety of his pupils or the use of an unforgivable curse. I'm sorry to be a grumpy sod, but you just keep writing such implausable plotlines and ruining the great characterisation of my favourite author and some of my favourite characters.
Author's Response: How do you know if Dumbledore took care of the situation or not? And Mrs. Weasley didn\'t SAY about \"Bill has been killed\", she wrote it. It\'s harder to convey emotions through a letter. If you continued reading, you would have known that when Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny arrived at Grimmauld Place, Mrs. Weasley was in pieces.
That was sarcasm by the way...
Author's Response: What was sarcaasm?
Stop having Harry addressing Hermione as 'babe' I have never heard something anything less likely for Harry Potter to say. He's not some character from the OC! And Dumbledore has always seen fit to keep the Dursley's informed on Harry whether they like what they hear or not. Also wouldn't Dumbledore be disappointed in Harry, when he put so much faith in Harry's resolve in including Harry in the Secret keeper charm only for Harry to break his promise. On top of this wouldn't Ron be angry that Harry is not only going out with the girl he has been smitten with since first year but got her pregnant and that Ron is slowly being excluded from the friendship through Harry and Hermione's relationship. It all doesn't fit together like lots of different jigsaw pieces from lots of different jigsaws being forced together to make a mishapen plotline.
Author's Response: Again, I will say, Harry is not calling Hermione \'babe\'. It is the reverse. Dumbledore wants to keep Harry at the Dursley\'s so why would he tell them something that would make them kick Harry out?
Finally Ron is showing some anger at Harry dating Hermione, but far too late!Harry proposing to Hermione! I think I'm going to thrown up, Harry Potter isn't a chick flick movie! what next, oh, oh let me guess Hermione gets kidnapped! Please, stop with the cliches! Have Hermione have an abortion or something suprising and different or at least make the characters reactions aligned with their character in the books!
Author's Response: I don\'t think that Hermione would ever have an abortion, that is unhumane and unlike her. Just look at her about the house elves.
Ok, I'll admit this was better than some of what has come before it, but. So many of the characters still do stuff they wouldn't do in the books. Dumbledore doesn't seem worried about finding out why Voldermort plans on attacking Godrics Hollow or what Voldermorts plans are but can resolve to take a leisurely stroll with Harry and Hermione. Also these are dark and difficult times dementors are in the streets and if the death eaters are in the area isn't it dangerous to take Harry to them. Rather like handing him over on a platter. Also from my experience of the characters of James, Lily and Sirius I think they would be unhappy such sickly comments were placed on their graves.
Author's Response: Who said that Dementors were in the streets? I didn\'t. Why are the comments that were placed on their graves \'sickly\'?
He named the baby after his father, that's a bit odd. Also I don't think Luna Lovegood has ever bolted anywhere in her life, she's way too dreamy for that.....wait a minute you haven't matched Ron and Luna together have you? Was that what you meant in the last chapter? Oh God that would be such a massive improbable mistake! Ron loves Hermione! Strange the wizarding world has no way to loosen the pain of child birth....I like that I idea though. But it's all just so unlikely and unfitting. Oh and you say everyone found out about Hermione's 'affliction' you make it sound like a wound or a disease not a baby.
Author's Response: Ron doesn\'t have to love Hermione, and even if he does, he is smarter to not chase her because he realizes that he is never going to have her. And what if being around Ron has sobered Luna up a little? And why is it odd that Harry chooses to name his son after his father? He\'s honoring his father by doing so.
What annoys me about this is you're making Harry into the macho hero character and hermione into the damsel in distress and hermione just isn't like that. She's an independent woman! Not some object who needs to be protected by Harry. Also Phoenix song is a long running symbol of Dumbledore not two people's love for each other!
Author's Response: Kiss my Derrière!
The writings pretty good. You didn't meantion Remus being a werewolf much though, which is pretty pivotal to his character. Does Crystal know? Will she find out? That might be a kind of interesting thing to explore.....but hey it's your fan fiction, do what you like!
Oh yeah, and your English too! Rue Britania! I'm didn't know how many other Brits were on this site!
It's good writing...and an interesting direction to take, Voldermort is still obsessed with the prophecy? Also I'm not sure Lucius Malfoy would openly declare alliegance to Voldermort, he's such a slippery character, I kind of see him as more trying to weeve his way out of the situation. Also I don't see Dumbledore as a character who would goad Malfoy, Dumbledore has always been very much a 'turn the other cheek' character. Even when he's insulting people he's nice.
Author's Response: I honestly think Voldemort will always be obsessed with the prophecy... As for Lucius, don\'t forget that he was well and truly caught in the Department of Mysteries in Death Eater garb and everything - not even Lucius can worm his way out of that! With regards to Dumbledore, he is, uh, under less stress next time you see him. He wasn\'t at his best then... you\'ll have to wait for Flame of Obitus before you\'ll know the whole story though... Thanks for reviewing! ~ S x
This fan fiction is written in a kind of solioquay fashion. It's well written. But at the same time it just seems like a commentary on loads of stuff we already know. Like a "Last time on Harry Potter..." summary for the beginning of the book. Also it's really whiney. It's written in that angsty 'the whole world is against me' tone. Don't you think we had to endure enough of Harry's whining in book 5!!!!!
Very dark, very sinister. I like it, it adds a real different edge to the Harry Potter books! Shows the real darkness in what the Death Eaters do and the thoughts of the human mind when all civility is taken away.
Oh if you haven't read it, you should read 1984 by George Orwell, it's about Communism, social enslavement and ultimate political control. It's dark just like this is.