You start right in with the contrast between Tonks' clumsiness and Ninette's grace once again. The contrast even extends to their speech patterns: Tonks' colloquial "wotcher" vs. Ninette's almost painfully correct (for someone her age) "good morning. It's also interesting they'll be sharing a wardrobe. I predict that Tonks' inclination is to just throw her clothes in a pile rather than hang them neatly. And I'm wondering if the wardrobe happens to have a mirror on the door.

Washroom... Are you Canadian by any chance? ;-)

LOL, looks like I guessed right about Tonks' care about her wardrobe!

I can imagine that Tonks is going to end up hanging out with Ninette in spite of herself, because Marianne and Justine make her feel like a third wheel. That's sort of the way it turns out in Potions class, anyway -- Tonks and Ninette are shoved together by default. Another thing I have a feeling about is that Ninette is going to do very well in History of Magic. She's used to the discipline of repeating the same movements over and over until they're perfect -- IMO she'll be able to use the skill to push through HoM lectures.

Couple of typos I picked up: a shelve full of phials and potions This should read "a shelf full". She felts enclosed by the castle walls You have an extra S on "felt".

the stone seemed to be closing in on her, and forcing her to be someone she was not. Forcing her towards the other girls – but holding her apart at the same time. I see a possible commonality between Tonks and Ninette here. Although Ninette has come across as completely collected and unflappable in this chapter to the point where I almost feel as if there's a wall around her --but then perhaps that's your intention given the chapter title -- she has to feel just as left out as Tonks. I'm also going to comment here that I hope to see more of Ninette's POV. She's a Muggle-born and I'm really curious about how she's handling all this newness. She's not showing one bit of reaction, and it doesn't seem as if she's got anyone to talk to about anything. (Granted, JKR kind of did that with Hermione too -- we have no idea what she did or how she felt deep down before Halloween of her first year.)

This was a very strong beginning to your story. The way you wrote the action was very well done, with lots of varied vocabulary. I also liked the way you opened with dialogue. It's sort of like jumping into the action, and it was a very good choice to get the reader hooked right from the start.

The paragraph where the boy's (I assume that's Remus) vision blurs right after he steps into the forest was a bit confusing. I wasn't clear on what was happening. You might think about rewriting that bit to make what's happening a little clearer. I found myself wondering whether that was indicating Remus' transformation into a werewolf, and then he went on to attack the other boys, but the rest of the chapter doesn't really make sense in that light. It seems more like this was the story of Remus being bitten as a child.

I noticed a few editing errors here and there. “Nothing…” he had gotten bored "He" should be capitalised here. This isn't a speech tag; it's a separate sentence. Also a note on "gotten"; it's an Americanism. It's okay here since it's narrative, but people in the UK don't use it. They say "got" instead. It's a good think to keep in mind for dialogue if you want your characters to sound authentic.

“Hey, does your mum and dad know your out here?” I'm not going to comment on the verb agreement, because I noticed your character tended to make that same mistake a lot, and I assume it was intentional. "Your" should be "you're" though. You mean "you are" and not the possessive.

“So you guys going to go get it?” "You guys" is another Americanism. In the UK they'd be more likely to say "you lot".

Will about it but he replied; “ you always do what your mum and dad say?” You want a comma after "replied" not a semi-colon. A branch snapped loudly beneath his foot while another ripped into his side tearing his shirt. You also want a comma after "side" here.

and the breathing, it sounded like it was issuing from the deep depths of a cave. This is a bit of a run-on sentence. You could fix it by removing the comma after "breathing" and the "it".

he couldn’t breath, You want "breathe" here. "Breathe" is the verb; "breath" is the noun.

It was awful, it sounded like the person screaming... Again, this is a run-on sentence. You coud replace the comma after "awful" with a semi-colon or just start a new sentence there.

Those are all just minor nit-picky details. You've really got a good start to your story and a very engaging style.

First of all, kudos for finding a missing H/G moment that 87 other authors haven't already done (or that 87 authors aren't likely to do). We've all seen the versions of the walk in the grounds, the happy hour by the lake, and, yes, even Bill and Fleur's wedding. Once you've read a few of those, it feels like you've read them all. It's a challenge to break out of the mould and find something new, and you've done that. I haven't read a story like this one, yet I don't think I'll find another like it.

You understand the greiving process and it really comes through in this story. Harry's emotions are so true to life, and yet in character. The way he kept picturing the events over and over is something that really happens. His struggle not to cry in front of Ginny was really well portrayed, and I like how she struggled with the same things. I can really see that happening. Perfectly in character for both of them.

I found a small editing nit here: sweet, flowery scent he always now associated with her. The period got left off the end of that sentence. But that's all I noticed.

Really great job!

The beginning is quite jarring since we're led to believe in POA that Remus was friends with James, Sirius and Peter from his first year onwards. I found myself wondering who the three most popular boys were until you named them. But now as I read on, I see this is a "what if" sort of thing. What if Remus hadn't become friends with the other Marauders and had made friends with Snape instead. It's fascinating, really. It changes the entire course of history, doesn't it?

I like how you have Remus and Severus find their commonality in their blood right away. It's not a point anyone would have considered before HBP came out and we learned Snape's heritage, you've used it in a way that makes perfect sense if you want to develop a friendship between the two characters. I also like the bit about Snape stealing his mother's old books. It's a nod to Harry's potions book in HBP (which had to be older than Snape's era, if you think about it. It also explains the reason Harry didn't recognise the writing in the book -- it was Snape's mother's.)

There's also a sort of parallel here with the first meeting between Harry and Draco, where Snape sings the praises of Slytherin house. Only the difference here is Snape strikes Remus as being far more sympathetic than Draco struck Harry, so Remus believes him. I'd be curious to know, though, since Remus still has his mother, and you've characterised her as a worrier, wouldn't she have pushed him towards favouring whatever house she was in in her day? Of course, you've got Remus being rebellious, so he could understandably not want to be in his mother's old house.

I like the way you've intercut the scenes between the first and fifth years. The opening scene had just the right sense of "what the heck is going on here" (as I've said) to pique reader interest. Then you immediately jump back in time to show the explanation, and it all becomes clear. Then you show the next bit from fifth year, raising the question of how the feud between Lupin and Snape and Potter and his cronies began. Then you jump back to show us that. Nice use of flashback to show rather than tell.

“Now, have you got a clean handkerchief, dear?” His mother said, checking his blazer pockets yet again. "His" shouldn't have a capital here. It's part of the speech tag, which belongs in the same sentence as the quoted part. The same with She called loudly after him further on. "She" shouldn't be capitalised as it's part of the speech tag.

Hogsmede station The proper spelling is "Hogsmeade".

Now that I've read to the end, though I see I was maybe wrong about Lupin's choice changing history. You didn't take the route I expected, in which Snape decides not to join the Death Eaters after all. I wasn't quite sure where you'd go with it, actually. At one point in the story (when they were discussing whether or not Snape should try his new spell out on Potter), I thought there was a hint that Lupin might be led to join the dark side. It could have gone either way, really, but you worked in the theme of choice once again. Lupin chose to lay aside the feud with Potter, and they worked things out. He redeemed himself through that action. On the other hand, Snape chose to harbour resentment, and that led to his chosing the dark over the light. The way you've put these two characters together and had them take separate paths was brilliant.

And then at the very end, you give us yet another glimpse into the past. One that's very normal and innocent, belying the grim future we know lies in store for both these characters. Wonderful job on this. I can see why it won the contest.

You wrote H/G! I must be rubbing off on you! I'm not much of a poetry fan, so I don't know if I can give you a proper review or not. The rhythm was strong in the beginning verses, but it seemed to break down slightly towards the end. I'm not even sure if I ought to bring that up, since I'll be damned if I know how to fix it. There's a reason I don't attempt poetry. You're brave to do so, IMO. I'll also add I liked the imagery, especially in these lines: As Christmas falls gently about their heads/ And they are bowed beneath its will, . You got across the notion of snow falling without coming out and saying it. Should you ever become tired of Snape (I know,perish the thought), I'd love to see you take on some more H/G! Merry Christmas!

Author's Response: Hee hee...I did write H/G..no idea where it came from! Must be the Christmas spirits. ;-) Maybe, once SS is finished, I'll turn my attention to them post-HBP..won't that be fun! LOL